waiting

I was reading my daily devotional this morning, and it felt as if the Lord was really speaking to me. The verse I read was from Gen. 15:13-14; and it said, “Know for certain that your descendants will be strangers in a country not their own, and they will be... mistreated four hundred years. But... afterward they will come out with great possessions.”

As I read the Bible verse, I wondered how God’s people must have felt at the time of their captivity. Perhaps they felt the way I do now. Impatient. Doubting. Afraid. Alone. I remembered how the people grumbled as Moses led them out of Egypt and into the desert.. and I thought, too, of all the times I complained to the Lord about the spiritual and emotional dryness in my life.

I do not particularly enjoy waiting. I have been used to getting results immediately. I get restless, I worry whenever things do not go the way I plan. Much like the stiff-necked people Moses led out into the desert, I tend to doubt. I easily take for granted all the blessings I have received. And while in my mind, I knew that the Lord would take care of me, my heart had problems with letting Him take charge of my life.

I pondered on today’s reflection.. and drew quiet comfort from it. The author, Charles Trumbull, wrote:

“I can be sure that part of God’s promised blessing to me is delay and suffering. The delay in Abraham’s lifetime that seemed to put God’s promise well beyond fulfillment was then followed by the seemingly unending delay experienced by Abraham’s descendants. But it was indeed only a delay - the promise was fulfilled, for ultimately they did ‘come out with great possessions.’

God is going to test me with delays, and along with the delays will come suffering. Yet through it all, God’s promise stands.”

I have been very impatient with myself lately. Because for quite a while now, I have been wrestling with my own brokenness. My praise is less spontaneous. I have had to really focus on thanking God for every blessing He has given me. Worship is now a determined and conscious effort.. not something that easily comes out of my lips, as before. I have prayed to God to change me.. to make me grow deeper in my relationship with Him. And then the desert-like dryness came.

I guess this means He really took my prayer seriously. For now, God is teaching me how to worship Him in the desert - to trust in His love and goodness in the midst of brokenness.. in the midst of nothingness. He is letting me know what it means to depend solely on Him. And whereas before, He let me feel the joy and pleasure in serving and praising Him, now the Lord is teaching me how to keep serving.. how to keep thanking and worshipping Him even when joy is so difficult to find.

Yes, I am growing. Slowly and a bit painfully.. but nevertheless, growing. And like God’s wandering people, I know that one day, He will fulfill His promise to me. I will come out of my desert with the greatest possession of all: a deep, unshakable, loving relationship with my God.