out of body experience

i don't know what i was thinking.. placing this weird picture here in this post, nyahahaha. i just find it funny, amusing, dark, unusual and scary all at the same time. ha. maybe it has something to do with how my day went. except for the scary part :p

today was kinda.. dreamlike. not dreamy, ok? dreamlike. it felt like i went through the whole day without *really* being truly present. i don't quite know how to explain it. but the closest i can come to describing the experience is.. well, it felt as if i was watching myself go about my busy day. detached. i was able to do a lot of stuff.. but it just felt like someone else was doing it. not me. hmp. go figure.

oh. and i also feel like i want to get away. from a lot of things. maybe that's why i am so detached lately. i'm not lonely or anything. i'm not even melancholy. just alone.

hmm. maybe it's time for me to turn in. i think the exhaustion is causing my brain to lose more of its much-needed endorphins..

worth it :)

just got home from mall of asia. i attended (and sang at) fr suarez' healing mass service. besp heids joined us in the car (along with bro rey villalon of the liturgy).. which made the trip from the house (and back home) a lot of fun, haha.

the service went well, too. this time, the venue was a bit more comfortable - the mass and healing service were both held at the center stage of MoA, so it was not as hot as it was outside. there weren't that many people either - only about 3000+ came for the healing.. so we weren't as tired as we were in past services :)

well, this day sure was a cheer-upper. glad i went to the service. glad i attended the mass. in spite of everything.. i'm still glad to know i can be glad :)

things may not be perfect.. but i think i can smile a bit more now.. and wait a bit longer.. :)

the calm after the storm

most of us are familiar with what's called the calm before the storm. it's that eerie, deathly feeling you get when you're bracing yourself for something that's unpleasantly inevitable.. a catastrophe you're powerless to stop.. a disaster headed towards you, obliterating most everything it comes in contact with.

well.

today is the calm *after* the storm. and it's really draining. physically, mentally and all sorts of "-ally's" you can mention.

it's ironic how these things happen when special retreats occur. makes me think it's no longer coincidence.

anyway. i do hope my cousin comes to his senses. and soon. 'coz it feels so eerily quiet without him around.. :(

reluctant angel

got home from our workers' retreat a couple of hours back. and yeah, i think on the whole it was a really good retreat. especially fr. phil estrella's morning talk (obstacles to the deepening of our faith).

still.. i feel kinda.. hmm.. incomplete?! lacking in joy, i guess.

maybe it's the result of recent not-so-good events. maybe it's the lack of sleep. or maybe it's the missed opportunity today. i dunno.

whatever the reason may be.. i think, for today, at least.. i am a reluctant angel :(

droopy

tired. and droopy. *sigh*

barely half the day is done and already i feel like a rose that's just about ready to shed all its petals :(

maybe it's this uncomfortably hot & humid weather. maybe it's my expectation of another busy week ahead (and no house-help to assist me in putting my room into order!!). maybe it's the pile of papers i have yet to check. maybe it's my long commute to choir prax later. maybe it's hormones. i don't know. whatever the reason, i do feel like wilting :(

i know what i need right now. i just hope i get it soon.. :(

PS:

yes, i'm online while in school.

still no wireless network available so i'm using my phone.

the darned thing keeps getting disconnected, though.

grrrrr.

come & go

our house-help hasn't been here for more than a couple of days, and already she wants to leave. sheesh. with all the mess and clutter here in the house.. i just don't know how we're going to manage to clean up!!! :'(

what's it with this week anyway? how come people are either hibernating, being uncommunicative or just plain leaving?! grr.

sometimes i wish i could just pack up and leave. go wherever i want to. wander around and leave every care behind. *sigh*

this isn't helping any..

unperfect

yeah, i know i'm gorgeous, funny, talented and brilliant.. but though it's hard for most people to believe, i'm not perfect at all :p nyahahahaha

anyway. today, like most days, i'm feeling down in the dumps. probably an 'aftershock' of yesterday's events. hmm. whatever. i'm still kinda recovering from all the frustrations and irksome stuff i experienced yesterday.

but i found this pic i grabbed from someone's blog (i forgot whose.. sorry!) a couple of months before.. and it made me cheer up a bit.

oh. and i also have a bar of chocolate beside me (cadbury's black forest - how apt :p) to help increase my endorphin levels bwahahahaha!

i certainly hope this day turns out to be a "happily unperfect" day..

*crash*

i wear a broken smile today *sigh* i'm not sad or depressed. i guess i'm just a tad bit frustrated. this day didn't turn out so good :(

for one thing, i went to my class this morning with a blank mind. and i mean blank. i just realized that i couldn't start on a new lesson 'coz there wouldn't be enough time to discuss the basics of trigonometry while keeping the original sked we talked about in class. so i just reviewed the students for their upcoming exam.

lunch was ok. i was eating with friend alma when ms rose dropped in to show us some nice jewelry. she had this set (ring with matching earrings) that i really wanted. but the cost is quite steep (P22k) - and even if i could pay for it in installment, i don't think i'd consider it worth the money (coz that would mean i won't be able to buy myself new books/clothes for the next 6 months, nyahahaha!)

i went to friend randi's stall again this afternoon (while mich was in educ). got my copy of gaiman's m is for magic. i was kinda excited to read it.. but when i opened the copy, i found out that i've read all the stories in there! sheesh. turns out the book was meant for circulation in areas where smoke and mirrors and fragile things are not distributed :( so i'm going to return the book and replace it with something else. probably on thursday..

another source of frustration for me is my weird cousin doms. now, normally we get along quite well.. given that we have more or less the same weirdness type and weirdness level. but ever since friday (see post) he's been acting odd. not replying to texts and being extremely quiet. i'm not sure if this is still about his "hair issue".. but if it is, that would be annoyingly juvenile. and what really rubs against my grain is that i'm not one of those he should be miffed at yet he's not talking to me either.

so i drove to choir prax on my own. went home by myself, too. and it wouldn't be so bad (i actually enjoy driving alone to and from prax).. except that as i was heading home, the car wouldn't start (turns out the battery terminal just needed some cleaning). my mistake (?) was i called up my dad to get his advice on what to do. which caused him & mom to worry and question the prudence of my decision to attend prax without cousin doms. sheesh. i guess i understand that parents worry about their children's safety. but for crying out loud.. i'm 30-freaking-years old!! and most of my contemporaries commute, ride a cab and are out on the streets way past midnight. and i really feel like an effing kid when i'm being told off like this. *sigh* it's just something i can't make my parents understand..

so there. i just had to write down my rants for the day. i'm still really frustrated.. but i suppose venting helps somewhat.

then again, so does bloody revenge.. bwahahahahahahahaha.. >:l

'til death do us part

cousin almi sent this article to me a couple of days back. i was able to read it only this morning, though. it's a bit long.. but i think it's worth reading :) might be a bit of a tear-jerker.. but who cares?! hey.. i'm not married (am probably not going to be.. ever).. but i thoroughly enjoyed it ü read on!

* * *

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her
anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with
Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal
a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

feeling bittersweet

i finished reading HP7 at exactly 4:17pm, july 22, 2007.

it's *definitely* a good read. well worth the number of hours i spent reading (and re-reading) the pages. well worth the P1000+ i spent for the book. and well worth the eyestrain i got for reading continually. well worth my lack of sleep (a mere 4 hours of sleep before serving at the mass, nyahaha!)

well, my insistence on finishing the book today was rewarded ü i just found out that we don't have classes tomorrow in diliman because of the state of the nation address. woohooo!! that means i can "goof off" the entire day tomorrow (that is, i can clean up my room, layout the newsletter, prepare my lesson plans and make an exam. i have quite a nerdy version of the term "goof off" huh?!)

i really enjoyed reading HP7.. and i think author rowling did a remarkable job tying up the loose ends and answering the myriad questions readers had after HP6. still, i can't help but feel a tinge of sadness, now that the series is officially over :( after all, i did follow the story from beginning to end. and now that i've read the last book.. it's just kinda sucks that there are no more upcoming tales to tell..

..unless i turn to fanfic or write my own, nyahaha :p

i don't care that the HP series is placed under the children's section. all i can say is
HARRY POTTER ROCKS! :P

do not disturb

i just got my HP7 today.
no time to post.
it's reading time ü

araw ng mga blooper

warning: the following blogpost is in filipino (obviously). why? no particular reason. except that this day is sooooo totally different. i feel it warrants a different kind of post as well..

pinakamarami 'atang di-kanais-nais na pangyayari ang naganap ngayong araw na 'to. nagsimula ang lahat nang gumising ako kanina. alas-syete pasado na nang nakabangon ako. ang unang klase ko ay alas-nwebe. hala. nagmadali akong maligo, magbihis, mag-ayos at kumain. wala akong naasikasong iba kundi sarili ko. dahil nga kulang na sa oras. napagsabihan tuloy ako dito sa bahay. palibhasa wala (pa) kaming katulong.. maysakit si nanay.. at lahat kami ay pumapasok sa trabaho.. kaya karamihan ng mga trabaho napupunta sa tatay ko. tsk tsk. kawawa naman siya. na-guilty tuloy ako :(

pagdating sa eskwela, ayos lang naman ang unang klase ko. kaso kinailangan kong pumunta sa nismed para mag-moderate sa ioste convention. sige. kaya ako naman, bagaman walang sasakyan (coding kasi), sinuong ko ang init at naglakad papunta sa kabilang ibayo. pagdating ko doon, hindi ko alam ang gagawin. lahat ng mga taong nakakausap ko ay abala sa paghahanda ng mga gagamitin sa convention. hindi ko pa mahanap yung taong dapat ay ipapakilala ko. di nagtagal, pumunta na rin ako sa vidal tan hall para gawin ang nakaatas na trabaho sa akin.

pumasok ako sa a-v room ng vidal tan hall. aba. may isang kumpol ng mga intsik na nagkukuwentuhan sa harap. mga walo sila. nag-uusap sa wikang di ko naman maintindihan. nagpakilala ako - "umm. hi. i'm your moderator for today's parallel session.." pamungad ko. tinitigan nila akong waring 'di naintindihan ang sinabi ko. kaya kinausap ko sila ulit: "you are from the ioste seminar, right..?" tumango naman sila. ahhh. ok. sabi nung lalaki, magbibigay daw siya ng presentation. kaya umupo naman ako sa isang tabi.. inaakalang magsisimula na siya. PERO HINDI! patuloy siyang nakipagkwentuhan sa mga ibang intsik na naroroon.

mga kinse minuto rin akong umupo doon sa sulok. walang magawa dahil walang signal ang telepono ko doon. napipilitang makinig sa mga usapang wala naman akong maintindihan. hindi alam ang gagawin dahil wala namang nagsabi sa akin na ganoon ang mangyayari. grrr.

hindi na ako makatiis. nilapitan ko ang mga intsik. "excuse me.. but would you like to start your presentation now?" iminungkahi ko dun sa lalaki. tinignan niya ako na parang nagtataka. wala pa raw ang mga taong nag-sign up para makinig sa lecture niya. baka nasa plenary session pa raw (na nasa kabilang gusali). hmm. wala naman akong alam na delay sa schedule. "oh. but i just came from there.. and i think they've already started with the other parallel session.." sabi ko naman. "perhaps you can start your lecture in about 5 minutes? the others would probably be here by then.." tiningnan nila ako na para bang galing ako sa ibang planeta. hmm. lumabas ako ng kuwarto.. naguguluhan at iniisip kung bakit lagi na lang sa aking nangyayari ang ganitong mga bagay.

maya-maya, dumating na ang isa sa mga organizer ng ioste. humihingi ng paumanhin sa speaker. nagkaroon daw ng delay sa schedule.. kaya hindi pa matutuloy ang lecture niya nang 11.30am (11.50am na noon). sa halip, gaganapin na lang ito nang 3.30pm. HA?! may klase na ako nun! hindi na ako pupuwedeng mag-moderate. hindi ko na maipapakilala 'yung intsik na lalaking tiningnan ako na para akong bobo. hmm. sa bagay, mabuti na rin 'yon. di ko na kailangang harapin pa silang muli at magmukha ulit na clueless.

nagpalipas ako ng oras sa paborito kong book stall bago bumalik sa upis. nakipaghuntahan ako sa kaibigan kong si randy (mabuti na lang nandun na siya nung dumaan ako). bumili ako ng libro para naman maibsan ang sama ng loob ko sa paglakad sa ilalim ng mainit na araw nang wala namang kapararakan (tsk tsk.. mahaba pa man din ang manggas ng suot ko!). ibinili ko ang tatay ko ng komiks ("graphic novel" ika nga. haha). para naman mapahinga siya nang kaunti sa kagagawa ng mga trabaho sa bahay.

pagbalik sa upis, pumunta ako sa 132 para manood sa student teacher ko. ayos naman. mas tahimik ang klase kaysa dati. ok na sana.. kaso pagdating ng ikalawang seksyon, ang daming estudyanteng wala sa loob. may mga nag-uusap sa labas.. at talagang pahirapang papasukin para makinig sila sa lecture. may lumiban sa klase (samantalang nakita ko siyang palakad-lakad lang, ilang minuto lang ang nakalipas). maingay ang mga nasa loob ng kwarto at hindi nakikinig. may kung anu-ano ang inaasikaso. grabe talaga. hayy.

mabuti na lang at umulan nang malakas. naibsan nang kaunti ang inis ko. gusto kong tumawa nang malakas.. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! MALUNOD KAYO, MGA PANIRA NG ARAW!!! pero siyempre hindi ko ginawa yon. may reputasyon naman akong inaalagaan, kahit papano, haha :p

sinundo ako ng mga magulang ko (coding nga ang kotse diba?) tapos umuwi na kami. grabe ang traffic sa katipunan. mahigit kwarenta minutos naming tinahak ang daan na kadalasan ay tinatagpas namin nang sampung minuto lang. hayy. nakakapagod din.

di na ako halos nakapagpahinga sa bahay dahil marami ring kailangang tapusin - naghugas ng pinggan, nagligpit ng pinagkainan, naglaba ng mga maruruming damit, nag-imis ng mga kalat. pagdating ng alas-sais, umalis na kami ng pinsan ko para naman pumunta sa ensayo sa choir.

ayos naman ang ensayo. medyo masaya. hindi nakakapagod. kaso, nagkaroon ng isyu na ikinasama ng loob ng pinsan ko (na kasabay ko pauwi). nagtampo siya. nanahimik at nagmukmok sa isang sulok. hayyyy. alam niyo ba kung gaano kahirap kausapin ang taong ayaw makipag-usap?! tsk tsk. kinailangan kong gamitin lahat ng aking "superpowers" para lang kausapin niya ako nang pauwi na kami.

kaya heto. pagdating ko sa bahay, pagod na pagod ako. hindi dahil sa ensayo. kundi dahil sa pagpapaliwanag sa pinsan ko. at sa pagkausap sa mga kinauukulang naiinis sa ikinikilos niya. hay naku. panalo talaga ang araw na 'to. sobra.

bukas kaya.. ano naman ang aasahan ko?! *buntung-hininga*

nasa de coco & other absurdities

i'm not fond of coconuts. actually, it's my least favorite nut (if i remember correctly, the coconut is NOT a fruit. it's a NUT. a giant nut, as the song goes, haha). however, i do like nata de coco (coconut gel, to those who are "more social" - mas sosyalin, ika nga, haha) and today, the nasaeans celebrated the virtues of this delectable food by holding the nasa de coco contest-turned-lunch-turned-bonding moment nyahaha :)

well, i really didn't get the chance to take pix earlier - absorbed as i was sampling the different nata de coco brands and colors :p but the pole dancer took lots of pix (what?!? not the virus?!?) so i guess i'll just wait for the uploaded pix, haha. sure was a fun (albeit weird) lunchtime today :p

* * *

i still haven't finished apol's book about "why don't cats like to swim?" and other weird questions. i've been too busy to have the time to read it (still haven't checked them test papers. tsk tsk) but i'm itching to get back to it right now. it's good to know that other people come up with out-of-this-world questions, as well. it's even better to know that there are a couple of guys who are weird enough to actually try answering them nyahaha :p

* * *

as for other absurdities. well, actually, there ain't much of those today :p tsk tsk. too bad. i had my usual 5.30-8.30pm class. i went home before that.. coz i was sooooo sleepy. i actually fell asleep when i arrived home at about 2.30pm. nyahaha. i don't know why, but i felt super-tired. considering that i didn't really do much (except eat nata de coco haha), that was odd.

now, i'm still kinda sleepy.. though i don't really think i can hit the sack anytime soon. my mind's too busy worrying about that darned ioste moderating thing tomorrow (which i still don't have the slightest idea about. grrrr) *sigh* oh well. que sera sera.

on fire

friend jero pointed me to this fiery screensaver yesterday hahaha. cool. er.. i mean, HOT! :p

sure wish i could get the (registered) full version of this, though. hahaha. it's fun to see my pc go up in flames without *actually* going up in flames nyahaha.

speaking of fire. hmm. phoelix is getting quite good at spewing out fireballs. i think it amuses him a lot, haha. sheesh. i wonder if he and dramon are going to burn down buildings when they get together bwahaha.

it sure has been a fiery day. though not really fiery enough for me. *sigh* tsk tsk.. talk about lost opportunities..

diversions are what i need. BADLY.

thanks to friend mich, i have a new diversion (aside from my usual comics/graphic novels hehe). i fiddled with her laptop earlier this day and found this game (see pic). wahahaha. it was so cool, trying to get rid of those monkeys. jero wouldn't let me play the game earlier as he was hogging the laptop, so i just borrowed the cd from zeny, nyahaha :p and as soon as i got home from choir prax, i installed it in my pc and played cactus bruce & the corporate monkeys :p

well, simply by reading its title, you'll know it's a quirky game. the kind of game nasaeans quickly warm up to :)


anyway, my happiness level increased today thanks also to another good find. remember that manga i bought from friend randi the other day? well, i finished reading it! hahaha. death: at death's door is a re-telling of that famous sandman story (you know.. where he inherits the key to hell, courtesy of lucifer?). i just love jill thompson's drawing style. it's sooooooo cool! death looks so cute and charming (as do the rest of the endless). hahahaha. and at P350, that book certainly was worth it :)



then again, friend apol let me borrow her interesting book, "why don't cats like to swim?" by david feldman. hahaha. i was inspired to read it 'coz of the crazy questions that seem to pop out of my head periodically (read yesterday's post).

apol has other *really* interesting books - nonfiction reads for me, for a change. her books talk about cool stuff - answering questions that only very few people even bother to think about hahaha. so i think i'll be spending the next couple of days flipping through these pages.. and trying to amuse myself (and forget all the other "serious stuff" that surround me) hahaha. yup. i think that would be a good way to keep my sanity.. nyahaha.

sorry, neil.. looks like "good omens" can wait a couple of days.. hehehe.

i'm all about RANDOMNESS

"even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying." - harry anderson

this post has *nothing* to do with the above quote, hahaha. i'm all about RANDOMNESS today.

random thread #1
i was walking around campus (just came from randi's stall and got myself a copy of the manga death: at death's door) when i saw a sort of strange sight. on the ground was this candy-wrapper with some chocolate bits inside. and it was surrounded by 3-4 birds all pecking at the sweet treat inside. like i said, it wasn't really a very strange sight. what's kinda weird are the thoughts (and questions) that popped to mind afterwards. here are some of them..

* how do birds know that the chocolate is sweeter (presumably better-tasting) than the flowers surrounding them?
* do they have parent birds who warn them about the "evils" of chocolate and diabetes?
* is diabetes and high cholesterol a problem for birds?
* will a bird get fat/obese if you feed it a steady diet of chocolate and candy? or will it die before that happens?
* can birds distinguish between different brands of chocolate? do they also eat dark chocolate?

uhmm. well, anyway. i discovered that part of what makes me "weird" is that i have sooooo many questions that most people don't even bother to ask themselves. let alone give a serious answer to hahaha :p the only people i know who are like this are the nasaeans, oviler, friends carl&xtine, soulmate sam, cousin domz and my dad. bwahahaha. oh well. no wonder i get along well with them all :D

random thread #2




ha. i wish someone would say that to me today :( i feel like i need a *really big* hug right now. sigh. i'm just tired. physically and otherwise. i'm still not that ok (the colds are gone.. but now my digestive system doesn't seem to be working properly. grrrr). zee is quiet and i *hate* that. i haven't seen mama goose in a long time. i haven't been able to hang out with weird pals oviler & xtine. and my hectic schedule isn't helping. especially since it's stopping me from going to trinoma and watching HP5.


random thread #3


no matter what i do, i just can't seem to cut it. oh.. i'm "good" in some ways. but i don't think anyone would mistake me for some "holy dude" haha. which kinda sucks.. coz part of the reason why i'm in a church community is so that i get to be "holier" right?! somehow, though.. i can't see myself growing angel wings and floating even a couple of inches above ground. heck.. phoelix is doing a better job floating (his wings are so tiny they're actually useless for flight).

i could actually claim this to be my own prayer, nyahahaha:



random thread #4


somehow i attract weirdness. that's not really news to those who know me. it's just that lately, i seem to be a *blackhole* - literally drawing more and more weird stuff towards me. it's crazy.. and kinda strange how the number of people attune to my "freakuency" level is increasing hahaha. oh well. it's still cool :p

looking down at my feet

does this pic look familiar? hahaha. yup, i know. i posted it already in my previous entry.
what can i say?! i like my shoes. bwahahahahahahahahaha >:p

no.. i do not have a foot fetish. haha. i just happened to be holding my camera while staring at my shoes.. so *click* and there it is :p

i'm bored. i find that happening a lot lately. i don't know why. maybe life bores me. which is kinda ironic. 'coz this semester is turning out to be a "killer sem" in more ways than one. i have such a hectic schedule - both in school and in our church community. the 15-unit high school load is fine. the additional 3-unit graduate class is also ok (i have only 8 students), in spite of its 5.30-8.30pm sked. but add to that the grade-level coordinator responsibility (for seniors, at that!).. that moderating stint at the IOSTE convention this week.. the curriculum revision presentation on wednesday.. the basic math skills pre/post test for college students (as requested by ma'am linda).. the ongoing choir practices.. formation seminars.. fellowship activities.. church services.. workers' retreat.. and fr suarez' healing mass at MoA.. and well, you have a picture of how i'll be spending my days these following weeks.

and yes, in spite of the *many* activities i have, I AM BORED.

which makes me think: perhaps boredom isn't brought about by the lack of things to do. maybe it's just that everything's so.. mechanical. i find my mind wandering a lot - thinking thoughts i'd rather not think about. wahahaha.

oh well. i guess that's mainly the reason for this blogpost. rambling takes away my boredom. and takes my mind off things i don't want to think about. for a while, at least..

this is the life :)

just some notes on the day's happenings:
* the weather in tagaytay today was waaaaaay cool! i love it :D
* it rained! the really good kind of rain. the kind you can stand under and not get sick :p
* FOOD! lots of food! yumyumyum.. hahaha.
* it sure was fun chatting with soulmate and the rest of the group
(thanx to leo, caroll & amiel. they sure are great company)
* coffee at rowena's is *really* good :D
* tagaytay is still my favorite vacation place :)

* * *

anyway, this is mostly a picture(s) post.
because i'm too (happily) tired to write anything but bullets today :p

*the forehead* bwahahaha! :p

umm.. i think i prefer taking pictures of plants instead of people, hehe :)


hmm. well, this is sort of "people" hahaha :p i love leo's shoe..



and these are *my* shoes (courtesy of nancy) hahaha

*yumyum!* soulmate and i (or is it "soulmate and me"?!) :p

more on the tagaytay fellowship on this link :)

splat!

friday the 13th
(also the first day of leaders' camp at school)

okay. so i just got home from choir practice. yes. at 10.45pm. *that* was how bad traffic was when cousin domz and i were heading home. well, of course, we had to drop off cousin almi at philcoa.. (and that's partly the reason why we're home soooo late) but still.. traffic was a major bummer.

it's weird.. but as we were driving down the roads of UP campus on the way to philcoa, domz remarked, "hmm.. i wonder why there aren't any dead frogs on these streets.." and i, in typical fashion, simply said, "there are probably lots of frogs/toads hiding in the bushes.. doing their croaky thing" bwahaha. then the inevitable question came: what's the sound of a frog being run over by a car? and we proceeded to do some squishy-croaky-splatty noises that were really hilarious but cannot be fully appreciated int his medium haha :p

hmm. it's during times like those that i kinda miss the nasa people (most of whom are in the LC tonight, hehe - hi xerox! hi jero! hi pat! hi rosa! hi all other nasaeans whom i failed to mention here :p). hahaha. it's fun to have people who sort of understand your weirdness. and who can talk to you about squashed frogs, imaginary pets, nata de coco eating contests and other stuff (like having "china" superpowers wahahaha).

oh. as an aside.. i went with jero, tisa and jan aimee to the shopping center before lunch today. we just bought some KA stuff at the UP coop. haha. that sure was fun. it's been *ages* since i last rode a jeep, bwahaha :p that was a sort of mini-adventure for me, haha. then we had zagu (black forest - extra pearls for jero). er.. *they* had zagu, i meant, haha. i'm not really into that stuff. then we headed back to school. haha. that was a nice cheer-upper for the day. oh.. and for once, i was glad it didn't rain while i was out, haha. it would've made things so much harder for us if we had to commute in the pouring rain :p

anyway, this is quite a long post already. guess i'll turn in early tonight. still have to get my rest to prepare for yet another tagaytay trip tomorrow (more on that on my next posts).

meantime.. i'll let pratchett & gaiman give me dreams of their funny apocalypse (more on 'good omens' in succeeding posts haha).

waxing nostalgic

it's been a tiring day. i guess most thursdays are, for me. my day started at 8am.. and i spent the next four hours teaching my senior classes about logarithmic equations and the binomial theorem. hahaha. it wouldn't have been so tiring if only they were a bit more interested in the subject. or if they were a lot less noisy. but really.. i can't blame them for the lack of interest. math isn't exactly a very popular subject, especially in high school. it's that subject you either love or hate. unfortunately, most of my kids hate it.. whereas i seem to have this funny attraction to it hahaha.

the day improved when i went to teach my graduate class, though. lecturing 8 elementary teachers about basic set theory isn't all that bad, really. we even got to chat a bit about how they could apply the concepts in their respective classes. neat :) three hours straight lecture and i didn't really feel so drained. hahaha. must be 'coz of the great atmosphere in UP at night. and the *rain* :p

anyway, when i got home, i kinda felt the tiredness creep in. heck, i couldn't even read more than 22 pages off "good omens" bwahaha. that's how tired i felt. but i got a nice "pick upper" when i checked my friendster account today :) friend tommy left a heartwarming comment on my profile. awwww. miss you too, tommy. wish we could find time to get together one of these days. it's been soooooo long. i really miss you guys. darnit.. :'(

well, this post is especially dedicated to you guys - tommy, tox & glenn (and the "invisible" nc/chris/chase/whatever-your-new-name-is-now hahaha). can't believe more than 5 years have gone by since high school grad. *sigh* i miss your company. aww shucks.. i'm turning nostalgic.. :p

at any rate, it feels good to get a virtual hug from an old friend. i could certainly use it now, haha.

thanks, tommy. hope to run into you one of these days.. real soon :)

my froggy <3

what do you think of my frog prince?! :) hahaha.. i love the jeweled crown. and his adorable eyes. i love his cute smile. i love the way he says "croak" "croak"! i even love his tongue (though i don't really like the stuff he catches through it ahahahaha!) *sigh* my ever-lovable froggy.. :p

anyway. i went to the prayer meeting at megamall tonight. bro vic pestano was the speaker. hahaha.. he's as hilarious as ever :) neat. i missed the worship inputs.

i tried my best to look good tonight, too. nyahahaha. and apparently, the trick worked. i got lots of compliments from people. though really.. i was waiting for *one* particular comment. i hadn't gotten it yet. but maybe i'll get it later.. (fingers crossed) bwahahaha >:)

i'm not alone in my nerdiness hahaha

it's freaky how i can *totally* relate to this comic wahahahaha

NP-complete problems, anyone?! bwahahaha.
i miss my math subjects.. *sniff* *sniff*

matchmaker

this past week, i've had three friends approach me on three different occasions.. to tell me they'd like to introduce me to someone. hmmm. i wonder.. do i look like someone who's desperate to get into a romantic relationship right now?!?

hahaha. don't get me wrong. it's not like i'm a man-hater. i love guys. well, not *all* guys, bwahahaha. but i dunno. i'm just not that interested to find a boyfriend at the moment. life is too nice right now to make it complicated.

i mean, yeah, sure.. i miss the dates. i miss being hugged. i miss those "monthsary" or "anniversary" cards and gifts. i miss getting mushy text messages. i miss receiving late-night calls. i miss hearing "i love you" and other cheesy lines. i miss shopping for gifts to give my special someone.

yeah, i miss those things. a lot. especially when i see couples holding hands while malling.

BUT..

just because i miss the experience doesn't mean i'm all set out to jump into a relationship again. i dunno. at the moment, i'm just.. reluctant. don't ask me why.

clearly i'm not looking for prince charming. but what the heck. he just might come looking for me. and who knows.. maybe he will find me.. standing around the corner, holding on to my froggy, bwahaha.

i wonder what i'm going to do with "froggy-baby" when the real prince charming comes along.. :p

fun-niversary

(this is cousin em in the picture. she's a total riot. ergo, she's totally fun to hang out with. hahahahaha!)

* * *

this sunday is a fun-day. literally. hahaha. i wasn't expecting much chance for gimmick and malling.. coz mom's still kinda woozy (tsk tsk.. that rhinovirus thing sure messes up people's skeds).. but the day turned out way better than ok :)

tita amy & tito efren treated us to lunch after the mass. it's an early anniversary celebration (30 years of married life on tuesday, 10 july, haha) for them. we ate at mann hann (the family's favorite hangout - next to mr. donut, bwahaha).. where dad took loads of pix :p

from there, we had coffee at another fave hangout - starbucks 4th floor :) cousin em and i had some bonding moments - along with soon-to-be-cousin-in-law/friend allan. basically, we talked about this soap opera thingy.. uhmm.. "which star are you from?" or something like that. actually, they were trying to let me in on the story.. which i totally could not relate to. but that didn't stop them from giving all the details and acting out the scenes. complete with dialogue. wahahaha. weird. mega-weird.

the family-bonding thing lasted so long.. that we all had an early dinner together, too. bwahaha. by 5.30pm we were trooping off to (meylin) pot & noodle to have supper.

so yeah. it sure was a "fun-niversary" hahaha. 30 years. wow. and my folks, nearly 32 years of married bliss. nyahahahahaha.

as for me.. uhm.. bwahahahahaha. well, so far i've had nearly 31 years of living bliss. guess that's enough for me right now, hahahaha.

with gusto bwahahaha

shrimp & mushroom pasta

chicken pastel

lechon kawali

strawberry shortcake

the famous mango bravo

time to unwind once more, after a long day of service :p

*finally* i was able to serve again. thank goodness i'm already feeling near-normal (i really *hate* having the sniffles). so yeah, it was great to be at the MSS today at st paul.

never mind the heat and the boredom. never mind that i wasn't able to listen in on the talks. never mind that.. uhm.. well, never mind :p

i enjoyed the evening a lot.. coz i got to be with my two "besprens" again, after a long, long time.
besps heids & lils and i went to serendra to eat at conti's (yumyum!!!). we also got to visit some shops (i loooove the clothes at 'peppered cherry'!! and there's that beauty store that's like 'body shop' haha. cool. :D) and tour the place.

all in all, it's been a great day.

now, if only.. hahahahaha

inside out

there once was a bottle called klein
that had such a clever design
it would turn inside out
which created some doubt
when it came to decanting the wine

nyahaha. nerdy post for today, hehe. i spent the earlier part of my day browsing through a math book (ugh. i don't know why i did that. something probably turned me weirder than usual in my dream last night).. laughed at some hilarious math comic strips (tried looking for them in the net, too.. *unsuccessfully* tsk tsk. too bad. that spares YOU from reading them, hahaha).. and bumped into this really cool klein bottle illustration, hahaha.

moebius strips and klein bottles have always fascinated me. they're actually part of the reason why i became interested in math and physics. hahaha. i even used to dream that i lived in a world where such stuff were *normal* and usual. nyahahaha. soooo nerdy. and fascinating too.

hmm. wouldn't it be cool if WE could turn ourselves inside out? haha. no inside, no outside. just turning into ourselves. literally. wahahahaha. waaaay cool.

uhm. all right. enough of this for now. just read more on klein bottles here on this link :p

rare shot

nyahahaha. was able to take a pic of 'invisible kid' paurlitoni this morning :p
enjoy taking a look of this shot. friend pau rarely gets to have his pic taken coz as nasa's official photographer, he's usually the guy holding the camera :)
thanx for the weird lunch session oviler jr.. hahahaha :p

let's expand our vocabulary

today's word: photochromism

hahaha. i finally received a nicely-drawn caricature of phoelix today (thanx, sam jr, haha). too bad he wasn't able to illustrate my favorite characteristic of phoelix: photochromism.

o-kaay. let's see what wikipedia has to say about the word for the day, shall we?...

* * *

Photochromism is defined as the reversible interconversion of a chemical species between two states with different absorption spectra. This change is usually brought about by absorption of light.

One of the mechanisms of photochromism is reversible photodimerization. A good example is the way anthracene reacts to light.

Photochromic molecules can belong to various classes: triarylmethanes, stilbenes, azastilbenes, nitrones, fulgides, spiropyrans, naphthopyrans, spiro-oxazines, and others. For example, the spiro form of an oxazine is a colorless leuco dye; the conjugated system of the oxazine and another aromatic part of the molecule is separated by a sp³-hybridized "spiro" carbon. After irradiation with UV light, the bond between the spiro carbon and the oxazine interrupts, the ring opens, the spiro carbon achieves sp² hybridization and becomes planar, the aromatic group rotates, aligns its π-orbitals with the rest of the molecule, and a conjugated system forms, with ability to absorb photons of visible radiation, and therefore appear colorful. When the UV source is removed, the molecules gradually relax to their ground state, the carbon-oxygen bond renews, the spiro atom becomes sp³ again, and the molecule returns to its colorless state.



Photochromic dyes tend to be inherently unstable in their open, colored form. Their lifetime is therefore significantly negatively affected by exposure to UV light, as the open form is susceptible to degradation by oxygen and free radicals. Incorporation of the dyes into a polymer matrix, adding a stabilizer, or providing a barrier to oxygen and chemicals by other means prolongs their lifetime.

Photochromic dyes usually have the appearance of a crystalline powder. In order to achieve the color change, they have to be dissolved in a solvent or dispersed in a suitable matrix.

Usually, four basic photochromic colors (magenta, cyan, yellow, black) are available commercially; other colors can be made by their combinations via the CMYK color model. Spot colors are available from some vendors. However, exact colors are difficult to achieve, as the exact hue depends on many factors, including the intensity of the UV radiation and temperature.^[1]

The color change is usually between a leuco form in base state to a colored form after exposure to ultraviolet radiation. The rate of change varies by color. In some formulations, the yellow color takes the longest time to fade back to colorless and requires exposure to visible light for such transition. Transition between two colors can be achieved by mixing the photochromic dye with an UV-transparent permanent dye.

Reversible Photochromics

Reversible photochromics work by changing their chemical structure after absorbing UV light, usually from the sun or a UV light. The UV light causes the photochromics to absorb color (like a dye), and then change back to clear when the UV source is removed. They can cycle thousands of times depending upon the application. They can also change from one color to a different color by combination with a permanent pigment.

One of the most famous reversible photochromic applications is color changing lenses for sunglasses, as found in Transitions® eye-glasses. Reversible photochromics are also found in novelty applications such as toys, cosmetics, and industrial applications. The largest limitation in using PC technology is that the materials cannot be made stable enough to withstand thousands of hours of outdoor exposure so long-term outdoor applications are not appropriate at this time.

* * *
umm. there you go. haha. i think i'm becoming too nerdy. oh, what the heck. at least this one's not a female rant, nyahahahaha. (heaven stop jero from reading yesterday's post, bwahahaha!)

*warning: female readers only

if you're a guy and you're reading this post, read the title (read it *again* if you failed to understand it the first time).

if you're a guy and you've read and understood the title and the previous paragraph and you're still reading this.. well, you have been warned.

ok, this is a female rant. from a ranting female, nyahahaha. today i am ranting about the seeming unavailability of tampons. (yes.. *that* thing. told you this was a girls-only post)

i've been trying to find even just one box (for the past 2-3 months?!).. but so far i've been unsuccessful. i've tried watson's (they no longer order them, i've been told), mercury drug (the salesperson i asked didn't even seem to know what tampons were. wtf?!?), rustan's and SM grocery stores, etc.. but they're just not available!! grrrrr.

it's not like i expect tampons to be sold at the "suking sari-sari store".. coz admittedly, very few filipinas use it. but not finding it even in rustan's and hi-top and cherry and all those other groceries?! give me a break!!!

oh well. looks like i'll have just have to do a bit more hunting next time. wish me luck. grrr.

V is my new hero

i only just discovered "v for vendetta" (thanks once again to friend randy - dude, you rock! :p). i love alan moore. it's a really, really, really great read. i thoroughly enjoyed the artwork and the story line.

this certainly is a great "cheerupper" after such a crappy weekend. in spite of the cloying heat, it's definitely worth the visit to campus :)

rhinovirus - part II

hahaha. i'm currently typing up the newsletter for this week. and given my recent obsession with this rhinovirus, i thought i might as well include this writeup in my blogpost.. haha:

i caught a bad case of the colds this weekend (hence, i was not able to serve at the GSS nor the tv mass. tsk tsk. great timing). i was stuck at home.. in bed for hours on end.. and practically immobile. boredom quickly set in.. and soon, i found myself in front of my pc. and, for lack of anything better to do, i decided to research a bit on the cause of my suffering - the rhinovirus.

this from www.discovery.com:

it feels like it sounds: a rhinovirus is a good indication of how it would be to have a rhinoceros stuck up your nose.

an aficionado of rhinoviruses, which cause at least one-third of colds in adults, hendley says the common cold is uncommonly hard to understand. one surprising revelation, though, is that your painful parade of symptoms isn't exactly the fault of the virus.

"what we do know is that the symptoms aren't because the virus eats the inside of your nose out," hendley says. "it's the body's own inflammatory response that causes the symptoms."

o-kay?! so technically, it’s not the teeny tiny rhinovirus that’s causing my nose to run, my eyes to water and my throat to feel scratchy?! apparently, my body’s immune system is overreacting to the presence of the intruder virus.. hence, wreaking havoc and mayhem.. and effectively immobilizing me for a couple of days. how weird is that?!?

it’s funny.. but sometimes, the things we rely on to protect us and to keep us secure - education, wealth, popularity, fame - can turn out to be the source of our troubles at some point. when we rely too much on our “security blankets” to keep us safe, then there are moments when the Lord would rock the boat and make us lose our balance a bit. just so we’d know better than to trust in “things that pass away”

ps 146:5-6 says, “blessed is he whose help is the God of jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, the Maker of heaven and earth,the sea, and everything in them--the LORD, who remains faithful forever.”

He’s all we need to keep us safe from every storm. and from every cold virus, haha ü God bless, everyone! ü

rhinovirus

(from the Greek rhin-, which means "nose") is a genus of the Picornaviridae family of viruses. Rhinoviruses are the most common viral infective agents in humans, and a causative agent of the common cold. There are over 105 serologic virus types that cause cold symptoms, and rhinoviruses are responsible for approximately 50% of all cases.

Rhinoviruses have single-stranded positive sense RNA genomes of about 7.2 kb in length. At the 5′ end of the genome is a virus-encoded protein, and like mammalian mRNA, there is a 3′ poly-A tail. Structural proteins are encoded in the 5′ region of the genome and non structural at the end. This is the same for all picornaviruses. The viral particles themselves are not enveloped and are icosahedral in structure.

Rhinoviruses are composed of a capsid, that contains four viral proteins VP1, VP2, VP3 and VP4.^[1][2] VP1, VP2, and VP3 form the major part of the protein capsid. The much smaller VP4 protein has a more extended structure and lies at interface between the capsid and the RNA genome. There are 60 copies of each of these proteins assembled as an icosahedron. Antibodies are a major defense against infection with the epitopes lying on the exterior regions of VP1-VP3.

Rhinoviruses have two main modes of transmission: In the past it was obvious that these viruses were transmitted directly from person-to-person via aerosols of respiratory droplets. However, now they are known to be transmitted indirectly via respiratory droplets that are deposited on the hands and then transported by fingers to the nose or eyes.

Rhinoviruses occur worldwide causing disease especially at schools for example which enhance transmission during fall and winter. They show symptoms such as fever, cough, and nasal congestion. The frequency of colds is high in childhood and decreases during adulthood most probably because of the possession of immunity.

The primary route of entry for rhinoviruses is the upper respiratory tract. Afterwards, the virus binds to ICAM-1 (intracellular adhesion molecule -1) receptors on respiratory epithelial cells. As the virus replicates and spreads, infected cells release distress signals known as chemokines and cytokines (which in turn activate inflammatory mediators).

Infection occurs rapidly, with the virus adhering to surface receptors within 15 minutes of entering the respiratory tract. The incubation period is generally 8-10 hours before symptoms begin to occur ^[3].

Rhinoviruses rarely cause lower respiratory tract disease probably because they grow poorly at 37°C.

There are no vaccines against these viruses as there is little-to-no cross-protection between serotypes. It would be impractical to administer 105 separate vaccines to a patient.

..stuck here at home with nothing better to do than research on some stupid rhinovirus. *sigh*

ugh. i hate having colds :(