LAST

december 31. the last day of 2005. tomorrow will be the start of a new year. a harbinger of what's in store for us in 2006. for most, the first day of the year symbolizes a new beginning. a chance to set things right.. to make new resolutions.. to look forward to better things. january 1st usually brings renewed hope.. and more opportunities for success and prosperity.

but for me, the last day of the year is just as important (if not *more* important) than the first. for while it is good to look to the future with hope and expectation, it is even more valuable to reflect on the blessings of the previous year. to learn from past mistakes. to reflect on the lessons of the year that was. and of course, to thank the Lord for His kindness, mercy and guidance for the whole of 2005.

so while i do look forward to the year ahead, i thank God for *everything* that's happened this 2005: the joys, the love and companionship, the friends and special people He sent my way.. and yes, even the trials, the heartaches, the mistakes and blunders that caused torrents of tears. i am grateful for all that He has allowed me to go through these past 365 days. invaluable lessons that continue to shape and mold me into the kind of person He wants me to be.

to all my friends and loved ones.. a great big THANKS to all of you Ü for your presence, for your company, for your words of wisdom, for your prayers and most of all, for your love, friendship and support. it is mostly for His gift of you that i thank the Lord Ü

A BLESSED AND HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! Ü

there and back again

we went to tagaytay again today. yep. after only 6 days (we last went to tagaytay on 24dec for ninang's bday/christmas celebration. see previous post), we were back there.. enjoying the cool weather and fresh air Ü this time, though, we went with the sy's (tita vix, tito willy, kat & armi). dropped by their resthouse for a couple of hours (i absolutely adooooore that place!) before heading off to lunch.

the main reason for our going to tagaytay today was to have lunch at "breakfast @ antonio's" (yep.. lunch at "breakfast" hehehe.. go figure). it's the bday of rizzie (doc manuel's eldest daughter) today and to celebrate, we were treated to lunch there.

the view from the restaurant was great. and there were lots of patrons too. we got there around 11.30am and the place was packed! the aroma of well-cooked meals permeated the entire restaurant. and mmmmmmmmm! the food was great. there was so much food! yumyum! there simply is no end to eating this holiday season. my oh my! i think i just regained all the weight i lost these past months, hehehe :p

anyway, tagaytay is my favorite place right now. i just want to keep coming back there. it's only a couple of minutes' drive from qc, after all. i love the cold weather and the absence of smoke-belching buses and jeeps. i love the variety of plants and flowers.. as well as the wonderful scenery. and of course, i love being able to spend time with family and friends :) pictures galore! hehehehe.. i'm really enjoying this vacation.

*sigh* wish i didn't have to go back to work next week.. :p

crossroads

"to be or not to be.. that is the question" so goes the famous shakespearian line. hmm. decisions, decisions. in life, we can never escape choices. every waking moment is full of decisions to make. from the trivial to the life-changing.. from the mundane to the totally earth-shaking ones. choices are all around us.

some choices are "easy" because there are no right or wrong decisions. like what color of shirt to wear, or what route to take going to work, or what brand of cereal to eat for breakfast. we are almost not aware of our decisions here because our choices in these matters do not affect our life in major ways. [note: a few people *do* have a difficult time choosing their cereal brands or their attire for the day - probably because of the sheer number of choices. but this is more an exception rather than the rule]

but not all "easy" decisions are trivial. sometimes, we are able to choose immediately simply because there are no other options available to us. a girl can easily fall for a guy if he's her only suitor. a person will probably take a so-so job offer if it's the only company willing to hire him. these "choices" are the ones that leave a semi-bitter taste in the mouth. because they are not actually *our* decisions to make.. rather, circumstances help to force our hand into taking the only available option.

and then there are *the* choices. the ones that lie solely in our hands. whose consequences may change the course of our lives. and the ones that require every ounce of our mind/heart/soul to make. built in every one of us is a sensor that recognizes these 'earth-shaking' decisions. and it causes us to stop and think. and think. and think.. before we even make a step towards choosing our path.

we consider a myriad factors. we think about morals - what is right and wrong. we determine what will make us comfortable or uneasy. we weigh our priorities.. and ask ourselves the tradeoffs we are willing to take. we try to see a bit farther into the future.. to consider possible consequences of our actions.. and in case of problems, possible solutions and ways of escape. bottom line: when making these decisions, our mind goes in hyperdrive.

everyone comes to crossroads in their life. a time of confusion, uncertainty and yes, sometimes fear and anxiety. but these are CROSSroads. and the best way to make that life-changing decision is to lay everything at the foot of His cross.. where hopefully, the mind, heart and spirit will see His Guiding Light.

tatty bears and hugs

i had a hard time sleeping last night ('early this morning' would be more accurate). maybe 'coz i was still looking for that special hug. hmm. but that's ok. i'm not sad or lonely.. and certainly not depressed (hahahahaha!). i'm just.. hmm.. hoping? :p though admittedly, i don't know exactly what i'm hoping for, hehehe.

anyway, thinking of hugs caused me to remember an old favorite - tatty bears :) yep. i'm a sucker for these cute, patched-up grey bears. and today (while i was silently praying that i'll soon find someone who will be able to give me that special hug), i found this blog ( ~*~Tatty Bear Loverz~*~) that featured a host of tatty bear pictures! :) hehehehe. it really brightened up my day :p

i may not get that special someone (or that special hug) anytime soon. but at least i have tatty bears to cheer me up. hey.. they may be 'tatty' and all.. but they really are special. and they make me feel warm and cozy inside :) i guess right now, that's just the thing i need.. :p

postscript: these tatty bears remind me of myself, too. just like them, i have lots of "patched up parts" and i'm not exactly perfect. i just hope that in spite of these imperfections, i'd still turn out to be lovable and (maybe) huggable :p

H-U-G

it's 1am and i can't sleep. haha. maybe it's the tall lite rhumba cream frap i drank tonight. or maybe it's coz of this journal article thing (i've already completed my "research" for the related lit - i've been browsing through them for the past couple of hours). or perhaps i just need to finish watching "forensic files" on the crime & suspense channel. then again, maybe i'm just a regular insomniac hehehe :p

anyway. there's one thing i want right now. nothing really special. and certainly not something that can be bought. it isn't costly.. but it's priceless. and at the moment, it's one thing that i just couldn't have. that one thing is.. A HUG.

yep. i need someone to hug right now. no, i'm not sad. in fact, i am quite happy with myself. i enjoy myself with friends and family. i like the activities that keep me busy (except this journal thing). i look forward to going out with my mom (and dad, hopefully) later or on thursday. i'm basically doing great. but i need to embrace somebody right now. not for comfort or a shoulder to cry on.. but just to have a good, warm hug.

it's been a long time since i got a hug from anyone other than my parents. i miss the feeling of a warm, spontaneous embrace. *sigh* maybe i'll get my wish sometime soon.. Ü

time warp

it's december 27, and for most, this means back to work at the office! luckily, i am not most people, hehe. i'm still on christmas break. i don't go back to school until january 03 hehe. *sigh* i just love this job incentive, hehehe.

time behaves differently during the holiday season. come december, you'll see people move as if in fast forward. time zips by.. and you feel as if the days are only 6 hours long. this phenomenon continues 'til only a day or two away from christmas. it is then that you get a break from the hassle and stress of work and time stops (well, sort of.. let's just say it slows down 'til it's almost stopped).. and you have enough time for those last-minute shopping, wrapping, cooking or whatever it is you've left undone.

but now, christmas is over.. and time starts moving once again. so after the festivities, the party games, the binging and the gift-giving.. we find ourselves suddenly back to the usual routine. i don't mean just going back to work. i'm referring, instead, to the ordinary [read: unexciting, uneventful, NOT special.. "blah"] activities we do on regular days - cleaning house, doing chores, watching ho-hum programs on tv, attending to unfinished paperwork, etc.

starting today, there will be no text greetings of "merry christmas".. no visiting "inaanaks".. no ang pao from "ninongs" and "ninangs." there will be fewer kids a-carolling.. less holiday smiles from people.. and perhaps even a decrease in kindness, consideration and generosity from strangers. hmm. i guess this sounds cynical.. even by my standards, hehe. maybe the "holiday spirit" is wearing off on me too fast, too soon :p

but hey.. this is the "transition week" for most. come saturday/sunday, we celebrate new year! hehehe.. so i guess for the meantime, we all are given a blessed time to adjust. from one major holiday.. to ordinariness.. to another major holiday.. to the usual routine.. and hopefully, normalcy Ü hahaha. i looooove this season.. :p

the day after

ok.. so christmas came and went so quickly, i almost had no time to breathe. but that's fine with me.. 'coz i had a blast this christmas Ü yes, i had a splitting headache last night (mostly because i forgot to eat dinner.. drank vodka.. and stayed outside where it was 'mahamog' hehehe), but it was quickly remedied with a tall starbucks green tea frap and a belated dinner :p




time spent with the family.. with friends and loved ones.. is always time well-spent Ü so from our family to yours.. a very blessed Christmas and a prosperous New Year this coming 2006 Ü

blessed christmas

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isa 9:6

A BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! :)

brrrr...

the other day, a friend of mine gave a comment, saying "pa'no ba 'yan.. e di malamig pala ang pasko mo..?" and without thinking, i said, "oo nga e. malamig na nga ang panahon, malamig pa ang pasko.." hmm. well, that was last tuesday. today's another day.. :p

my parents and i (along with our househelp, 'genevieve') went to tagaytay today. it's my (favorite) ninang's birthday so we went over to their vacation house to celebrate. and since christmas is just a day away, naturally, it was a birthday/christmas celebration Ü

this picture was taken only a couple of minutes after we arrived at the venue. hehehe. the tagaytay air was sooooo cold! there was absolutely no need for an electric fan in the house. the breeze felt colder than the air circulating from an a/c unit. good thing i had my trusty jacket hehehe :p


and since this was a birthday/christmas celebration, naturally we had food - lots of it!! to be perfectly honest though, i wasn't able to eat much. there was simply too much food that just looking at the table made me full, hehehe. oh.. and the freezing cold didn't help my appetite much, either. brrrr..

[note: i discovered something new today. i loooove the lemon green tea of 'earth & sky' Ü you should try it. yummy!!]



and these, of course, are my favorite cousins (too bad 'fave cuz' almi belongs to my mother's side of the family - kumpleto na sana kami, hehehe). it's fun hanging out with them 'coz i get to have instant playmates, hehehe. we played monopoly (dom's style) and scrabble (my all-time fave game hahaha) and badminton (ok, so we weren't really good at it. so what?! :p). quality time with family. aahhh. doesn't get much better than this.. Ü

anyway, going back to what i said last tuesday. looks like i'd have to eat my words :p well, it's *partly* true - malamig ang pasko ko ngayon. but only because the weather is soooo cold :p deep inside, though, my christmas is warm.. very Ü 'coz i have so many blessings to be grateful for.. so many reasons to smile (see my previous blogposts). i have my family, my friends, my loved ones. i have people who are special and dear to me.. who cheer me up and bring color to my days Ü

i was never very fond of having my picture taken. but recently, i noticed that i enjoy posing for the camera, hehe. no, i don't exactly hog the limelight (yet!).. but i do like viewing my latest pictures. *contented sigh* i guess it's because when i look at myself now, i see a different me - one with a genuine smile.. one with more twinkle in the eyes. hmm. guess this is how it is when you're *really* happy Ü

my christmas is pink.. and red.. and green.. and yellow.. and orange.. hehe. in short, my christmas is rainbow-colored! Ü may *your* christmas be filled with blessings of joy, peace, hope and love.. and may the warmth of God's presence be with you not just this season, but always Ü

a joyous and blessed christmas to everyone! Ü *hugs and kisses!*

special request #2 : think of me

i was browsing through cweesteen's friendster profile and found these lyrics posted there. i can't believe i never thought of including this song in my blogposts. this is *my* song.. and i can relate with each line.. each word.
it's so beautifully sad (or is it sadly beautiful?) that i love it.
no need to mention who i'm dedicating this song to..


Think of Me
(Phantom of the Opera)

Think of me,
think of me fondly when we've said goodbye.
Remember me ev'ry so often -
promise me you'll try.

On that day, that not so distant day
when you are far-away and free,
if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me.

And though it's clear, though it was always clear
that this was never meant to be
if you happen to remember,
stop and think of me.

Think of August when the trees were green.
Don't think about the way things might have been.

Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned.
Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind.
Think of me - please say you'll think of me
whatever else you choose to do;
there will never be a day when I won't think of you.

Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade.
They have their season, so do we -
but please promise me
that sometimes you will think..
of me

i wish..!

one of the reasons why i love staying home is that i get to watch all the cartoons i want Ü yup, you read it right. i loooooove cartoons! hehehe. i especially like nicktoons such as rugrats, spongebob squarepants, as told by ginger, hey arnold, jimmy neutron and of course my all-time favorite, the fairly odd parents :p

the fairly odd parents are composed of fairies cosmo & wanda. they are timmy turner's fairy godparents. they grant his every wish - although most of the time, timmy's wishes become the bases of his misadventures and fiascos hehe. it's fun to watch the show. sometimes i catch myself wishing i actually had such fairy godparents.. hahaha.

no really. i could use one right now. though if i'd have a fairy godparent like cosmo, i'd *seriously* have to think twice, hehehehe.

LORRIES

lor·ry n. pl. lor·ries Chiefly British. A motor truck. A large truck designed to carry heavy loads; usually without sides.

lorries never fascinated me.. not until today, that is :p hehe. take a look at the pictures below. you'll know why i find lorries interesting.. :D (ok, so there's actually another reason why 'lorries' interest me. but that's for me to know and for you to *try* to find out hahahahaha)

eternity

"what else could i give to you? my heart, you already have.. along with the rest of me. what else is left that isn't yours?

if i could give you forever, i'd serve it up to you in a silver platter. if i could freeze the moments for us to keep reliving, you know i would. if it would bridge the distance between us, i'd travel a hundred miles and more. and if i could spend the whole of eternity with you, i'd definitely start now.

you know that i would keep on giving.. until there is absolutely nothing left to give. and even if i had a thousand lifetimes, know this: i'd gladly offer each of these, just to be with you.. for all eternity."

=================================================

hmm. ok, so the above lines are not exactly related to christmas. however, i found them interesting, hehehe.. :p reminds me of a time when i was so deeply in love. well, these are 'memorable' words. who knows, maybe these can still apply to me someday hehehe :p

eternity. such a short word, but so full of meaning. *sigh* perhaps one day i'll begin to understand its meaning once again..

reasons to smile this christmas

this is jodipenguin, my current favorite stuffed toy Ü bfh gave it to me as a christmas gift last monday when our choir had a dinner party at her place. actually, i was with her when she bought jodipenguin.. but i asked her to wrap her gift first (in the spirit of christmas gift-giving, of course!) so that i'd have to go through the motion of unwrapping the present and acting surprised ahahahahahaha :p




also at bfh's place last monday, we had our "revelation" for the kris kringle. hahahaha. boy, were they all surprised when they found out i was france's 'mommy' :p hehehe. they never thought i was the one who gave her the condom for 'something wet & sticky' >:) well, like i said, i had a lot of "never thoughts" this year.. turns out my 'mommy' was dyanne Ü this stuffed toy was her gift to me. i named her pinky the white bear :p hehe. thanx a bunch mommy dyanne! (see, i made a special mention of pinky here in my blog, in case you're reading this Ü)


another stuffed toy.. this time from friend oviler :) hmm. wonder what it is about me that makes people wanna give me stuffed toys? maybe i'm cute & cuddly, hahahaha :p anyway, this stuffed toy is quite different from the other ones i got, for obvious reasons haha >:) but i like it! i really like it - he guards my pc from unwanted intruders hahaha. named this guy spawnee. he has yet to be born in may 2006 Ü




being the starbucks addict that i am (thanks to my dad, who got me hooked on it, hehehe), i've been drooling over their 2006 planner for months. but you can only avail of their planner by obtaining the 21 stickers needed to complete the starbucks promotional card they give away this holiday season.

bfh urged me to try and complete a card (i only started last december 16.. promo is good only 'til january 15, i think). she said the way we threesome (bfh, bfl and i) go out and visit starbucks, i might just complete it before yearend hehe Ü

before i could complete my card, though, ninang vicky (sy) gave me hers. i think she was able to almost complete 3 of her 4 starbucks cards. wow Ü thanx soooo much for the planner. now, if i complete my card, i'd give mine to my dad (or to bfl, if he doesn't want it) Ü

i received several 'kikay' stuff from friends this christmas. mama liz and friend glenda gave me necklaces (hmm.. i still have to learn how to use those chunky beaded things, hehehe.. don't know if i could pull it off Ü), while i received bracelets from hilda and student marianne (with a matching pair of earrings too!) they say i've "changed image" late this year. hmm. i don't know if that's a good thing.. hehe.. but i suppose it's true. lots of changes this 2005. i hope they're all for the better.. Ü



but what makes christmas really special are not the gifts that can be wrapped in shiny paper or colorful bags. my most precious gifts are the ones found in these pictures on the right Ü

what would life be like if i didn't have such wonderful and loving parents?! they really are God's greatest gifts to me. not just this christmas, but always Ü through joys and sorrows, through good times and bad, my parents have always been that anchor of peace and stability so rarely found in this world. because of them, my life is PINK! very happily so.. Ü

and as an added bonus, the Lord gave me the privilege of serving Him through our ministry in rivers Ü i know i've always loved singing. but to sing for Him.. and to sing *with special friends* who are like the brothers and sisters that i never had.. well, what can i say?! God has truly been gracious to me Ü he extended my family from 3 to 43 (in the choir) to more than a hundred (in the ministries/community)

hmm. this probably isn't a pink christmas. it just might be a rainbow-colored one Ü there really are a lot of reasons to smile Ü

never thoughts

today's another carolling night! hmm. i noticed that i've been spending more time on the road than here at home. *sigh* well, it is fun to hang out with choir friends and sing christmas carols. but frankly, i do miss being with my mom and dad. hahaha. never thought i'd get the chance to say that.. 'coz for years i've always been a homebody.

come to think of it, this year, there have been a lot of "never thoughts" for me. and i do mean *a lot!* 2005 is probably the most "colorful" year i've ever had :p i'm really looking forward to the next year. new challenges. new adventures. new beginnings. new hope. :)

i wonder what's in store for me in 2006..?

gifts, gifts, gifts!

only 6 days to go before christmas! so many last minute preparations.. so many gifts to wrap.. so many items left to buy.. so little time (and money!) Ü hehehe. well, at least i'm pratically done with the christmas shopping (thank God!). now, all i have to do is wrap, wrap, wrap!

to be honest, i haven't wrapped a single gift this christmas season. oh, i don't know. i used to love wrapping presents. but this year, i shy away from it. maybe because now i'll be wrapping my gifts all by myself. and though my christmas list grew longer (mostly due to new friends in the choir), it also grew shorter by one :( hmm.

but as is the case with other things, i have no choice. i'll have to wrap those christmas presents.. and fast! time to get rid of all traces of the christmas blues. time to once again make my christmas pink Ü

i'm getting there.. again. just hope this time there won't be any turning back.. Ü

it could have rained

today is.. uhm.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yeah, today is sunday :p haha. our choir schedule has been soooo hectic that most of the time we forget what day it is already. anyway, today is sunday. an entire day has passed before i had time to sit in front of my pc and write anything at all.

my day started at around 7am. it took a lot of cajoling for me to rise from my bed. no, i didn't go to the rivers party last night (panay sayawan daw! hahaha.. i'm not really into dancing); but still, i slept quite late.. er.. 'early' morning, i mean. dunno. i just couldn't fall asleep. anyway. woke up 7am.. prepared to go to mass.. and by 8.30am we were already at megamall. after the tv mass, the choir went to novaliches (missionaries of charity brothers) for our joint outreach with the youth group and works of mercy ministries. i rode with friend glenda, along with bfl, cousin almi, eva and weng. (bfh rode with the others in the van) we had quite an adventure.. coz we got lost several times (hmm.. we didn't have a sketch, we didn't know the way, we had no other cars to follow, and heck, we didn't even know the name of the venue until much, much later!). but thanks to our combined IQs and streetsmart abilities (hahahahahaha!) we were able to reach the place on time.

after the outreach, friend glenda dropped me, bfl and almi at megamall. we ate a quick lunch before meeting up with bfh and the others. by 2.30pm we were off to nancy's.. to watch 'the buzz'.. and also to grab some shuteye, hehe ;p most of us were sooo tired by then (everyone lacked sleep. the long trip to nova didn't help replenish lost energy either) that we all just took our respective positions in the sofa and slept hehehe.

left nancy's at around 4.30pm. we all rode in one van (thanks soooo much mama liza!) going to alabang. it was fun to ride in a vehicle with everyone else. even though i wasn't able to rest much during the trip, i enjoyed myself 'coz everyone was in a good mood. oh.. and i was glad, 'coz at least bfh didn't have to drive for us all the way to the carolling venue :p

got a special treat when we arrived at atty. king rodrigo's place, by the way. i found out that my ate ke (my original 'big sis' when i was new in rivers) lived in the area too! practically only a stone's throw away from atty. rodrigo's house :) i took the opportunity to visit her.. just to chat, exchange some news.. and of course, lots of hugs ÜÜÜ ahhh.. i missed my ate ke. wish i could see her more often.. :p

by 8.30pm we headed back to nancy's (where bfh left her car). after freshening up a bit, bfh, bfl, cousin doms and i left. we stopped over at kfc shaw to buy some food, then proceeded to starbucks pearl drive to have our much-needed caffeine boost Ü hehe. boy, did we need caffeine to give us some energy! haha.. :p

now it's 11.30pm and i'm still wide awake. tired, yes.. but with just enough energy to write down how my day was Ü am i happy? hmm. yeah, i guess i could say that i am :) it didn't actually rain (not *that* much at least).. but it feels like it could have, hehe. i'm about as happy as i could be, given the circumstances.

tomorrow's gonna be another long day. i'm already looking forward to it. i wish it would rain.. Ü

female gabs

i got home around 1am again this morning. as we usually do, after the mass at megamall last night (for the 'anticipated simbang gabi'), bfh and i spent time together. we bought some last minute stuff for our 'inaanaks'.. then we had dinner and coffee. but mostly, we talked. and talked. and talked.

it's funny how girls never run out of things to say. we can be with each other practically 24/7 and yet always find stuff to talk about. well, i don't know if it's just me. maybe my life is so full of drama. hahaha. oh well.

i just happened to notice that when a group of girlfriends go out, there's always gossip.. or guy talk.. or fashion.. or any of the myriad of topics to gab about.

anyway, i had a great time last night. (bfh, sorry for the headache though, hehe :p) *sigh* admittedly though, i'm still quite confused. but like i said in my previous post.. i'll get over this. i have no choice..

confessions of an addict

just woke up, and boy, does my head hurt! it's also very hard to breathe. carp. my rhinitis is acting up again. my body's aching all over. guess this is what stress does to me.

made a blunder last night. i was having some problems here at home.. i was really stressed, confused, scared, lonely and depressed. i guess i had too many things on my mind yesterday. maybe it also had to do with "that time of the month." or perhaps it's because of hc (aka "wye"). or all of these combined. whatever. anyway, like i said, i made a blunder. i texted the first person i thought of whenever things went wrong. let's just call him "x." unfortunately, his reply only sort of made things worse. *sigh* that ought to teach me a lesson: never text anyone when you're upset. wait until your head has cleared.. or wait until you die of sorrow. haha. either way, you probably would not need to text the person anyway hehehe.

old habits die hard. old addictions are resurfacing. but by God, i *am* gonna get over this. i've got to. i have no choice..

Hard Habit to Break
Chicago

I guess I thought you’d be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don’t know what ya got until it’s gone
And I found out just a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin’ you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Chorus:
Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I don’t want to
Living without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
It’s the hardest thing to take
I’m addicted to you baby
You’re a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason
You know I can’t blame you for running to her
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
I’m still tryin’ to shake it
Doin’ much better they say that it just takes time
But deep in the night, it’s an endless flight
I can’t get you out of my mind

Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don’t want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
It’s the hardest thing to take
I’m addicted to you
You’re a hard habit to break

I can't go on, just can't go on
I can't go on, just can't go on..

special request #1: look away

Look Away
chicago

When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found,
I said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.

Found someone else,
I guess I won’t be coming ’round.
I guess it’s over, baby;
It’s really over, baby, whoa...

And from what you said
I know you’ve gotten over me;
It’ll never be the way it used to be.
So if it’s gotta be this way,
Don’t worry, baby,
I can take the news okay.

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

When we both agreed as lovers,
We were better off as friends,
That’s how it had to be,
Yeah, that’s how it had to be.

I tell you I’m fine
But sometimes I just pretend;
Wish you were holding me,
Wish you were still holding me, whoa...

I just never thought,
That I would be replaced so soon;
I wasn’t prepared to hear those words from you.
I know I wanted to be free;
Yeah, baby, this is how we wanted it to be.

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found.
I said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.

================================================
needless to say, friend sanny recommended this song to me today. hahahaha. thanx sanny. that's two thanx in a day you got from me :) sleep well!

X and Y

what's so special about the letters X and Y that they're always used as variables in math? why not use R or V? or maybe the first letters A and B? hmm. just wondering.. :p


===============================================
we had our homeroom christmas party this morning. ok, so it really wasn't much of a party. mostly it was just about food, food, food. and most everyone came late. hmm. my hyperacidid stomach started to give me trouble after a while - probably 'coz i drank soda without eating enough food. or maybe i was a bit tense. i dunno..

met with my ex at around 11.30am. hmm. i'd forgotten how much i'd missed him :p but it was nice to be in touch again after so many months. he's still easy to talk to, simple, down to earth and funny. he's still a really great guy - and much improved Ü hmm. i'm happy for him.

we ate lunch at CK - his treat (hehe.. 'ala siyang regalo sa 'kin kasi e). it was fun having lunch out with him again. we talked about all sorts of stuff: updates on family, acads, friends and orgs, and yes, even his female friend and his current crush :p

ok, i have to admit. there's still that *small* pang of jealousy when i heard about her. (ney kung nababasa mo 'to sorry.. di naman sinasadya e hehehe) but hey.. we're friends.. nothing more. and i of course expect us to move on with our lives. someday, i probably will have my own special someone - somebody who will be a true source of inspiration. i've kinda accepted that already, so there's no real danger of me stalking or scaring anybody. at least, i don't *think* so.. hehehe >:) jk Ü
===============================================

there are a lot of thoughts in my mind right now. mostly X's and Y's.. and they're kinda hard to process. hmm. i need my rest.. Ü

**what i learned at tonight's worship**

ok, i have a confession to make. when i heard sanny was going to lead tonight's praise and worship, i was really curious. i didn't know his lineup.. i didn't know what he had in mind.. and i haven't seen nor talked to him for quite some time. in short, i was excited for him Ü

by the time he started his praise at around 7.15pm, the first thought
that came to mind was "uy, parang kakaiba ito. kanta kaagad.. hindi
man lang nagsalita si sanny.." i have to admit, nanibago ako sa style
niya. and i suppose i was not alone in this. when they started to play
the next few songs, i found them a bit unfamiliar.. so i had to really
look at the lyrics flashed on the screen so i could sing along.

hmm. tonight's worship was different, to say the least. the songs were
not those we usually sing in rivers. i heard some people remark that
the songs were quite "loud." umm.. ok, i guess it depends on one's
"taste." for me, that was fine - the songs were upbeat.. probably more
for the "youth" or "yuppies".. but they were good songs with simple
lyrics. easy to learn and very fun to dance along to Ü but what makes
tonight's worship very special for me is just this. it *was* different!

i saw the varying reactions of the people around. i also noticed my
own reactions, and the thoughts that came to my mind as i sat there at
the megatrade hall. ok, so admittedly, at the start, i was really at a
loss what to do. the worship was so radically different from what i
was used to that i didn't know how to act and where to place myself.
but the moment i opened my mind and heart to what was happening.. and
really tried hard to see beyond the differences.. and find the *heart*
of the activity, i found that i was enjoying myself Ü sanny did a
great job of exhorting the people.. and so did the singers, who were
actively urging the people to stand, to clap and to dance Ü

and after a while, they did! tentatively at first, and then with much
gusto Ü i was very proud of two sisters in the ministry of prayer.. as
well as some of the body praise ministers who were the first to stand
up in the middle of worship. to make a confession, nahiya nga ako e.
naisip ko, dapat nauna rin akong tumayo.. kahit na wala pang ibang
tumatayo. not just because the worship leader belongs to our ministry.
but because i belong to the worship cluster. kung hirap mag-lead sa
mga tao ang worship leader, responsibilidad ko rin na tumulong para
madala ang ibang tao.

natuwa ako nung tumayo na rin ang music ministers kasi maraming iba
pang tao ang sumunod. and i realized that that is the way it should
be. members of the worship cluster working together to lead people
into praising God. because sanny was not alone in leading the
congregation. even though i was standing in the sideline tonight, i
was still a music minister. and it was really very liberating to just
sing and dance with the crowd.. and to see everyone else enjoy the
"different" kind of worship that we had tonight.

nasiyahan ako ngayong gabi. kasi marami akong natutunan sa worship
kanina. pwede palang maging kakaiba ang mga kanta.. kakaiba ang
paraan.. pwedeng mangapa ka sa simula.. pwedeng malito nang kaunti
dahil hindi ang kinagawian mo ang ginagawa. pero sa huli, ang mahalaga
pa rin pala, yung binuksan mo ang puso mo sa Panginoon.. na binigyan
mo siya ng papuri nang buong makakaya mo Ü

i thank the Lord for smiling tonight. i know He was happy with the
worship we offered. thanks, sanny.. for allowing us to experience a
different way of praising the Lord Ü

why i like denim jeans

today my thoughts turn to denim. here are some of the reasons why i just loooove wearing jeans:

* denim is durable. a pair of jeans can last for years. they are machine washable; no special care instructions necessary. they are very easy to maintain and care for. they can be ironed, if you wish.. although most jeans do not need to be.

* they're versatile. you can wear them with roundnecked shirts or collared blouses. you can jazz them up with rhinestones and sequins for a more glammed up look. a simple pair of denim jeans can be transformed from plain, ordinary casual to Über chic with only a couple of accessories.

* jeans are comfortable to wear. you don't have to worry about wrinkling your denims each time you sit or stand.

* they come in a variety of styles and designs. they have flare jeans, slim fit, straight cut, boot leg (hehe), button fly, low waist, elephant, faded, distressed, etc. etc. and to think that these come in all sorts of colors: from the traditional blues to blacks, browns, whites, khakis and yes, even reds, greens and pinks! haha! the only drawback here is that it's soooo difficult to choose that perfect pair of jeans! :p

* jeans have lots of pockets. i especially like those that have weird-looking pockets.. or an unusual number of them, at least. i saw one that had at least 10 different pockets. aside from the usual 4 (and that smaller inner pocket at the right side), this pair of jeans had pockets on pockets.. and 2 or more located near the hem of the pants. hehe. cool :)

* they hide a multitude of bodily flaws. hahaha. if you're like me, you probably have a lot of bulges that you'd like to hide. that's one reason why i love jeans. they can make you look slimmer than you really are.. and (provided you wear the proper size and style, of course), they can give the illusion of height too. plus, they can make your booty look more "booty-licious" as well, hehehehe Ü

* you can find them practically anywhere. there's no need to go to special boutiques just to buy them. they come in all sorts of price ranges, too. from the cheapest bargain buys to the priciest designer labels.. you can take your pick among the hosts of "perfect denims."

* jeans help bridge the gap among classes. well, when you think of it, it's true Ü almost everyone i know wears jeans. young, old, rich, poor, male or female.. you see all kinds of people wearing jeans. (ok, i admit.. i really was shocked to find out that friend carl does not own a single pair! but he's a different case hehe)

tonight i'll be at the mall again. hmm. i have some cash with me. i just might go denim-hunting later hehehehe Ü

men are from uranus

today i ate lunch with friends mich and cye at chocolate kiss. it was nice to spend time with them again. i just realized that i haven't been keeping in touch so much with my other friends outside the choir. it was kinda refreshing to be with my co-workers for a change Ü

well, we three were talking about a common issue: men. can't live with them.. can't live without them. hahaha. i wonder if that's true :p see, it's like this. cye is newly married. mich has this jerk who's causing conflict between her and a co-worker. and i.. well, let's just say i really don't understand a certain guy.

what is it with men anyway?! i mean, from all the stuff i've been hearing from friends (and from my experience too), it seems that guys just can't seem to stop flirting. whether the man is single, with a gf, married, divorced, young, old, handsome, nerdy.. it matters not. guys will *always* be in pursuit of women. then, when their "prospects" start falling for them, they drop the poor girls like hot potatoes. it always turns out to be the woman's fault: "e friends lang naman talaga tayo di ba? bakit ka kasi umasa..?" "talaga lang sweet ako sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko.. walang malisya 'yon.." and the list of all their excuses goes on and on and on..

i really feel for mich. too bad she's caught in between the jerk and our poor friend who's blinded by his extremely misguided egotism. i certainlywouldn't want to be in her position right now.

*sigh* i think i learned a lesson or two from lunch today. hmm. no matter. 0.5 > 0. for now, at least.. hehehe.

pink Christmas

i know you’ve heard of a white Christmas.. and yes, even a blue one (so goes the song). but i bet you never thought of Christmas as pink Ü they say that pink is the color of happiness. hence, when gaudete sunday comes, we light the pink candle in the advent wreath. well, that happens to be my favorite color. and while others may think of red and green this holiday season, for me, this Christmas is pink Ü

only a few weeks ago, i dreaded december. i was afraid of what the Christmas month would have in store for me. yes, i worried about my unfinished Christmas shopping list (still undone, hehe) and the tons of activities lined up - at work and in the ministry. but mostly, i was afraid of the “holiday blues.”

it’s true that special occasions mean rest and relaxation for most - a chance to celebrate and to unwind. but not for me. for the past months, i dreaded birthdays, vacations and other holidays. not because i did not want to relax. i hated them because i was spending them alone for the first time in four years.

breakups are messy. always. but as with all heartaches, the pain heals in time. Ps 30:5 says, “..weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” and i really believe that is true Ü because the Lord wipes away the tears and mends the wounds - no matter how deep they may seem to be at first.

God has used so many people to hasten my healing process - loving parents, friends in the ministry, in the community and even at work. in my busyness, He gives me a sense of accomplishment. in our hectic Christmas carolling schedule, the Lord makes me feel joy and love. yes, He has been faithful to His promise; He has restored me to health and healed all my wounds (Jer 30:17). so that slowly but surely, my fears abated.. and i learned to genuinely smile again Ü

december 2005 is probably my most memorable Christmas ever. because this time, i received truly wonderful gifts from my Special Someone: peace. healing. fulfillment. love. joy. Ü

“You turned my mourning into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” (Ps 30:11) yes, this is a merrily pink Christmas indeed Ü

carolling pix

hehehe. this is our most recent "class pic" in the music ministry Ü it was taken when we went carolling at tita vicky sy's place last night. hmm. we look nice in red, don't we? :p









here i am with bestfriends heidi (left) and lian (right). our good friend and hilariously wacky companion wally is at the back. hehehe.. don't we all look gorgeous?! Ü








here are some of our other choirmates: hilda, ellen, tita may, lester and allan. the only one not wearing red is choir director rannie. hahaha. pasaway ang musical director namin wahehehe :p







here we are, singing christmas carols for the sy's and their guests. can you find me in the picture? Ü

happy Ü

hehehe. i'm happy Ü i know this normally isn't such big news for most.. but if you're a friend of mine who's been with me for the past months, this is big news hehehe ;p

i thought i'd dread december. thought i'd hate having to spend christmas "loveless." but hey.. i can make mistakes too. turns out this has been one of the most enjoyable holiday seasons ever Ü partly 'coz of the many good changes i've been experiencing lately. and of course, because of our choir's carolling schedule Ü

i've lost some weight these past months. at first, i suppose it was post-breakup stress. but now..i guess i've been shedding the pounds coz of the tons of activities we have - at school, but mostly in the music ministry. heck, our weekends this december are all booked! well, maybe this will help keep the pounds off a bit longer than usual, hehehe.

just got home from our carolling activity tonight. my vocal cords are *really* strained and i need to rest. hehe. just couldn't resist updating this blog right now.. and posting this recent pic too Ü

my christmas wish list

Grown Up Christmas List
(Kelly Clarkson)

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas List
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars will never start
And time will heal our hearts
Every man will have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end
This is my grown up Christmas List

May kindness rules our lives
Not just the strong survive
Sweet tears for all the thousand years on mind
This is the world I pray
We will all share some way
Help me begin by reaching out my hand

Why does this illusion call the innocence of you?
Maybe when the time believe we can find the truth
No...

No more lives torn apart
That wars will never start
And time will heal our hearts
Every man will have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end
This is my grown up Christmas List

This is the prayer that I will keep
This is my grown up Christmas list
Christmas list

hmm. this isn't a profound "grownup christmas list" like the song says. it's just a list of things i wish i had this christmas.. :p hehehe. read on.
note: not all of these actually exist.. but heck, it's just a wish list.. hehe.

* a finished article, ready for submission to a refereed journal - the only thing i need to get tenure and not get sacked from work (boy, do i NEED this! and fast...)

* a fully functional car that uses only water for fuel (given the extremely high cost of gasoline these days, this would REALLY help a lot hehe)

* a fulltime masseuse/reflexologist to massage away my tiredness and stress

* a totally new wardrobe to usher in the new year

* free home service: body scrub, derma, the works! hahaha.. i just wanna be pampered..

* my very own laptop/notebook and digital camera (no, i don't *need* these stuff.. but it would be really cool to have them hehehe)

* a pet rabbit/cat that doesn't need to be taken care of

* passes to an unlimited number of movies for an entire year

* unlimited coffee privileges at any starbucks/gloria jeans coffee house

* the ability to play at least one musical instrument (one of my biggest frustrations in life hehehe)

* a penthouse with a small pool (like the one we saw at the malayan tonight during our carolling)

* someone who will give me his complete and undivided attention and affection - even only for this christmas vacation :p (hehe... i'll make sure to reciprocate)

* good health and fortune for me and *all* my loved ones and friends (see? i'm not planning to hog all the wishes for myself, hehehe)

* world peace (seriously! hey, beauty queens aren't the only ones entitled to this wish you know!)


i'll probably think of other stuff to add to this list Ü

what's on YOUR christmas wish list?

breathe deeply..

*deep breath* aaaaahhhhh..

this is another busy, busy, busy weekend for me! later at 1pm, i'll go to upis for the alumni homecoming (all batches welcome). just wanna be there to meet up with some of my former students Ü from there, i'll probably go home first.. and wait for bfh to pick me up to go to choir practice (4-5.30pm). afterwards, we'll go a-carolling once more! we'll be off to ortigas to sing for the tv mass ministry christmas party at 6.30pm Ü

hmm. i don't know what time i'll be home tonight (or tomorrow, hehe); but i'm pretty sure this will be another excitingly jam-packed day hehe :p so will tomorrow. what with the live tv mass in the morning and another carolling session in the evening.. well, this weekend's going to be a *very* hectic one Ü

it's a good thing we're practically on christmas vacation already Ü

0.5 > 0

"It's hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't but its harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do."

that's one of the love quotes i found at lovelandia.com Ü hmm. i'm not in love right now. well, at least, i don't think so :p (maybe i'm just in denial..?! hehehe) but i'm happy. *very* happy. hehe. the rain probably had something to do with it.. but i guess it's much more than that now. hmm.

for years, i've known i could somehow "see" into the future. not always, mind you. but there are moments when i just *know* that something's going to happen. i'm getting that feeling again right now. and i've been feeling that for the past week. hmm. something great.. something happy..

i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. :p

rainy day bliss

aaaaahh!! i just looooove this day! :D i didn't realize how much i missed the rain until i saw the grey skies once again. hmmm. i enjoyed the cool weather.. the tiny raindrops.. the wet grass.. everything!! what a perfect, perfect, perfect day! :D

i've been feeling happy for the past few days, actually.. and i'm relishing every moment Ü this mood started last tuesday - i was in a really good mood during choir practice. hahaha. dunno why, but i just felt so worry-free and alive Ü i remember coming home at around 1am wednesday (of course, i was with bfh and bfl - drank coffee at starbucks katips), falling asleep at 2.30am, and waking up 7am feeling totally refreshed and yes.. happy Ü i spent my wednesday (yesterday) morning just relaxing here at home. went to megamall for the prayer meeting in the evening. and although last night's service didn't go well at all (partly due to the sound system and cdr's distracting mistakes :p but mostly due to the sort of dull and indifferent mood of the people there. go figure), i was in a really "up" mood - even after the mass.

and then there's today. a perfectly rainy day. not just any rain. MY kind of rain - gentle and unobtrusive. the kind that keeps me company. the kind that makes me smile. the kind of rain that i can walk in and not get sick :p *contented sigh* i just love my rain Ü i wish every day would be like this.. Ü

postscripts:
1) i just got the batch2005 yearbook! it's *really* nice! hmm. i wonder when i'll see a copy of the 2001 yearbook.. *sigh*
2) i find the above picture really cute :p i could be the penguin.. though he looks sad.. and i'm extremely happy Ü

on life and noisy engines

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

=============================================

hehehe. i found this joke more amusing than funny, really.. and i can't help but notice that oftentimes, we do just as the flight attendant in the joke did. when we hear things we do not like or do not agree with, we tend to tune them out. instead of looking at the problems squarely, we simply find people who will tell us that everything is fine - we have absolutely nothing to worry about.

a new (and probably deaf) pilot.. a "loyal" yesman.. a fair-weather friend.. an opportunistic adviser. hmm. are these really the people we want to have with us when we hear the noises in the engine of our lives? are these the ones we rely on for guidance and support when we encounter problems?

turning a deaf ear to noisy engines. admittedly, i've been doing this quite often. it's been some kind of habit i guess. but it's never too late to learn the lessons of the past. not 'til the plane has crashed, so to speak.

i've heard noises in my engine. i'm going to hunt for my Old Pilot Ü

i knew mr. brightside

i already knew the answer to this.. but i took the test anyway.. :p

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

as for this 2005 song.. well, i'm not familiar with it. but the words *do* seem interesting.. hehehehehehe >:)

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers "It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss" Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

now for this next one.. well, what can i say?!? ahahahaha. I WISH!!!! ;p

You Are Sensual Sexy

You exude a luxurious sensuality in your everyday life Turning heads everywhere you go, it's all about your sexy attitude. You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos. Your biggest problem is that your ultra sexy self sometimes scares men away.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

i have a PhD in MEN!??! hahahahahahaha!!! so how come i don't have one right now?!? >:p

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

just some lovequotes from blogthings:

Your Love Quote

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Love makes the wildest spirit tame, and the tamest spirit wild. True love stories never have endings.

What Love Quote Suits You?