blackout diaries - part 3

*finally* we got power back on!! hahaha. three days of no electricity. sheesh. that was a real bummer. i am never going to wish that huge rainwish again, bwahahaha :p

spent the early part of the day in a grumpy mood. hmm. i think blackouts do that to people. heat and boredom just makes everyone less inclined to smile, hahaha. anyway, i was just thinking about the "casualties" of this storm and this loooong blackout - those who got flooded.. those whose cars got squished by billboards and falling trees.. and our pet carp (who died last thursday - may it find rest in fish heaven, wherever that may be). so i spent the better part of my morning keeping a close watch on our remaining fish. i swore i wouldn't let any of them die on my watch.

bes heids dropped by around 2.45pm to pick me up. we went to her place (gave me another chance to recharge my laptop, my zen and my celphones) to relax - they had electricity by then. too bad their dsl wasn't working yet.. and there wasn't any cable tv either (we had to watch these sucky gossip shows on channel 7. ewww). but it sure beats moping in the dark, hoping against all hope that power will be restored within the day.

from there, we went to st. paul for fr mar's bday celebration. it was fun, hehe. and though the gym was *really* hot.. we all had a blast. it took our minds off the blackout and the craziness of the past days. hahaha. thank goodness we now have power back here in our area :p

if there's anything i've learned these past days, it's not to take electricity for granted again. ever.. :p

now i wonder what i'm going to do next.. :p

blackout diaries - part 2

still no power here in our area. *sigh* yesterday, i spent most of my day doing sudoku puzzles and helping with household chores (fine time to lose a househelp). it was ok at first.. especially with my younger cousins around to play with. but after an entire day without electricity?! sheesh.. it's not fun anymore. not the least bit.

what worries me right now is my celphone battery going dead on me. here i am stuck at home with no cable tv, no pc, no a/c.. my zen's battery has only one bar.. and i barely have enough light to see my sudoku and crossword puzzles. if my celphone dies out on me right now, i swear i'm gonna go crazy!!

* * *

we had choir practice at st paul today (6.30-9.30pm). hahaha. i can't believe it. the storm has passed.. but outside, all is still in chaos. billboards are empty.. there are no traffic lights in edsa.. and there's so much debris on the streets. also, in most places, it's pitch black. sheesh. scary. but still quite fun. hahaha. am i sick or what?!

well, i enjoyed practice tonight. mostly coz it gave me a chance to just go out of the house. don't get me wrong. i love being at home. but not without electricity. it feels like a prison there! even mom and dad went out.. just to get away from the depressing gloom. *sigh* practice was fun. ran taught us "lean on me" - which we're going to sing for fr. mar's bday celebration tomorrow. oh.. and i got a chance to charge up my celphone, my zen and my laptop too :p cool.

i sure hope power comes back soon.. i don't know how much longer i can take this..

blackout diaries - part 1

ok, ok.. i know i said it would be *perfect* if classes got suspended today. but this.. well, this is quite ridiculous!

though really.. a part of me still is happy. why? well, see it's like this. i stopped myself from making *any* kind of rainwish for the past three weeks. that's because i wanted to save up all my rainwishing powers specifically for this day - the day after my bday. coz when i found out that i was supposed to go to work on my bday, i desperately wished that classes would get suspended the day after.. just so i could have my rest.. and have the "gimik day" i originally planned to have.

so like i said.. i reserved all my rainwishing powers just so i can "wish up a storm" that would suspend classes. and there it is. typhoon milenyo comes along and wreaks havoc on everybody. sheesh. i mean, sure, i'm glad my wishing powers worked.. but heck.. i didn't count on the storm being *this* bad! and no power, at that! how the heck am i supposed to update my blog, check my mail or even go on a gimmick if there's no power anywhere here in the metro?!? *sigh*

i think next year i'll avoid reserving any rainwishes for class suspension..

HAPPY!!! :p

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :) hehehe. i'm happy today. very :) my day started when i got home from recording early this morning (waaay early - around 1am). i was really kinda tired and sleepy.. but my dad's treasure hunt perked me up hehe :p it's been some time since i've gone treasure hunting for my bday present. it still excites me to no end, hehehe :p

anyway, after about 15 minutes of treasure hunting, i got my bday gift: i have a neat backpack for my laptop baby! ooh yeah! hahaha. well, that cheered me up a lot - and gave me enough energy to go through an entire day of work (yep, we had class today 'coz we had to makeup for the "no classes" last thursday) :p

i had lots of fun today, too. it seemed everybody was greeting me happy birthday and wishing me well :) even people at church who normally don't talk to me were greeting me and hugging me.
and i think ran and the rest of the music ministers have been singing their greetings to me for more than a week already, bwahahaha :p it's really neat.

after the prayer meeting, i went with bes heids and lils to misato. we had dinner and chatted the night away :p hehehe. it's been some time since i've spent time with both of them. *sigh* i miss doing these night gimiks :p thank God for birthdays and special occasions :)

tomorrow i'm going out with family for a dinner treat to celebrate :p aahhhh. life sure is good :)

now, if only classes will be suspended tomorrow. *that* would make everything perfect :p

september christmas

hahaha. at long last, our first christmas album is done!! woohoo!! :p it's really christmas in september, hehe.

oh.. and i'm not just being mayabang when i say that our upcoming album is really good :p it's true! i especially looooove the two original compositions - araw ng pasko (lyrics & melody by sis joy domingo) and paskong handog sa kanya (words by sis nancy reyes, melody by rannie bello). they're really nice to listen to - christmas or not, hehe.

this september sure is turning out great, hehe :) i don't remember ever having such a great birthday week :p i'm learning to love this month.. :)

see the bears? :-)

i had a really happy day today. i can't explain why i'm smiling so widely. nor can i say why, in spite of my physical exhaustion, i'm in such high spirits. *contented sigh*

my day is pink. pink and full of hearts :) hahahaha. it's not valentine's day.. but it might as well be. sheesh. this is soooo weird. even for me.

i'm not used to smiling so much. i'm not used to being so happy. inexplicably happy, at that. oh well. but i guess i could get used to this.. hahahahaha.. :p

i wish.. i wish my wishing powers are at their peak right now :)

you're the star beside my moon

so what if it's all in the mind? so what if it's pure imagination? it doesn't matter, really. 'coz anything that you can imagine, you can do. anything that you can visualize, can happen.

i'm happy. this is probably the longest stretch of "happy" that i've had in more than a year :) and it seems i'm not alone in this. friend colleen seems to be happy nowadays, as well. even soulmate is sunnier than usual, haha.

i'm glad that at least we three caught the happy bug.. even though i'm sure we all have different reasons, haha :p me, i'm especially glad that i'm learning how to wait patiently.

i never thought patience could be rewarded so quickly :p hahaha. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed, though. meantime, i'll just sit here quietly waiting.. and being happy :)

@>--8----------------

it's been a long time since i've gotten flowers from anyone. i think the last time i received flowers was last february - valentine's day. yup.. some roses from ney and from friends.

i'm not really a big flower fan. i mean, flowers are kinda impractical. sure, they're pretty to look at. but they are quite expensive. and they don't last long.. a week, tops. the most that i've been able to save from my roses were a few dried petals i keep in a jar.

still, i find myself wishing i'd get flowers on my birthday. i don't know.. i suppose special occasions have a way of making me want things that i don't need.
hahahaha. it's crazy.. 'coz i don't know what i'd do with 'em if i do get them. probably just add a couple more dried petals to my collection. nevertheless.. it would be really sweet if i'd get even just one.. especially if it came from the right person.. *sigh* :)

i don't have one

Halo
Bethany Joy Lenz

I never promised you a ray of light
I never promised there’d be sunshine every day
I’ll give you everything I have
The good the bad

Why do you put me on a pedestal?
I’m so up high that I can’t see the ground below
So help me down you’ve got it wrong
I don’t belong there

Chorus:
One thing is clear
I wear a halo
I wear a halo when you look at me
But standing from here
You wouldn’t say so
You wouldn’t say so if you were me
And I, I just want to love you
Oh I, I just want to love you

I always said that I would make mistakes
I’m only human and that’s my saving grace
I’ll fall as hard as I try
So don’t be blinded
See me as I really am
I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
So pull me from that pedestal
I don’t belong there

[Chorus]

Like to think that you know me
But in your eyes
I am something above me
That's only in your mind
Only in your mind

I wear a, I wear a, I wear a Halo

[Chorus]

* * *

soulmate recommended the song to me and i searched for the lyrics online. hmm. i think i'll go find other nice OTH songs. it's just that there are way too many of them out there and my zen is already full, hahaha :p i wish i had a new mp3 player (remember the one we saw at megamall, A? dream zen.. *sigh*)

well, my bday's coming up.. who knows.. wishes just might come true.. hehehehe

laging umuulan

lagi na lang umuulan
sa t'wing iniisip kita
nagdidilim ang mga ulap
tinatago ang liwanag

lagi na lang umuulan
kapag kausap ka
lumalamig ang paligid,
bumababa ang langit

lagi na lang umuulan
kung kasa-kasama ka
nawawala ang uhaw
napapawi ang lumbay

lagi na lang umuulan
t'wing kapiling kita
nagbibigay ng pag-asa..
at mapait na ligaya

something weird happened today. i was reading "100 malicious little mysteries" (great book, by the way.. lots of murder/crime stories that *really* rock!) and the thought "i miss zee" popped into my head. a couple of seconds later, it rained. amidst the hot and sunny weather. with the sun shining brightly. yeah, it rained. only for a few minutes. then it stopped, just as quickly as it started. and afterwards.. well, this poem practically wrote itself. finished it in record time.. less than five minutes, hahahaha :p

guess i'll always be a rainlover.. :x

a picture speaks a thousand words

'Love is not love which alters when it alterations finds, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Love alters not with time's brief hours and weeks, but bears it out.' (Shakespeare)

i got this quote from the OTH season 3 finale (which i just finished watching this morning, haha). anyway, i liked it so i'm posting it here.

there isn't much that's new in my life at the moment. except for this nagging feeling that somehow something's changed in me. since wednesday last week, i've been feeling more.. calm. like i can keep waiting and waiting.. and not mind at all. hmm. weird.

oh. and i've also been feeling more "sunny" lately. i'm not a sunlover. i'm rainlover.. and i always will be. and my current pleasant disposition sort of bugs me. hahaha. how funny is that?! this is all going to take a bit of getting used to.

i think, though, that pretty soon the rains are going to pour down again. and i am soooooo looking forward to that..

constants

i've never been a fan of changes. i've always liked things to stay.. well.. the same. lately, though, lots of things have been changing. oh, i don't know. they're not exactly bad changes. just.. uncomfortable. but i'm glad that there are some things that remain constant. really glad.. :) veeerrry glad :D

dark art?

soulmate was kind enough to send me some of peyton's art through email today :) i'm still watching OTH season 3 and i kinda agree with my friends. it's the best season so far. lots of issues (kinda heavy.. but i think they pulled it off quite nicely), twists and turns in the plot. nice.

hmm. hope i can finish watching this later hehe

what's with the tree anyway?

i was finally able to buy the 3rd season dvd of one tree hill yesterday :) hahahaha.

it's nice to be able to continue the story again hehe :p

i wonder where i can get files of peyton's artwork, though :p gotta love her "angel of death" costume. maybe that would suit me as well, wahahaha. (wouldn't want to hear voices or see "ghosts of me" though :p)

i gotta go back to my watching.. :p

kidstuff

i had fun at megamall today :) after a really long time, i was able to see my playmate mikee again (she's the cute 'pink kid' on the pic on the right, obviously, hehehe) i think it's been at least 4 months since she went to megamall.. and so when i saw her after the mass, i was shocked to find how much she's grown! hmm. maybe next time i see her she'll be as tall as (if not taller than) i am :p

anyway, her younger sister, KC was also with her. and once again, i was shocked. the first time i saw KC, she was just a baby. and i think the last time i was with her, she could barely talk. but this morning, KC was as tall as mikee was when we first met. sheesh. i feel quite old, hahahaha :p

KC was like mikee was when she was first introduced to me. she didn't smile.. didn't talk.. only kept staring at me and sticking her cute little tongue out (hahahaha!). but after a while (and after i stuck out my tongue at her in retaliation.. hehehe), KC warmed up to me. she seemed to enjoy playing monster, biting my hand and dangling from my arms. hahahaha. so i have a new playmate. yipeeee! :)

i wonder what mikee and KC are thinking when they're with me. hahaha. maybe they think i'm an overgrown kid, hehe. and really, they wouldn't be too mistaken.. :p

ahhh kids. i love 'em. but frankly, i'm not that excited to have my own, bwahahahahahahahahaha >:p

time for some laughs

There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.

He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale."

A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.

The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."

The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.

His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."

The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.

His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"

* * *

An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body that ails you, and I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television and the other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and the other hand on his groin.

With a frown, his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

* * *

A strong Baptist family decided to buy a home and make everything in the house Baptist. They were going to make it look and feel Baptist through and through. So when they were finished they went to a petshop to look for a Baptist dog.

They asked the owner, "Do you have a Baptist dog?" Surprised, the petshop owner thought about it for a while and then nodded, saying, "Yes... yes, I think we have a dog that will fit your description." '

So the owner brought out the dog to the family, and the father said, "Let's see if this is a real Baptist dog." So the father said to the dog, "Go get a Bible." And the dog ran over to a table, grabbed a Bible in its mouth, ran back to the man and plopped the book at his feet.

Impressed, the father continued, "Let's see if this dog knows its books of the Bible... Turn to Psalm 23." The dog then opened the Bible with its snout and pawed through the pages to Psalm 23. Very pleased, the father bought the dog and brought it home.

The next day, the family had visitors. They showed their friends the Baptist dog and the things it could do. Finally, the friends asked, "Well, can it do any other tricks that normal dogs do?" The Baptist father wondered and said, "Hmm, I don't know. I've never tried."

He then ordered the dog, "Heel." Suddenly the dog leaped onto the father's lap and placed its paw on the man's head and started to pray. "Wait a minute!" exclaimed the Baptist mother, "This dog isn't Baptist! It's Pentecostal!"

afraid to heal

"..i've crossed these battle lines too many times
it passes through the heart
but it never leaves a mark

'cause your love just keeps on healing me
no matter how i bruise
if i just trust you
your love just keeps on healing me
one more cure, one more chance that wasn't there before
in your arms no pain can harm the way im feeling
'coz i know that your love is healing.."

- "healing", deniece williams

there is no single person on this planet who does not need healing. every one of us is sick. maybe not physically.. but each one has his or her own infirmities. each one has a weakness. and each one has his or her own hurting story. i suppose that's why everytime someone like fr. fernando suarez comes along, people are willing to wait 8 hours or more.. just to experience God's healing touch through His priest.

irony of ironies, though.. it isn't always easy to accept healing. sometimes, even though we say we want to be healed, we aren't always willing to take the risk. because healing *does* involve taking a lot of risks. healing is not a passive activity. it takes both the healer and the sick person to get rid of the disease. before any real healing can take place, we need to ask for help. and that is risky business.

to ask for help means that (1) we admit that we are sick; (2) we want to get well; and (3) we will do everything necessary to avoid getting sick again. and even assuming that we find the strength to ask for help, we still need to summon enough courage to hope. to trust that the healer (1) can make us well; and (2) really wants to heal us.

that said, physical illnesses are probably the easiest to diagnose and cure. just see the doctor.. pop a pill.. get some rest.. and we're back on our feet again.

but emotional wounds.. and afflictions of the spirit are extremely difficult to cure. there are no pills to take. and there are almost no places for rest. the world is never a safe refuge for a bleeding heart. and when you're in pain, there's almost no room to breathe. life just keeps throwing more pain your way.

difficult though they may be to cure, these wounds can definitely be healed. sometimes, though, before true healing can begin, we have to endure the bitter taste of the medicine.. the sharp needle sting of the antidote. it may hurt a whole lot.. and it may seem to make things worse. for a while. but afterwards, relief comes. and the world becomes a better, brighter place to be in.

we just have to hang in there.. to keep believing.. to keep hoping.. that the suffering we go through has a purpose. that the hurts and pains we feel may actually be the medicine we need to be rid of our sickness at last. that eventually, we will be healed.. in more ways than one.

scrabbler

i played a round of scrabble with malou yesterday after class (and after tutoring tin & james for trigo). and guess what? i won! :p hehehe.. that felt good :)

anyway, yesterday was an "all right" day, i guess. the highlights of my day were my scrabble game and tutoring karen for her math long quiz today. that's about it, i suppose.

oh, wait. there was also that moment just before i fell asleep when i realized i still had a heart. hmm. i found that out when it started hurting real bad again. *sigh* nevertheless, in as far as days go.. yesterday was just.. fine..

i dare you

hmm. yeah, hope is a wonderful thing. but it's a double-edged sword as well. for as morpheus said to lucifer (sandman comics, guys), what power can hell have over its inhabitants if they were not able to dream.. to hope for something better?

i should be hopeful, i guess. especially right now. but i don't know. i don't understand why all the others can hope for me.. but i can't.

zeezeezeezee :)

this is my latest pet, zeebear (not his real name, haha) :p soulmate A gave him to me after practice last night. she claims that this is her early bday gift to me.. but i won't have that. hahaha. i don't accept early bday presents; so she's gonna have to get me another one once the 27th comes around :p

zeebear slept beside me last night. hahahaha. umm. no additional comments na for the meantime.. :p

thanx again for zeebear, A. God knows how much i needed this right now.. :)

sakura friends

i wish i could see a real cherry blossom. i've always loved looking at sakura trees. they're so dream-like. the flowers are so delicate.. fragile.. beautiful. it's as if the moment they fall from the branches, you have only a few seconds to appreciate their beauty before they die.

"the streets of the world are full of the walking wounded. there's no denying it" friend sanny told me that this morning in his friendster message. i'm one of them. but sometimes i feel like i don't wanna walk anymore. i just wanna lie down and forget about everything else. where's the beauty in being a "walking wounded" anyway? you're slow. you limp. you don't have enough energy to see anything beyond your pain. what's the point, right?!

"..most of the time i don't make sense at all. well, i'm what you see between the lines, i'm that space you just fail to read as always. i will never go away, i will always have that part." i don't know if that's meant to reassure me or not. but just the same, it did. hahaha. i gotta be grateful for my friends, at least. they freak me out (in a good way, A.. rizi!), they confuse me (ahem, ahem sanny), they make me feel better about myself (special mention to you ney :p) and they are areound whenever i need them (that's true about all my friends - esp bes lils). they make life very interesting (what with my weird pals oviler, xtin, carl, krol, etc.. oopss.. i forgot. almost all my friends are weird, hahaha).


anyway.. this from wikipedia:

The sakura has always been a symbol of ephemeral beauty in Japan and closely associated with samurai or bushi. Life was considered brief and beautiful, much like a cherry blossom. This theme remains alive today, seen often in pop culture (specifically manga and anime).

During World War II, the sakura served as a motivating symbol for the Japanese people. Japanese pilots would paint them on the sides of their planes before embarking on a suicide mission. A cherry blossom painted on the sides of the bomber symbolized the beauty and ephemerality of nature [1]. The government encouraged the people to believe that the souls of downed warriors were reincarnated in the blossoms.

hmm. life is short, all right. and maybe that's what makes it beautiful.. the knowledge that you don't have forever in this planet. the realization that your time here is limited.. and you have to squeeze in all the joy and happiness that you can into every second that you are breathing (without earning eternal damnation, that is.. hahaha :p)

the only problem is HOW to do that.

and that part, i haven't quite figured out. yet.

but i can wait. i have my crazy sakura friends to help me out.

life's still beautiful :)

dead yet alive

"Yeah and apathy grows quietly where rapture used to fly/Oh and promises and certainty have left love here to die/Won't you stay and don't let this one fall away/And I wanted you so much/Just like I do right now/I wanted us to be the one the poets write their books about/I wanted it to last/I wanted to grow old/But life got in the way"

- Sister Hazel

no, this isn't a picture of a dead leaf. i mean, sure, it looks dead. but it's not. this is actually a kallima butterfly (belonging to the family nymphalidae) - also called dead leaf butterflies.

isn't it weird how something that's so alive can seem so dead? conversely, it's also amazing how something that looks so dead can actually be very much alive.

hmm. maybe it is a matter of perspective. then again.. it's really difficult to get a proper perspective up close.

*sigh* time to step back and get some distance. waaaay more distance..

magic mirror

this is escher's magic mirror. it changes flat images to 3dimensional beings.. and vice versa. the transformation is seamless.. it's almost as if the change comes naturally. unquestioned. inevitable.

which is more real, though - the solid creatures or the 2D pencil sketches? and more importantly, which side of the mirror is "true" and which is merely the reflection? or are they equally real?

lately, i look at the mirror and see my reflection.. and it's not half bad. this mirror image.. she is me. but she is not. she smiles. she looks cute (sometimes). she seems put together. her hair is tidy. her eyes are alive. but that's about everything the mirror shows. my reflection.. she shows no signs of struggle or inner pain. she won't let you see a single drop of tear trickling from her eyes. she bears not a trace of the chaos within. she hides the stench of decay slowly ravaging her spirit. she is poised and in control, my mirror image. she is me. but she is not.

and i wonder: which of us is more real?

silence

everything's so quiet. not the calm kind of quiet.. but more of the eerie kind of silence. deafening. stony. cold. frightening. the calm before the storm. hmm. i don't like it.

i'm so out of sorts right now. i don't know what to do with myself. haha. i wish there were some place on this planet where time stood still. where i could just be alone but not lonely. where i could just feel quiet.. on the inside, not just out.

it seems i'm unavailable to everybody.. and everyone i want to be with is offline, too.. except for one. thank heavens for unexpected blessings. thanx, ney, for the nice lunch.

i wish everything would just stop. especially this beating heart. *sigh*

the more you ignore me, the closer i get

i love this picture. it's just so.. umm.. appropriate. hahahaha.

it's weird. i thought heartbreak was supposed to hurt. apparently, though, it's possible to get so anesthesized to the pain.. to be so numb that your insides feel paralyzed. i mean, you can slice yourself up.. cut everything into shreds.. and rip your heart out.. and yet not feel a damned thing. hahaha. maybe it's because when you take out your heart, all feelings go away as well. (umm.. ok, i know, the *hypothalamus* is the seat of emotions. but i'm speaking metaphorically here)

which brings me to thinking: if you're a masochist and you cannot feel a thing.. where's the gratification in that, huh?! wahahahaha. oh well. it must suck to be the sorriest (not to mention sickest) person on the planet.. hehehehe.. :p

the pictures say it all

hmm. weird day. though it's to be expected, i suppose. since last night, things have been out of whack for me. so it's not such a big surprise that i woke up feeling so crappy. wahahahaha.

in spite of everything, though, i'm doing fine. relatively speaking, of course. i'm still quite productive. i managed to get through the day without any major mishap. i was able to come up with examples for my trigonometry class (impromptu examples, at that!). although of course, my students had their usual "knitted eyebrow" expressions as if to tell me "DUH!?!?" hahaha.

a round of scrabble cheered me up a bit, though. i played with students malou & ruben after class. it certainly helped to take my mind off other things.. thankfully. but as soon as i headed for home.. well, all the exhaustion kicked in and i immediately fell into a fitful sleep. slept for 3 hours, i think.. and felt as if i lived through an entire shitty day. *sigh*

oh well. it's september. it's supposed to be *my* month. but hey.. that's just me. it seems this month always has something nasty in store for me. darnit. i'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

do you believe this pic?

friend lester(05) took this picture of me at the faculty room yesterday. hahaha.. i just found it cute. it was a candid shot.. and i looked happy (not to mention thinner than i thought i'd ever look wahahahaha). thanx, lester.. :p

friends chubby and carl dropped by as well. and they're all thinner! actually, chubby's name doesn't suit him anymore hehe. and carl.. well, friend carl just looks better than the last time i saw him :) too bad i didn't get to take a group pic. i would have posted *that* here, instead :)

i'm not that interested in having my pictures taken anymore. umm.. i dunno. i suppose it's just 'coz i think my eyes have that sad look again. the one that i just can't get rid of.. no matter how widely i smile. *sigh* but this pic.. well, it sort of hides my eyes, so i look happy. happy in the meantime.

soulmate is hiding from the world right now. and i don't really know when she'll be back. i can't blame her. i feel the same way. i want to hide. i just want to sleep and be alone. but i can't. not right now. maybe not ever. i don't want to fall into the same rut as before. i don't want to wallow in my sadness anymore. i'm going to face things head on.. while i still have a bit of happiness to strengthen me. or maybe i'm just in denial once again. *sigh*

maybe my sanity is coming back..? hahaha. if anyone else can call *this* sanity. hmm. whatever. meantime, just like my picture.. i am "happy".. and maybe that's all i'm meant to have right now.

offline mode

*sigh* why is it that no matter how many times this happens, i never get used to it?! :(
it's just a matter of time.. but still, i *hate* the waiting part.
darnit. i'm invisible once again.. :(

1000 cranes

have you ever heard the story of a thousand cranes? i heard of it two years ago from friend marti.. when he started folding 1000 paper cranes (mostly during math class, i think.. wahahaha). that sort of got me curious but i forgot about it after some time. that is, until i saw my student malou doing the exact same thing (though not in math class, hehehe)

so i asked her to teach me how to fold my own paper crane (yeah, i know.. it's really weird that it's only now i learned how to do that). here's the pic. haha. not exactly an art piece.. but hey.. it's pretty ok for a first try :)

so they say if you make 1000 paper cranes, you'd be granted a wish. hmmmmm. i could think of at least 5 good reasons for me to start folding now. then maybe before the month ends, my wish will come true.. *sigh* :) at least this is a comparatively safe method.. hahahahaha

ZZZZ

"i hope someday you'd remember me
as the girl who always smiled
even when her heart was broken..
and the one who could always
brighten up your day..
even if she couldn't brighten up her own.."

friend lara sent this message to me today. hmm. i am surrounded by people who really know the most appropriate texts to send me. hahahaha.

i was going to expound on this.. but found that there isn't much i can add to what the text says.. so i'll end my post here (though i'm sure i'll continue to think about this waaay after i sign out)

mirror my world

it's just one of those everyday objects that we often take for granted. it's everywhere - in our homes, in our offices, at school - and a day doesn't go by that we don't at least take a glance at it. hmm. where would we be without the mirror?

mirrors. you gotta love 'em. i know i do. at least, i do *now* hahahahahaha. why, oh why did it take me so long to appreciate them mirrors? i swear, from now on i'm always going to look at myself (and others) more closely in the mirror.. :p

moonshining

"There is something haunting in the light of the moon; it has all the dispassionateness of a disembodied soul, and something of its inconceivable mystery."

Joseph Conrad

it's the first day of september.. and my brain is once more full of moonshine. well, i know this happens to me a lot.. but moreso during this month. hahaha. i'll be turning a year older again in a couple of weeks. great. maybe that's why i'm so full of nonsense once more :p

anyway. i don't know who coined the term 'moonshine.' it just seems so.. not right. i like the moon. it's one of my favorite celestial bodies (yeah, right.. as if there are so many of them to choose from). and i totally agree with the quote above. Luna is full of mystery. she's ethereal and corporal at the same time. she looks so calm and serene.. yet a lot of people associate her with insanity (hence the term 'lunacy' - which, i think, is so unfair). everyone on earth has seen or heard of her.. yet so very few have actually touched her. the moon is a mass of contradictions. and that's why i love her.. :)

sheesh. barely half the day is over and already my thoughts are about nighttime. hahaha. i really am a night person. and all this bright sunny weather we've been having these past few days isn't helping me any (in fact, it's making me sick - literally). i wish it would rain really hard today. *sigh* this would be a good time for my rain wish to come true. it is, after all, september already..