Fiat, Magnificat, Stabat

i just came from the Life in the Spirit Seminar (LSS) our community sponsored today. truth to tell, i was not in the best of moods when i went to serve there this morning. i was feeling down.. grumpy.. messed up. bottom line, i felt like i wasn't really spiritually prepared to serve. i was already having second thoughts about going to the venue. i thought to myself, "what good would it do to go to the LSS.. to serve.. when i don't feel 'anointed' at all?" but i promised the Lord i would strive to be more committed in my service to Him, no matter the circumstances. so in the end, i still went to meralco theater.

it turned out to be a wise decision, after all. i've served in a lot of LSSes in the community. but i guess this was the first time i went there in such a broken state. i felt so restless the entire morning. i was fidgety and didn't really feel like talking to anybody. i tried to be "normal" but deep inside, i knew i was not ok. with nothing else to do, i found myself paying special attention to all the talks - about God's love, renewal of the mind, growth and transformation, worship and the secrets of Mary. as i sat there listening to the speakers, i could not help but feel as if i were once again a participant. i felt as if the Lord called me there - to serve, yes - but primarily to listen to what He wanted me to hear.

when Fr. Mon talked about the three secrets of Mary - Fiat, Magnificat and Stabat - i truly felt the Lord was speaking to me. would i be willing to offer everything - my talents, my treasures, my time, my weaknesses, my failures, my hurts, my pains - to the Lord? can i really say "Thy will be done" and mean it from the heart? am i willing to praise and thank the Lord at all times, regardless of the situation.. no matter how difficult the circumstances may be? and would i be constant.. unwavering in my dedication and commitment to Him? can He count on me to stand by Him to the very end?

these were more than just thought-provoking questions. this, i feel, was God's way of challenging me to grow deeper in my Christian walk. i have been serving Him in the community for quite some time.. but this time, i think He wants me to know the true meaning of the expression "sacrifice of praise". to be able to thank Him in the midst of doubt and confusion. to be able to worship Him, not just with songs, but with a determined, unwavering will.

Fiat. Magnificat. Stabat. i know He has something great in store for me.