walking in his shoes

ever tried to see things from somebody else's point of view? ever wondered what's going on in someone else's mind? well, i know i have. in fact, i almost always do that. it's almost second nature to me. often, i'd catch myself playing all sorts of "what if" scenarios in my mind: how someone would react if i said this or did that.. etc. i think about all these in but mere split seconds. too fast that at times i'm not even aware that i do process all these imagined situations. it may seem weird and crazy, but i don't know.. i'm kinda used to it by now.

at the moment, i'm trying to understand the situation i'm in. i'm trying to see things from his point of view. difficult as it is, i am trying to give him what he needs - space. lots of it. as much as possible, i stop myself from expecting any show of affection from him. i avoid letting him know how much i'm hurting.. how much i need to be with him.. how much i miss him. i do try really hard to see things the way he does. but sometimes.. well.. sometimes it just gets to the point where i feel i forget myself already.

that's the problem with walking in somebody else's shoes too much. pretty soon you realize you're not just in his shoes.. you're slowly turning into that person yourself. his feet become your feet.. his thoughts your thoughts.. until you get all confused and you forget your true self. time and again i have to remind myself who i really am. what i want in life. what my expectations are. and what is there in me to love.

from now on, i'm going to learn to walk on my own. oh sure.. i'll still walk in his shoes. i'll still try to understand him. but i will learn to get to know myself more. i will find my own shoes.. ones that i'm comfortable with.. ones that will let me walk in whatever path is destined for me.

and hopefully, someday, he'll want to walk alongside me.. in his own comfortable pair of shoes.