death comes in fours

last week, a friend's father died. we sang at his wake and said our condolences to our friend and her family.

a former teacher of mine died last week, too. there was a necrological service for her at our school last tuesday.

then yesterday my best friend died.. figuratively speaking. he's gone now. he exists only in my memory; yet he lives on in my heart. every moment spent with him etched painfully on my mind. each time, the recollection of all the memories - both happy and sad - causes me to die along with him. and afterwards, i am cruelly resurrected.. to once again experience the agony of living life without him.

there are so many feelings. there are so many things left unsaid. but no words can be formed. and there is no use trying to explain to somebody who's dead. just as it is not possible for a dead person to speak.

i love him still.. though he'll never understand why my love for him forces me to live my life the way i do now. maybe someday when the time comes, he will understand.. and he'll come to life once more. maybe. but i do not hold the secret to eternal life.. only God does. our lives are in His hands. i just hope He will accept my secret sacrifice and someday grant my prayer.