i had a very restless sleep last night. come to think of it, i don't think i was ever fully asleep - always half awake the entire time. at around 3:05am i wasn't even half asleep. i had to get up.. felt this intense pain in my right side. felt like my gallstones were acting up again. i didn't know what to do - it hurt when i lay down and it hurt when i sat up. in spite of the pain, though, i was not panicking. in fact, i was extremely calm. i couldn't explain it, but at the time i just knew that i needed to pray.
so for the next hour or so, i prayed. it was weird, but i was not even praying for the pain to go away. i knew i was talking to the Lord.. but my supplications went beyond the physical pain i was experiencing. i prayed for openness of mind and heart.. for acceptance.. for guidance and discernment.. for healing of hurts (emotional and otherwise).. for strength and commitment in service.. and for a lot more things. it is quite difficult to explain, but in the wee hours of the morning, i felt that my spirit was communing with God in a way it has not done for a long time. i could sense Him "talking" to me.. giving me peace.. calming my fears.. removing my doubts.. answering the myriad questions in my mind.
and then, after i've said my prayers, the pain went away. just like that. without my even asking Him to.
strange how God oftentimes uses pain and suffering to give us a wakeup call. i don't know if i'll be getting any more of those in the near future.. but in exchange for the blessed time of communion i had last night.. i guess it will be worth it..
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