on waiting

today is the first sunday of advent. the christmas season is here! honestly, though, i'm not all that excited about christmas this year. it's practically december and i haven't even started with my gift-giving list.

maybe it isn't just me. have you noticed that there are fewer lights to be found decorating the malls and the streets? you don't hear that many christmas carols being played on the radio either. not much christmas-themed tv shows, too. times are hard. money is so much harder to come by these days, so i suppose people are not very enthusiastic about celebrating christmas the usual way.

but though i am not excited about celebrating christmas, i have to admit that i am looking forward to the christmas season. it was a realization that came to me only today, as i listened to fr. mar's homily about the importance of advent.. of waiting, preparing, and being watchful.

this has been a very significant year for me. i can say that i have undergone more changes this 2005 than in the past four years. i've experienced great personal losses. i have gone through a lot of emotional turmoil. there was fear, confusion, heartbreak and doubt. but this year, too, i've experienced more of God's presence. i've felt His comfort, His mercy, His understanding and unconditional love. i've spent more time conversing with the Lord - pouring out my heart and then learning to quietly wait for His message to me. yes, i have had a lot of troubles this year. but the Lord has used them all to open my eyes to the reality of His wisdom, power and guidance.

as christmas draws near, i realize that the Lord has a challenge for me: with all the gifts He has given to me, what gift will i give Him in return? what would i be willing to do for the One who gave up everything just to save me? will the Lord find me waiting, ready to surrender everything to Him.. eager to let Him work in my life? when He looks into my heart, will He find a place especially prepared.. ready to enthrone Him as King? hmm. as of now, i don't know. but if there is anything i found out today, the lesson of advent is one of the most important ones i need to learn. wait expectantly. be prepared. be watchful.

as bishop martirez said in the gss mass, today is the start of a new year for the church. time to reflect on the year that was. time to ponder on our relationship with God. time to prepare ourselves for His coming. a time for new hope.. and for new beginnings. it's never too early to prepare for the Lord. i only hope when His birthday comes, i would have been able to offer God that which would delight Him.