to ______________

i wrote this poem october 23, 2001.. at a time when i was fighting for what i felt was truly for me. at a time when those dearest to me kept their distance because of a choice i made.

now, four years later, i find myself staring at the same lines but with a different heart. broken in a different way..

YOU KNOW THE PAIN IS TOO GREAT
.. when the tears would no longer come
and the eyes that cried a river
now refuse to shed even a tiny drop
to soothe the hurt inside

.. when the heart stops beating
and the quick thump-thump drumming
that used to fill you
suddenly comes to an abrupt stillness

.. when the lips stop moving
and all the words - hateful, contrite,
angry or placating
are all brought to submission by the
eerie noise of silence

.. when all the feeling is numbed
and the tempestuous storms of hate
and anger and hurt and fear
are brought to nought
and all that remains is cold emptiness

.. when life loses meaning
and the memories of all the flowers
you ever stopped to smell
become but withered petals, strewn about
and trampled on

.. when death becomes your only rescue
and the enemy once feared is now
the only friend to welcome you
into its sweet, sweet nothingness