killing time

i've always wondered where the phrase "killing time" came from. for one thing, it's never a good idea to *kill* anything (too violent.. too final). and another, from what i understand, only things with life can be killed. and time isn't exactly a living, breathing organism so it's kinda hard to kill.

okay, so clearly i have lots of time on my hands right now. i don't have anything to do at the moment so i'm posting more thoughts here. well, actually, i do have a lot of things lined up to do.. i just don't wanna do them now haha.

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right now, i'm killing time. at present, i am my usual oh-so-bored self (hence the grey font color, in spite of the lack of rain). i have no interest in doing anything at all (except rant here in this blog) and i just let the hours go by. it's weird how "killing time" can mean just letting it pass.

i'd like to kill time in more ways than one, though. if i had my way, i'd make time stop. or rather, i'd control time... deprive it of its freedom... master it so that i can go back to the past, or move ahead to the future. i'd like to be able to relive wonderful moments. i would try to understand the more painful ones. i'd go to the future to see how i'd turn out in a couple of years. i'd go back to the past and see how the present would change if i'd chosen other paths.

if i could master time, i would not have to worry about deadlines. if i had the power to control the hours, i could slow down the wonderful moments and speed up the painful ones. if time obeyed my laws, i need not worry about making mistakes. i could simply "rewind" to the time i committed an error, then correct my mistake. if time were subject to me, i would be immortal..
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the desire to be as gods. i guess this is built into each and every one of us. the desire for power.. to control.. to be perfect.. to be immortal.

perhaps this is the reason why we mere mortals are not allowed to master time. and i suppose it's just as well. 'cause i think i would make an exremely dangerous goddess indeed..