i woke up today with a barrage of decisions waiting to be made. to get up from bed or to remain in the comfort of dreams. to face the challenges of work or to stay pampered at home. to keep in touch or to stay silent. to ask for help or to bear my cross alone. to end all pain.. or to continue living with the pain.
a myriad choices. i used to be able to decide matters quickly. some would say impulsive. i could multi-task.. finish a lot of things in one sitting. be productive. creative. useful.
but now.. i am paralyzed by indecision. could not decide what to do. could not think of a place to hide from my pain. could not even decide whether to drive or to walk around campus. everywhere i turn, i see unwelcome memories vividly coming to life.
the biggest decision.. the most crucial one.. the choice that could change a life.. two lives.. is not even mine to make. and stupid as it may be.. i rack my brains out, hoping to find a way to make that decision myself.. though i know it just is not possible.
"..ang electron na may energy na 26EV harangan ng maliit na 2EV hump may probability pa din na mareflect.."
weird words.. but the only ones that give me strength and hope right now.
two months too long. this is getting a lot more difficult as time goes by..
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