miss fortune

i don't know why.. but i want to have a pet rabbit. a *real* one - not like descartes (who, for some reason known only to him, has chosen to leave the planet - i probably bore him to death). i want to have a fluffy grey rabbit. preferably with his own cage. i'll probably name him alice. that, i think, would give him some gender issues..

anyway, i wonder who started the thought that a rabbit's foot brought luck. 'coz i wouldn't consider the rabbit that lost its foot lucky. oh well..

yesterday, my powers of destruction manifested once again. i was supposed to drive winnipeg from megamall to our house. dad went with some friends to visit someone in the hospital, so he left the car keys with me. when i went to the parking lot and opened winnipeg's door, the alarm sounded. i wasn't fazed much, 'coz that happened to my dad before.. so i placed the key in the ignition, turned it, toggled the alarm switch.. and.. *nothing happened* haha. great. i repeated the proper sequence several times. and winnipeg just kept making such a ruckus. a couple of security guards already drew near (one of them even had a radio, for crying out loud).. and as winnipeg was parked near the drivers' lounge, i had a lot of spectators. hahaha. good thing i am a natural at being the center of attention (bwahaha) so i didn't give a hoot.

i was still kinda fortunate, though - cousin apol was still around to give me a lift back home. i left winnipeg all alone in the parking lot and told my dad to just pick her up from the hospital. apparently, she didn't put up a fight when my dad drove her. hmp.

my (evil) powers sort of extended, though. er.. cousin apol & ate susan got stuck in the worst traffic ever - their drive home from megamall took 4.5 hours instead of the usual 45 minutes. tsk tsk. talk about being miss-fortune hehehe.

now if only i could learn how to harness this ability.. hahahaha *evil grin*
i wonder if you could guess who i'd use this on.. X_x don't worry.. it's NOT you..

reaching

emo pic.. hahaha. i don't know why the hell i'm posting it here.

i am still downloading the wonderland series of zenesoft (tales from wonderland, beyond wonderland). somehow, the dark madness of that comic soothes me. i think it's just what i need right now. wonderland, that is.

how does one tell if one is going insane? hahaha. i'm just trying to see calie's point of view. it's really not that hard to do. i am quite good at it, actually..

this is creeping me out. i don't like what i'm feeling right now. *sigh*
why are you doing this to me..? :(

through the looking glass darkly

for someone so ordinary-looking and invisible, i think i pull off my 'dark secret' quite well, hahaha *evil laugh*

most people are surprised when they see the variety of reading material i go through. one day i'm reading inspirational books.. the next, crime stories.. then children's material.. geeky texts.. trivia books.. etc. and yeah, i'm aware of the fact that my taste in reading material is quite eclectic. the book/magazine/comic/whatever i read (not to mention the genre) really depends on my mood.

so it baffles me when some friends are disconcerted with my choice of reading material. inspirational readings, romantic novels and standard pocketbooks do not illicit any responses from them. but they see me with a graphic novel or a book titled '100 crooked little crime stories' and immediately, their eyebrows shoot up. oh well..

my latest read is zenescope entertainment's graphic novel, return to wonderland. it's a different take on lewis caroll's alice in wonderland; rather, it *continues* the story. alice, who left wonderland, grows up and raises a family. soon, though, the madness of wonderland (which is so much different from the safe and tame version we are used to) catches up with her, and drags her family into chaos.

return to wonderland is the stuff of nightmares. it's scary, dark and disturbing. and i loved it. not because it's depressing.. but because it makes me think. there are a lot of lessons to be learned in reading it. heck, i learned a lot of things i already knew but didn't even know i knew (hahaha.. go figure. wonderland madness is catching)

next project: grimm's fairy tale comics.. :p

don't trust the news

60 Actual Newspaper Headlines, Collected by Journalists

1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
   
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
   
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
   
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
   
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
   
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
   
8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
   
9. Stud Tires Out
   
10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
    
11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
    
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
    
13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
    
14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
    
15. Eye Drops Off Shelf
    
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    
17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    
21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
    
22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
    
23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
    
24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
    
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
    
26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
    
27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
    
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
    
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
    
30. War Dims Hope For Peace
    
31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    
32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
    
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
    
35. Deer Kill 17,000
    
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    
37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    
38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
    
39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
    
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    
41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
    
42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
    
43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
    
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
    
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
    
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
    
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
    
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
    
49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
    
50. Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis
    
51. Headless Body Found In Topless Bar
    
52. Air Head Fired
    
53. Steals Clock, Faces Time
    
54. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
    
55. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
    
56. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
    
57. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
    
58. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
    
59. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
    
60. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

* * *

hahaha. i always knew better than to trust newspapers XP that's why i only read the lit and entertainment sections hehe.

i am working on our newsletter again. i've been doing this editing/writing/layouting on a weekly basis for the past 3 or 4 years. which only reinforces my belief that newspapers (and newsletters, for that matter) are NOT to be trusted completely, bwahahahaha.. XP

i wish i could bring myself to do more than the layouting, though. i admit.. i miss writing. i don't know if i still have it in me to churn out a decent article. i probably don't *sigh* oh well.

this is worse than writers' block. inspire me, please..

i need a name for my 'baby'

i've been itching to buy this for the past month.. and yesterday, i finally got up enough courage to do so..

i got myself a fujitsu external hard drive - 300Gb. it's shiny and sleek and black and.. er.. just a bit geeky, hehe XP but of course it *is* a practical gadget too. especially for me. and though the price (P5,300+) left quite a hole in my pocket (which is actually the cause of my prevarication these past weeks).. i think it's worth it XD i am planning to put all my important files (classified as "school/work", "choir/music", "newsletter/archives" and "personal") in my new "baby" so i wouldn't get all confused as i shift from using silvee to my home PC.

of course, i haven't actually gotten 'round to organizing my files. i only realized how much clutter i have in my home desktop on the last day of my sem break. sheesh. so i guess the file organizing will have to wait a couple more days. just so i'll have more freedom to unleash my OCness haha XP

incidentally, i get the feeling i'm going to have to name him soon - my hard drive, that is. unlike my home PC (which, obviously, has no name - i wonder why), i feel compelled to dub my new "baby" hahaha XP any suggestions..? XP erm. this feels awkward haha XP

remember

(this entry is especially dedicated to xerox - for making me feel a tiny bit guilty for not posting updates as often as she wished..)

the thing i love about sem breaks (or any nonworking day, for that matter) is the free time. but it's not like i sleep earlier or wake up that much later in the morning. my vacations are mostly spent doing the things i can't seem to squeeze in during regular workdays. like doing crosswords, watching my favorite tv series (csi & grey's anatomy top the list, natch) - reruns or not, fixing my files and of course, reading.

last october i breezed through 4 books: gaiman's latest (the graveyard book), a book of short stories (100 crooked little crime stories), stephenie meyer's twilight series (i re-read all 4 books at least 3 times - i didn't have anything else to read at the time XP - so i count the series as just one loooong book) and most recently, sam taylor's the amnesiac.

of the books i mentioned, the last is the most fulfilling read for me. i wouldn't call it perfect.. and i have no immediate plans of re-reading it.. but i loved the amnesiac because (1) it's not classified as children's/teenage literature - which, for me, is a *very* welcome change indeed, haha!; (2) the story is gripping - especially at the beginning; (3) it's weird enough to pique my interest and further tweak my (overactive) imagination, yet (4) realistic enough to actually enable me to relate to the character (god knows how often i've thought james' thoughts and writings)

in a way, i think it's kinda creepy that i'm more able to relate to the (weird) thoughts of fictional characters than to actual people (operative word: people, not aliens, ok?!). lately, i've dreamt of (good) vampires & werewolves; imagined growing up "ghost-like" and nearly invisible (it didn't take too much imagination, that); semi-delved into the thoughts of (fictional) criminals; and read my own thoughts in the epiphanies of a sort-of-time-traveling amnesiac character.

creepy.. but it doesn't really bother me, haha.

think i need to get a social life..? XP i don't really need anyone else. just you, i guess.. *sigh*

happy halloween

wcd took this shot - it's me with cousins ta & go. eerie, huh? well, if only for that, i'm loving it. besides, it suits the halloween mood perfectly, bwahahahaha XP

i guess you could call this our latest family pic XP i just realized i rarely get to look (sincerely) happy in any of my pictures so i figured this one's worth posting hehe

i enjoyed this (magical) day *smile* it would've been perfect if you were with me, though.. *sigh* miss you..

(belatedly) grateful

my thank you comes belatedly. nevertheless, it's from the heart - thanks for the 'pasalubong' from china, alexis :) i loved the necklace - even though it *is* mathematical and i'm currently avoiding all things geeky this sembreak, hahaha XP i especially liked the packaging it came in :) i wish i had your artistic touch, too hehe XD

today, though, i am grateful for other things, as well. like the chance to have supper with a friend (thanks, h.. i had fun just being myself around you, hehehe). and being able to have much-needed 'alone time' to sort out some stuff that's been buzzing in my head for the past couple of days. and getting a small (sort-of-unexpected-though-not-really-needed) 'token' tonight.

but most especially, i'm grateful (literally) for the peace XP
thanks z.. it couldn't have come at a better time..
i hope things start looking up from here. i'm not hoping for cycles again..

inside out

obviously, this is a nerdy post. haha. click here if you want to see other similar figures XP

by definition, an evolute is a method of deriving a new curve based on a given curve. it is the locus of the centers of tangent circles of the given curve.

the figure above shows a cardioid and its evolute - which is also a cardioid. neat, huh?

i wonder what my evolute would be..
i have the same question as the one in the link. but i'd like to think i wouldn't have to ask it. not for a long, long, long time. omg this is pure torture.. X_x

going nuts

donuts are hazardous to your health. in my case, both physically and mentally.. *sigh*

if i had to choose, though, i'd go for krispy kreme. sure, their donuts are extremely sweet.. but at least, they don't cause me to go (literally) nuts.

and she wakes up from a deeper sleep / a nightmare through and through..

and to think i was nearly delirious with happiness just this morning.. X_x

you won't ever be happier / until you find that special place where you belong / and you won't ever be happier / until you find that only way / until you find the only way back home
i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry.. :'( it was stupid and i am so very, very sorry.. :'(

stitches and burns

guess what this picture is of.. XP

my thoughts turn to a couple of days back. and i can't help but think about what this day should be. should be.. but is not. *sigh* oh well. as someone used to tell me so many times before.. "you can't always get what you want" yeah, yeah. but no one can blame me for trying so hard. no one but me.. hahaha.

does anyone remember fra lippo lippi..?

"with eyes wide open i would choose not to see.."
"now i don't want to see you anymore; don't want to be the one to play your games. not even if you smile your sweetest smile. not even if you beg me 'darling please..'" hahahaha. yeah right..

warning: this post is RAW

"Time has a way of passing by,
until I don't remember why, or how, to hurt for you..."

i 'stole' this quote from cousin dee's gmail stat message. i guess i really am feeling emo right now. sorry. i can't help it. i *am* sad. maybe this has something do with what i found out about an alien friend of mine (actually, er.. two alien friends of mine.. *sigh*) the news just came at one of the worst possible moments. oh well.. :'(

in her prayer/worship last night, sis nona encouraged us to have a good cry. she said that tears are healing.. and that it's okay to cry.. that it helps to release all the pent-up hurts and pains. especially when it's done in front of god.. when it's done as a sacrifice of praise.

and i believed what she said. even before she said those words i already knew i wanted to cry. i wanted to cry over the person i used to be.. the one who's gone missing and who probably doesn't exist anymore. i desperately wanted to believe that she's still alive.. or that pretty soon she'll show up again - stronger and more beautiful than what she used to be. but i just can't see it. i don't see that happening anytime soon. maybe not ever..

i wanted to cry. i needed to cry. but i didn't. i couldn't. i won't allow myself to do so. not there. not then. hmm. coward. hahaha.

time heals. *sigh* that's my only hope..
i wish you knew just how much this really hurts..

i want to believe

sometimes i cry at night
not quite knowing why
and though i try to fight it
the tears keep flowing by
but the world keeps going
with no one knowing
the way i feel inside
to be so unbeautiful

i've heard it said he loves me
but my heart just can't believe
the king of all kings, jesus,
would waste time on me
why should he care for me
or even love me
when i can't love myself
coz i'm so unbeautiful

but the rosebud slowly opens
tow'rds the son that draws its face
to finally bloom in full surrender
in the warmth of that embrace
as i worship you, you transform me into
a reflection of your grace
coz you make all things
oh you make all things
my god makes all things beautiful

song for the night, it seems. and yes, i do want to believe *all* that the song says. but at the moment, i can only relate to the first two stanzas. the third is just.. well.. too unbelievable for me to sing from the heart.

i wonder why it still hurts. i wonder what i'm really looking for. i don't think i know what i want. or maybe i do. i'm just probably too much of a scaredy cat to go ahead and get it.

coz love *always* involves sacrifice.

and right now, i don't think i'm all that ready for it yet..
maybe i'm just not ready to give you up. not even for someone far, far greater.. :'(

edwardian tendencies

it IS a teen novel. complete with all the cheesy lines that almost make me feel sick to my stomach. the book is full of romance and uber-mushy quotes that would probably make me laugh out loud if i actually heard someone say it out loud.

in spite of all that, i'd have to say that i simply LOVE the book.

true, i wish it were written in a better style. and there are some portions that i feel could be skipped.. and some that could use a bit more detail. still.. i love the idea of good vampires. haha

in an odd way, i suppose i can understand bella's character. i'm NOT like her, though ('good to the core'.. yeah, right!!!) - let's just say i'm her 'sort of' counterpart in real life. what with the clumsiness, the unreadable thoughts, misfortune hounding me and the tendency to be surrounded by weird creatures, bwahaha.

but i don't have edward. though maybe he has a 'sort of' counterpart too. an anti-edward, perhaps..? hahaha.

it's interesting that they made twilight into a movie.

i'm not looking forward to it much, though.

no mere mortal (no matter how seemingly gorgeous) could do justice to *my* vampire..
ugh. i hate sounding like bella..
this day just brought out all my edwardian tendencies. *sigh*

i just happen to attract ETs

here's another much-appreciated bday gift this year. hahaha. i think i am liking this trend.. XP

meet jojo (read as "joe-joe" ok?! NOT "johjoh" or something like that) - my newest 'inanimate' friend :) alien anjo gave him to me this afternoon.. so i dubbed him after him (they're both aliens after all hehehe).

jojo used to live inside a car freshener box - which gave him this weird but not unpleasant smell. i quickly remedied the situation by leaving him inside wyjel. now jojo smells just like the spaceship XP

the way things are going, i think i'd be able to form a fullf-fledged alien army in no time hahaha. cool. waaayy cool XP

finding inspiration

so it's been a couple of days since er.. you-know-what. can't say i've found much reason for celebrating.. i'm still feeling blue and blah.

but today.. well, today i smile a bit :)

who would have thought..? then again, one can never be too sure. haha. me and my lack of silver linings. *sigh* oh well.. this will have to do for now..

these are a few of my favorite things..

(: aylabyu NASA!!! :)

i wanted to show all 54 cards here; but it was too tedious so i decided to just take a picture of my favorite ones :)

wow. only friends who are literally out-of-this-world can come up with such a pleasant surprise XP

what else can i say but "whoa!! thank you thank you thank you aliens!!" XD

upside down

another year. hmm. not much has changed. not that i was counting on it, really..

they say the secret to happiness is to be content with what you have. makes sense, i guess. makes too much sense, in my opinion.

i say the secret to happiness is to not expect anything good (or, equivalently, to expect disappointment everytime). that way, no matter what happens, you will not feel disappointment.

anyway. i am going to try a little experiment. after all, it is dday today - what better time to take risks and try out something new, right?!

i have decided to actively fight against my OCness by refusing to update my blog daily. hahaha. yeah, yeah i know.. it's not much of a change for most people; but for me it is.

so there. that's a kind of 'step 1' for me. a dday breakthrough of sorts. i don't know what i hope to accomplish from this; but for now i'll just go wherever the proverbial winds blow. no expectations.. and (hopefully) no disappointments.

wish me luck.

turning 23

today i turn 23. hahahahaha..
contrary to popular belief, my birthday is today.. XP

indulgence

i came across this site as i was looking for "shopping" related stuff. hahaha. it gave me a much-needed cheer-upper tonight.. and led me to check out other related sites, hahaha..

back to the "shopping" theme. i find that shopping usually helps me "deload" - and i'm not just referring to my wallet (though *yes* it certainly does leave a hole in my pocket. every effing time). i don't know why that is. *sigh* i'm not regretting my sprees too much, though. i figure my (in)sanity is worth more than my financial losses. for now.. haha.

now that i'm home, however, it's back to my usual "therapy" to lessen the blues. thank god for technology. thank god for weblogs. blogger: i don't know what i would do without you XP
and i don't know what i'd do without you

boo!

i am not a fan of betty boop. but i gotta hand it to her - she certainly oozes with sex appeal.. in spite of the fact that she's almost 80 years old (her shows started in the 1930's) and a cartoon, at that! XP

*sigh* i am still thinking about yesterday and all the boo-boos involved.

there ought to be lessons learned from betty. i'm going to start paying more attention..
i know i did something right. so what's wrong?! :'(

in your hands

two things come to mind when i saw this picture: cute and freaky

i guess no one would disagree with my first description. babies seem to have a built-in cuteness factor. so yeah.. almost any picture with a baby in it is automatically considered cute.

but this photo really is freaky. for me, anyway. when i imagine a real live baby on my palm, i think: to squish or not to squish? bwahahahaha XP

isn't it scary when life or death lies in your hands?

(my thoughts today are weirder than usual. maybe it's because i'm really, really sleepy. again.)

well, i'm in *your* hands right now. yet in spite of the risks.. i'm not really all that scared. i wonder if i should be, though..

squish. squish. squish.
sad, yes. afraid, no..

my version: psalm 73.25

whom have i in heaven but You?

there is nothing on earth i desire besides you..
i am sad. this is so, so sad.. :'(

blue blooded

i am always fascinated every time i go to the lab to have a blood sample taken. i'm not really afraid of needles. i even enjoy looking at the vial slowly filling up with my dark crimson blood.. (umm.. is this post getting too vampiric or what..?!)

i think it fascinates me that my blood is red. i dunno. i usually imagine it to be green or blue or some other weird color. hahaha. i suppose i figured that since i'm an alien, my blood ought to be a different color.

i heard, though, that our blood really is blue. it only turns red once it oxidizes. er. i dunno know how true that piece of information is. still.. it's an interesting thought XP

*sigh* the september blues are catching up to me. i thought this year would be different. apparently, i thought wrong. again.. :(
why are you so intent on bleeding me dry..? :(

halfhearted

i don't think anyone would describe me as being 'passionate' - after all, i am one of the most indifferent people i know. very few things interest me. or rather, very few things interest me *a lot* XP my only passions (if you can even call them that) in life are music, science and up until recently, writing.

don't get me wrong. i still love to write. the daily updates on this blog is a testament to that. but this isn't really *writing* for me - just a long (mostly unorganized) jotting down of my thoughts. not much regard for creativity, etc.

it's been more than a month since i've written anything for our church's newsletter. it's not that i'm "on strike" - i just can't find anything *godly* to write about. i tried composing an article the other day.. and it sounded so stilted that i gave up on it :(

i am getting more and more halfhearted (hmm.. oxymoron..?!) about so many things. i don't think it's so obvious.. but of course i know it.. and that really sucks. i'm not happy with the way things are going.. yet i don't know what i'm supposed to do.

i need my passion back. i need to be whole again.. :(
you're consuming me.. and i'm happy to be consumed..

pop 'em

been browsing through the flowfield unity's comics today. hahaha. adam sure has wonderful strips - like this one. i'm amazed at how he could come up with such a variety of stuff to talk about - and at a daily basis, too!! thank god for web comics.. haha.

i'm still not feeling (physically) normal right now. still got that lightheaded feeling, along with a bit of weakness. hmm. i wonder if i haven't been abducted and experimented on by aliens. i figure if that ever happened, this is the kind of sensation i'd get.

i don't know if there's any medication for my er.. 'condition' haha. with the variety of medications available for all kinds of diseases (and non-diseases), it's a wonder there isn't any pill to counter weirdness.

not that i'd take it, if it were available. normal sucks. weird rocks XP
rock my world :x

radical

typical sunday - well, almost. i was absent during friday's choir prax so i didn't get to sing up front this morning. hahaha. i'd forgotten how relaxing it could be to just stay at the back hahaha. maybe i should absent myself from prax more often.. hehe.

at the moment, i am here at home - alone. mom and dad went to attend a wedding. so here i am.. happily all by myself, with my favorite stuff surrounding me XP hahaha. welcome, quiet solitude. ahhhh.

nothing radical about that. at least, not for me. i've always been comfortable being alone. though i suppose other people would find that weird.

anyway, this one is courtesy of maykol.

i can relate to square root of three. i guess *a part* of me is feeling a bit lonely right now.

but i'm not a square root. i am the [e^i(pi)] bwahahahaha XP
i wish i were the only one.. :(

Square Root of Three

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like square root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see?
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply.
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued,
Your love for me has been renewed

eyes sea ewe

today sucks. no particular reason. it just does *sigh*

woke up feeling slightly dizzy again. and my eyes are hurting a lot, dammit. i think i'm going to be sick :( i hope not.. i can't afford to be sick now. too many things to do. and too many plans upcoming. i will *not* let any virus or bacteria ruin this month. rawr.

===

i can't believe september is almost over. sheesh. that dreaded c-day is drawing nearer and nearer and i'm powerless to stop it :( not that i hate the occasion. i believe in it - or at least, in what it stands for. but i don't particularly enjoy the celebration. call me old and/or cynical. but i just don't find that much joy in celebrating the yuletide season.

but the month isn't over *yet* haha. i may dread c-day but before then is b-day bwahaha. and i'll be damned before i let anything or anyone stop me from enjoying *this* particular b-day. rawr. double rawr.

===

oh well. it's another new beginning. yet it's actually the same thing happening all over again. when i was a lot younger the phrase "history repeats itself" always confused me. i didn't really believe in it - after all, what's the point of studying all those dead people and their lives (not to mention countless dates and places) if we're just going to commit the same mistakes they did? shouldn't we have learned? shouldn't we be wiser now?

tsk. vicious cycles are about as difficult to stop as hurricanes.

i cannot understand why
i completely understand
icu. only u. dammit. why does everything else fade into the background when you are there..?!

it's a mystery

missed choir prax tonight. i can't help it. my head feels like it's splitting. darnit. this has been happening to me since yesterday, and i don't know why :(

i'm thinking maybe i need to have my eyes checked (yet again). *sigh* i don't have the time (nor the resources) to go to the eye doctor yet. ugh. this is why i hate september. everytime my birthday nears, bad stuff always happens to me. one after the other. grrr. like they say, when it rains, it pours. i wish it would just rain.. XP

wyjel is in the car shop right now for repairs and a bit of primping. i guess making him look more presentable would be my bday gift to myself this year..

oh well. i'm hoping for something to smile about this month. i hate getting my hopes up.. but just for now i'll try to be a tad bit more optimistic..

aside from my splitting headaches that pop up at the most inconvenient moments, there are a lot of mysteries to be unraveled - not the least of which are the secrets of the universe's birth - that would hopefully be revealed by the activation of the LHC last september 10 (yeah, of course i had to put that here haha! science geeks rule!)

let's just all hope the end is not yet near..
i am missing you. really. that certainly is no mystery.. :(

reflection

i. am. tired. *sigh* what else is new, anyway?! for the past week i find myself exhausted even before the day starts to draw to a close..

i have a killer headache today, though. i have absolutely no idea why my head is hurting so badly since this morning. sheesh.

so what's with the picture post? well, i'm not exactly sure, either.. but the image speaks to me. i guess i could say it expresses how i feel at the moment: grey, tattered, old and turning dull. ugh.

maybe it's the hectic sked. or perhaps it's the crappy test result. then again, maybe it's because i am expecting additional expenses soon. hahaha. maybe it's all of the above..

oh well. i'd like to think i have something to be happy about today. maybe i do. i hope i do.. haha. but i wouldn't know 'til the day is done. *sigh* thank god for the rains today..
i just hope i'll have enough willpower. just for today. just for one day..

red, grey and blue

come on and lead me on
tease me all night long
lovin' you, i know it's right
i'll always need you; i'll never leave you
come on and lead me on
tease me all night long
i'd rather be a fool with a broken heart than someone who never had a part of you

('lead me on', maxine nightingale)

it's a wonderfully rainy day today. and i'm here in school.. checking papers while listening to friend portia's laptop music. earlier, i heard weird al yankovick's 'you don't love me anymore' (hahaha.. all time *weird* fave). this time, though, 'lead me on' is playing.. and a couple of lines got my attention for a bit (haha. guess which ones..?)

i'm supposed to be happy in this kind of weather. it's grey and wet. the skies are weepy and the ground is full of muddy puddles. the pitter patter of the raindrops are soothing and the air is cool and fresh.

yes.. there are few things i love more than the rain..

but for reasons i cannot explain, today i'm not so excited about the weather. yeah, i'm glad it's raining. happier than if it were sunshiny and bright. but i'm not as happy as i used to be.. *sigh*

i could explain it all away.. but what's the point..? *sigh*

hormones. it must be the hormones..
though i'm quite sure it's not.. :(

in a pickle

i have been highly irritable for the past week. i can't help it. the slightest provocation will draw a scowl (or worse) from me. 'til now i am easily annoyed.. and most of the time my temper gets the better of me.

one of the things that irritates me right now is the fact that i don't know what i want to eat. i'm not exactly hungry (i rarely work up an appetite anyway); but i find myself craving for food. i just don't know what *kind* of food i am looking for :(

the other day, i thought i wanted a burger.. so i bought one. but as soon as i bit into it, i didn't want to eat it anymore. then i saw somebody eating a macaroni salad.. and i found myself wanting to eat that too. but the same thing happened as soon as i got my first bite. this has been going on since friday, i think.. and up 'til now i am still looking for whatever it is that will satisfy my craving. ugh. it is sooooo frustrating. grrrrr.. *pulls on hair*

as if things aren't weird enough, right now i am craving for pickles. and peanut butter. hahahaha. omg.. what is wrong with me?!??!!! i know i'm an alien.. but i never imagined i'd get any weirder than i already am..

darned PMS. it sucks to be female. rowr.
don't believe the title of this post. i'm ok. we're ok. okay? *smile* :x

sugarfree

according to doctors, one of the factors that highly determines one's predisposition to diabetes is genetics (or heredity) - especially on the maternal side. my mom is diabetic. and so is my dad. that being said, i suppose it's safe (though unwelcome) to say that i will turn out to be diabetic. someday. (though, of course, i'm still hoping it wouldn't happen.. who knows, right?!)

anyway, i went to the doctor this morning for another round of bloodwork. last week, when i was given a 75-g GTT (glucose tolerance test), my blood sugar of 80 (fbs) went up to 214 after 2 hours. the result wasn't a very nice one.. so my dad suggested i go to our family doctor for a consult. i guess he was afraid i might be following in his (and mom's) footsteps at this early stage..

well, off i went to dr chua to have my blood taken. (as an aside.. i like getting my blood taken. hahaha. not that i'm masochistic - er.. at least, i don't *think* so - but i really do enjoy seeing the lab techs drawing blood from me hehehe) they had a difficult time getting a sample coz my veins were small; but i was cool with it. i waited about an hour for the results.. then the doc asked me, "hindi ka ba nanghihina?" to which i replied, "hindi po 'yata.." XP (hahaha. i dunno. i never could tell when i'm tired or just plain lazy XP) "kasi 'yung result nitong blood test mo, below normal ang sugar level mo: 2.50 lang ang value niya.. dapat mga 3.75 at least ito" o_O

hahaha. so there you have it. i am now below average hahaha. my blood is almost sugarfree. hmm. no wonder i'm no longer as sweet as i used to be, hahahaha *evil laugh*

i wonder how this fact is going to affect lil miss bitchy..
this still doesn't account for the mood swings, though. sorry 'bout that.. :x

frog singing school

ok.. talk about another productive chat session with aliens, hahahaha!!! XP

i am actually feeling sick right now - i was originally planning to sit in front of my pc for an hour, at most. i was just going to encode my geom exam for tuesday. but then i saw sister lizzie online.. so of course i had to bug her, hahaha XP

anyway, i was able to enlist her help in coming up with a bonus item for the geom test. hahaha. that made my day. tsk. students be forewarned. i was *happy* while making the exam.. bwahahahaha.

then, lo and behold.. the virus went online too! and it's thanks to him that i found the song below. hahaha. yep.. it IS a song. a froggy frog song. hahahaha. it sounds like one that an alien might be amused with.. XD

FROGS AT SCHOOL
by George Cooper

Twenty froggies went to school
Down beside a rushy pool;
Twenty little coats of green,
Twenty vests all white and clean.

"We must be on time," said they,
"First we study, then we play;
That is how we keep the rule,
When we froggies go to school."

Master Bullfrog, grave and stern,
Called the classes in their turn;
Taught them how to nobly strive,
Likewise how to leap and dive.

From his seat upon a log,
Showed them how to say, "Ker-chog!"
Also how to dodge a blow
From the sticks which bad boys throw.

Twenty froggies grew up fast;
Bullfrogs they became at last.
Not one dunce was in the lot,
Not one lesson they forgot.

Polished in a high degree,
As each froggie ought to be,
Now they sit on other logs,
Teaching other little frogs.

well, i'm a frog (i am *many* things - not just alien). and i do sing. so i guess i'm part of the frog singing school too bwahahaha. and in a way, i am sitting on my own little log.. passing on the er.. 'legacy' to poor little froggies that come my way hahahaha XP

this is so weird it's starting to sound cool.. hahahahaha..
i'm missing you, BF (that's bullfrog, haha) sooooo badly.. *sigh* when are you going to teach me again..?!

out of this world

i seriously believe i'm not of this world. i have difficulty communicating with 'normal' beings. i'm better off speaking to trees/raindrops and other inanimate objects than carrying on a conversation with a human i just met XP

and the best conversations i've had, i've had with aliens.

*sigh* it's kinda hard to fit in. i guess i'll get used to it. eventually.
i just want to get out of this world. with you.. *sigh*

bloody hell

beautiful yet scary

*sigh* i can't help it. i am scared. and lonely. and i know that this is probably just a case of the jitters (or more likely, hormones).. but that doesn't make the fear any less real :(

the feeling's creeping back. and i'm scared as hell that it'll come back in full force to torture me.

damn. i need someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be all right.. :'(
i need YOU here with me. why are you so far away..? :(

z: 'love' ko 'to

yeah, i always figured that i'd be on the other side.. not the other way around..

more than three years of being a zombie isn't so bad. it takes some getting used to.. and it's definitely not without pain. but all in all, it's.. er.. bearable.

zombies aren't popular; but there are more of us than originally thought. and we do tend to seek each other out.. though i happened to come across a few who were still in denial. they probably weren't aware that they were zombies hahaha.

what do i like most about being a zombie? hmm.. i'm not sure. maybe it's the ability to eat flesh, bwahahahaha!! or maybe it's the freedom. after all, once you're nonhuman, nobody expects you to follow the rules. you get to be unpredictable. you can be bitchy or scary. hell, you can *devour* them all (especially your enemies).. and that wouldn't be a problem. not for you, that is.. *evil laugh*

the only thing i hate about my current state is that everything seems to go slow motion. tsk. why do zombies still have to wait..?! grrr..
zombies don't love. it's not in our nature. still.. i guess it's the closest thing to what i'm feeling..

YET

yeah, i treasure my privacy. how can i not? i have dozens of secret worlds inside of me.

i will not dare say i'm not a criminal, though. that would be assuming too much..
my thoughts at the moment are *most definitely* criminal, thanks to you.. X(

sucky

i don't know if i can do that.. but i guess i can try.. *sigh*

the thing is.. even when you *know* that it's gonna suck.. and even when you're 100% sure that the vicious cycle will repeat.. you're still winded when you receive that blow to your gut.

tsk. when are you ever going to learn..?
i'm not going to prove anything to you anymore. i don't think i can, even if i wanted to.. :(

22 is in the details

i have this thing for fractals. er, yeah. i know it's a bit nerdy (considering i'm not even a comsci person).. but i blame my fondness for math for the geekiness of this post haha XP

it's interesting how, when looking at fractals, the details are as interesting (if not more interesting than) as the "whole picture" haha. sometimes, you're not even sure that you are seeing the whole picture. infinity is to be found in the details.. XD

hmm. sometimes it's really the little things that make all the difference..
thanx for sharing with me. details do matter.. :)