i want to believe

sometimes i cry at night
not quite knowing why
and though i try to fight it
the tears keep flowing by
but the world keeps going
with no one knowing
the way i feel inside
to be so unbeautiful

i've heard it said he loves me
but my heart just can't believe
the king of all kings, jesus,
would waste time on me
why should he care for me
or even love me
when i can't love myself
coz i'm so unbeautiful

but the rosebud slowly opens
tow'rds the son that draws its face
to finally bloom in full surrender
in the warmth of that embrace
as i worship you, you transform me into
a reflection of your grace
coz you make all things
oh you make all things
my god makes all things beautiful

song for the night, it seems. and yes, i do want to believe *all* that the song says. but at the moment, i can only relate to the first two stanzas. the third is just.. well.. too unbelievable for me to sing from the heart.

i wonder why it still hurts. i wonder what i'm really looking for. i don't think i know what i want. or maybe i do. i'm just probably too much of a scaredy cat to go ahead and get it.

coz love *always* involves sacrifice.

and right now, i don't think i'm all that ready for it yet..
maybe i'm just not ready to give you up. not even for someone far, far greater.. :'(