change focus

this is me with my playmate carlo ü hahaha. school is fun 'coz i get to have marge's kids to hang out with hahaha. somehow it makes work more bearable, wahahaha. too bad their older sister haja doesn't drop by as often. she's a fun person to talk to. she even drew a picture of me yesterday. awww.. that's so sweet of her.. ü

i'm not good with drawing, really. it's one of my frustrations (along with playing a musical instrument, composing a song and understanding higher mathematics, hahahahaha!) i wish i could draw something that looks *somewhat* human.. but alas, the most i could come up with are those stick figures :p oh well.

today, i wasn't as busy anymore. but i've been productive. and i'm still smiling. sort of. in spite of.. uhm.. well, in spite of *nothing* literally. hahahaha.

i do miss the ends of the alphabet. but at the moment, i don't really have it in me to be desperate or depressed. i can't afford that right now. so i'll stick with the kids meantime. takes loads off my mind.. hahaha.

pink ash

(taken at misato - while mom, dad & i are having dinner ü)

today has been a good day.
ok, so it's not *perfect* but so what?
i had fun. and i'm smiling.
ashes aren't always grey ü

am i really..?

hahahahahaha. "dull and frightening" huh?! sheesh (rolls eyes)
today i'm all perky and "sunshiny".. with a smile pasted on my face
yet i know i'm as dark (and twisty?!) as i used to be
oh well. guess i do have a lot in common with her
'nuff said. i'd better end this blogpost here hahaha

caged heart

another busy day for me. i spent practically my entire day cooped up in the ordp.. checking grading sheets against the permanent record.. and eventually encoding scores too.

well, i love honor roll work. it's just my kind of thing. i enjoy the monotonous job - probably coz i'm semi-autistic wahaha.

but right now i'm enjoying it for a different reason. it helped me somewhat. i'm having fun.. keeping extremely busy.

as soon as i got home, i worked on the newsletter (as well as some unfinished grades). i've been in front of my pc for at least 14 hours this day. i am exhausted (physically and mentally) and i love it. it's "work therapy" for me.. and i suppose it's working (pun intended).

so i have to grab some shuteye now. else i may not be able to wake up tomorrow. at all. hahahaha

there should be a word called "eludite"

love is smoke made with the fume of sighs; being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears. what is it else? a madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.

- william shakespeare

friend rizi sent me this quote. it just came to mind. don't know why, 'coz i'm not really feeling down and out. in fact, i've been acting all perky and "uppity" today. hmmm. maybe *acting* is the operative word there, hahahaha. sheesh. i never really know anymore. not anymore. tsk tsk.

whatever's repressed must be the reason why i was particularly eager to shop around again today. i bought 10 whiteboards and 5 geometry sets for our class (funded by our pta); 4 flash disks (512mb) for the honor roll committee (reimbursible, natch); a 2gb flash drive, stationery stuff, 2 pairs of footwear and a cutie keychain for me (out of my pocket, boo hoo hoo).

there's still something missing, though. my day's not complete. *i am not complete* and i don't like it. i hate that "eludite" feeling. *sigh* i'm hoping this is nothing but a residue of sleep deprivation..

it's been fun

this day can be described in *one* word.
E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G!!!!

what with my lack of sleep..
the unfortunate mishap with the questions..
the grumpy coaches..
the looooooong hours..
the heat inside the gym..
the traffic..
the ignored texts..
and my splitting headache..

hmm. what else is there to say?!

oh well. it's not been a *total* disaster.
it was quite an adventure.. and our hosts were great.
they kept feeding us 'til we were stuffed, hahaha.
i just hated that *major* boo-boo with the 2nd year questions.
now *that* was *really* embarrassing. sheesh.

gotta go now.. else i throw up.. ewwww

lovely.. just lovely

i had a lovely day today.. for several reasons:

1) my stay at school was quite productive - was able to finish the rating for the recognition day leader/model student awards haha! was also able to meet for the honor roll work. my geom class got their handouts too.

2) cousin doms and i are ok again. hmm. he's still got a lot to learn about relating with people. i keep forgetting how "kiddie" he could be at times. oh well. at least i'm glad to have him back :p

3) nice new song at prax. "circle of life" wasn't really my type. until i heard rannie's arrangement. hahahaha. cool. can't wait to learn that new (challenging) song :)

4) glad i was able to go to rein's place tonight. it felt good. really good >:)

ok, it's been a looong day. i've another equally looong one ahead. i seriously have to get some shuteye..

blind them all

as far as clothes and fashion are concerned, i'm not the person to consult. i'm not good with makeup, hair/nail care and the like. i fret about what to wear to (semi?)formal events. our school's upcoming prom on the 24th being the case in point.

this year's js prom has a 'masquerade' theme. everyone's supposed to wear a mask. including us teacher-chaperones. haha. great. well, i may not be very good with looking all glamorous/elegant; but i'm damned good at disguises (ha! i'm soooo good at being inconspicuous that most of the time i am 'invisible' wahahaha).

needless to say, i'm great with masks. like rainie in "dream country", i wear masks everytime i go out. and i like to keep my 'faces' around.. even when i don't wear them anymore.

"don't let them see you're afraid" or lonely. or sad. or tired. or hurting.

don't let them see you at all..

PS i love you

ü happy valentine's day ü

to walk or not to walk

the question seems pointless.

ever wonder what it's like to walk a knife's edge? it's scary that you will fall if you make the *slightest* mistake. but what's terrifying is that everytime you take a step, you'll bleed. and the longer you walk, the deeper the cut. but you can't stay in one place forever 'coz then you're sure to fall.

just my thoughts at the moment.

funny valentine

ok, so it's not funny. not at all. but it does sort of make me laugh.

i spent practically my whole day at school today. trying to come up with questions for that contest we'll be judging this coming saturday. sheesh. up to now i still am not done with them problems. damn. and to think that i originally planned to spend the day elsewhere. damn, damn, damn! wahahaha.

well, at least all that thinking distracted me. so now i'm tired. physically and mentally. good. maybe this is good. hahaha. what a funny valentine this is turning out to be. damn.

2nd, 3rd, 4th, ...

wahahahaha :p got this "cutie" toon from X some time back. ok, ok.. it's kinda morbid. still, i like it.

second chance to live. another chance at life. hmm. you'd think that if you were given the opportunity to make things better.. to do things right.. you'd jump at the chance to *really* do good. you'd think that you'd have learned your lesson. but no.. it does not always happen that way. and i don't know why that is so.

oh well. maybe some are fast learners while some are late bloomers. haha. yeah, right. *sigh* even with the risk of a broken neck and all.. sometimes it still feels great to fall..

depends on who "you" is

back to pon & zi picture posts for me (for the meantime, at least). hmm. so far this saturday is turning out fine. i slept quite late (er.. "early" that is) last night - around 1am i think. it's been a while since i've done that.. but it *does* feel goooood! :p hahahahaha. i had a good night's sleep - dreamt of nice things.. the kind you forget upon waking, but nevertheless still enable you to feel sorta happy.. that kind of dreams.

right now i'm getting ready to tutor my tutee (is there really such a word?!) - just a couple of stones' throw away from our house. it's been a while since i've gone to her place, too.

hahaha. it's funny how there seem to be a lof of "it's been a while"s for me :p and it's also weird how my mind works.. and how powerful dreams (as well as imagination, visualization, or whatever heck you call it) truly are. hmmm. just some minor modifications next time.. and things will be back to a-ok.. wahahahahaha.

oh.. and by the way, the title is grammatically correct hahahaha :)

____________

today is the deadline for submitting the 3rd quarter grades.
i have *not* submitted mine.
oh, the grades are ready. but i'm not.
i don't want to pass my grading sheets yet.
i'm having second thoughts.
and to just hand over my folder to the records officer..
well, that just seems so.. final.
so i'm holding on to it for the meantime.
even if all i ever do is *look* at the damned sheet.
it's not as if i can magically change those grades into something more satisfactory.
well, actually, i can.
but i won't. it simply is not done that way.
so i continue to hold on.
i continue to do nothing.
even if it does not make sense.
even if it's really irrational.
and even if it's not exactly "healthy" or "beneficial" for me to do so.

it's not so difficult to read between the lines, is it?

i love neil gaiman

there are quite a few things i learned from neil gaiman's sandman. most of which (quite literally) saved my life.

death kept me cheerful in a weird sort of way.
delirium showed me that some truths are "knowable".. except that they're too deeply hidden.
nuala helped me realize that sometimes loving someone is not enough.
and morpheus. well..
morpheus taught me the value of dreams - and how dangerous they can be.
he taught me a lot about change. and how sometimes you have to either change or die (according to lucien).
i also learned a thing or two about the inevitability of things. about love. about broken promises. about escape. about forgiveness. about courage. about grief. about moving on.
hmmm. and quite a lot more lessons, really. but i don't want to write them all down here.

the sandman is *not* just a wonderful story/comic book or a work of great art for me (though it is both). it's a peek into a reality i've always known.. even if only in that dark realm of dreams.

thanks, neil. i owe you much.

my perfect wednesday

thought it would turn out to be a perfect day.. what with the rain and all. tsk tsk. too bad the rain didn't last. damn. i hate the message. but no.. i won't focus on that right now. i'm feeling too damned sucky to add to my gloom.

anyway. i'm here at starbucks megamall (4th floor, as usual). and i'm all by myself. yup. i spent the day *alone* hahaha. and i'm enjoying the solitude. oh yeah.. i tutored alexis.. then after that, touie's gal (+ chris). but basically, i'm all alone today. and i looooove it. i can be alone with my thoughts. i can think of whatever i wanna think about. i can just be my own melancholy self.. pining for the rain that wouldn't come. damnit.

well. enough of that for now. i'm also working on that songbook thingy while killing time. and reading (re-reading, that is) "world's end."

this day is just so lonely. i love it.

it's all in there

"we all not only could know everything. we do. we just tell ourselves we don't to make it all bearable."

"not knowing everything is all that makes it okay."

- sandman vol. 7

"this is true, it's wise and sad, but it depends for its truth on the coin's other side. mortal humans possess the secrets known to gods, and these secrets are often painful. to negate the pain, men and gods forget, pretend to forget, then forget to pretend, but the great secret knowledge remains within, ready to be gained again, however partially. we share more than the brevity of life with the endless." (peter straub - afterword to "brief lives")

* * *

hmmmm. maybe death's right. it's all in here.. just within reach.. but too terrifying to know. too scary to think about.

and i would have to agree with del on this one, too. there are some things you'd rather just *not* know. stuff that you're itching to find out about.. but would kill you to learn..

disjointed thoughts

"There is no expiation, none.
A bitter load I bore:
Now I shall love you nevermore,
Never and nevermore.

"There is no touch or tone of yours
Can make the old love wake."
She said: "But I will follow you,
Even for the old love's sake."

Oh, he has kissed her on the brow,
He took her by the hand:
Into the sunless land they went,
Into the starless land."

the sunless lands. i've been thinking about that these past days. and to think i didn't even know him that well. i didn't remember his face. his name didn't even ring a bell. *sigh* but it saddened me deeply. and i don't know why.. :(

* * *

just some quotes that interest me today. my brain is semi-functional. and well.. these are just the stuff that occupy my mind at the moment. wahahaha. guess i'm back to my usual self. hmmmm. it's good to be me. in spite of who i am..

* * *

"Do not tempt a woman; she will kill you faster than a man, and for less, though she will weep afterward."

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."

"Pessimism is just an ugly word for pattern recognition."

"I tell myself it's not the fall. Falling doesn't hurt... it's when you stop." - John Constantine; Sandman #3

I could never again be an angel... Innocence, once lost, can never be regained. Lucifer, in "The Sandman:Season of Mists"

People think that Hell is fire and brimstone and the Devil poking you in the butt with a pitchfork, but it's not. Hell is when you should have walked away, but you didn't . -- Jack Grimaldi: Romeo Is Bleeding

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. " - Oscar Wilde

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster... for when you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you." --Friedrich Nietzsche

[God] You have been unhappy because you've desired things that cannot be.
[Lucifer] That's what desire is. The need for what we can't have. The need for what's readily available is called greed. -- Lucifer "All we need of Hell" Mike Carey.

enter sandman

"he's not mine, is he?.. his madness.. his madness keeps him sane.."

so says delirium (speaking about emperor norton I) to dream in sandman: fables & reflections.

not all who appear normal on the outside are sane. sometimes, the sanest people in the world live with unspeakable madness inside them.

my point being..? hmm. nothing, really. i just find myself in the company of morpheus again. and it's not so bad, really. 'coz he's one of my favorite people. one of the few i can relate to.

hmmm. i don't know if it's normal - relating with someone who does not exist. hahaha. but then again.. he's real and not real at the same time. he wouldn't be dream otherwise.

i wouldn't have him any other way.

"his madness keeps him sane.."

hmmm. so does mine. so does mine..

coco loco

DA COCONUT NUT

The coconut nut is a giant nut
If you eat too much, you'll get very fat
Now, the coconut nut is a big, big nut
But this delicious nut is not a nut

It's the coco fruit (it's the coco fruit)
Of the coco tree (of the coco tree)
From the coco palm family

There are so many uses of the coconut tree
You can build a big house for the family
All you need is to find a coconut man
If he cuts the tree, he gets the fruit free!

The coconut bark for the kitchen floor
If you save some of it, you can build the door
Now, the coconut trunk, do not throw this junk
If you save some of it, you'll have a second floor!

The coconut wood is very good
It can stand 20 years if you pray it would
Now, the coconut fruit, to tell you the truth
You can probe it or use it as firewood!

The coconut leaves goodd shade it gives
For the roof, for the walls up against the eaves
Now, the coconut fruit, say my relatives
Make good cannonballs up against the thieves!

It's the coco fruit (it's the coco fruit)
Of the coco tree (of the coco tree)
From the coco palm family
Ole!

believe it or not, we're going to study this song. wahahaha. another one of direk ran's loony ideas. oh well. it's for the homecoming celebration this coming march04. well. i'm not excited to learn this.. but i guess it would still be fun.

sheesh. coconuts. we're all turning loco. loco-nuts. wahahahaha!! :p what's next?!?

loony luna

hmmm. this day sure felt.. umm.. different. it ZIPPED by! sheesh. everything was so fast forward. i can barely remember what happened to my day, hahahaha!

this morning, i gave the handout for geom and started the new chapter on angles. then i finished the math10 sample problems - had fun making up those cartoony examples, hehe. dad picked me up around 3pm.. and (believe it or not) by then i was *really* tired. i slept like a baby in front of the living room tv.

woke up with a splitting headache.. and i went with heids to prax. brought along my trusty sandman graphic novels (re-reading them for the 2nd time). i was absent last choir prax but didn't have time to catch up on learning the new song 'coz i was busy recording the other voices. haha. oh well. it wasn't that difficult anyway. still.. i wish i had more chance to just relax.

i got displaced from my usual place at the table. bummer. i'm not used to being at prax without a table to place my paper (and other writing paraphernalia) on. i sort of got disoriented after that. hahaha. the OC/auti in me is resurfacing again.

anyway, i guess this day is weird 'coz i didn't even get my caffeine fix. no starbucks today. darnit. oh well.. there's always tomorrow :p

oh. and moongirl? hahahaha. wish it were me. well, it is. *kinda* nuninuninuninu.. some bits of happy thoughts remain. hope they're enough to last me through this month..

the loooooove month

it's the first day of february and i'm freezing. wahahahahaha. literally. i went to school wearing a sweater 'coz i actually felt cold. sheesh. i don't know if it's the weather.. or if it's my current "loveless" state. hmm. i'd go for the weather, hahaha.

anyway, i thought this day would turn out really bad. no, not because it heralds the coming of the love month. but i had a *very* frightening dream last night. i dreamt i was in this weird murder mystery.. where i was a detective and i had to find out who the murderer was. and fast. well, what happened was that in the end, *everybody* got murdered. except me. and my two (or three?) companions. so that kinda implied that.. well.. the killer must've been one of us. creepy. but what was *really* scary was that i had this very freaky feeling that i was the unknown murderer. hahahaha. how crazy is that dream, huh?!?!

well. enough of that. the day turned out fine. no murders. no mysteries. just the usual. oh.. and i had fun tutoring alexis today :p hahaha. i'm glad we were able to cover so much in one session. i hope she aces her algeb class this sem :)

that's about it. have tons to do still. a math handout, newsletter articles to encode, songbook files to send, among others.

a weird but totally acceptable way to start the love month, haha. i am sooo looking forward to better things to come *fingers crossed*

today i wear red

well. in spite of yesterday's brouhaha, i'm quite happy :) excited, even. maybe 'coz it's the first time my happiness survived a beating, hehehe :p

i got a bonus today. literally. zoila from uap called up. said i had an unclaimed check. duh?!? i haven't been there since last summer. hahaha. so i have some extra money right now. great :)

there's always a reason to smile. i just have to be extra good at looking for it. i'm getting better, hehehe. so starting now, i wear red.

falling apart

i hate it when things fall apart.
darnit.
just when i thought i was on a roll.
oh well.
at least things sorted themselves out.
sort of.

not cheshire-like ok?

nice smile from a cute cat, wahahahaha :p
anyway, today i feel like grinning the same way.
nothing extraordinary happening..
except that i'm feeling quite "uppity" hahaha.
oh. and we finished the newsletter early, too.
just another reason to smile and be happy :)
hope the feeling lasts *this time*..

shining through

what does it take to warm an ice-cold heart?
how do you bring light to one that's so deep in darkness?
what would melt one that's turned hard as stone?
how do you bring back to life one that's already dead?
hmmmm.
i don't know.
all i know is that it *can* be done.
i should know.
it happened to me.
thank you.
for letting the love shine through again..

our deepest fear

bro obet cabrillas quoted this to us this morning. if there's one thing that really struck me in this year's recommitment seminar, it would have to be this. and i believe this is the *one thing* the Lord wanted to tell me today.

and right now, i'm happy. i'm at peace. and i feel LOVED :)

aaahhhh. thank You, Lord :)

OUR DEEPEST FEAR

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

x_x

my "unfeeling" episode ended drastically yesterday. and i don't know if i ought to be grateful or not.

it's weird how, when everything gets so chaotic and unbearable, my mind goes on "cruise mode" and just lets me operate as normally and as stoically as possible.

they say still waters run deep. maybe that's true in my case. and only *very few* people see just how deep i can be. and i thank God for those very few people. and i pray for them as well - that they may be blessed with patience, understanding and strength - 'coz heaven knows just how difficult i am to put up with.

i saw red

today i saw red.
thank God for that color.
it just might be my salvation.
oh. and thanks too, soulmate.
i always knew YOU were God-sent.
unlike all the rest of them.
hahahahahahahaha!
i'm stronger than i thought i was.
BRING IT ON!!!!

dead air

i'm sorry. i just CAN'T say it.. :'(

book hunting

i got an email update from national bookstore today so i browsed through their website (www.nationalbookstore.com) to see what interesting books i may find. haha. talk about being a geeky bookworm wahahaha! even online i just *have* to look for good reads. anyway, here are some of the titles that interest me..

FREAKONOMICS by steven levitt & stephen dubner
i dunno.. i guess i kinda need to understand why some things happen.. and how they happen, and so on. it's a book about wanting.. and how to get what you want. hahaha.. so is it any wonder why this interested me?!? :p


FRAGILE THINGS by neil gaiman
the second book of short story collections (the first was smoke & mirrors). well, i'm a neil gaiman freak.. so this needs no further explanation hahaha.


THE LADIES OF GRACE ADIEU by susanna clarke
i got interested when i read the book's description. it's like a dark fantasy thing.. which i'm soooo into right now. fits my mood, i suppose.. so there :p


FOR ONE MORE DAY by mitch albom
i loved 'tuesday with morrie' even though it was such a tear-jerker. i liked 'the five people you meet in heaven' too.. so it's kinda expected that i'd look forward to reading this. after all, it does seem like an interesting read. what would you do if you could spend one more day with a loved one you lost..?

THE WORLD IS FLAT by thomas friedman
ok, so i really have a geeky side. i'm curious by nature hahaha. and i've always been interested in the sciences.. even though recently i've mostly been using my literary/musical side. this looks promising :)


so there. my list of books to hunt down (and save up for!). *sigh* i seriously need to get additional shelf space..

missing me

"standing by my window, list'ning for your call.. seems i really miss you after all.."

weird. that's not even a favorite song of mine, but it's the one playing in my head right now.

lately i've been feeling somewhat.. uhm.. detached. from reality. from feeling. from people. from myself. i don't know why. it's as if i'm a totally different person. and i feel alienated in my own mind.

so what's missing? or who am i missing?

i think i myself am missing..

"and i'll always need you.. and if you ever change your mind, i'd still.. i will.. love you.."

upcat and more

results for UPCAT 2006 is out today! hmm. just when i'm supposed to give a long exam to my fourth year students this morning. hahaha. only 15 went to class. so naturally the test was postponed.

hmm. i don't know how i feel at the moment. about UPCAT. about writing. about the alphabet. about me. it's all so confusing and muddled, really.

and the paranoia? turns out it's just that. paranoia. but it's still there. it's still bothersome. like an itch that you can't get rid of. and the only remedy seems to take so long in coming.

darnit. i need to sleep this off. for a month and a half, at least.

the thing about paranoia

it sneaks up on you
it's uncontrollable
you're not quite sure what's real anymore
it eats you up
you feel helpless
and desperate
it sucks the life out of you
it makes you do stupid things
or devilishly cunning things

hmmm..
is this paranoia..
or a very well-developed
sixth sense..?

i hope it's the former

i'm not a ninja

umm. wait, that's not right. 'coz *i* am not pro at pretending to be a ninja. i'm not even *good* at pretending to be a ninja.

however. i'm *excellent* at pretending. "oh yes, i'm the great pretender.. wooh wooh.." wahahahahaha! :p yeah. i just keep getting better and better. at this.. and at some other things.. wahahahaha! :p

just came home from choir prax today. it's sooooooo hot outside! it just sapped the energy out of me. couldn't even wait for soulmate to get to st paul. had to get out of that darned place to my air conditioned room.

i hate the sun. when will the pouring rain come?!? i'm not happy with the extremely unsatisfactory drizzles that the sky's been trickling down on me these past days. i need a downpour. and soon..

don't be afraid of me.. yet

hahaha. for the past week, i've read four murder mysteries by agatha christie. and i'm on a roll! hahaha. not a killing spree, ok? but it's fun. i've been having the time of my life.. reading the murderous plots. wahahahaha. guess you could say it gives me release. somewhat :p

no need to be scared of me, though. i'm not insane. at least, i don't *think* so.. bwahahaha.. :)

yummy :p

i've been craving marshmallows for more than a month already :p wahahaha. i dunno why, but even before christmas, i've been scouting the groceries for my favorite kraft jet puffed mini mallows (my favorite flavor, by the way, is lime). guess the craving must've come from my looking for that "round & fluffy" gift for kris kringle. i had the darndest time trying to figure out what to give for that, wahahaha :p

well, today i got my wish. it took some time before i actually got it.. but the important thing is i got it. ahahahaha. yup. patience is a virtue. one that i have not yet fully developed.

i got my mallows now. i can't wait for my other wishes to be granted.. wahahaha.. :p

head in the clouds

a day after the healing session at moa and i'm feeling happy. yeah.. my heart's happy. at least, for now. hmm. i don't know if i'll ever be "healed" of my pessimism.. wahahaha.

anyway, i'm glad i finished the newsletter earlier yesterday. dad and i sent the pdf copy through the yahoogroups before we went to moa. good thing we did, too.. otherwise we wouldn't have been able to print the master copy 'coz i got home at almost 2am already.

friend rizi wrote a beautifully honest article. i have to admit.. i admire her courage. hmm. she wrote exactly what i wanted to write but couldn't. and in my style, too. sheesh. mom even thought it was i who wrote it. wahahaha. this is getting really creepy. soulmate, rizi and me. darnit. are we all *too* alike?!? bwahahaha. the answer scares me.. :p

MoA healing

just some pix from fr fernando suarez' healing session held at mall of asia today.
almost 6000 people lined up and waited for hours to get the chance to be healed.
i and my friends went there to serve. i was there from 2pm to 1am.
it was kinda tiring (to say the least!).. but worth it.
definitely worth it.. :)
happy in the meantime..?
i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. :p

snails

it's tough when things come apart.
it's tougher when things come part *everywhere*
it's toughest when things come apart everywhere..
and you want to reach out..
but you don't know how.

no, i don't like snails.
there are probably a thousand other things i don't like.
or stuff i can barely tolerate.
BUT..
nobody said friendship is always smooth sailing.
and if snails are part of the package..
WELL.
i suppose i can learn to tolerate them.
if not like them.
eventually.

she understands.
and snails or no snails..
right now, that's enough for me.

thanx sam

shopping therapy

today after the mass, bespren heids, nans, ellen and i went around cyberzone to look for an mp3 recorder/player for the music ministry. after almost an hour of searching, we finally decided on getting the 1Gb zen v plus. it's not perfect (they certainly can improve the controls.. the joystick's too small and the buttons are not so nice to the touch).. but it'll do. so right now, i have a new gadget to play with, hehehe :p

afterwards, we all went malling for our "shopping therapy" hehehe :p from mango.. to marks & spencer.. to bayo.. to g2000.. to kamiseta.. to terra nova.. we were shopping like crazy, hehe. well, what else should you expect? we were with nancy :p

it was a fun day for me. shopping therapy really works wonders. i have to say.. it may hurt the pocket somewhat; but for those few moments with a trouble-free mind.. it was certainly worth it.

the picture speaks for itself

well.. not really. i don't hate *everybody* - just a couple of people, hahahaha :p

it's been one really loooooong day. i was at st paul from 9am to 5pm. and in those hours, all sorts of not-so-good things happened. hmm. call me bitchy. call me "too easily affected." call me "OA" and overly-sensitive. i don't care. in my current state of mind (and heart), it takes *very little* to make me dangerously close to losing my cool.

on the up side, the omega issue took a back seat. i guess that's something i ought to be thankful for. though frankly, i really don't think it will be shelved for long. damn.

several ways to cope

the day just zipped by. and not because i was having fun or anything. on the contrary, this has been a lousy day. hmp.

woke up late this morning. for some reason, i was soooo tired. and sleepy. it took a huge effort to drag myself out of bed. so i got to school quite late. about 10 minutes late. and my class was kinda unruly. i suppose they noticed i was out of sorts.. and so they responded the way they did. felt like my head was drifting away somewhere far, far from my body..

i decided to go home early. i didn't feel like commuting, anyhow. dad picked me up from school.. then we went to hitop to just buy some snacks. i was really sleepy then so i dozed off a bit.

by the time i woke up, it was time to go to choir prax. i was still kinda tired.. but it didn't bother me so much. until cousin dom said that he couldn't bring the car. right. i couldn't bring mine either. coding. great. so i had to borrow my dad's car - and i don't think he was too happy with the fact that i had to. come to think of it, i don't think he was happy we had to go to prax. go figure. that always seems to happen. sheesh.

traffic was terrible, too. we passed by c5 initially.. but the cars were almost never moving.. so we took a detour and passed by shaw/mandaluyong. ha. not a good idea. we got stuck in traffic there too. sheesh. i was driving. i did not enjoy myself. my only consolation was that i was with cousin doms. he could be a really good conversationalist. especially when it comes to weird topics hahaha.

we got to st paul around 8pm already. i was a bit harassed by then. my legs hurt and my mood was nowhere improved. hmp. i hated the fact that i spent more time on the road than at practice. it just felt weird.

well, i'm home now. and i'm not too happy with that fact either. i don't know whether the folks resent the fact that i am able to drive when we go to practice. i don't know their beef with the choir.. and being the avoider that i am, i hate to be the one to bring that up. so meantime i just play dumb and stick my nose in this fat volume of a book that i borrowed from the library.

it's just one of the ways to cope i guess. a good murder mystery is just what i need right now. that.. and getting away from the house for a couple of hours a day, perhaps. and maybe a little 'water therapy' as well. hmm. i dunno..

oh. and omega looked sooooooooooo scrumptious. damn. this is NOT making my life any easier. not at all..