never thoughts

today's another carolling night! hmm. i noticed that i've been spending more time on the road than here at home. *sigh* well, it is fun to hang out with choir friends and sing christmas carols. but frankly, i do miss being with my mom and dad. hahaha. never thought i'd get the chance to say that.. 'coz for years i've always been a homebody.

come to think of it, this year, there have been a lot of "never thoughts" for me. and i do mean *a lot!* 2005 is probably the most "colorful" year i've ever had :p i'm really looking forward to the next year. new challenges. new adventures. new beginnings. new hope. :)

i wonder what's in store for me in 2006..?

gifts, gifts, gifts!

only 6 days to go before christmas! so many last minute preparations.. so many gifts to wrap.. so many items left to buy.. so little time (and money!) Ü hehehe. well, at least i'm pratically done with the christmas shopping (thank God!). now, all i have to do is wrap, wrap, wrap!

to be honest, i haven't wrapped a single gift this christmas season. oh, i don't know. i used to love wrapping presents. but this year, i shy away from it. maybe because now i'll be wrapping my gifts all by myself. and though my christmas list grew longer (mostly due to new friends in the choir), it also grew shorter by one :( hmm.

but as is the case with other things, i have no choice. i'll have to wrap those christmas presents.. and fast! time to get rid of all traces of the christmas blues. time to once again make my christmas pink Ü

i'm getting there.. again. just hope this time there won't be any turning back.. Ü

it could have rained

today is.. uhm.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yeah, today is sunday :p haha. our choir schedule has been soooo hectic that most of the time we forget what day it is already. anyway, today is sunday. an entire day has passed before i had time to sit in front of my pc and write anything at all.

my day started at around 7am. it took a lot of cajoling for me to rise from my bed. no, i didn't go to the rivers party last night (panay sayawan daw! hahaha.. i'm not really into dancing); but still, i slept quite late.. er.. 'early' morning, i mean. dunno. i just couldn't fall asleep. anyway. woke up 7am.. prepared to go to mass.. and by 8.30am we were already at megamall. after the tv mass, the choir went to novaliches (missionaries of charity brothers) for our joint outreach with the youth group and works of mercy ministries. i rode with friend glenda, along with bfl, cousin almi, eva and weng. (bfh rode with the others in the van) we had quite an adventure.. coz we got lost several times (hmm.. we didn't have a sketch, we didn't know the way, we had no other cars to follow, and heck, we didn't even know the name of the venue until much, much later!). but thanks to our combined IQs and streetsmart abilities (hahahahahaha!) we were able to reach the place on time.

after the outreach, friend glenda dropped me, bfl and almi at megamall. we ate a quick lunch before meeting up with bfh and the others. by 2.30pm we were off to nancy's.. to watch 'the buzz'.. and also to grab some shuteye, hehe ;p most of us were sooo tired by then (everyone lacked sleep. the long trip to nova didn't help replenish lost energy either) that we all just took our respective positions in the sofa and slept hehehe.

left nancy's at around 4.30pm. we all rode in one van (thanks soooo much mama liza!) going to alabang. it was fun to ride in a vehicle with everyone else. even though i wasn't able to rest much during the trip, i enjoyed myself 'coz everyone was in a good mood. oh.. and i was glad, 'coz at least bfh didn't have to drive for us all the way to the carolling venue :p

got a special treat when we arrived at atty. king rodrigo's place, by the way. i found out that my ate ke (my original 'big sis' when i was new in rivers) lived in the area too! practically only a stone's throw away from atty. rodrigo's house :) i took the opportunity to visit her.. just to chat, exchange some news.. and of course, lots of hugs ÜÜÜ ahhh.. i missed my ate ke. wish i could see her more often.. :p

by 8.30pm we headed back to nancy's (where bfh left her car). after freshening up a bit, bfh, bfl, cousin doms and i left. we stopped over at kfc shaw to buy some food, then proceeded to starbucks pearl drive to have our much-needed caffeine boost Ü hehe. boy, did we need caffeine to give us some energy! haha.. :p

now it's 11.30pm and i'm still wide awake. tired, yes.. but with just enough energy to write down how my day was Ü am i happy? hmm. yeah, i guess i could say that i am :) it didn't actually rain (not *that* much at least).. but it feels like it could have, hehe. i'm about as happy as i could be, given the circumstances.

tomorrow's gonna be another long day. i'm already looking forward to it. i wish it would rain.. Ü

female gabs

i got home around 1am again this morning. as we usually do, after the mass at megamall last night (for the 'anticipated simbang gabi'), bfh and i spent time together. we bought some last minute stuff for our 'inaanaks'.. then we had dinner and coffee. but mostly, we talked. and talked. and talked.

it's funny how girls never run out of things to say. we can be with each other practically 24/7 and yet always find stuff to talk about. well, i don't know if it's just me. maybe my life is so full of drama. hahaha. oh well.

i just happened to notice that when a group of girlfriends go out, there's always gossip.. or guy talk.. or fashion.. or any of the myriad of topics to gab about.

anyway, i had a great time last night. (bfh, sorry for the headache though, hehe :p) *sigh* admittedly though, i'm still quite confused. but like i said in my previous post.. i'll get over this. i have no choice..

confessions of an addict

just woke up, and boy, does my head hurt! it's also very hard to breathe. carp. my rhinitis is acting up again. my body's aching all over. guess this is what stress does to me.

made a blunder last night. i was having some problems here at home.. i was really stressed, confused, scared, lonely and depressed. i guess i had too many things on my mind yesterday. maybe it also had to do with "that time of the month." or perhaps it's because of hc (aka "wye"). or all of these combined. whatever. anyway, like i said, i made a blunder. i texted the first person i thought of whenever things went wrong. let's just call him "x." unfortunately, his reply only sort of made things worse. *sigh* that ought to teach me a lesson: never text anyone when you're upset. wait until your head has cleared.. or wait until you die of sorrow. haha. either way, you probably would not need to text the person anyway hehehe.

old habits die hard. old addictions are resurfacing. but by God, i *am* gonna get over this. i've got to. i have no choice..

Hard Habit to Break
Chicago

I guess I thought you’d be here forever
Another illusion I chose to create
You don’t know what ya got until it’s gone
And I found out just a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin’ you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it was all wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Chorus:
Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I don’t want to
Living without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting easier
It’s the hardest thing to take
I’m addicted to you baby
You’re a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason
You know I can’t blame you for running to her
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
I’m still tryin’ to shake it
Doin’ much better they say that it just takes time
But deep in the night, it’s an endless flight
I can’t get you out of my mind

Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don’t want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
It’s the hardest thing to take
I’m addicted to you
You’re a hard habit to break

I can't go on, just can't go on
I can't go on, just can't go on..

special request #1: look away

Look Away
chicago

When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found,
I said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.

Found someone else,
I guess I won’t be coming ’round.
I guess it’s over, baby;
It’s really over, baby, whoa...

And from what you said
I know you’ve gotten over me;
It’ll never be the way it used to be.
So if it’s gotta be this way,
Don’t worry, baby,
I can take the news okay.

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

When we both agreed as lovers,
We were better off as friends,
That’s how it had to be,
Yeah, that’s how it had to be.

I tell you I’m fine
But sometimes I just pretend;
Wish you were holding me,
Wish you were still holding me, whoa...

I just never thought,
That I would be replaced so soon;
I wasn’t prepared to hear those words from you.
I know I wanted to be free;
Yeah, baby, this is how we wanted it to be.

But if you see me walking by,
And the tears are in my eyes,
Look away, baby, look away.
If we meet on the streets someday,
And I don’t know what to say,
Look away, baby, look away.
Don’t look at me;
I don’t want you to see me this way.

When you called me up this morning,
Told me ’bout the new love you found.
I said I’m happy for you,
I’m really happy for you.

================================================
needless to say, friend sanny recommended this song to me today. hahahaha. thanx sanny. that's two thanx in a day you got from me :) sleep well!

X and Y

what's so special about the letters X and Y that they're always used as variables in math? why not use R or V? or maybe the first letters A and B? hmm. just wondering.. :p


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we had our homeroom christmas party this morning. ok, so it really wasn't much of a party. mostly it was just about food, food, food. and most everyone came late. hmm. my hyperacidid stomach started to give me trouble after a while - probably 'coz i drank soda without eating enough food. or maybe i was a bit tense. i dunno..

met with my ex at around 11.30am. hmm. i'd forgotten how much i'd missed him :p but it was nice to be in touch again after so many months. he's still easy to talk to, simple, down to earth and funny. he's still a really great guy - and much improved Ü hmm. i'm happy for him.

we ate lunch at CK - his treat (hehe.. 'ala siyang regalo sa 'kin kasi e). it was fun having lunch out with him again. we talked about all sorts of stuff: updates on family, acads, friends and orgs, and yes, even his female friend and his current crush :p

ok, i have to admit. there's still that *small* pang of jealousy when i heard about her. (ney kung nababasa mo 'to sorry.. di naman sinasadya e hehehe) but hey.. we're friends.. nothing more. and i of course expect us to move on with our lives. someday, i probably will have my own special someone - somebody who will be a true source of inspiration. i've kinda accepted that already, so there's no real danger of me stalking or scaring anybody. at least, i don't *think* so.. hehehe >:) jk Ü
===============================================

there are a lot of thoughts in my mind right now. mostly X's and Y's.. and they're kinda hard to process. hmm. i need my rest.. Ü

**what i learned at tonight's worship**

ok, i have a confession to make. when i heard sanny was going to lead tonight's praise and worship, i was really curious. i didn't know his lineup.. i didn't know what he had in mind.. and i haven't seen nor talked to him for quite some time. in short, i was excited for him Ü

by the time he started his praise at around 7.15pm, the first thought
that came to mind was "uy, parang kakaiba ito. kanta kaagad.. hindi
man lang nagsalita si sanny.." i have to admit, nanibago ako sa style
niya. and i suppose i was not alone in this. when they started to play
the next few songs, i found them a bit unfamiliar.. so i had to really
look at the lyrics flashed on the screen so i could sing along.

hmm. tonight's worship was different, to say the least. the songs were
not those we usually sing in rivers. i heard some people remark that
the songs were quite "loud." umm.. ok, i guess it depends on one's
"taste." for me, that was fine - the songs were upbeat.. probably more
for the "youth" or "yuppies".. but they were good songs with simple
lyrics. easy to learn and very fun to dance along to Ü but what makes
tonight's worship very special for me is just this. it *was* different!

i saw the varying reactions of the people around. i also noticed my
own reactions, and the thoughts that came to my mind as i sat there at
the megatrade hall. ok, so admittedly, at the start, i was really at a
loss what to do. the worship was so radically different from what i
was used to that i didn't know how to act and where to place myself.
but the moment i opened my mind and heart to what was happening.. and
really tried hard to see beyond the differences.. and find the *heart*
of the activity, i found that i was enjoying myself Ü sanny did a
great job of exhorting the people.. and so did the singers, who were
actively urging the people to stand, to clap and to dance Ü

and after a while, they did! tentatively at first, and then with much
gusto Ü i was very proud of two sisters in the ministry of prayer.. as
well as some of the body praise ministers who were the first to stand
up in the middle of worship. to make a confession, nahiya nga ako e.
naisip ko, dapat nauna rin akong tumayo.. kahit na wala pang ibang
tumatayo. not just because the worship leader belongs to our ministry.
but because i belong to the worship cluster. kung hirap mag-lead sa
mga tao ang worship leader, responsibilidad ko rin na tumulong para
madala ang ibang tao.

natuwa ako nung tumayo na rin ang music ministers kasi maraming iba
pang tao ang sumunod. and i realized that that is the way it should
be. members of the worship cluster working together to lead people
into praising God. because sanny was not alone in leading the
congregation. even though i was standing in the sideline tonight, i
was still a music minister. and it was really very liberating to just
sing and dance with the crowd.. and to see everyone else enjoy the
"different" kind of worship that we had tonight.

nasiyahan ako ngayong gabi. kasi marami akong natutunan sa worship
kanina. pwede palang maging kakaiba ang mga kanta.. kakaiba ang
paraan.. pwedeng mangapa ka sa simula.. pwedeng malito nang kaunti
dahil hindi ang kinagawian mo ang ginagawa. pero sa huli, ang mahalaga
pa rin pala, yung binuksan mo ang puso mo sa Panginoon.. na binigyan
mo siya ng papuri nang buong makakaya mo Ü

i thank the Lord for smiling tonight. i know He was happy with the
worship we offered. thanks, sanny.. for allowing us to experience a
different way of praising the Lord Ü

why i like denim jeans

today my thoughts turn to denim. here are some of the reasons why i just loooove wearing jeans:

* denim is durable. a pair of jeans can last for years. they are machine washable; no special care instructions necessary. they are very easy to maintain and care for. they can be ironed, if you wish.. although most jeans do not need to be.

* they're versatile. you can wear them with roundnecked shirts or collared blouses. you can jazz them up with rhinestones and sequins for a more glammed up look. a simple pair of denim jeans can be transformed from plain, ordinary casual to Über chic with only a couple of accessories.

* jeans are comfortable to wear. you don't have to worry about wrinkling your denims each time you sit or stand.

* they come in a variety of styles and designs. they have flare jeans, slim fit, straight cut, boot leg (hehe), button fly, low waist, elephant, faded, distressed, etc. etc. and to think that these come in all sorts of colors: from the traditional blues to blacks, browns, whites, khakis and yes, even reds, greens and pinks! haha! the only drawback here is that it's soooo difficult to choose that perfect pair of jeans! :p

* jeans have lots of pockets. i especially like those that have weird-looking pockets.. or an unusual number of them, at least. i saw one that had at least 10 different pockets. aside from the usual 4 (and that smaller inner pocket at the right side), this pair of jeans had pockets on pockets.. and 2 or more located near the hem of the pants. hehe. cool :)

* they hide a multitude of bodily flaws. hahaha. if you're like me, you probably have a lot of bulges that you'd like to hide. that's one reason why i love jeans. they can make you look slimmer than you really are.. and (provided you wear the proper size and style, of course), they can give the illusion of height too. plus, they can make your booty look more "booty-licious" as well, hehehehe Ü

* you can find them practically anywhere. there's no need to go to special boutiques just to buy them. they come in all sorts of price ranges, too. from the cheapest bargain buys to the priciest designer labels.. you can take your pick among the hosts of "perfect denims."

* jeans help bridge the gap among classes. well, when you think of it, it's true Ü almost everyone i know wears jeans. young, old, rich, poor, male or female.. you see all kinds of people wearing jeans. (ok, i admit.. i really was shocked to find out that friend carl does not own a single pair! but he's a different case hehe)

tonight i'll be at the mall again. hmm. i have some cash with me. i just might go denim-hunting later hehehehe Ü

men are from uranus

today i ate lunch with friends mich and cye at chocolate kiss. it was nice to spend time with them again. i just realized that i haven't been keeping in touch so much with my other friends outside the choir. it was kinda refreshing to be with my co-workers for a change Ü

well, we three were talking about a common issue: men. can't live with them.. can't live without them. hahaha. i wonder if that's true :p see, it's like this. cye is newly married. mich has this jerk who's causing conflict between her and a co-worker. and i.. well, let's just say i really don't understand a certain guy.

what is it with men anyway?! i mean, from all the stuff i've been hearing from friends (and from my experience too), it seems that guys just can't seem to stop flirting. whether the man is single, with a gf, married, divorced, young, old, handsome, nerdy.. it matters not. guys will *always* be in pursuit of women. then, when their "prospects" start falling for them, they drop the poor girls like hot potatoes. it always turns out to be the woman's fault: "e friends lang naman talaga tayo di ba? bakit ka kasi umasa..?" "talaga lang sweet ako sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko.. walang malisya 'yon.." and the list of all their excuses goes on and on and on..

i really feel for mich. too bad she's caught in between the jerk and our poor friend who's blinded by his extremely misguided egotism. i certainlywouldn't want to be in her position right now.

*sigh* i think i learned a lesson or two from lunch today. hmm. no matter. 0.5 > 0. for now, at least.. hehehe.

pink Christmas

i know you’ve heard of a white Christmas.. and yes, even a blue one (so goes the song). but i bet you never thought of Christmas as pink Ü they say that pink is the color of happiness. hence, when gaudete sunday comes, we light the pink candle in the advent wreath. well, that happens to be my favorite color. and while others may think of red and green this holiday season, for me, this Christmas is pink Ü

only a few weeks ago, i dreaded december. i was afraid of what the Christmas month would have in store for me. yes, i worried about my unfinished Christmas shopping list (still undone, hehe) and the tons of activities lined up - at work and in the ministry. but mostly, i was afraid of the “holiday blues.”

it’s true that special occasions mean rest and relaxation for most - a chance to celebrate and to unwind. but not for me. for the past months, i dreaded birthdays, vacations and other holidays. not because i did not want to relax. i hated them because i was spending them alone for the first time in four years.

breakups are messy. always. but as with all heartaches, the pain heals in time. Ps 30:5 says, “..weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” and i really believe that is true Ü because the Lord wipes away the tears and mends the wounds - no matter how deep they may seem to be at first.

God has used so many people to hasten my healing process - loving parents, friends in the ministry, in the community and even at work. in my busyness, He gives me a sense of accomplishment. in our hectic Christmas carolling schedule, the Lord makes me feel joy and love. yes, He has been faithful to His promise; He has restored me to health and healed all my wounds (Jer 30:17). so that slowly but surely, my fears abated.. and i learned to genuinely smile again Ü

december 2005 is probably my most memorable Christmas ever. because this time, i received truly wonderful gifts from my Special Someone: peace. healing. fulfillment. love. joy. Ü

“You turned my mourning into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy.” (Ps 30:11) yes, this is a merrily pink Christmas indeed Ü

carolling pix

hehehe. this is our most recent "class pic" in the music ministry Ü it was taken when we went carolling at tita vicky sy's place last night. hmm. we look nice in red, don't we? :p









here i am with bestfriends heidi (left) and lian (right). our good friend and hilariously wacky companion wally is at the back. hehehe.. don't we all look gorgeous?! Ü








here are some of our other choirmates: hilda, ellen, tita may, lester and allan. the only one not wearing red is choir director rannie. hahaha. pasaway ang musical director namin wahehehe :p







here we are, singing christmas carols for the sy's and their guests. can you find me in the picture? Ü

happy Ü

hehehe. i'm happy Ü i know this normally isn't such big news for most.. but if you're a friend of mine who's been with me for the past months, this is big news hehehe ;p

i thought i'd dread december. thought i'd hate having to spend christmas "loveless." but hey.. i can make mistakes too. turns out this has been one of the most enjoyable holiday seasons ever Ü partly 'coz of the many good changes i've been experiencing lately. and of course, because of our choir's carolling schedule Ü

i've lost some weight these past months. at first, i suppose it was post-breakup stress. but now..i guess i've been shedding the pounds coz of the tons of activities we have - at school, but mostly in the music ministry. heck, our weekends this december are all booked! well, maybe this will help keep the pounds off a bit longer than usual, hehehe.

just got home from our carolling activity tonight. my vocal cords are *really* strained and i need to rest. hehe. just couldn't resist updating this blog right now.. and posting this recent pic too Ü

my christmas wish list

Grown Up Christmas List
(Kelly Clarkson)

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up Christmas List
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars will never start
And time will heal our hearts
Every man will have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end
This is my grown up Christmas List

May kindness rules our lives
Not just the strong survive
Sweet tears for all the thousand years on mind
This is the world I pray
We will all share some way
Help me begin by reaching out my hand

Why does this illusion call the innocence of you?
Maybe when the time believe we can find the truth
No...

No more lives torn apart
That wars will never start
And time will heal our hearts
Every man will have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end
This is my grown up Christmas List

This is the prayer that I will keep
This is my grown up Christmas list
Christmas list

hmm. this isn't a profound "grownup christmas list" like the song says. it's just a list of things i wish i had this christmas.. :p hehehe. read on.
note: not all of these actually exist.. but heck, it's just a wish list.. hehe.

* a finished article, ready for submission to a refereed journal - the only thing i need to get tenure and not get sacked from work (boy, do i NEED this! and fast...)

* a fully functional car that uses only water for fuel (given the extremely high cost of gasoline these days, this would REALLY help a lot hehe)

* a fulltime masseuse/reflexologist to massage away my tiredness and stress

* a totally new wardrobe to usher in the new year

* free home service: body scrub, derma, the works! hahaha.. i just wanna be pampered..

* my very own laptop/notebook and digital camera (no, i don't *need* these stuff.. but it would be really cool to have them hehehe)

* a pet rabbit/cat that doesn't need to be taken care of

* passes to an unlimited number of movies for an entire year

* unlimited coffee privileges at any starbucks/gloria jeans coffee house

* the ability to play at least one musical instrument (one of my biggest frustrations in life hehehe)

* a penthouse with a small pool (like the one we saw at the malayan tonight during our carolling)

* someone who will give me his complete and undivided attention and affection - even only for this christmas vacation :p (hehe... i'll make sure to reciprocate)

* good health and fortune for me and *all* my loved ones and friends (see? i'm not planning to hog all the wishes for myself, hehehe)

* world peace (seriously! hey, beauty queens aren't the only ones entitled to this wish you know!)


i'll probably think of other stuff to add to this list Ü

what's on YOUR christmas wish list?

breathe deeply..

*deep breath* aaaaahhhhh..

this is another busy, busy, busy weekend for me! later at 1pm, i'll go to upis for the alumni homecoming (all batches welcome). just wanna be there to meet up with some of my former students Ü from there, i'll probably go home first.. and wait for bfh to pick me up to go to choir practice (4-5.30pm). afterwards, we'll go a-carolling once more! we'll be off to ortigas to sing for the tv mass ministry christmas party at 6.30pm Ü

hmm. i don't know what time i'll be home tonight (or tomorrow, hehe); but i'm pretty sure this will be another excitingly jam-packed day hehe :p so will tomorrow. what with the live tv mass in the morning and another carolling session in the evening.. well, this weekend's going to be a *very* hectic one Ü

it's a good thing we're practically on christmas vacation already Ü

0.5 > 0

"It's hard to pretend you love someone when you really don't but its harder to pretend you don't love someone when you really do."

that's one of the love quotes i found at lovelandia.com Ü hmm. i'm not in love right now. well, at least, i don't think so :p (maybe i'm just in denial..?! hehehe) but i'm happy. *very* happy. hehe. the rain probably had something to do with it.. but i guess it's much more than that now. hmm.

for years, i've known i could somehow "see" into the future. not always, mind you. but there are moments when i just *know* that something's going to happen. i'm getting that feeling again right now. and i've been feeling that for the past week. hmm. something great.. something happy..

i'm keeping my fingers crossed.. :p

rainy day bliss

aaaaahh!! i just looooove this day! :D i didn't realize how much i missed the rain until i saw the grey skies once again. hmmm. i enjoyed the cool weather.. the tiny raindrops.. the wet grass.. everything!! what a perfect, perfect, perfect day! :D

i've been feeling happy for the past few days, actually.. and i'm relishing every moment Ü this mood started last tuesday - i was in a really good mood during choir practice. hahaha. dunno why, but i just felt so worry-free and alive Ü i remember coming home at around 1am wednesday (of course, i was with bfh and bfl - drank coffee at starbucks katips), falling asleep at 2.30am, and waking up 7am feeling totally refreshed and yes.. happy Ü i spent my wednesday (yesterday) morning just relaxing here at home. went to megamall for the prayer meeting in the evening. and although last night's service didn't go well at all (partly due to the sound system and cdr's distracting mistakes :p but mostly due to the sort of dull and indifferent mood of the people there. go figure), i was in a really "up" mood - even after the mass.

and then there's today. a perfectly rainy day. not just any rain. MY kind of rain - gentle and unobtrusive. the kind that keeps me company. the kind that makes me smile. the kind of rain that i can walk in and not get sick :p *contented sigh* i just love my rain Ü i wish every day would be like this.. Ü

postscripts:
1) i just got the batch2005 yearbook! it's *really* nice! hmm. i wonder when i'll see a copy of the 2001 yearbook.. *sigh*
2) i find the above picture really cute :p i could be the penguin.. though he looks sad.. and i'm extremely happy Ü

on life and noisy engines

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained... "It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

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hehehe. i found this joke more amusing than funny, really.. and i can't help but notice that oftentimes, we do just as the flight attendant in the joke did. when we hear things we do not like or do not agree with, we tend to tune them out. instead of looking at the problems squarely, we simply find people who will tell us that everything is fine - we have absolutely nothing to worry about.

a new (and probably deaf) pilot.. a "loyal" yesman.. a fair-weather friend.. an opportunistic adviser. hmm. are these really the people we want to have with us when we hear the noises in the engine of our lives? are these the ones we rely on for guidance and support when we encounter problems?

turning a deaf ear to noisy engines. admittedly, i've been doing this quite often. it's been some kind of habit i guess. but it's never too late to learn the lessons of the past. not 'til the plane has crashed, so to speak.

i've heard noises in my engine. i'm going to hunt for my Old Pilot Ü

i knew mr. brightside

i already knew the answer to this.. but i took the test anyway.. :p

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

as for this 2005 song.. well, i'm not familiar with it. but the words *do* seem interesting.. hehehehehehe >:)

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers "It started out with a kiss How did it end up like this It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss" Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, letting me go

And I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

now for this next one.. well, what can i say?!? ahahahaha. I WISH!!!! ;p

You Are Sensual Sexy

You exude a luxurious sensuality in your everyday life Turning heads everywhere you go, it's all about your sexy attitude. You're naturally hot - gorgeous in both sweats and stilettos. Your biggest problem is that your ultra sexy self sometimes scares men away.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

i have a PhD in MEN!??! hahahahahahaha!!! so how come i don't have one right now?!? >:p

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

just some lovequotes from blogthings:

Your Love Quote

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Love makes the wildest spirit tame, and the tamest spirit wild. True love stories never have endings.

What Love Quote Suits You?

a poem out of nowhere

this morning a poem sort of wrote itself in my mind. i wasn't sure at first what it was about.. until i made time this evening to "listen" to my brain. anyway, this is what came out. it isn't a literary masterpiece.. but i'm ok with that.. :D


I LOVE YOU

the first time i laid my eyes on you
i saw only beauty
and my heart was filled to overflowing
right then and there
i loved you

you did not know me then
yet i watched your every move
i counted each smile, each tear
i've always been there
i loved you

i saw you spending all your time and energy
on work, on friends and on family
i wondered whether you ever thought of me
but i continued waiting
i loved you

more than a thousand times you've hurt me
with thoughtless words and unkind deeds
but mostly with your indifference
yet through it all
i loved you

the years have not all been kind to you
i've seen you get hurt and broken
more times than you could count
yet even in your suffering
i loved you

i saw through your protective masks
and recognized your wounded spirit
i wanted to take away your pain
to free you from your burdens
i loved you

nothing i desire ever compared with you
though you did not yet love me
i chose to give up everything for you:
my body, my blood and yes, my very life
i loved you

at last, you took notice of my sacrifice!
and my love for you drew you near
but do not hide your face from me
i still think you are beautiful
i love you

my love, i have absolutely no regrets
a million and one lifetimes
i'd gladly offer up
yes, each and every one - for you
i love you

the first time i laid my eyes on you
i saw only beauty
now, as i hang dying here on the cross
taking away your sin
taking away your shame
healing your brokenness
healing all your pain
i gaze at you
and i still see only beauty

i love you

brats!!!

i should have known. after a great weekend, i should have expected a not-so-great day at school.

i was greeted early in the day with a bunch of students who couldn't sit still even for a lousy minute. in spite of repeated warnings. in spite of dagger looks from me. and in spite of the fact that i've been extremely patient with them for the entire sem. ha!!

ok, so math isn't exactly the most exciting subject for most people. nevertheless, the lesson is hard enough as it is... they could at least exert a bit more effort into studying. sheesh. what do they want me to do?! declare an early christmas break from all math learning? hahaha. if they keep up their unruliness, i just might. but i'm definitely going to make sure they do not enjoy their "break" the least bit hahahahahahahahahahahaha

a few words of caution to all concerned: i don't get mad. i get even. hehehe.. things are looking up.. >:)

a great satursunday

i left the house saturday morning.. and came home sunday night. aaahhhh.. it's been a really great weekend!!! :D extremely hectic.. but wonderfully so, hehe.

i mentioned before that i'm not really *into* the christmas season. but i also said that i'm going to look for my lost christmas spirit. guess i'm going to find it, after all :D nothing like christmas music, singing and spending time with great friends to bring back the "magic" and blessedness of the season.. :p

be forewarned. the following is a long and rambling account of my weekend. read at your own risk.. hehehe :p

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my saturday began the usual way: checking emails, updating my blogs, etc. but by 11.15am, it was off to choir practice (12-3pm)! hmm. i didn't even have time to eat a decent lunch - only had time for a few quick bites before leaving the house. i enjoyed the ride with bfh ('bestfriend heidi') - hadn't done that in a long time - and we got to the practice with lots of time to spare :p

cdr ('choir director rannie') let us off by 2.15pm, as he was still extremely tired from lack of sleep. great timing.. 'coz at least we got the chance to eat a proper lunch. from rivers center, i, bfh and bfl ('bestfriend lian') (along with glenda, tita may, the cruzes, and mel) walked to chowking to finally eat our fill :p

by 3.30pm, we were back at st. paul to sing some joyful songs and prepare cdr's piano pieces for the caroling at sis luz mojica's place. bfh, bfl and i left st. paul at around 4.30pm to pick up nancy at her place, and cousin almi at shopwise libis. by 5.30pm we were all on our way to sis luz' place. and boy, was that an adventure!! haha.. it was fun, trying to read the streetnames at vista verde at night. hehehe. my deep-hidden navigation skills were put to the test then.. hahaha.

the caroling went well, in spite of the heat inside the house. there was food (lots of it!).. laughter.. singing.. and of course, FRIENDS! :p yup, it's really christmas! hehe. we left sis luz' place at around 9.30pm. full of food (and christmas spirit), we all went our separate ways (after another 'adventurous' convoy going out of the subdivision, hehe)

bfh, bfl and i went to starbucks blue wave afterwards. drank coffee to 'aid digestion'. haha. yeah, right. bfh was just looking for an excuse to enjoy a grande capuccino :p it was funny how we've spent the entire day together, yet still were able to find stuff to talk about. haha. guess that's how girls really are :p

i slept over at bfh's place last night (too bad bfl couldn't come, though. maybe next time) it was fun. not just 'coz of the company (met her youngest bro, joel too).. but also because it's nice to have a change of atmosphere from time to time. it was my first time to sleep over at her house. and though i had a really loooong and tiring day.. and though we slept at around 1am and had to wake up at 7am for the sunday mass, i woke up feeling refreshed :)

the rest of sunday went well, too. after the TV mass, i spent time with my cute cousins.. going around the mall (and having enough money to buy some neat stuff, hehe).. alternately gorging ourselves with chicken & fries and walking around 'til our feet almost killed us. hahahaha. what a life!!! <--- i meant that in a *really* good way

now i'm back home. i missed being in the house. i missed my room. i missed my PC. (sheesh, you'd think i was gone for a month! hahaha) and now that i've checked my mail and updated my blog, i'm ready to turn in :p *sigh* life is good. REALLY good. i hope the rest of the week will be, too :)

sandman and morpheus

*yawn* i just woke up from a night of weird dreams and hourly interrupted sleep. hmm. strange, though. i don't really feel tired or disoriented. in fact, i was able to rest quite well, in spite of the eerily disjointed dreams.

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"The Sand-man was a story from 1817 written by E. T. Hoffmann. He also wrote the Nutcracker. The narrator's mother explains that as a child she explained she would say the Sand-man is come to her children and it meant: "...you are sleepy and can't keep your eyes open, as if somebody had put sand in them." An old woman in the story paints a more ferocious picture: "Oh! he's a wicked man, who comes to little children when they won't go to bed and throws handfuls of sand in their eyes, so that they jump out of their heads all bloody; and he puts them into a bag and takes them to the half-moon as food for his little ones; and they sit there in the nest and have hooked beaks like owls, and they pick naughty little boys' and girls' eyes out with them." The childhood image of the Sand-man is mingled in the narrator's mind with reality and the figure of a character named Coppelius in the psychological tale.

Since then the Sandman has become a childhood superstition passed down through the generations. He carries a bag of sand which he uses to sprinkle in the eyes, mostly of children, and put someone to sleep. The grit or sand one wakes with in the morning in the corner of their eye is explained to come from the sand he brings. There is an expression that to tell someone the Sandman's coming means they're getting sleepy or will be sleepy soon."
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Morpheus was the god of dreams in Greek mythology. According to some ancient sources - such as the Roman poet Ovid - he was the son of Hypnos, the god of Sleep. Morpheus briefly appears in Ovid's Metamorphoses:

"King Sleep was father of a thousand sons - indeed a tribe - and of them all, the one he chose was Morpheus, who had such skill in miming any human form at will. No other Dream can match his artistry in counterfeiting men: their voice, their gait, their face - their moods; and, too, he imitates
their dress precisely and the words they use most frequently. But he mimes only men..."

Ovid therefore suggests that Morpheus only sends images of humans in dreams or visions, while his brothers Phobetor and Phantasos are in charge of depicting dream images of animals and inanimate objects. Together these three sons of Sleep - Morpheus, Phobetor, and Phantasos - rule the realm of dreams.
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the sandman and morpheus have been doing their jobs pretty well lately. for the past nights, i'd fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow (that does not mean, though, that i sleep early). they must also sprinkle an additional helping of stardust and sand over me. i've been having so many dreams, too! and they come in so many different "flavors" - funny, sad, eerie/creepy, happy, believable, out of this world, etc.

are they wicked? or are they anticipated guests? hmm. i don't know. perhaps the sandman and morpheus are just like my dreams. sometimes dreaded.. sometimes welcomed with open arms. and i never can tell which is which until i fall helplessly into a deep, deep sleep.

-23 and counting

only 23 more days 'til christmas. can't say i'm excited. i have not wrapped any presents.. have not bought anything for my friends/family - not even a greeting card. heck, i haven't even started writing my christmas list! hahahaha. procrastination to the max! or maybe i'm really just not in the mood. *sigh*

what happens between childhood and adulthood that causes christmases and birthdays to lose their magic, anyway? when i was small (ok, i'll reword that. "when i was smallER..") i really looked forward to the yuletide season. as early as october i'd start counting the days 'til christmas. i'd eagerly help in wrapping gifts.. and i'd be so, so excited that i'd find it hard to sleep properly during the last 3 days before christmas.

now, i still get sleepless nights (a lot more so!).. but it definitely isn't about getting all excited for christmas. huh. i wonder what happened. where is the spirit? where is the joy and love that the season is supposed to bring? where is the childhood innocence that looks expectantly and hopes for the best during christmas?

hmm. i hope i find my lost christmas spirit. the child inside me misses it so much..

the girl i was with you

this is my current fave. "the man i was with you" by jimmy bondoc. simple tune.. nice words. so i'm adapting the song and posting it here..



listen just hear me out
yes i know we agreed
when we break up we'd never give in to this need
to admit to each other
"i miss you"

listen just hear my cry
no i won't break my word
if i do say i miss you it would never be heard
let my heart whisper
all that it needs to

*how could you make me take a start?
then just leave me here hanging
can't even say how i'm feeling
how could you make then break my heart?
if i can't say that i miss you
let me say one last thing

#i miss her
and all the things she could do
yes/oh, i miss her
just as much as i miss you
oh, i miss her
i know you're wondering who
yes, i miss her
i miss the girl i was with you
oh i would never be the same

listen just hear my voice
can you hear all the tears?
that i'm planning to hide
for the next thousand years
just as long as you know that
i love you

repeat *,#
except last line

how can a blind girl find the light?
how can i find the kind of right?
how could you take away my sight?
how could you lose me in the night?
then you took away the heart in me
now i'm losing this fight
no i would never ever be the same

ooh.. ohh

oh, i miss her
and all the things she could do
yes, i miss her
just as much as i miss you
oh i miss her
i know by now you know who
yes, i miss her
i know by now you know who
i miss her
i miss the girl i was with you

oh, i would never be the same

wake me up when december ends

hey, it's december 1st! hmm. only 24 days until christmas. that's 576 hours, or 34,560 minutes or 2,073,600 seconds. haha. this day is sort of different. it all started when i woke up this morning. i had this not-so-good dream last night that seemed so real. so when i opened my eyes to the sound of my alarm clock, i felt disoriented. i wasn't even sure what day it was, and what i was supposed to be doing haha. i rose from my bed zombie-ishly and marched my way out of the room still dazed, hehe.

when i got to school, i gave my fourth year students the exam i prepared. i found out that i mistakenly typed "quiz #3" instead of "long exam #1" on the questionnaires. haha. maybe that's why the poor kids' brains were so fried afterwards.. >:D

around 12.30pm, i had this sudden urge to leave the school premises for a while. i don't know why. i just wanted to drive around the campus. at the same time, i had this odd, almost certain feeling that i would bump into my ex somewhere (though i didn't know his sked, and i surely wasn't hunting for him). so i decided to go to that "tiangge" in front of the infirmary, just to check out whatever stuff they had there. and just as i was driving in front of EEE, lo and behold.. i saw my ex crossing the street! he saw me too. even stuck his tongue out at me, the creep :p (*ney: haha.. i was too surprised to do the same - next time gagantihan kita, hehehe) no.. my heart did not do any flip-flops, and there were no heart-wrenching emotions either. i looked at him, he looked at me.. and it just seemed so.. trivial. hmm. i'm glad. go figure.

so i checked out the items at the tiangge, hoping to find some good buys for christmas. hmm. no luck. most of the stuff i saw were too ordinary.. and none of them really piqued my interest. then i went to this one stall (checked out some blouses on sale).. and asked the girl in charge if they had other sizes. she looked at me for a long time before answering.. like she knew me from somewhere. freaky. too bad they didn't have my size :(

just as i was leaving the stall, i heard a dozen or so voices call out, "maaaaaaaam!!!" great. an entire busload of my senior students were headed to the infirmary for their physical exam.. and i had the (mis)fortune of being at the tiangge at that exact time. haha. practically every "tindera" and "usisero" there knew i was a teacher using her lunchbreak to check out cheap goods at the tiangge :p

by 1.30pm, i decided to go back to school. i walked back to the car.. only to find a young boy peering into the tinted windows. as i approached the car, i noticed he didn't react to my presence. he just stood there, trying really hard to look inside the vehicle. hmm. weird and freaky. as it turns out, the poor kid was a nut case. he was mumbling and babbling to himself.. pointing to invisible people / objects that he claimed were out to get him. great. i admit, i am a little loony myself.. but really, i could not relate to him. i just wanted to get away from the boy. so as soon as i got the chance, i hastily entered the car and slammed the door shut. unfortunately, i think his finger got caught in the door :( luckily he wasn't hurt badly.. but he ran away really fast afterwards. poor kid.
with all the excitement that's happened, i was glad to head back to the comfort of our faculty room. my student teacher, marga, taught my geom class (butterfly) for the first time. things went quite well, considering it's the first time she's handled the section :p

after a while, i went to the library.. made the geometry exam (naturally, there were no students around to peek at what i was writing) and emailed it to myself so i could print it as soon as i got home. 30 minutes well spent, i should say, hahaha. i guess the library is really conjucive to making tests :p i used the next half hour to check my mails, view my blog and send out choir announcements (it's december!!! the month of many, many activities!!) hmm. how time flies. by 4.15pm, i was ready to go home.

when i arrived, i ate a light supper (yup.. supper at 4.30pm - nothing wrong with that, i guess) and watched some nick toons (hahaha i still have that habit). i've printed out tomorrow's test (i'm sooooo happy with it. tsk, tsk.. poor kids)


i also checked out some sites of my favorite comic characters, calvin & hobbes (by bill watterson - he's the greatest!). now *that* was fun! i just looooove that hobbes is both real and imaginary (haha.. ain't that a "complex" concept?! ugh. bad mathematical pun :p) and calvin's dark sense of humor (shown in his snowmen art) appeals to me as well.

so goes my day. so far, at least. a long day.. and quite surreal too. i feel different. hyperactive inside. stoic on the outside. haha. weird. u wonder if the entire month of december is going to be like this for me. oh God. wake me up when the month is over.. :p

logical thinking

hmm. it's 3.30pm and i'm here at the library. i just finished encoding my geometry exam for tomorrow. i'm quite happy with it. uh oh. that usually means my students are going to have a hard time answering the test. hehehehehe oh well. what can i do?! i'm in a good mood.. >:D

i gave my fourth year students an exam this morning, too. it was on sine and cosine laws - solving triangles. how did it go? umm.. hehehehe.. no comment. let's just say i kinda had fun making that test too, and leave it at that.. ;p

anyway, tomorrow's exam will be about logic and reasoning. my favorite topic in geometry hehe. i sure hope they enjoy answering the test as much as i enjoyed making it, hahahaha :D

hmm. in case any of my grade 8 students are reading this entry: good luck and God bless to you tomorrow! hahaha. you have been duly forewarned..