happy halloween

wcd took this shot - it's me with cousins ta & go. eerie, huh? well, if only for that, i'm loving it. besides, it suits the halloween mood perfectly, bwahahahaha XP

i guess you could call this our latest family pic XP i just realized i rarely get to look (sincerely) happy in any of my pictures so i figured this one's worth posting hehe

i enjoyed this (magical) day *smile* it would've been perfect if you were with me, though.. *sigh* miss you..

(belatedly) grateful

my thank you comes belatedly. nevertheless, it's from the heart - thanks for the 'pasalubong' from china, alexis :) i loved the necklace - even though it *is* mathematical and i'm currently avoiding all things geeky this sembreak, hahaha XP i especially liked the packaging it came in :) i wish i had your artistic touch, too hehe XD

today, though, i am grateful for other things, as well. like the chance to have supper with a friend (thanks, h.. i had fun just being myself around you, hehehe). and being able to have much-needed 'alone time' to sort out some stuff that's been buzzing in my head for the past couple of days. and getting a small (sort-of-unexpected-though-not-really-needed) 'token' tonight.

but most especially, i'm grateful (literally) for the peace XP
thanks z.. it couldn't have come at a better time..
i hope things start looking up from here. i'm not hoping for cycles again..

inside out

obviously, this is a nerdy post. haha. click here if you want to see other similar figures XP

by definition, an evolute is a method of deriving a new curve based on a given curve. it is the locus of the centers of tangent circles of the given curve.

the figure above shows a cardioid and its evolute - which is also a cardioid. neat, huh?

i wonder what my evolute would be..
i have the same question as the one in the link. but i'd like to think i wouldn't have to ask it. not for a long, long, long time. omg this is pure torture.. X_x

going nuts

donuts are hazardous to your health. in my case, both physically and mentally.. *sigh*

if i had to choose, though, i'd go for krispy kreme. sure, their donuts are extremely sweet.. but at least, they don't cause me to go (literally) nuts.

and she wakes up from a deeper sleep / a nightmare through and through..

and to think i was nearly delirious with happiness just this morning.. X_x

you won't ever be happier / until you find that special place where you belong / and you won't ever be happier / until you find that only way / until you find the only way back home
i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry.. :'( it was stupid and i am so very, very sorry.. :'(

stitches and burns

guess what this picture is of.. XP

my thoughts turn to a couple of days back. and i can't help but think about what this day should be. should be.. but is not. *sigh* oh well. as someone used to tell me so many times before.. "you can't always get what you want" yeah, yeah. but no one can blame me for trying so hard. no one but me.. hahaha.

does anyone remember fra lippo lippi..?

"with eyes wide open i would choose not to see.."
"now i don't want to see you anymore; don't want to be the one to play your games. not even if you smile your sweetest smile. not even if you beg me 'darling please..'" hahahaha. yeah right..

warning: this post is RAW

"Time has a way of passing by,
until I don't remember why, or how, to hurt for you..."

i 'stole' this quote from cousin dee's gmail stat message. i guess i really am feeling emo right now. sorry. i can't help it. i *am* sad. maybe this has something do with what i found out about an alien friend of mine (actually, er.. two alien friends of mine.. *sigh*) the news just came at one of the worst possible moments. oh well.. :'(

in her prayer/worship last night, sis nona encouraged us to have a good cry. she said that tears are healing.. and that it's okay to cry.. that it helps to release all the pent-up hurts and pains. especially when it's done in front of god.. when it's done as a sacrifice of praise.

and i believed what she said. even before she said those words i already knew i wanted to cry. i wanted to cry over the person i used to be.. the one who's gone missing and who probably doesn't exist anymore. i desperately wanted to believe that she's still alive.. or that pretty soon she'll show up again - stronger and more beautiful than what she used to be. but i just can't see it. i don't see that happening anytime soon. maybe not ever..

i wanted to cry. i needed to cry. but i didn't. i couldn't. i won't allow myself to do so. not there. not then. hmm. coward. hahaha.

time heals. *sigh* that's my only hope..
i wish you knew just how much this really hurts..

i want to believe

sometimes i cry at night
not quite knowing why
and though i try to fight it
the tears keep flowing by
but the world keeps going
with no one knowing
the way i feel inside
to be so unbeautiful

i've heard it said he loves me
but my heart just can't believe
the king of all kings, jesus,
would waste time on me
why should he care for me
or even love me
when i can't love myself
coz i'm so unbeautiful

but the rosebud slowly opens
tow'rds the son that draws its face
to finally bloom in full surrender
in the warmth of that embrace
as i worship you, you transform me into
a reflection of your grace
coz you make all things
oh you make all things
my god makes all things beautiful

song for the night, it seems. and yes, i do want to believe *all* that the song says. but at the moment, i can only relate to the first two stanzas. the third is just.. well.. too unbelievable for me to sing from the heart.

i wonder why it still hurts. i wonder what i'm really looking for. i don't think i know what i want. or maybe i do. i'm just probably too much of a scaredy cat to go ahead and get it.

coz love *always* involves sacrifice.

and right now, i don't think i'm all that ready for it yet..
maybe i'm just not ready to give you up. not even for someone far, far greater.. :'(

edwardian tendencies

it IS a teen novel. complete with all the cheesy lines that almost make me feel sick to my stomach. the book is full of romance and uber-mushy quotes that would probably make me laugh out loud if i actually heard someone say it out loud.

in spite of all that, i'd have to say that i simply LOVE the book.

true, i wish it were written in a better style. and there are some portions that i feel could be skipped.. and some that could use a bit more detail. still.. i love the idea of good vampires. haha

in an odd way, i suppose i can understand bella's character. i'm NOT like her, though ('good to the core'.. yeah, right!!!) - let's just say i'm her 'sort of' counterpart in real life. what with the clumsiness, the unreadable thoughts, misfortune hounding me and the tendency to be surrounded by weird creatures, bwahaha.

but i don't have edward. though maybe he has a 'sort of' counterpart too. an anti-edward, perhaps..? hahaha.

it's interesting that they made twilight into a movie.

i'm not looking forward to it much, though.

no mere mortal (no matter how seemingly gorgeous) could do justice to *my* vampire..
ugh. i hate sounding like bella..
this day just brought out all my edwardian tendencies. *sigh*

i just happen to attract ETs

here's another much-appreciated bday gift this year. hahaha. i think i am liking this trend.. XP

meet jojo (read as "joe-joe" ok?! NOT "johjoh" or something like that) - my newest 'inanimate' friend :) alien anjo gave him to me this afternoon.. so i dubbed him after him (they're both aliens after all hehehe).

jojo used to live inside a car freshener box - which gave him this weird but not unpleasant smell. i quickly remedied the situation by leaving him inside wyjel. now jojo smells just like the spaceship XP

the way things are going, i think i'd be able to form a fullf-fledged alien army in no time hahaha. cool. waaayy cool XP

finding inspiration

so it's been a couple of days since er.. you-know-what. can't say i've found much reason for celebrating.. i'm still feeling blue and blah.

but today.. well, today i smile a bit :)

who would have thought..? then again, one can never be too sure. haha. me and my lack of silver linings. *sigh* oh well.. this will have to do for now..

these are a few of my favorite things..

(: aylabyu NASA!!! :)

i wanted to show all 54 cards here; but it was too tedious so i decided to just take a picture of my favorite ones :)

wow. only friends who are literally out-of-this-world can come up with such a pleasant surprise XP

what else can i say but "whoa!! thank you thank you thank you aliens!!" XD

upside down

another year. hmm. not much has changed. not that i was counting on it, really..

they say the secret to happiness is to be content with what you have. makes sense, i guess. makes too much sense, in my opinion.

i say the secret to happiness is to not expect anything good (or, equivalently, to expect disappointment everytime). that way, no matter what happens, you will not feel disappointment.

anyway. i am going to try a little experiment. after all, it is dday today - what better time to take risks and try out something new, right?!

i have decided to actively fight against my OCness by refusing to update my blog daily. hahaha. yeah, yeah i know.. it's not much of a change for most people; but for me it is.

so there. that's a kind of 'step 1' for me. a dday breakthrough of sorts. i don't know what i hope to accomplish from this; but for now i'll just go wherever the proverbial winds blow. no expectations.. and (hopefully) no disappointments.

wish me luck.

turning 23

today i turn 23. hahahahaha..
contrary to popular belief, my birthday is today.. XP

indulgence

i came across this site as i was looking for "shopping" related stuff. hahaha. it gave me a much-needed cheer-upper tonight.. and led me to check out other related sites, hahaha..

back to the "shopping" theme. i find that shopping usually helps me "deload" - and i'm not just referring to my wallet (though *yes* it certainly does leave a hole in my pocket. every effing time). i don't know why that is. *sigh* i'm not regretting my sprees too much, though. i figure my (in)sanity is worth more than my financial losses. for now.. haha.

now that i'm home, however, it's back to my usual "therapy" to lessen the blues. thank god for technology. thank god for weblogs. blogger: i don't know what i would do without you XP
and i don't know what i'd do without you

boo!

i am not a fan of betty boop. but i gotta hand it to her - she certainly oozes with sex appeal.. in spite of the fact that she's almost 80 years old (her shows started in the 1930's) and a cartoon, at that! XP

*sigh* i am still thinking about yesterday and all the boo-boos involved.

there ought to be lessons learned from betty. i'm going to start paying more attention..
i know i did something right. so what's wrong?! :'(

in your hands

two things come to mind when i saw this picture: cute and freaky

i guess no one would disagree with my first description. babies seem to have a built-in cuteness factor. so yeah.. almost any picture with a baby in it is automatically considered cute.

but this photo really is freaky. for me, anyway. when i imagine a real live baby on my palm, i think: to squish or not to squish? bwahahahaha XP

isn't it scary when life or death lies in your hands?

(my thoughts today are weirder than usual. maybe it's because i'm really, really sleepy. again.)

well, i'm in *your* hands right now. yet in spite of the risks.. i'm not really all that scared. i wonder if i should be, though..

squish. squish. squish.
sad, yes. afraid, no..

my version: psalm 73.25

whom have i in heaven but You?

there is nothing on earth i desire besides you..
i am sad. this is so, so sad.. :'(

blue blooded

i am always fascinated every time i go to the lab to have a blood sample taken. i'm not really afraid of needles. i even enjoy looking at the vial slowly filling up with my dark crimson blood.. (umm.. is this post getting too vampiric or what..?!)

i think it fascinates me that my blood is red. i dunno. i usually imagine it to be green or blue or some other weird color. hahaha. i suppose i figured that since i'm an alien, my blood ought to be a different color.

i heard, though, that our blood really is blue. it only turns red once it oxidizes. er. i dunno know how true that piece of information is. still.. it's an interesting thought XP

*sigh* the september blues are catching up to me. i thought this year would be different. apparently, i thought wrong. again.. :(
why are you so intent on bleeding me dry..? :(

halfhearted

i don't think anyone would describe me as being 'passionate' - after all, i am one of the most indifferent people i know. very few things interest me. or rather, very few things interest me *a lot* XP my only passions (if you can even call them that) in life are music, science and up until recently, writing.

don't get me wrong. i still love to write. the daily updates on this blog is a testament to that. but this isn't really *writing* for me - just a long (mostly unorganized) jotting down of my thoughts. not much regard for creativity, etc.

it's been more than a month since i've written anything for our church's newsletter. it's not that i'm "on strike" - i just can't find anything *godly* to write about. i tried composing an article the other day.. and it sounded so stilted that i gave up on it :(

i am getting more and more halfhearted (hmm.. oxymoron..?!) about so many things. i don't think it's so obvious.. but of course i know it.. and that really sucks. i'm not happy with the way things are going.. yet i don't know what i'm supposed to do.

i need my passion back. i need to be whole again.. :(
you're consuming me.. and i'm happy to be consumed..

pop 'em

been browsing through the flowfield unity's comics today. hahaha. adam sure has wonderful strips - like this one. i'm amazed at how he could come up with such a variety of stuff to talk about - and at a daily basis, too!! thank god for web comics.. haha.

i'm still not feeling (physically) normal right now. still got that lightheaded feeling, along with a bit of weakness. hmm. i wonder if i haven't been abducted and experimented on by aliens. i figure if that ever happened, this is the kind of sensation i'd get.

i don't know if there's any medication for my er.. 'condition' haha. with the variety of medications available for all kinds of diseases (and non-diseases), it's a wonder there isn't any pill to counter weirdness.

not that i'd take it, if it were available. normal sucks. weird rocks XP
rock my world :x