silent songs

i got home late (again!) today. we had choir practice this evening (our choir director had to resked practice 'coz he has an appointment tomorrow) from 6.30-8pm. my cousin dom, lilian and i ate dinner at the chowking branch near our place.. then we headed home.

soon as i got home, i started work on our newsletter for the week. hmm. truth to tell, i am quite tired. i haven't had much sleep these past days. haha. i've been staying up late again. hehe. too much gimik. guess i've been making up for all those times when i missed out on night life hahahaha. but though i am tired and my head hurts a bit, it's still fun to layout the newsletter. and i really enjoy looking for articles to include there :)

i came across this one at www.faithwriters.com :) i liked it immediately. maybe it's the title. well. call me a sucker for music.. but anyway, it's a good one. just sharing it with you guys.

i'm too tired to write my own blogpost for today.. but this one will do.. 'coz these are my thoughts too :) read on and be blessed.. :)

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Silent Songs

Is it necessary to have a mouth in order to sing? A quick answer to this would be yes, but I believe that this may not necessarily be the case.

When the sun rises it sings out to the world that it is the beginning of a brand new day. This flaming orb is completely silent yet its sunrise song of praise radiates throughout the world and awakens the spirits of all inhabitants of the earth.

Flowers have a way of singing to the soul as they burst with colors and fragrances that delight the senses. They do not sing melodic notes that can be heard, but as these stemmed jewels stand together in a vase they form a choir that bring brightness into a hospital room in the form of a silent healing song that helps to lift the weight of sickness.

A lone pastel painting hanging in an art gallery bursts with soft colors that serenade the eyes. Not a sound can be heard from it, but amidst hushed voices this framed masterpiece can hit notes that only the eyes can hear.

Sometimes hurt, loneliness and loss can serenade a life. These somber tunes can echo along every fibre of the nervous system causing torment. Sad songs can hide behind a smile. These deep internal cries of pain can only be heard by God.

It is not necessary to have a mouth in order to sing a song, for throughout life there is a silent song being sung at every moment and when we are aware of these different melodies we can begin to appreciate the world around us more fully.

book of the week =)

i'm reading this book right now, entitled touching earth by rani manicka Ü it's quite different from the other books i've read in the past. it talks a lot about balinese culture - superstitions, magic, and all - and how the lives of twin sisters, an italian rogue, a beautiful woman, and an artist are all intertwined. i'm not done reading it yet.. but so far, it's been a very intriguing book. i won't exactly call it "gripping".. but it's nice.

i don't know.. but ever since i read "memoirs of a geisha" two weeks ago, i found myself paying more and more attention to asian authors. i guess i find their writing style a welcome break from the usual techniques of western writers.

anyway, i'm glad i got this book. i just hope i don't finish it too quickly. books are quite expensive nowadays. i don't think i can afford to keep getting myself good books each time i feel the need to occupy my time with an interesting read Ü

beautiful melancholy

i really like this song. it's so sad that it's beautiful. hmm. wonder if that makes sense. it does to me, at least. ]

like i said before.. there's a certain beauty in melancholy. maybe that's why even in my happiest moments, there's always a hint of sadness. and it only makes the joy even more beautiful.

hmm. no wonder.. i may have my moments of sunshine.. yet always.. i go back to look for my rain..

LET ME BE THE ONE
Jimmy Bondoc

somebody told me you were leaving, i didn't know
somebody told me you're unhappy but it doesn't show
somebody told me that you don't want me no more
so you're walking out the door


nobody told me you'd been crying every night
nobody told me you'd been dying but didn't want to fight
nobody told me that you fell out of love from me
so i'm setting you free

let me be the one to break it up
so you won't have to make excuses
we don't need to find a setup
where someone wins and someone loses
we just have to say our love was true
but has now become a lie
so i'm telling you "i love you" one last time
and "goodbye"

somebody told me you still love me, i don't know why
nobody told me you only needed time to fly
somebody told me you'll come back
when our love is real again

just turn around and walk away
you don't have to live like this
but if you love me still then stay
don't keep me waiting for that final kiss
we can work together through this test
or we can work through it apart
i just need to get this off my chest
that you will always have my heart

let me be the one...

happy day

this has been another happy saturday ÜÜÜ i just got home - spent my entire day out with friends: started the day with choir practice (9am - 12pm). had lunch at friend nancy's house.. then went back to st. paul to sing for the post-GSS module. from there, i went off to scout around for orange blouses (for the tv mass tomorrow) with bestfriends heidi & lian. spent hours at market!market! making the shopowners happy by accumulating bags of purchases. finally, we ate barbecue for dinner (yum! heids & lils ate razon's halohalo too - yumyum!!) and headed home at 9:30pm. Ü

what can i say?! saturday is the best day of the week. service.. relaxation.. the company of friends.. time to unwind. aaahhh.. how i wish every day was just like this Ü yet somehow.. it's still not complete. i guess i'm just hoping that i'd have that special someone to share these happy days with.. *sigh*

dapithapon

i used to love sunsets when i was younger. i loved to watch the sun change from dark yellow to orange to red as it sets itself down slowly into the horizon. it fascinated me - how the sun could daily die.. only to live again the next morning. like a phoenix rising from its ashes.

but nowadays, i try to avoid the sunset. watching the light slowly fade gives me a deep feeling of sadness and loss. i don't really know why. maybe it's because i've experienced enough hurts and pains to make me afraid of watching the sun as it slowly loses its life. maybe i identify too much with its death.. its being swallowed up by the darkness. maybe. i don't know. the only thing i really know is that sunsets now have a different kind of beauty for me. not the gentle beauty that draws me closer. rather, the poignant, melancholy beauty that is at times terrible to behold.

but i have lived through more than a thousand sunsets. and perhaps i'll live through thousands more in my lifetime. the falling and rising sun. the cycle of death and life. it's probably one of those great mysteries i'll have to learn to live with. today, i turn my eyes from the sunset. but maybe tomorrow.. i'll learn to embrace it once again..

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i read this in one of the blogs i happened to visit today. i really like it :) it was written by a high school senior (an original composition - their section's song entry, i think). though the song was originally made for their graduation, i think the words speak about so much more. read on.. :)















DAPITHAPON
by isabel abeja

lumipas na, ang panahon
pagmasdan mo ang nga dahon,
ang nakaraang mga taon,
kay bilis na dumaan,
na parang isang kahapon.

at sa ngayo'y andito na tayo,
hinaharap ang dapithapon.
inaabangan ang bukang liwayway
sinasabayan ang pag-iba ng kulay.

ngunit habang tumatagal,
'ramdam ko ang iyong paglisan.
tayo'y haharap sa magka ibang daan,
subalit ang tanging masasabi ko lang

walang paalam,walang paalam
hindi ako lilisan
walang paalam,walang paalam
hindi kita iiwan

kay sarap balikan ang ating pinagsamahan
hindi ko mallimutan
ang ating mga alaala

ngunit habang tumatagal
'ramdam ko ang iyong paglisan
tayo'y haharap sa magkaibang daan
subalit ang tanging masasabi ko lang.

walang paalam,walang paalam
hindi ako lilisan
walang paalam,walang paalam
hindi kita iiwan

at sa ngayo'y andito na tayo
hinaharap ang dapit hapon
inaabangan ang bukang liwayway
sinasabayan ang pag-iba ng kulay

kung sakali mang,
hindi na tayo magkita..
sa puso ko..
mananatili ka...

the art of letting go

my good friend sanny sent me this yesterday. hmm. i think he's worried i'm not doing so well lately. hmm. no comment on that :p oh well. i appreciate the thought. at least there's someone who checks up on me time and again. hehe. i kinda missed that.. :p

this one's nice. thought i'd share it with you all. hmm. he really knows the kind of stuff to send me.. hehe :D

The Art Of Letting Go
-mikaila-
Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
You're still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go
Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through the pain of one more day
Without you
Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

a new batch of tests :p

boredom does this to me.. hehehe :D


You're a Dragon! Love for knowelge. You're strong,
freice, loyal. Just don't turn power-hungry!


What is your creature (mythical)?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaha.. i always knew i was a dragon. well, yeah.. i mean, that's my chinese zodiac. a FIRE dragon. haha. how apt.. :p maybe these tests are accurate hahaha


Fire. You start small and bright and can easily
survive with little outside influence, making
you very independent.

Personality: Because you're so capable of
independence, you have a lot of confidence and
a well-established personality, making you
unlikely to change. However this means you
often come on a little strong. People sometimes
get burned and this leaves you greatly
misunderstood. You're very honest, making you a
little harsh, but you're also a little naive
because you want others to be honest too. You
have layers, though, which means you have
secrets. But you would never withhold
information concerning the people around you.
Your ability to be self-sufficient also makes
you very cautious in building relationships. If
youve a solid connection your friends will
experience your strongest traits. Theyll get
your honesty, but more importantly theyll get
your unwavering loyalty.

Temper: Contrary to what you might think, your
temper isn't that volatile. While you can
easily bring destruction to the things around
you, it's rare that you'll actually strike. You
might be easily irritated, but you know that if
you only send off sparks, it will keep you from
ever losing control of a very powerful temper.
If people push you, they're not going to get
mcuh of a reaction, and they should be grateful
for that.

The Other Elements:


Water: Your elemental opposite. Because what you
first see isn't always the truth, you might
have issues when you feel like Water is playing
games. A relationship with Water should be
entered cautiously as you can easily destroy
each other. But because you are opposites, if
you can get past the initial friction, you will
find that your personalities are complimentary.
If you're both willing to lay the difficult
groundwork, Water will be one of your most
powerful and rewarding relationships.

Earth: Your elemental equal. You have a lot in
common with Earth, but unlike when Water and
Wind get together, when Earth and Fire mix, it
isn't going to be easy. Your strong personality
traits make you both pretty stubborn so you
butt heads a lot. However, the great thing
about it, and what makes you equals, is that
while it isn't easy, it sure is fun. Earth is a
little more emotional, so is more likely to get
offended, but if you both remember that it
isn't personal, a relationship with Earth will
be lively, making for great arguments, and an
excellent sparring partner. With an endless
supply of laughs and discussion topics, you'll
never have to worry about "so what do you
want to do?" conversations.

Wind: Not your opposite but not your equal either.
Like a relationship with those of your own
element, relationships with Wind are often
hit-or-miss. You'll get along well with some
and won't be able to stand others. You both
have pulled back personalities, but where you
are cautious, you'll see Wind as passive.
Because Fires aren't know for their patience,
your initial reaction will be to see Wind as
weak. You'll want to pass them by, but don't.
They can be a very calming influence on you and
if you give them a chance, you'll find they're
a lot stronger than you thought. If you don't
have the attention span to get to know Wind,
keep in mind that it is most likely your
character flaw and not theirs. Keep an open
mind.


Which Element Are You? (w/pictures and VERY in-depth answers)
brought to you by Quizilla



Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and
unique. You are quite distant from emotion and
people, but you have been made this way by one
thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail
to see it and are quite creative be it in art,
music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in
now you don't even bother to try, having been
hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude
is that you don't need anyone but yourself,
people are just trouble waiting to happen. But
you really do want to trust someone no matter
if you see it or not, deep down your waiting
for someone to come and set you free. This kind
of depression can turn dangerous, don't let
them get to you. Not everyone in the world will
hurt you. Humans are humans and are not
perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll
meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps
your shell will eventually disappear.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:.
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm.. and i always knew i had a special love for rain. no wonder my rainwishes almost always come true..




What type of Angel are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Serious angel - you're calm and quiet with a lot of
patience, you are pretty and intelligent but you
don't have very good confidence

hehehe.. no comment on this one :)


Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

well.. what can i say?! i like the dark! :p



Your power is: Clairvoyance

Explanation: Your power is that you can
look into the future and see what is coming.
How far and long you can look is all depending
on your skill level. This can, as all powers,
be used in both evil and good. Even if it may
seem like a boring ability it is a huge
responsibility for the carrier, because they are
constantly tempted with doing the wrongs deeds
(e.g. cheat on a test). It takes high morals to
not be brought down with it.

Therefore you fit with this power quite well.
You take responsibility and do what is the
right thing to do. This does not make you a
saint, since you're only human after all. But
it makes a trustworthy person and you are loyal
to camrades and/or team mates. In school you
were probably a good student. If you were
social varies from person to person, but most
clairvoyant people tend to prefer their own
company or that of close friends and family.
That is because you are wise and know how to
treasure the reliable in your life, since you
know popularity can be a false element. You are
also not that big on taking risks and prefer
what is already explored. That is because you
don't like suprises, they can turn out bad and
then you won't be in control.
Negative aspects: Since you're always
doing the right thing and being trustworthy all
the time you can become frustrated. Also, all
that you carry on your shoulders may stress you
out. You need to relax to be in good mental
shape.

What Power is Compatible With You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm.. i got a similar test result before.. :)


LOVE is your chinese symbol!


What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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ugh. LOVE?! again?!?! >:(


You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate
authority and do everything you can to get
around the law, or in some cases, break it.
Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a
decision is made. Your nature is fiery and
courageous, and always out-going. You love
attention and usually have kinky fetishes
you're not afraid to explore. People either
love you or hate you.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

ahahaha.. NO COMMENT! >:p


cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hmmm.. ok, i guess this one's right..


A:

Your Beauty lies
in Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger than
you are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive and
sheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply your
reputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities of
life. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you are
a bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You might
seem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deem
you "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and are
going to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:
Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile

Gemstone:
Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Planet:
Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color:
Silver

Quote: "A
stranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :P


Sadness and depression is what lies behind your
eyes... Or even so, you can't even tell what
lies behind your eyes because they're
constantly covered up with tears! You've been
hurt, abused, and damned far too much for you
to handle it all anymore! No one understands
you because theyre too scared to get to
know you! You want to finally give up; just
escape and rid of all your pain. You want
people to understand, you want comfort... You
tend to bottle up all of your emotions and
problems, hoping that theyll all go away But
you long to reach out and tell that one special
person all of your feelings and troubles! But
you never seem to have that person to talk to,
or they just dont want to hear you! You want a
normal and happy life. Though
that picture is porcelain in your mind; it's
not as great as it seems, and most importantly,
it's not real! You always feel this
sense of loneliness clouding over your head;
isolated though surrounded by several people.
None of them know you; none of them see what's
wrong with you. You want understanding, you
want that friend, and you want that perfect
life! You often find isolated places as being
your salvation; any place away from 'them' is
ideal to you. You also love to express yourself
in many ways; whether it be through your
emotions, words, art, or even physically. You
think no one can relate to you, but you don't
know how wrong you are! You're just too scared;
too scared to admit that maybe you're wrong
about society... You want company, but at the
same time, you're scared of it. Your sanctuary
is your room where you can just be alone and
try to throw away all of your aching pains.
You're dark and mysterious and people like you
for that reason. Even if you think you're all
by yourself in the dark, someone is always
there with you. Your special someone wants to
admit and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Maybe it
isn't as bad as you portray it to be! Life
brings smiles, tears, laughter and memories...
The smiles fade, the tears dry, and the
laughter eventually dies down... But the
memories... Those last forever! So try to make
them memories you can cherish... You only live
once, so make it the best as possible :) Don't
start frowning! You never know who's falling in
love with your smile :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (Surprise!)
brought to you by Quizilla

uhmm.. do i say *ouch* now?!

cats, cats, cats!

hahaha. i guess my day was sooo uneventful that i'm now posting this entry right now. i'm talking about the infinite cat project Ü

what is this site about? well, it's about.. uh.. cats! :p actually, it's a site that features a cat looking at a computer monitor with a picture of a cat who's watching a computer monitor that contains another cat who's staring at a computer monitor.. uhm.. well, you get my drift :p

so what's the purpose of this so-called 'project?' nothing, really. it's pointless. and probably absurd. nevertheless, it is fascinating. and no, i'm not the only one who finds it amusing. haha. i guess a lot of other people have nothing better to do with their time hahahaha :D

ordinary day

just another ordinary day, really. hmm. just got home from school. well, my classes were ok, i suppose. the lessons went according to plan (which was next to nonexistent anyway, hahaha).. though there were lots of the usual UPIS-kids-noise that never fails to strain my vocal chords (tsk, tsk.. more of this and i'm gonna have a tough time at choir practice).

anyway, i'm also learning to enjoy our new faculty room at room 206. i can't say i'm totally at home there already (what with all those cats that go to our room, especially while we're eating lunch); but i'm beginning to adjust to it, bit by bit. i've also started to feel more comfortable using the "new" classrooms (derived from our former faculty rooms, 127-129) and the science rooms at the ground floor.

my second year students are turning out to be quite ok, too. i mean, sure, they could be pretty noisy at times.. but i could get used to that as well. i don't know all their names yet (i'm really lousy at remembering stuff like that).. though i guess i'll be able to match their names to their faces soon enough, hehe.

all in all.. things are working out quite okay. no extraordinary happenings. no great joys. no special someone. but then again.. at least there were no bad events. no evil thoughts. no hurting moments. *sigh* i guess ordinary days aren't so bad..

fingerprints

i love watching CSI and all those other forensic/crime/detective shows aired on TV. it's so fascinating how even the tiniest shred of evidence can point to the guilt or innocence of a person. the assumption is that we all leave traces of ourselves wherever we go. when we visit a room, we may leave behind our fingerprints, or a few strands of hair, or maybe a few drops of our blood. when we come in contact with other people, their "epitheleals" (fancy term for microscopic bits of skin), as well as fibers from their clothing may rub off on us, and vice versa. we may not be aware of it, but we do leave our marks on all the places we visit.. on all the people we meet.

it is quite sobering for me to realize that a single fingerprint.. or a single strand of hair.. can say so much about me. and yet, it is even more amazing to know that among the billions of people in this planet, not one of them has exactly the same fingerprint as mine. i am unique.. "fearfully and wonderfully made.." (Ps 139:14). and because God made me as such, i am accountable for my actions.. and how i make use of His gifts to me.

yes, it is true that i leave behind my prints wherever i go. but those are not the only proofs of my presence in (or absence from) a place. sometimes, people know i haven't gone to my desk yet when they see the unarranged piles of papers on top of my table. my students know that i've been in the classroom for quite some time when they see lots of writing on the board. and my friends in the ministry know i'm around when they spot a newspaper turned to the page with a partially-finished crossword puzzle.

i also leave behind traces of myself on the people i come in contact with. some of my knowledge is imparted to the hundreds of students i've taught through the years. my values and beliefs i have shared with friends and loved ones. and there are times when a smile or a frown from me would brighten or dampen someone else's day. yup, my actions, as well as the things people usually associate with me, reveal a lot more about me than i'm normally aware of.

it is truly humbling to know that every little thing i say or do leaves a unique and undeniable mark on the places i go to and on the people i know. to paraphrase what fr. mar said in his homily before, "if time should come that someone accuses you of being a christian, would there be enough evidence?" i ask myself: does my presence bring cheer or gloom to our home? when my co-workers look at the way i do my job, will they want to emulate me or do the exact opposite? am i able to bring my friends closer to the Lord, or do my actions encourage them to turn away from Him instead? is there really enough evidence to convict me of being a christian?

the answer to that question, i'm not really sure of. because though sometimes i do good, oftentimes i stumble too. i sometimes inspire others, yet at times i cause them to fall. and at times, i can't help but think that evidence against my being christian is piling up.

but i find hope in what paul wrote in phil 1:6, "..He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of jesus christ." others may not see enough proof of my being a child of God. not yet, at least. but He is working on me.. and i'm working with Him too. so that someday, others will see that indeed, there is complete and irrefutable evidence to convict me of being His child Ü

onions and orchids

onions and orchids. i never thought i'd learn anything from these.. but with God's help, i sure did Ü

hmm. i haven't been writing down a lot of my personal thoughts here right now.. but that's ok i guess. i have been learning a lot about myself.. and the Lord has been speaking to my heart in so many ways lately Ü

i guess there's a time to talk/write.. and there's a time to just quietly listen to what He has to say Ü for now, i'm simply trying to enjoy His presence and His guidance in my life Ü read on.. and may you be blessed by these as well.. Ü

==================================================

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8); "Love covers all wrongs" (Proverbs 10:12b); "He who covers over an offense promotes love..." (Proverbs 17:9)

Oh, let us engrave these verses on our hurting hearts! These are the verses that, with God's help, can renew our commitment to God Himself, as well as to those who need and deserve our cherishment. Love, in spite of how we feel about the who or the what or the why...! What a monumental invitation into the very chambers and the character of the Father. It also takes monumental courage, with emphasis on the mental, for it is taking hold of the will to love, even as God loves, in spite of what has happened--and in place of spite.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to love is the records we keep of wrongs. We know that our precious God covers our sins. He asks us to forget the things--the sins, ours and others--that are behind, and go on with His love and mercy. "God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them..." (2 Corinthians 5:19). Can we not do for others that which God does for us: write wrongs in ashes? We keep a record of the "sins" which God has already put away from Him, "as far as the east is from the west" (Psalm 103:12). Our heart is blackened with the soot of another's trespasses and now and then we sweep up a bit of it and rub our hands and minds in it, and then ask God for forgiveness for our meanness--again. Instead, let us reconcile and wipe the record clean forever!

William Barclay explains why love hides a multitude of sins, ours and theirs:

1. It may mean that our love can overlook many sins. "Love covers all offences," says the writer of the Proverbs (Prov.10:12). If we love a person, it is easy to forgive. It is not that love is blind, but that it loves a person just as he is. Love makes patience easy. It is much easier to be patient with our own children than with the children of strangers. If we really love our fellowmen, we can accept their faults, and bear with their foolishness, and even endure their unkindness. Love indeed can cover a multitude of sins.

2. It may mean that, if we love others, God will overlook a multitude of sins in us. In life we meet two kinds of people. We meet those who have no faults at which the finger may be pointed; they are moral, orthodox, and supremely respectable; but they are hard and austere and unable to understand why others make mistakes and fall into sin. We also meet those who have all kinds of faults; but they are kind and sympathetic and they seldom or never condemn. It is the second kind of person to whom the heart more readily warms; and in all reverence we may say that it is so with God. He will forgive much to the man who loves his fellowmen.

3. It may mean that God's love covers the multitude of our sins. That is blessedly and profoundly true. It is the wonder of grace that, sinners as we are, God loves us; that is why he sent his Son.

I so appreciate this thought: "In tropical forests the orchids thrust out long floating roots into mid-air, from the impure vapours of which they draw their nourishment. They live on trunks of huge decaying trees, which, as decomposition proceeds very rapidly, would, if left alone, fill the air with poisonous gases. But the orchid swings in rich festoons over the rotting boughs: covers the deformity with its own loveliness, absorbs all foul exhalations and turns them into the perfume of its own sweet flowers. Charity is this beautiful orchid, covering human frailty, clearing away harsh, suspicious, and cruel slanders; breathing forth merciful judgments, compassionate sympathy." James Neil, M.A.

O Father, may we be Your orchid today!

by: Patricia Nordman

THE ONION
I was an onion before Christ set me free;
Layers upon layers of iniquity.
An ugly old onion whose fragrance was strong;
That my Jesus bought and loved all along.

Unknown to me what He was going to do;
Of what He was planning, I had not a clue.
Pulling each layer off one by one,
In order to make me more like Jesus the Son.

The first layer wasn't so bad,
I saw all the sins that I knew I had.
They were easy to fix, just change the way I talk,
And learn more of how He wanted me to walk.

Reading His Word, and learning again;
How to put aside my life of sin.
But the next layer was pulled which hurt more,
He was getting closer to the core.

Unknown what He would find there,
I simply gave it to Him in prayer.
As another layer was removed, He started to cry;
Pulling this layer brought pain to my Father on High.

And I was crying over the sadness I felt;
The brokenness and all of the guilt.
Past memories that I thought were gone;
Were buried under layers disguised in a fragrance so strong.

As onions are peeled more and more,
They put tears in our eyes as we get close to the core;
So my Father wept over my pain;
Giving me a balm of comfort and strength to sustain.

"NO MORE LAYERS!" I would scream,
As He continued to peel each layer off of me.
"I'll have nothing left, my Lord, what will I do?
I'll be nothing but a worthless core to You."

But He simply said "Trust Me," continuing to peel,
I believed He was blinded to my pain that was so real.
Year after year I shrunk more and more;
Until all that was left of this onion was a core.

It was then that I began to understand;
As the Lord embraced me in His loving hand.
He said, "Now, and only now, can you be;
The creation that will minister before Me.

"Clothed with the righteousness only from above;
Gone are your layers of self, so you can be filled with My love."
He took my layers of sin, hurt and pain;
And clothed me with love, truth and mercy in His name.

Yes, we are all onions, learning with each day;
How to overcome as each layer is taken away.
Some layers tear and pull at our heart;
While others grieve us to our innermost part.

But we are nothing but an ugly onion without Christ.
Layers upon layers of pride, sin and strife.
Only God can take those layers away.
And clothe us with His righteousness in that Final Day.

(author unknown)

1 Corinthians 13

i got this from the website inhis.com, while searching for articles to place in our newsletter. it's a great source of comfort - to know that the Lord loves me unconditionally. yup.. He loves me in spite of who i am.. and sees not what i am right now, but what He can mold me to become Ü it's great to be loved by such an awesome God.. Ü

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"I will love them freely..." (Hosea 14:4 NKJV). "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins" (1John 4:10).

Unconditional love! Sounds great, doesn't it? To love in spite of instead of spite.... Unconditional! Who can do this? How can I love this person who has ripped my heart into tiny bits of hate and resentment? Oh yes, I read and reread that lovely passage from 1 Corinthians 13 when I feel the anger and hate welling up. I have even made a poster of the NIV version of Verse 5: "[Love] keeps no record of wrongs" to keep me from dredging out the old woe-is-me's in times of anger.

Imagine my surprise when I finally discovered--with our Good Shepherd's prodding and in spite of my plodding--that this is a choice we make. Indeed, we can decide to be pleasant or unpleasant when we wake in the morning. It's the old "as-if" principle: I'll act as if I truly love this person, and before I know it, I do! It sneaks up on us.

Years ago I read the following: "I love you today, where you are and as you are. You do not have to be anything but what you are for me to love you. I love you now; not sometime when you are worthy, but today when you may need love most. I will not withhold my love, or withdraw it. There are no strings on my love, no price. I will not force it upon you when you are not ready. It is just there, freely offered, with both hands. Take what you want today. The more you take, the more there is. It is good if you can return love; but if you cannot today, that is all right too. Love is its own joy. Bless me by letting me love you today." Author Unknown.

There it is--unconditional, no strings attached, I love you as Jesus loves you. I love you because God first loved me. He loved me enough to forgive my sins, so how can I do less for you? Forgive me for not loving you! Forgive me for the wasted words and years when I could have held and upheld you and made both our lives easier. Love is so much easier, really. I mean the love that wants what is best for you and will help you with your life.

Now excuse me while I go bury the old heart at the foot of the Cross....

by: Patricia Nordman

in the valley

i was looking for inspirational stories and poems to include in our community's newsletter this week. i chanced upon this one.. and found it really nice Ü just thought i'd share this with all of you.. Ü God bless!

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IT'S IN THE VALLEYS I GROW
(Jane Eggleston)

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember
That it's in the valleys I grow.

If I always stayed on the mountain top
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valleys I grow.

I do not always understand
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me, Lord
And use my life each day
To share your love with others
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious
But it's in the valleys I grow!

my organizer

ok, i admit. i do sometimes obsess about order. i like my days scheduled.. with as little change of plans as possible. surprises usually make me anxious. i plan my entire day (or week) ahead of time - trying to imagine what and how i'd be doing things. hehe. like i said. i tend to get carried away in making things "just the way i want them to be"..

but lately, i've noticed that life's been sending me more of those things that do not belong to my comfort zone. i get a barrage of unsettling thoughts - "what if" scenarios, as well as "what could have been"s flood my mind. not to mention nagging regrets, doubts and fears of what the future may bring. i also find myself in the middle of circumstances i have no power to change.. and i am forced to tell myself that i have absolutely no control over most of the things i have to deal with. so many things going on at once. i get confused.. and irritated. and i am paralyzed with fear.

it's during times like these.. when i can almost feel myself cracking and breaking apart from the inside.. that i turn to my "organizer." no, it's not the daily planner i carry around in my bag at all times. i'm referring, instead, to my dad. he's my "organizer" because he's the one whom i can always rely on to help me sort through the clutter in my mind.. to remember the important things and to focus on what i should be learning from all the chaos around me.

since i was a kid, my dad has always been the one person i'm sure i could turn to - for comfort, sound advice, guidance, understanding, etc. he'd always know not just the right words to say.. but how to say them as well. and he always makes me feel special.. and loved unconditionally.

so naturally, when everything around and inside me just seemed to be such a big, ugly mess, i went to my "organizer". there were so many disturbing thoughts in my head, i could no longer distinguish what actually was bothering me. so i talked with my dad. what's great about talking to him is that he already seems to know what's wrong even before i say anything. and he doesn't judge.. he still is able to make me feel loved, no matter what the circumstances.

if there's one thing i truly thank the Lord for, it's my dad. by his example.. and by the way he sees and treats me.. i am able to know God more. i'm just really happy that my Heavenly Father answers my prayers.. comforts me, talks to me, gives me advice.. not only through timely devotionals and Bible verses.. but through my earthly father as well Ü

[Postscript: it's funny how the Lord is like a sticky note and my dad is like an organizer. great.. i really am into stationery stuff, hehehe Ü]

the God of sticky notes

i love collecting stationery items. all my friends can attest to this fact. whenever i go to book shops or department store, i'd always find time to browse through the stationery section. i have a collection of note pads (from the cartoony to the simply elegant), pens (metallic, gel, pastel, scented.. you name it!), scissors (tiny, large, artsy, weird, etc), and yes, even paper clips! call me nuts.. but i just loooove getting these items for my collection Ü

among these stationery stuff, i'm especially fond of my sticky note collection Ü as you can imagine, i have a bunch of them - all sorts of colors, shapes and sizes. most are small, (due to my tiiiny handwriting) though i buy larger ones if they are interesting enough (i have one that looks like a graphing paper, with the words "i hate math" written on the bottom left corner. that's my favorite, hehe) what's my fixation on these self-adhesive paper? well, let me tell you why i love post it..

* it is sticky! DUH?! obviously. you can't "post it" if it doesn't stick! haha. anyway, i like to bring sticky notes because i can post a short reminder/greeting almost anywhere i wish to. no corkboards, adhesive tapes, or pushpins necessary. just write and stick. perfect Ü

* i can bring it everywhere. it's there when i need it and fits perfectly into my planner. no matter how small my bag is, it always has enough room for sticky notes - especially the small ones.

* it adds color to life. literally. i make it a habit to bring along various colors of sticky notes. that way, i can either (a) color-code my reminders, depending on the contents (i.e., blue for choir reminders, orange for school-related matters, etc); (b) choose which color to use, based on my mood; or (c) just make my planner more attractive. ok fine.. call me weird or OC.. but my sticky notes add a bit more whimsy and fun to my otherwise "blah" existence, hehehe Ü

* it reminds me of the important things in life. if you look at my planner, you'll find the usual schedules written on the available squares. but all the important stuff - from special reminders, to meaningful quotes, song lyrics, inspiring poems and the like - are written down on my sticky notes. so that they are set apart from the usual entries. so i will always pay special attention to them. and so that i can transfer them easily to my new planner when the new year comes Ü

my God is a lot like my sticky notes. He sticks to me through thick or thin.. in times of joy, and in times of great sorrow. He goes with me wherever i go - and i mean everywhere! when i'm at school.. or church.. or just walking around.. His presence is always there. He also lets me experience the many colors of life - from drab greys to bright, sunny yellows.. from dark, gloomy black to clean, pure white. no matter what "color" my days are.. and through all of life's twists and turns.. He's always been there to remind me of the most important things. His guidance. His assurance. His mercy. His grace. His love Ü

yup. it's no wonder i love sticky notes. the Lord probably made me a "post it" person.. so that i'd always remember His love for me Ü

excerpt from "By the River Piedra.."

finally, after a looooong time, i got the chance to start reading paulo coelho's book, "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" Ü i'm not done with it yet.. but i could already sense it's just the kind of book i need to read right now. melancholy. painful. raw. honest. a powerful and moving story.

sharing with you an excerpt, taken from the first pages. i can definitely relate. but in spite of the sadness.. i find great comfort in these words. read on..

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By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. There is a legend that everything that falls into the waters of this river - leaves, insects, the feathers of birds - is transformed into the rocks that make the riverbed. If only I could tear out my heart and hurl it into the current, then my pain and longing would be over, and I could finally forget.

By the River Piedra I sat down and wept. The winter air chills the tears on my cheeks, and my tears fall into the cold waters that course past me. Somewhere, this river joins another, then another, until - far from my heart and sight - all of them merge with the sea.

May my tears run just as far, that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the River Piedra, the monastery, the church in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.

I shall forget the roads, the mountains, and the fields of my dreams - the dreams that will never come true.

I remember my "magic moment" - that instant when a "yes" or a "no" can change one's life forever. It seems so long ago now. It is hard to believe that it was only last week that I had found my love once again and then lost him.

I am writing this story on the bank of the River Piedra. My hands are freezing, my legs are numb, and every minute I want to stop.

"Seek to live. Remembrance is for the old," he said.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time - or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write - to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance. So that when I finish telling myself the story, I can toss it into the Piedra. That's what the woman who has given me shelter told me to do. Only then - in the words of one of the saints - will the water extinguish what the flames have written.

All love stories are the same.

a world of smiles

i just woke up from a very fitful sleep last night. my 6 hours of sleep were filled mostly with dreams of being chased, backed up into corners, or finding myself all alone in a place full of strangers and people who couldn't care any less. great. my halloween continues to haunt me, even in my supposed period of rest..

anyway, as soon as i got enough energy to get up from bed (you can imagine how tired i was - try "running" for an entire night, even if it were only in your dreams), i turned on the pc and went online. i looked for smiley images. well, why not? i don't have anything to cheer me up at the moment.. and smileys somehow make me believe that i have a bit of cheerfulness left in me Ü

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i love smileys. well, actually, not just the smileys. i like all sorts of emoticons. smileys, frowny faces, evil grins, and yes, even the "sick to the stomach" ones :p i find them all entertaining.

i wonder what the world would be like if we could all just put on the kind of "emoticon" we want. say i want to be happy today. so i'll look for a nice bright yellow smiley and paste it on my face. or if i'm not feeling all too good, i'd just find my green "about to barf" smiley to tell people to give me some space.

i'd love it, too, if i could have some kind of "emotion dial" on me. it would have settings for all the different emotions: anger, peace, happiness, sympathy, sadness, thankfulness, etc. wouldn't it be nice if i could just switch on whatever emotion is most appropriate.. and toggle to another one afterwards?
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hmm. i would love to be in a world of smiles. but more than that, i want to have a genuine smile on my face. i don't want just some plastic smiley cheerfulness.. i want the kind of smile, the kind of cheer i used to have just a couple of months ago. *sigh* guess i'll just have to work on finding the way back to smileyland again..

roses in december

found this poem at my cousin's blog. she wrote it herself. *sniff* i'm so proud of her.. hehe :p

wish i could write something like this right now, too. unfortunately, seems like my creative juices have decided to go "pffft.." on me today. *sigh* guess i'm just in a lousy mood. but anyway, hope you'll enjoy this (though it isn't december yet hehe). i know i did.. :)

Roses in December

the love that was
seemed to haunt my soul
like a never-ending stream
trying to bore a hole in the dam of my heart
ever-searching, penetrating, enticing,
confusing the love that is
the now, and hopefully, the future.
memories unbinding, returning, reliving
the love that was
the one that my present love strives to conquer,
and tries to bury in the depths of oblivion.
yet sometimes
the image of the love that was
comes like a beguiled spirit
possessing the one who now holds my heart.
how unruly! how unfaithful!
to think that hope of reconciliation
between me and the love that was
still has a chance of becoming.
though the roses he once sent me
left an imprint of some kind,
its fragrance and its beauty
its petals and leaves already wilted
like ashes thrown back in the sand
its thorns like the love he once offered
pricked the passion that held me waiting,
my fidelity that kept me trusting,
now has been buried long enough
to forget the pain that it caused me once.
such roses has long been sought
such roses has long been found
but with new meaning,
with new hope, and
with the new love that brought back
the passion, the fidelity, and security
that was taken from me
from the love that was.

HORROR

nakapanood ka ba ng horror ngayong halloween? ako hindi. kasi hindi na kailangan eh. hayy. panay katatakutan at kung anu-anong kademonyohan ang napasok ko. ahahaha. nakakabaliw na buhay 'to. leche. >:)

hindi ako mahilig sa mga horror movies. pero ngayon, maganda ngang manood ano? parang biglang trip kong panoorin ung "exorcism" na palabas. haha. kaso pangit manood mag-isa. dapat nga may kasama. tsk tsk. kaso wala ka na. :(

sabi ko noon papakawalan na kita at 'di guguluhin sa pagsasabi ng "iloveyou" at kung ano pang lecheng kacornyhan. pero may mga pagkakataon lang na kailangan gawin, kung hindi malamang ay mababaliw ako. ahahahaha. :))

kaya eto, isang blogpost para sa 'yo. naghihinga lang sa isang taong minahal at mahal ko.. hanggang ngayon.. kahit na 'patay' na siya sa pagmamahal na binibigay ko. pero araw naman ng mga patay e.. kaya siguro ok lang.

gusto ko nang magising mula sa walang-katapusang bangungot na ito hahahahahahahahahahaha

lost innocence

they say that children can easily spot the nine dolphins in this photo.

how quickly can you find them? or are you only able to see an intimate couple?

hmm.. a case of 'lost innocence' perhaps? :-p