puzzling

sheesh. talk about a zombie-ish day..

i don't know, but for some reason, i couldn't bring myself to get up from bed this morning. i slept (relatively) early last night, after all. but this morning, my eyes felt so heavy and my body refused to leave the bed. must be because of the weird dreams. pleasant.. but weird. and exhausting too. tsk.

anyway, i spent the entire day making questions for the upcoming quarterly exam and for the problem set. so the whole time i was at school, i was conversing with parallel lines and all sorts of quadrilaterals on my screen. hahaha. this isn't right. this isn't right at all.

thank god i'm done with the tests, though XP i wonder if the kids will be happy. *evil grin*
you're awfully puzzling, though. tsk. i still can't figure you out. *sigh*

feeling (un)queenly

no, this post does not have much to do with romance.. although it does have a lot to do with the heart, hahahahaha.

in an earlier blog entry, i talked about the ace of spades being my favorite card. well, that may be true. but the queen of hearts does come a close second. the sheer variety of artwork inspired by this card is certainly enough reason to make it an all-time fave.

needless to say, i prefer to unconventional versions.

check out this link. cool. i wish i could get my hands on these real soon.

i miss reading my graphic novels.

i need my escape from reality asap..
but i really don't want to escape from you. ever.

violets are blue

hmm. i think i'm due to get my eyes checked again. *sigh* my vision's getting a bit blurry.. and i'm not sure if it's because of the sleep deprivation, the exhaustion or what. oh well..

so i'm thinking of (finally) getting the amethyst contacts once i get a change of lenses. hahaha. i dunno if i can bring myself to actually do so. i would probably look all weird (as if i don't look weird yet nyahahaha). i wish i'd gotten the grey contacts way before jewo did. tsk.

i didn't go to choir prax today. felt uber tired. geez. got bored out of my skull during the faculty meeting. actually, i wasn't quite myself today at school. must be because i only got to sleep for 2 1/2 hours last night. grr.

and i still am sleepy right now. ho hum. i think i'll turn in early tonight..
missed you lots though. sorry..

incomparable

this afternoon, mom, the cousins (ta & gabo) and i watched a movie at gateway mall. hahaha. it seems i am turning into a movie freak bwahaha XP

anyway, i treated them to a movie because they had no classes today (high school classes were suspended; ta had only morning class and mom doesn't go to school on mondays). we watched the sneak preview of the zohan. the cousins wanted something funny hehe..

somehow, though, as i sat there watching the movie, i found myself missing the joker. really. hahaha. i wish i could watch the dark knight all over again. there's just something about that (literally) killer smile that draws me to him.. *evil grin*

oh well. i guess i'm just naturally drawn to such characters..

the dark side

i believe everybody has a dark side. and christians are not exempt from this. maybe it's just that some people are more reluctant to let this side of them show - lest people look at them in a funny (or worse, in a creepy) way.

but for one reason or another, i'm not that scared to show my darker side. i'm not proud of it.. but i acknowledge its existence. because i know that by denying it, i'd be several steps farther from getting rid of it.

so yeah. i find these strips funny. albeit in a sick, twisted way.

this is part of me. welcome to my world.
would you still want to come in, now that you're seeing who i really am..?

find me a finder

friend carlito might hate me for including yet another 'food' post here, but it cannot be helped, haha. sorry 'bout that. i know how you hate food pix - especially if they look like worms/snakes XP

today we had our workers' retreat at the rfm auditorium. bro chito jongco served as the retreat master.. and all i can say is.. "wow" and "ouch" XP

the talks (four of them in all) dealt with 'heavy' topics really meant for workers in the community. the first one was titled 'a goal greater than anything else', and it talked about how giving glory to god should be the primary goal of any servant. the second, 'wise & foolish builders', discussed the basis of our faith and how to make use of our talents and blessings. the next talk, titled 'the greatest need' explained why evangelization is important, and how workers should minister to others. finally, bro chito ended the retreat by explaining 'how to overcome fear' in its many aspects (certainly a must for every christian servant).

the whole-day seminar was very enlightening; but as bro chito said, a lot of the things mentioned in the retreat were stuff that none of us wanted to hear. the talks were inspiring.. but nevertheless convicting. in fact, i intentionally forced myself to multi-task, if only to 'soften' the blow of some of the things he said. i'm not proud of it.. but bro chito mentioned a lot of things that i know i am guilty of.. and i'm not yet ready to face. hence the hiding.

so. about the 'food post'.. i guess i could say that today's retreat was definitely (spiritually) filling. but it's costly, too. and in a way, i suppose that's why it leaves me feeling satisfied..

*sigh* i still feel a bit lost, however. and though i know i've been found.. i just couldn't help but wish that i had my own 'finder'..
.. just in case i lose you again..

the one

i love playing cards. they're actually very dear to my heart. even before magic tricks became popular, cards were already magical to me XP

out of the 54 cards (including the 2 jokers of course) in a regular deck, there are a few that hold a special place in my heart:

the joker(s) : i didn't think anyone else collected jokers until geia came to me asking for joker cards. haha. well now i collect card decks.. but this craze all started with jokers. (hmm.. i hope this isn't turning out to be one sick, cruel joke..)

queen of hearts : this is a no-brainer haha. the origin of my love for this card may be just a tad bit cheesier than i'd like to admit. right now, though, the queen of hearts is a (literally) bloody symbol for me..

king of hearts : again, another no-brainer. apart from the romantic overtones, however, i like this card because the king of hearts is the 'odd-man out' of all the kings. why? sheesh. go look at all four kings and spot the difference..

two of hearts : ok, now this one just reeks of gooey sentimental sh*t so i will not explain any further..

ace of spades : did i mention that my favorite suit is spades? hahahaha. guess why.. XP

of all the spades, though (and in fact, of *all* the cards in the deck) the ace is closest to my heart. he trumps everything else. literally.

come to think of it, maybe the original card makers felt a special liking to my card, as well. after all, the ace of spades is the most decorated of all the cards - the one with the biggest design. it's intricate and usually stamped with the manufacturer's mark.

hmm. maybe instead of writing down "i *heart* you" i should just write "i *spade* you" hahahaha XP that would certainly be more apt..
you are *the one*.. and i *spade* you. so much.. :'(

hangover from yesterday

i can't quite put my finger on what his appeal is to me..

up to this morning my students can't stop talking about gary v's visit to the school yesterday. i can't blame them. even i still have a 'hangover' haha XP

i'm not someone who's so easily starstruck. but he's different. he's really different.. *sigh*
i wonder why that is so.. :(

x x x: spot the difference

it isn't that hard to see..

*sigh* no matter how much i think i'm going to get used to it, there are just some things i don't think i'll ever be able to accept :(

then again, i could've said the exact same thing a couple of years ago..

i think i'm one of the most adaptable person i know of.

there's definitely a difference. stress myself to death changing.. or swallow it all 'til i die? i don't know whether i should weep or simply take this in stride.

still.. thank you..

desperately wanting

they say the most effective prayer is the one uttered in desperation. hmm. i couldn't disagree with that. i should know. i can definitely relate..

sometimes, though, things are different. there are times when it gets really hard to pray. no matter how desperate you are. or rather, *because* of how desperate you are :(

i'm not used to writing down my prayers; and i am definitely not a newbie when it comes to praying. but today.. i dunno.. it was just really hard to come up with the words and the music. it's easier to come up with codes and ciphers than to just say everything as it is.

well, what did i expect? it is difficult to make supposedly impossible things happen..
i'm quite sure *you* got the message.. *sigh*

lying is dangerous to your health

i can't remember the last time i went to the doctor for an annual physical exam. maybe it was during my senior high days, sheesh. but at the moment, i am feeling like i *need* to go for an APE.

no, i don't feel anything abnormal. i'm not feeling sick. nor do i feel stressed out or tired. i do not have any weird aches/pains or anything like that. but sometimes i feel paranoia sweeping in on me. and during those times i can envision myself running out to the nearest hospital to have an APE scheduled. the only things that stop me from doing so are 1) the craziness of the vision; 2) lack of time/energy; and 3) cowardice XP

it isn't really difficult to find out the truth. but oftentimes we don't discover it simply because we really don't want to find out. we would rather convince ourselves that everything is okay. that the lies we hear are actually true. and that all the excuses, no matter how lame or outrageous, are in fact, fact.
this is really getting to me. and i can't even let you know. dammit. you are hazardous to my health.

hypnotized

i don't personally know anyone who's good at hypnotizing people. or at least, i am not aware that i know of anyone. who knows.. maybe i personally know of someone.. but he/she hypnotized me into forgetting, haha XP

hmm. i wonder how hypnotic spells work, if ever they are real. could certain people *really* make others do their bidding simply by the power of suggestion? wow. i wish i could do that. hahaha.

but i bet it's not such fun being hypnotized. can you imagine being "forced" (i use the term lightly here.. but those who claim to be able to do hypnosis say you cannot really force someone to do something they do not want to do) into obeying when you're not 100% willing? i wonder if the hypnotized person can resist the suggestion.. or if resisting is even possible.

*sigh* this is such a mystery..
you *really* have me under your spell.. :(

here we go again..

life is not normally full of drama. otherwise, drama ceases to be *true* drama.

anyway, it isn't always the big things that make life so damned interesting. rather, it's those small yet meaningful stuff that spice up our days (or nights). it's the nearly unnoticeable things that we've come to rely on to make us smile or give color to our lives.

like they say, the devil is in the details..

red letter day

well, no.. not really. it's not a red *letter* day. rather, it literally is a *red* day.
i felt like wearing my shiny red high-heeled shoes today. primarily because i was wearing a red top. secondly because i sort of need a bit of an ego boost. er.. never mind.

i watched the dark knight last night at gateway. all i can say is.. WOW XP

maybe this current mood of mine has something to do with the movie.

or then again.. maybe not..

positively constant

i'm not afraid of variables. at least, not in math XP in fact, i happen to like them. especially those x's and y's (though to be honest, i love z the most, hehe).

but much as i like variables, constants hold a special place in my (mathematical) heart hahaha. my favorites are pi and the imaginary number i (i seem to be drawn to imaginary stuff, huh?). then of course, there's that weird constant that's a combination of all my favorites: e^i*pi (which, in case you don't know, happens to be an integer! click here for more details)

anyway. i am in a relatively good mood today. i liked the questions i was able to make for my geometry classes haha XP they're a bit tricky.. and some are quite difficult.. but hey, i can't help it if i get a kick out of solving math problems XP

oh.. and before i end this post.. i just want to say that this is *not* a simple geeky blog entry :D
you're still my most favorite constant.. :X

not (just) another rainy day

this is not just another picture post
*sigh*
please, please don't let history repeat itself. i don't think i can take it.. :(

word for the day: crepuscular

it is almost 2pm and i am here in school.. waiting for the 4pm meeting with the department. so as usual, i am surfing the net to find interesting stuff (but mostly to just pass the time)

i found this picture of a firefox (the animal, not the browser XP).. also known as a red panda. it looked so cute.. and it seems to enjoy its sleep a lot. i feel so envious hahaha.

here are some interesting things about this creature. got this from wikipedia - the source of all knowledge, nyahahaha XP

Red Pandas are crepuscular (most active at dawn and dusk) and live in the slopes of the south of the Himalayas and the mountainous forests of the southwest of China, at altitudes of up to 4,800 meters, and generally do not venture below 1,800 meters. They are sedentary during the day resting in the branches of trees and in tree hollows and increase their activity only in the late afternoon and/or early evening hours. They are very heat sensitive with an optimal “well-being” temperature between 17 and 25°C., and cannot tolerate temperatures over 25 °C at all. As a result, Red Pandas sleep during the hot noontime in the shady crowns of treetops, often lying stretched out on forked branches or rolled up in tree caves with their tail covering their face.

Red Pandas are very skillful and acrobatic animals that live predominantly in trees. They live in territories, frequently alone, and only rarely live in pairs or in groups of families. They are very quiet except for some twittering and whistling communication sounds. They search for food at night, running along the ground or through the trees with speed and agility and, after finding food, use their front paws to place the food into their mouths. Red pandas drink by plunging their paw into the water and licking their paws. Predators of Red Pandas are snow leopards (Uncia uncia), martens (Mustelidae) and humans. The species has also faced a great deal of human-induced habitat destruction.

Red Pandas begin their daily activity with a ritual washing of their fur by licking their front paws and massaging their back, stomach and sides. They also scrub their back and belly along the sides of trees or a rock. They then patrol their territory, marking it with a weak musk-smelling secretion from their anal gland and with their urine.

If a Red Panda feels threatened or senses danger, it will often try to scamper up into an inaccessible rock column or a tree. If they can no longer flee, they stand up on their hind legs, which makes them appear somewhat more daunting and allows them the possibility of using the razor-sharp claws on their front paws, which can inflict substantial wounds. Red Pandas are friendly, but are not helpless, and will resist if they feel threatened.

anyway. the rains just stopped. darnit. i wish it would rain just a little bit more. i don't mind strong winds and i'm not afraid of slippery roads. i just want grey skies and pouring rain. i don't just want it.. i *need* it. hmp. time to put my rainwishing powers to full use again..

no to visine

right now i'm wishing i could change the color of my eyes. actually i've been wanting to do that for a long, long time already (yes.. way before the vampire bought his grey-colored lenses). i just couldn't push through with it coz i couldn't make up my mind as to the color i'd like.

then i see this pic.

hahahaha. it would be so cool to have eyes like this. i probably wouldn't have to give anyone my 'killer' look nyahaha. everyone would steer clear of me and leave me alone (not that i have any problem with *that* hehe)

besides, i think this would suit my personality just fine..

i wonder if red snake eyes will give me hypnotic powers as well. hmmmm.. :p

i wish for once, you'd do what i want instead.. :(

snakes & dragons

during the growth in the spirit seminar (gss) where i served today, i heard one of the speakers mention a bible verse that tells of a woman trampling the head of the snake.. and of the battle with an enormous red dragon (revelations 12). well, the usual interpretation, of course, is that the woman is mary.. and the snake is the devil.. and the dragon his minions.

i am a practicing catholic/christian; and i do believe in the bible. but i dunno. i guess today i just feel a bit of sympathy towards the poor reptiles haha. i am not a fan of snakes, really.. but i do have a great deal of respect for them (in my scale, they rank higher than cockroaches, definitely). and as for the dragon. well, what can i say? my pet *is* a dragon, after all.. and so am i (i'm a fire dragon, remember?)

so i say give the reptiles a rest. i wish people would stop looking at them as *evil* and fearsome. they are living creatures too you know (although one of them is thought to be imaginary - but that doesn't change the fact that it would be living if it were real hahaha). they have feelings also. and while they are strong and fearsome, they do have weaknesses too. and i wish everyone would just cut them some slack. okay?!?!
yup, we snakes and dragons have feelings too. we're not always as strong as we'd like you to think..

* * *

here are some readings about snakes & dragons.. at least, according to the chinese zodiac, haha:

Snake people enter a room and there is Music, Music, Joy! Everyone dances! Such high spirit! The Snake is so intense and passionate, just as likely to take out the castanets as to climb mountains of snow. Snake year people are charming and romantic, often planning delightful hideaway surprises. Possessing tremendous wisdom, they are deep, quiet thinkers, calm by nature, but most intense. They often get involved in great causes, bigger than life, and often serve as mentors to the young. To paraphrase Confucius, they have a kind of inner beauty that arises, hovers, then comes to nest. They will have an abundance of good fortune and a long and prosperous life.

Wood Snakes dream of success, fame, and fortune, but without really having the wherewithal to make things happen. Even though they are strongly career minded, they have trouble making goals and too many opportunities pass them by. Dreams of better jobs lead them into changing positions several times through their working years. Despite it all, life is good for the Wood Snake. They generally have good fortune and they have "abundance" through other means, such as good health, wonderful friends, strength of character, an elegant lifestyle, and resilient spirit. What about Romance? Hmmmm? Of all creatures, Wood Snakes are most in need of knowing how to tango (as in,"it takes two"to do so!). Relationships always have cracks. Snakes have to learn how to give a little and how to hold back in order to accommodate the needs of the partner as well as themselves. A stubborn streak and a tendency towards self-absorption make communication difficult. Through the cracks, flowers grow and when they do, Wood Snakes are very responsible and sensual lovers and beautiful to behold.

Dragon people are the most eccentric in the Chinese Zodiac. Soaring high into the serene heavens, they can be stubborn, passionate, excitable, honest, and brave, wear purple and walk barefoot in public fountains. They listen to their own drummer, thank you very much, while the rest of the world stands in amazement. People always admire their individuality and feisty personality. Dragons are capable of doing great work for mankind and they inspire trust in almost everyone. The Dragon symbolizes life and growth and is said to bring the five blessings: harmony, virtue, riches, fulfillment and longevity.

Downright electrifying, Fire Dragons breathe vigor and power. These natural leaders smile at adversity, turn complainers into optimists, and lead lives as inspired as a Beethoven Sonata. They are square shooters in dealing with individuals and are often called upon to mediate disputes. Because they care so much about people, Fire Dragons like to support charitable causes and bring friends together for elegant evening soirees. These Dragons are fired with ambition, unflagging enthusiasm, and intelligence and enjoy most impressive careers as a result. Despite all the money they make, Finance is a big question mark. Money is easy come easy go. Until they control their spending habits, money will just go flying in the wind. Romantics at heart, Fire Dragons can't help playing Matchmaker. They're pretty lucky, too! As for themselves, they ooze charisma and never need anyone to fix them up. Successful in love, often placed on pedestals, Fire Dragons are attractive and have fire in the belly. The opposite sex feels very secure.

keepin' cool

i didn't really get to sleep in late today, even if it is a saturday. dad had to bring mom to her lecture class at 7.30am so i found myself wide awake by 7am. tsk. too early for me, i say. especially on a weekend. so after they left (and as soon as ate dina arrived), i went back to bed hahaha.

it's weird. i have a very difficult time falling asleep at night; but i have an equally difficult time staying awake during the day (but only on weekends hahaha). i managed to drag myself awake at about 11.30am. i had yet to bathe, eat and dress up before going to KC. hahaha. good thing it's only around 10mins drive from teh house..

well, the day wasn't really as hectic or busy as i thought it would be. the tutoring session with the gacis sisters were ok.. though they were a bit on the shy side. for now.. hehe XP all in all, i guess this day was.. how should i say it.. cool..?

i'm glad i was able to get everything together. my lesson.. my tutorial.. myself.. hahaha.

i'm keeping cool. wow. i wonder how long this will last. and i wonder if this is just the calm before the storm *sigh*
i really wish i could finally make up my mind about you..