simple joys

today's simple joys:
1. chatting with friend portia
2. planning committee work with marge
3. keeping in touch with sj
4. being productive with honor roll work
5. roaming around the gateway mall
6. eating out at teriyaki boy
7. no washing the dishes for dinner hehe
8. getting a joke msg from mark
9. receiving a text from jun who's in singapore
10. quiet time-spent folding freshly laundered shirts
11. new quotes courtesy of abi
12. cbox msg from paupau
13. reaching level 2 of yahoo! answers haha
14. friendster update from lils
15. viewing X's newly posted pix
16. finding my old (thought to be) lost comb

and of course..

.. personalizing my customizable starbucks tumbler!!

hahaha. i need to count my small blessings. it's the only way i can keep sane nowadays.

oh.. and i have to thank the (nameless) girl who let her 4 starbucks stickers be credited to me :) you're an angel, whoever you are. thank you for brightening my glum day :)

befriend at your own risk

this picture asks "why so alone?" hmm. why, indeed?
actually, today wasn't such a lonely day. i had a lot of fun and laughs, thanks to my NASAean friends from school (special thanx to apol, jero & paupau.. though really, jero, it's not good manners to bite your friends. really) it's easy to bond with them. probably 'coz they're just about as weird as i am (if not even weirder, hehe.. right, xerox?! :p)

anyway, it's another matter when i'm at church. well, normally i'd have my own set of weird friends there. but lately, it just seems like they're not around so much. mcdreamy's been quiet for the past days; rizi's fussing about her aching tooth; hilda's not much of a talker today; janno's missing; and sam.. well, sam's quite busy, i think (or maybe it's the "connection" that's going haywire. i dunno. i'm having some trouble understanding that part)

so. why am i so alone? maybe it's 'coz i choose to be. and perhaps right now, it's for the best. 'coz at the moment, only those who would like to spend time with a frustrated, impatient "touch-me-and-die" bitch would dare approach me. and for some reason, i don't think there are too many of those kinds of people right now.

tired. really tired

thanx to friend rizi for sending me this really nice gif file.
it's the start of another day.
hmm. somehow i don't find that that thought reassuring..

the ghost in me

"how can i be so callous and yet not care i'm being callous? i want you so much, nothing matters. not guilt or anything like that."


"love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. nothing should be able to do that. especially not love."


the above quotes, courtesy of friend rizi.. who's having a major pain right now - a toothache. hmm. well, i hope she's feeling better. but at least, thanks to her discomfort, we have an additional article for the newsletter.. hahaha. thanx, riz :p

quite frankly, though, i'd rather have the toothache. coupled with a head-splitting migraine and tummy discomfort, if necessary. instead of that soul-hurt thingy. wahahahahaha.

i just loooooove neil gaiman and his sandman series. i'm so totally rose walker hahaha :p

connect the dots

"i know you don't really see my worth. you think you're the last guy on earth. well, i've got news for you. i know i'm not that strong. but it won't take long. 'coz someday, someone's gonna love me the way i wanted you to need me. someday, someone's gonna take your place.."

* * *

today i finished reading the book friend rizi lent me. it's anna gavalda's "i wish someone were waiting for me somewhere".. a collection of short stories. hmm. i enjoyed reading it. i have this thing for short stories. anyway. like i said, i had fun reading the book. i wasn't able to get any additional quotes from it, though. rizi already provided me with the good ones, hehehe..

* * *

the picture above is a shot of the mt. carmel altar in baliuag, bulacan. nice, huh? yep.. i love it. really love it.. :x hmm. i'm just waiting. still waiting..

so close.. so far..

just a picture post for today.
i'm really, really tired.
because of yesterday.
because of today.
and because of so many other reasons i can't say.
i'm slipping. but that's okay.
as long as someone doesn't..
..slip away

the day after

came from our ministry's party today (held in bulacan). it was a combined christmas party and bday celebration. well, it turned out mostly to be a bday tribute to our musical director, bro rannie, who's been a major part of all of us in the ministry :)

i'm too tired to write anything about the party (consecutive sleepless nights do not help much, you know).. so i'm just gonna post the "surprise" article i wrote for bro rannie on the newsletter last wednesday.

Mellow Tunes from a Mellowing Artist

“The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune.” (English Proverb)

He’s not exactly a fiddler (and he’s not *that* old), but the quote applies :-) Because in two days, he’s turning a year older.. a year wiser.. a year.. sweeter?! Hehe.. and hopefully, the melody he plays will sound even sweeter. Yup, on Friday, 05 January, our musical director Bro. Rannie Bello will be ** years old.

Ok, so we’re not mentioning his exact age in this column (baka ayaw niya ipaaalam eh). But here are some interesting facts about Bro. Rannie that we’re going to spill:

* His full name is Ronaldo Y. Bello; but most everyone in Rivers calls him Bro. Rannie

* He studied Engineering before pursuing his interest in Music

* He started serving in Rivers in 1994.

* Bro. Rannie does not eat spaghetti; and he avoids mayonnaise like the plague

* He loves inihaw and carinderia food, though :-)

* He drinks.. pero hindi siya nalalasing (nanlalasing lang, hehe.. joke!)

* Bro. Rannie avoids drinking coffee, especially before singing - he says it can cause bad breath :p

* He always reminds us to bring our toothbrush & toothpaste.. and to have mints and chewing gums in our bags :p

* He takes *really* good care of his hands. Hindi niyo ‘yan mapapagbuhat ng mabibigat na bagay!

* He prefers wearing light-colored shirts.

* One of his favorite roles is playing “matchmaker” (ask ‘Bespren Heidi’ at your own risk, hehehe)

* Bro. Rannie frequents Megamall’s Cyberzone before going to the prayer meeting venue

* He always brings his cell phone and his trusty iPod with him wherever he goes :-)

* And here are some of Bro. Rannie’s famous lines,through the years:

1) “Sunod na ulitin niyo ‘yan magwo-walk out na talaga ako. Huwag niyo ‘kong subukan..” - 1997
(this applies to *all* our misdemeanors -walang lyrics/clearbook/recorder, ‘pag late kami o madaldal, etc. etc. scary!!)

2) “Hindi ‘shePHerd’ ang basa diyan! ‘shePerd!’ Silent H! Ang kulit! Sabihin mo nga.. ‘shePerd, shePerd..’” - 1998
(while practicing for a service in Cebu)

3) “Kumain nga kayo ng iodized salt!!” - 1999
(kasi daw mabagal kaming kumuha ng tono.. kailangan tumalino nang kaunti, hehe)

4) “Ano, wala kang papel? ‘Di ba may tshirt ka? Sige, diyan mo isulat ‘yung lyrics mo..” - 2000
(sa isang kawawang member na natataranta kakahanap ng notebook dahil nag-spot check si Bro. Rannie habang nagagalit. Scary pa rin!)

5) “Buhatin niyo naman.. tunog patay eh!”- 2001
(while teaching us vocal techniques)

6) “Konting bilog pa! Masyadong bikaka!” - 2002
(with matching hand gestures and ‘yawning’ demonstrations.. still while teaching us vocal techniques)

7) “Para kayong mga isda..” - 2003
(kapag hindi tama ang lyrics na kinakanta namin)

8) “Alam niyo na’ng gagawin niyo ha..” - 2004
(may kasama pang kindat at ‘killer smile’ hahahaha! inside joke ito sa ministry, para sa mga nag-aabsent dahil nagbabakasyon abroad)

9) “Actually, we don’t like to call it performance.. what we do is service” - 2006
(habang iniinterview siya sa MoA carolling)

10) “For our last song, we would like to greet you ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’..” – Christmas Caroling in Bulacan, 2006
(sabay ngiti dahil na-realize niyang “redundant” ‘yung sinabi niya, hehehe.. peace, bro! glad to know you can laugh at yourself :p)

These are glimpses of Bro. Rannie through the years. And most of us in the music ministry can attest to the fact that he has, indeed, mellowed. Oh, he’s still able to instill fear and trembling in us at times (lalo na kapag may solo/quartet).. but Bro. Rannie has bonded with the group enough to realize that he doesn’t need to shout and be suplado/masungit for us to listen to him. Usually, just one ‘tiger look’ is enough to silence us, hehehe :-)

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune. And as years go by, Bro. Rannie’s tunes and temperament (sige na nga, pati na rin ‘looks’.. bday mo naman eh, hehehe), just keep getting better :-)

To Bro. Rannie.. we celebrate and rejoice with you on your special day. And we thank the Lord for blessing the community with your talent, dedication, discipline and inspiration. May the years be kind to you.. and may you, in turn, continue to be kind to us, hehehe :-)

Happy, happy birthday, with love from all of us!

... still waiting

"there are times when the weight inside you is heavier than the weight of the whole world outside. there are times when dread falls over you like a great silence, and you are entirely alone. at those times, waking is the worst moment of the day: your eyes are open, you know what lies ahead. there's no way out. here you are again, conscious."

whew. what a day. it's not the way i thought it would be.. but hey, things do not always turn out the way anyone expects.

assez

today is friend carolle's bday.. and since this morning, i've been all hyper and smiling. "at ano naman ang nangyari sa' yo?" quipped my truly jaded friend. "naka-steroids ka ba? you're so perky today it's annoying.." hahahahahahahaha!! spoken like a true cynic, carolle. that's why i love being with you..

anyway, we had lunch at cibo gateway. love their pesto (yep, even with the cream).. though the serving was kinda big for me. thumbs down to the iced tea with mint syrup. their syrup smelled eerily similar to listerine. i'm serious. the red grape shake looked yummy, though.. as well as the bruschetta. by the time we finished our food, carolle and i were *stuffed* haha. i just had to walk all that food off..

too bad we didn't have space in our stomach for the starbucks date. oh well. we'll save it for next time. when you get your pillow thingy from my car hehe :p thanx for lunch again, dudette. happy birthday.. and may you stick to your resolution.. at least for the first month of 2007 :)

* * *

i don't know if it's the january thing.. but i've been acting really weird lately and i couldn't help it. my actions cannot seem to match my feelings. 'coz i've been really hyper and (as carolle puts it) *perky* that even i find myself annoying, wahahaha! hmm. maybe i'm splitting up into my hidden personalities. maybe i'm finally turning loony.

watch and wait..

* * *

as soon as i got home from today's lunch date, i *had* to have my nails done (it's a good stress management technique, as i found out today). not wanting to be pestered by chitchat from the staff, i brought along my book entitled 'a perfect stranger' by roxana robinson. i read the short story, 'assez' (which means "enough" in french).. and i found it to be really sad. so beautifully sad.

here are some quotes from that story..

"you can't keep things as they are, but you can hold things fixed in your memory, and so i still have that evening, although everything was lost, after that"

"i would have given anything to have made that not happen, to have kept him ebbing away from me, but i could not. i did what i could, and it wasn't enough. i couldn't make a current strong enough to draw him to me; he left.."

"it's so strange to think that all that is past, gone, that it's over and can't be reclaimed. but that night in the warm garden, with the dark aromatic countryside all around us, the black starry sky overhead, we were happy. what we had, without realizing it, was enough. it was all we were to have, whether we wanted more or not"

assez. enough. i don't think i can take much more.

happy birthday, dude. glad you are. hope i will be. no matter what.

sweet revenge

for all the heartaches he's caused..
for the rivers of tears cried..
for sleepless nights..
for rising stress levels..
for addled brains and broken dreams..


somebody should give cupid a dose of his own medicine..


"shot through the heart and you're to blame. you give love a bad name.."

i'm learning to love math again hahaha

hahahaha. i found this really *great* website with math/science/nerdy/geeky comic strips that are sooooooooo funny in this sarcastic/ironic way :p check out xkcd's site :p

these here below are my personal favorites hahahahaha :)

prayer for day 1

ok, it's not really a beginning i'm asking for.
more of a continuation, actually.

i found this in a kids' prayer book yesterday. and what an appropriate prayer.
well, 2006 may have ended in tears for me.. but maybe 2007 has something better in store.

i'm keeping my hopes up.. and my fingers crossed.
and i'm still waiting.. ever waiting.. *sigh*

ironic

it's a traffic jam when you're already late
it's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
it's meeting the man of my dreams
and then meeting his beautiful wife

2006 is drawing to a close. time to put the past behind. to start anew. to look to a fresh start. to be happy and hopeful.

so yeah, it is kinda ironic that *this* is the song playing in my head right now. ironic and appropriate. 'coz i don't know how else to describe the situation right now.

well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
and life has a funny way of helping you out when
you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

happy new year everyone!

especially for you

"isn't it ironic that when you're trying to pick up the fragments of what was destroyed before and that you've been building this crooked but solid foundation for yourself, you find out that it's not really solid at all...it just appeared solid? ironic how when you're trying to fix your life, everything just falls apart at the seams...again? and you ask yourself, what's the freaking point in trying? hope is a fallacy created by the optimists. i wonder if these optimists are drugged and if they are, can i have some?"

(i lifted this from iluvwills2003's LJ)

hey dude, i miss you. spent nearly an hour going through your entries. sucks that you can't text me. hmm. cheapskate. i'm *seriously* considering getting another sim, just for you. we really should get together some time. meet me on your bday next week..? :p

anyway. it feels good to connect with friends. i really thank God for technology. given that i'm such a laconic creature who hates going out and whom you practically have to drag out of the house.. well, at least blogs, friendster, email and *text messaging* allow me to keep in touch with friends whenever i can't see them :p

reading you sort of made my day. thanx for that. once again.. *i miss you*.. and we really, really should get together soon. give me a bday treat, darnit! :p you owe me that much for the pleasure of my company, wahahahahahaha!! :)

handing it over

"we are most vulnerable to people we love. because in our giving so much love for them, we hand over the very weapon they could use to hurt us..."

i'm not an adventurer. my friends would all attest to that. i hate going on those distant trips. i don't like trying new sports (any sport, for that matter!) or activities. i'm not too keen on meeting new people. heck, i even avoid commuting.

but there's one thing i can say about myself. i am such a risk taker when it comes to *one* thing. ha. maybe that's why i don't have any other adventurous spirit left for all those other stuff..

forever falling

" if you’re right and we’re nothing at all
tell me why did i keep thinking ’bout you calling
if you’re right and we’re nothing at all
tell me why do you keep thinking that you’re falling .."

~ semisonic (falling)

i just love this picture :p

*blush*

today i'm happy. cautiously happy.. but happy, nonetheless :)
in spite of the fact that the taiwan quake affected internet access.
despite my exhaustion due to doing household chores.
it's an extended christmas for me.
last night was wonderful, too.
hahahahahahahaha.
i just *heart* surprises.
literally, today has been a "dream come true" :p

january came on christmas

A CHRISTMAS LOVE SONG
Barbra Streisand

all i want for christmas is you
you're the gift that's made my dreams all come true
all i need for christmas is here
finding every sweet surprise wrapped up in your eyes
waiting there for me underneath the tree
we'll spend the day exchanging kisses
smile and say "what a christmas this is"
long before the snowflakes appear
without bells or mistletoe or the tinsel's silver glow
you just look at me and oh!
christmas is here!

we will smile and say "what a christmas this is"
long before the snowflakes appear
without bells or mistletoe
or the tinsel's silver glow
you just have to look at me and oh!
christmas is here...

december 25th. hmmm. who'd have thought it would end so happily? :)
well.. the best gifts are yet to come, i suppose.
christmas is here.. and with it came january :x
ok, maybe not the *real* one..
but i can wait. i've had lots of practice.. :p

say cheeeeeeeese!

christmas this year did not turn out as i expected.
it turned out *better* than i had hoped hahaha.

well, no, it's not really great. but that *one* message has been hammered into me for the past week: BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS.

yeah, i *am* blessed.

and i should be thankful. very thankful.

and i should be joyful, too. or if not, then i should at least be happy.

so i'm gonna try and be happy. paste a wide smile on my face. and maybe.. maybe it will reach my eyes again :)

:-)

family day

christmas is for family. and though the 25th is a day away, well.. seems like christmas is already here :)

i spent the entire day with family, hehe. it's my ninang yoli's bday today.. so the velasquez 'clan' decided to eat out at megamall - dad's :) we had lunch there - all ten of us! wahahaha. we're sooooo many, hehehe.

the food was great. the company even more so. i love my cousins from this side of the family. they're all.. uhm.. 'quirky' like me :p weird in their own cute way. especially cousin domz (wahahaha!!! i don't think he's reading this anyway, so ok lang siyang okrayin :p)

and i got these *cute* stuffed toys, too! you get them free everytime you order a drink :)

oh.. and did i mention that they played our christmas album at dad's too?! :p haha.. the waiter saw our cd and asked if it was ok if they played it. hahaha. mini-celebrities kami tuloy bigla :p



when we got home, dad & i mixed up some fruit salad to give away to our relatives in bulacan (we'll celebrate our annual christmas thingy there tomorrow). it was fun. then my oh-so-cutely-weird cousins dropped by to play.. *gasp!* SPONGEBOB MONOPOLY!!! bwahahaha. wish i could've joined them.. but i was still way too busy with stuff to do :( haven't even finished wrapping the gifts and stuff *sniff* *sniff* oh well.. maybe next time..


well, that's about it. i thought the day would turn out not-so-good.. considering.. uhm.. well, never mind :p but as it turns out, it was a near-perfect day :)

i hope tomorrow will be, too.. :)

merry christmas to everybody!

christmas wish

a hug. just one really sincere, heartfelt hug.
i could have written that on my wish list.
but then again.. i don't think it would do any good.
now, if *he* wrote it down..
that would be a different story.. :p

healing heart?

tonight i attended a private mass at bro mike's place at lantana, cubao. it was presided over by the healing priest, fr fernando suarez.

dinner started at around 8.30pm. the mass was supposed to come before dinner.. 7pm; but with the terrible holiday traffic, fr suarez arrived 8.40pm already. and since we were all hungry (hehehe.. rivers people are *always* hungry wahahaha!), bro mike & company decided to serve dinner first :)

the food was delicious! yumyum. i especially loved the lengua, hehe. everything tasted really yummy. and it wasn't just 'coz i as hungry :p

the mass that followed was simple. fr suarez, though most probably tired because he's been healing the whole day, was so generous with his time and his humor, hehe. it was really a privilege to be there.. and i'm grateful to bro mike for the invite :)

as for the healing. well.. it was just as i expected.

'nuff said for now..

wrapper therapy

spent the greater part of the day in therapy. hahaha. nope, i didn't go to a shrink or anything. i just spent hours locked up in my room.. making gift bags out of wrapping paper.

there's something really soothing about doing repetitive stuff. oh, you know.. those things that require almost no thought at all. yup.. i love making those gift bags. i get to use my pagka-OC while i train my wandering mind to focus on making neat creases :p hahaha. it's about as close to a 'zen moment' as i could get.

and really.. i need as much 'zen time' as i could get. this month is *really* stressing me out. wake me up when december ends.

i can't wait for january to come..

the great pretender

"just 'coz my eyes have no tears doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. and just 'coz i come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. sometimes i choose to pretend i'm happy so i don't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand. smiling has always been easier than explaining why i'm sad.."

the above quote is so true, in my case.
it's really difficult.. trying to explain *why* i'm sad.
sometimes, no.. oftentimes, i just am.
even when everyone else is smiling.
wait.. *especially* when everyone else is smiling.
in spite of my best efforts to look for that elusive silver lining
and even though i try really hard to feel happy..
.. and grateful
.. and content
.. and loved
sadness is my constant companion
and pain is its shadow.
oh well. i'm great. really great.
'coz i am the great pretender..

on christmas 2006

“what can i give you this christmas? something sparkling to go with your eyes..?”

december is such a hectic month. traffic is terrible. queues at grocery and department stores are sooooo long! it’s difficult to find a place to hang out ‘coz parking lots are almost always full. there are so many parties and events to attend that no december day on my planner is vacant.

i guess this month has always been one of the most stressful for me. and it isn’t just the traffic or the hectic schedule that makes me uptight. what really occupies my thoughts during the holiday season is one question: “what do i give my friends/loved ones for christmas?”

for me, this question isn’t something that’s easy to answer. there are many things to consider, after all.. such as: (1) what does he/she want? (2) do i know where to buy it? (3) is it something that his/her other friends might get for him/her? (4) can i afford to give him/her that gift?.. and so on.

christmas was *way* more fun when i was younger. haha. when you’re a kid, you’re only excited to get presents. you don’t worry about what to buy for your friends (usually your mom/dad does that for you). and you certainly don’t concern yourself with stuff like budget, parking and the like. you just wait for your gift.. and tear through tons of presents and envelopes with christmas money.
now that i’m older, though, the christmas season feels so different. it’s busy. it’s rushed. it’s hectic. it’s stressful. and somehow, the fun and excitement i used to feel just got hidden away somewhere :(

it’s really hard to come up with that *perfect* gift for that *perfect* someone. personally, i find it so much harder to look for gifts for those who are close to me. probably it’s ‘coz nothing seems good enough. and the stuff that i want to give, i cannot afford :( and it just sucks.

and i thought, maybe the same is true with me and God. i try to do so many things.. try to dream up ways by which i could please Him. and more often than not, i end up frustrated because i simply cannot be perfect. and i cannot be content with my offering because it’s not good enough.

“what can i give You this christmas?” yes, Lord, what *can* i give You? as the song goes, “what can we give that You have not given? and what do we have that is not already Yours?” hmmm..

i don’t have much to offer. nothing perfect. nothing good enough, even. “but i’ll give You my heart and my own true love.. that will last the whole year through..”

and maybe, that’s all You want from me, after all :)

happy birthday, Jesus! and i hope You can make use of my gift for You this year :)

love bug Ü

this is my friend, katrina. and the "love bug" that i keep borrowing from her :p

hahaha. there's just something about that stuffed toy that makes me want to keep getting it from her. wahahaha. maybe 'coz it's literally a *love* bug, hehehehe Ü

and boy, have i been bitten.. really hard.. :p

i'm all smiles today. bitten by the love bug. well.. love bites. but i can take it. so far so good..

Zzz

awwww.. cute cat :p
this is actually kat's cat (hahaha!)
it's sleeping peacefully. *sigh* i wish i could, too.
well.. maybe i can. at least for tonight.. :p
after all, i'm quite done with my christmas shopping :)

videoooo! :p

woohoooo!!! video shoot for a whooooole day :p
wahahaha. it's been a really long 24 hours.
but i had a blast. really :)
thanks, guys.. for the company and the experience.
you don't know how "cheered up" i was by this :p

carolling @ bulacan

ok.. i'm toooooo tired to make a decent post today. so i'm just uploading some of the (dark / blurry) pictures that i took on our carolling today. i had a really great time, in spite of the fact that i started out feeling crappy.

oh well. it's a long day.. and i've another long one tomorrow. i'll (probably) write a decent post when i find the time (and energy).

Xtraordinary day

i met up with X today. we had lunch together at vinzon's. hahaha. we were supposed to meet up a week ago.. but our skeds somehow just didn't line up properly. so i was pleasantly surprised to find out that he was available for lunch today :p

well, it was supposed to be my treat.. but he beat me to it (hmp! daya!!! mura lang 'yung lunch eh! dapat dun ka sa mahal nanlilibre, wahahahaha :p). next time it will be my turn (movie date daw. ha! lugi ako hehehe).

anyway, it was nice hanging out with X again. he's changed in a lot of ways.. though i'm not sure if he's aware of it. small changes - his hair style.. his mannerisms (or lack of them).. his comments ("ang init naman!").. his anecdotes (all about gals! sheesh :p).. his outlook in life.. his cell phone!! hahaha. he's still the same guy that i knew.. but at the same time, different in so many ways.

it's weird.. spending time with X. after all, we were together for *four* years. we've been through a lot. gone through so much. shared so many memorable moments. then today.. well, today was.. uh.. friendly :p i don't know if i should feel happy or sad about it. maybe a little bit of both. i'm glad that in spite of what happened in the end, at least we're friends. still, i couldn't help but feel a tiny twinge of unexpected jealousy everytime he would talk about girls.

oh, i know we're not likely to get back together. and we've both moved on. it's just that sometimes.. it's good to have someone to hold. someone to laugh & cry with. someone who understands you completely - inside and out. someone who thinks of you every waking (and sleeping) moment. someone you love.. and who loves you back.

right now, i have no illusions about romance. not with him. probably not with anyone else. at least, not now. and not in the near future. it just goes to show how much *i* have changed, too. my looks.. my priorities.. my feelings.. my anecdotes (or lack thereof).. my outlook in life. i'm still the same girl he knew.. or rather, *thought* he knew.. but at the same time, i'm now different in so many ways.

and i don't know if this is a good thing or not..

PS: contrary to what the picture is saying.. i did *not* fix it on my own. i'm not even sure if the stitches will hold..

it's YOUR fault :p

finally, i know what these characters are called :p they're pon & zi - created by azuzephre :p

and this pic.. well.. i really like it, hahahaha! tsk, tsk.. see what *you* did??!?!!

but i have no complaints. i can't complain. not really.. :x

heart in hiding

this is a really cool picture :p hehehe.. it looks like a heart with a halo. or a heart that's in hiding.. but not quite, wahahahaha! nice. really nice :)

the day went well for me. in almost all ways, i should say :) hahahaha. i'm treasuring the moment :p

*sigh* i'm happy right now. i hope this lasts a while. at least until christmas, hehehehe :p

lil blue whiny brat

i've been sick for the past couple of days. it's not so bad.. just the colds plus some cough, a clogged nose and sore throat. i'm getting better now, though (thanx to besp heids for the tip hehe).. so things are looking up :)

anyway. recently i couldn't help but feel blue. i'm not in the mood. i know it's the christmas season and all.. but i just can't seem to get into the christmas spirit. i'm too down in the dumps. *sigh*

why does it get harder and harder to please people? it used to be that a small favor/chore would be enough. a token/small gift would get me a smile or a really warm thank you. but now.. well, it just seems like *nothing* i do would ever make him happy :(

i miss the concern. i miss the worried looks. i miss being pampered and taken cared of. i'm used to being the only one. but i'm also used to being alone. it's just that.. well.. sometimes i really do need a hug. and the assurance that in spite of silence, everything is as it always was.. :(

yeah, i know.. i sound like a whiny brat. but right now, i couldn't care less. hahahaha. i'm a little blue whiny bratty bitch. great.

can anyone tell me what they're called?!

i don't know what these cartoon characters are called.. but i really love 'em :p they're cute in their own weird way. and they have that certain brand of dark humor that suits me oh so well hahahaha.

take this pic, for example. ooooohhh. *ouchy* hahahahaha.. :p

like i said. i really looooooove these cartoon characteres :p