lukewarm

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It just means you have decided to see life beyond its imperfections.
Do not say you are happy because everything is all right.
Be happy because everything sucks but you are doing just fine."

hmmm. what if everything does not suck yet you are not doing fine? hehe. today, everything is *not* perfect. it's been a productive day - busy from morning 'til night - but for some reason, i do not feel fulfilled. oh, it's not that i'm problematic or what. i have no major hangups at the moment. i'm not in danger of losing my life (i think).. but maybe i'm in danger of losing my sanity (if i haven't lost it yet hahaha). i do not have anything to rant about.. but neither is there anything i want to rave about. hahaha.

it's funny. today friend emille lent me her autographed copy of "death: the high cost of living" (omg, i soooo wish i had my own complete autographed set of sandman!! *sigh*) i can relate with sexton. haha. nice kid - though totally confused about wanting his life to end. it took an entire day with death for him to realize the value of life.

to my worried friends/acquaintances/whoever: no.. i am *not* contemplating suicide. sheesh. i just happen to have asked the exact same questions sexton asked himself as he was writing his "farewell note." hahaha. guess i'm just this way. like the line in my current fave song says: "Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?" [notice how this question popped up so many times these past days?!]

guess this is just one "blah" day.. hence these thoughts again. *sigh* i'm off to dreamland to recharge..