everything's massive

somebody gave us this super-jumbo siopao today. hahahaha. see how big it is?! it's almost as big as our dinner plate. sheesh. i'm not a siopao fan.. but i am wild about weird stuff. and this counts as weird.. if only for its super-size, haha XP

what can i say? this day is full of "massive" stuff. everything seems to have been blown out of proportion. from community issues/concerns to family spats (guess what?! meron pa palang mga matatandang naliligaw sa mall. i'm not kidding) to my own frustrations at being invisible. hmm. this truly is a "gigantic" day *sigh*

i was able to catch bo sanchez' kerygma talk at abc 5 this morning.. and his message was timely, so it really stuck to my head like some kind of mantra: massive action. apparently, that's what is needed to effect true and lasting change. well, i learned quite a few things, listening to his talk.

i don't know whether i ought to be hopeful or not.. *sigh*

MiSS sunshine-y rain

i served at the MSS whole day today. for some reason, i was perky/hyper although honestly, i wasn't feeling happy at all. weird. i guess this is my new way of channeling my frustrations and disappointments - smiling.

oh well. at least my pictures look good enough. hahahaha XP

bunniezzz..

tiring day. ha. well, what else is new, right? XP i was supposed to be with the rest at manila hotel today. but i was just too tired to join. besides, i had a meeting this afternoon.. so no go :(

went to cousin almi's place with dad to pick up my mom after i left school. sheesh. i was so tired i fell asleep on the sofa, haha!

i want my little grey fluffy bunny.. waahhhh! (not descartes!!) XP

7 is a lucky number

who said math has no application in life, whatsoever?! hahahaha.. XP

i watched 7 pounds at gateway tonight. i guess its original appeal to me is its (mathematical sounding) title, bwahahaha. but i became really interested to watch it when i was listening to a couple of dj's the other day. they were talking about the movie.. raving about how it's a shoo-in for an oscar nomination. i was intrigued because they mentioned that 7 pounds was a nontraditional type of movie - with the story unfolding in a nonlinear fashion. heck, they couldn't even mention what the movie was about! so yeah, naturally i became curious.. and i knew i just had to watch it XP

i wasn't disappointed XD

wow. if only for that fact, i *really* have to thank the writer and director of that movie. they totally salvaged my week, hahahaha XP wanna watch it with me..? *grin*

back into twilight

"i had no right to want you — but i reached out and took you anyway.."

actually, the quote isn't from 'twilight' but from 'eclipse.' it's the one line that's stuck in my head ever since i read the series.

there's something about those words that goes beyond selfishness. somehow, each time i read that line, i get scared. it sounds.. sinister. and inevitable.

* * *

i am a competitive person. but not overtly. the pressure i put on myself, i don't show to others. i do think, though, that i was born with this tendency to compare myself with others.. and to strive to be better than them. of course, that rarely ever happens.. so yeah, i am one of the most disappointed (disappointing?) creatures on the face of this planet.

for a regular person, it's hard to realize that no matter how hard he tries, he just can't win. for me, it's 10x as difficult. i always fight hard in my battles.. but one, in particular, i fight to the death. so what happens now.. now that i realize i just *might* end up losing this one?

i managed to move heaven and earth. literally. and that's not an empty boast. i should have won, hands down. so why am i losing..?

maybe because no one can be backed up by both heaven and earth. and in my eagerness to win.. i pled to both. i couldn't choose. so i ended up bleeding.

but i'm not defeated. not yet. i continue the fight. to death.. and beyond. my ghost will always remain to haunt you, i'll make sure of that..

love is the answer..

.. yeah, but what is the question?!

i was chatting with wox-to-be (w2b for short) last night when i read that ym stat msg. so i asked her the same.. and suggested this:

Q: what sucks?
A: love

o di ba? "love" is the answer!!! hahahaha!!

anyway. the said song (what else?! "love is the answer, natch) does hold a place in my heart. it's one of those "memorable" songs.. though the memory it brings isn't exactly a happy one. hahaha. it's just weird how my mind retains a lot of useless information. i guess my brain's just wired that way..

i'm trying to empower myself these days. i've started by setting up some (easy) goals. i'm not sure if i can meet these.. but i sure as hell am going to try..
* i will sleep early (before 11pm) starting this week
* i am going to save up for a new phone or some other gadget
* i will go to greenhills to shop - kahit window shopping lang
* i am going to ask for a well-deserved favor in the coming weeks

hahaha. good luck to me XP i just wish you'd stop breaking promises and actually do what you say you will. *that* would be empowering..

an applicable name

hahaha. sorry, grimace.. i couldn't answer that.

according to my friend wikipedia:
Humans can adopt a facial expression as a voluntary action. However, because expressions are closely tied to emotion, they are more often involuntary. It can be nearly impossible to avoid expressions for certain emotions, even when it would be strongly desirable to do so; a person who is trying to avoid insult to an individual he or she finds highly unattractive might nevertheless show a brief expression of disgust before being able to reassume a neutral expression. The close link between emotion and expression can also work in the other direction; it has been observed that voluntarily assuming an expression can actually cause the associated emotion.

i should be making a list today.. a list of + and - ; and i ought to be weighing things, though not in a mathematical way. i should be happy - sort of. but i'm not. and i know exactly why. there are way too many - to count; but somehow.. *sigh* somehow i manage to lump them up into pairs that form +.. even though i know i shouldn't.

damn. it's overly weird when a hopeless pessimist creates (deadly) silver linings.

right now, my brain is filled with songs in foreign languages.. talakitok.. peanut butter and choco chip cookies.. mouth-watering scenes and (a dead) golden retriever. it's enough to drive me deeper into insanity. can you believe that in spite of all this.. there's still going to be a next time..? *sigh*

the second.. wait.. the nth time around

And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.

- daughtry

i don't know why i can't seem to learn my lessons right. i mean.. i *do* listen. i know the theoretical part. i am able to psych myself up.. to a certain degree. but when the final test comes.. i flunk. again and again and again. sheesh. this is beyond disappointing. there are no words to describe it..

like i said the other day, sanayan lang naman ito. the first disappointment always hurts the most. but afterwards, you get used to it. matapos mong bumagsak nang paulit-ulit, matututunan mo ring matuwa sa 3.0 na marka 'di ba? tatalon ka pa sa tuwa. ganyan nagiging mababaw ang kaligayahan ng isang tao..

i guess that's why i'm not so affected anymore. after all, learning to anticipate (or even expect) disappointment is an effective way to numb pain..

false statement

I'm only up when you're not down
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do
Well you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying to
Let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

- taylor swift

been looking for song downloads the entire afternoon. listening to songs in my phone lulls me to sleep - and i am in desperate need of sleep for the past days.

i stumbled upon a few tunes by taylor swift. she's not exactly a favorite of mine - but the song lyrics intrigued me.. so i thought i'd give her songs a try.

*sigh* it's time to hit the sack. will the sandman come? i'm keeping my fingers crossed. and yes, i'm still hoping you'll keep your promise this time around..

:l

i had some sort of epiphany today. it's nothing fancy; in fact, the thought crossed my mind a couple of times in the past. i just never really got 'round to following up the idea. anyway, this was what i realized today:

HOPE KILLS

yeah, i know it sounds so damned pessimistic. it's true, though. i remember reading something similar in neil gaiman's sandman series - hell is a place where people are tortured by the thought that there is a heaven they can never go to.

ironically, it just so happens that when hope dies, peace is born.

i really should learn how to practice that silent prelude.. i need to shut you out of my already overloaded mind..

ok. just for the record.. hindi ito malaswang blogpost hahaha XP

tonight was our surprise shower party for ellen. we certainly had a lot of fun putting it together - especially since she was so darned difficult to surprise! ka-kutsaba namin lahat ng kamag-anak niya.. pati fiancee niya - para lang magawan ng paraan na mapapunta namin siya sa legend hotel XP

there's a funny story connected to the purchase of the condoms in the picture.. but i think that's another blog post altogether. suffice it to say that in case any of you had seen me buy a couple of boxes of rubber.. er.. those were all used for this said event, nyahahahahaha XP

anyway, the party was a success. it was (in spite of what the pictures above suggest) quite wholesome. no naked/stripping dancing men/women nyahahaha (tsk. sayang!).. no kinky games (except for the one with the banana - but it's so common that it doesn't count anymore).. not even any "hot" questions for the soon-to-be bride. hahaha. oh well. the important thing is that ellen had fun.. and we enjoyed each other's company :D

i am actually very excited for her XP for HER. not for me, though.. hahaha. i don't think i'll ever get *there* XP no regrets, though, right..?! no regrets..

walang hiya

like the banner says, "i'm not ashamed.." in filipino, ako'y walang hiya.. hehehe XP

i've been sleep deprived for god knows how long. i don't remember the last time i had a decent night's sleep. but that's ok.. now that one of our main activities is over, i think i can rest a bit.

the celebration of the year of st. paul was held at the araneta center. an ecumenical service at 7.30am started the event; it was followed by a eucharistic celebration (9:00-11:00am) and talks by bro bo sanchez and bishop chito tagle. oh.. and nolyn cabahug, pinky marquez, jamie rivera and dulce all gave inspiring and heartfelt renditions of gospel songs. it was a wonderful celebration. so yeah, in spite of my sleep deprivation, i did enjoy myself :D

more pictures here on this link. but i'd have to say.. my faves are the ones i have with my friends XD

better late than ever

i love cibo. but i love you guys more XP

thanx for the (super belated) bday treat, carolle..

do keep me posted on the you-know-what's ok? *HUG*

>:D<

hey. this post is for YOU. i'm not sure if you visit this place; so i don't know if you can read this. but just the same, this one goes out to you.

it's weird that we haven't talked in ages. oh.. we do get to chat for a couple of minutes sometimes.. but that's not what i mean. i do miss *talking* to you. i miss sharing secrets and laughter and yes, even tears with you.

so in spite of the not so good news i got today.. i *am* grateful for the chance to have a real conversation with you. and though i may not have anything else to offer at the moment, i hope this would suffice..

*HUG*

invisible

i wonder where sam gets all these pictures..

hmm. i'm not exactly sure if this is applicable to me. hahaha. well, considering that i don't have a 'significant other' right now, maybe it is XP

i'm not going to lie and say that i'm not searching for that 'special someone.' what girl doesn't want to have a guy who'll love her unconditionally and treat her like a queen? and yes, i do miss getting hugs and kisses. and lots and lots of hugs. and sweet nothings. i miss getting calls at night, going out on dates or just spending some quiet alone time.. all those cheesy stuff that couples do. complete with those googly-eyed looks. especially since february's drawing near (yep. S.A.D. is nearing once again!)

honestly, though.. i know i haven't found him (nor has he found me) 'coz i'm quite sure i'm not yet ready. oh, i'm definitely old enough - chronologically speaking, that is. but emotionally.. nah. i've got quite a number of tangles and unresolved issues. i don't think it's fair to drag anyone else into this mess i'm in, hahaha XP

oh well. maybe someday i'll lose my powers of invisibility. or at least, have the ability to turn it on/off at will..

take a bite

grabbed this picture from jem's friendster page. it's a bit emo.. but i found it really interesting, so i posted it here anyway :p

hmm. so what happened to me today? nothing much. we had a faculty meeting this morning.. followed by picture taking. a lot of us wore violet, haha. looks like that would be the color of the year 2009 :) and i think it's going to be my new fave color, too.. haha

i spent the past few hours online - browsing through friends' multiply, friendster and other pages. it's odd how my so-called "social" life is reduced to a virtual one. or maybe it's always been this way: virtual XP

at any rate, this day feels weird to me. it's as if all i want to do is to sleep. i can't seem to get enough zzz's lately, *sigh* i wonder why i'm always so exhausted.. :(

..continued

.. feels like today is a continuation of yesterday's adventures..

after the mass, cousin ems and i went around the department store on a mission: to look for gifts for two (or three) occasions.

i was hunting around for kikay stuff to give a friend's two kids. after almost an hour of browsing through the girly stuff, ems and i settled on some pink headbands, clips and sunglasses XP for the kid's younger sibling, we bought a pair of long-sleeved shirts (the weather still is kinda cold, after all).

the gift-hunting became more exciting as we scouted for a present for a bridal shower i'll be attending next week, haha. we marched off to the lingerie section of the mall.. and went gaga picking out some potential gifts XP from a red&black silk ensemble.. to a sexy purple nightie.. to some really raunchy underwear, bwahahaha!! i think i'm going to enjoy going to shower parties hehe XP

anyway. i'm still tired from yesterday's adventure. i slept for about 2 hours after eating a (late) lunch. trabahong baboy, according to ems, hehe XD oh well. time to do some chores now. and hopefully burn off some of the excess baggage, nyahahaha..

fishy travels

family = happiness

like i anticipated.. i am tired but really happy ü got home late from pangasinan. but family outings (especially with cousin em!! hahaha!!) are really fun. so here i am.. quite exhausted yet unable to sleep 'coz i just *had* to post these pix XP

click here to view more shots XP

nerding it out

just another tiring day. but hey.. i got a lot accomplished these last two days. tired but happy. hmm. i can live with that. just wishing there was more of the 'happy' and less of the 'tired' part, hehe XP

visited www.freerice.com again today. nothing like killing time by learning *and* donating rice to the poor. hahaha. yup. this is practically the only 'outreach' i engage in (apart from my usual church activities, that is).

right now my brain is thinking up a dozen stuff all at once: music, plans for tomorrow, daydreams, wardrobe choices, translation problems, phone numbers, the week's sked, z stuff, etc. i'm not consciously thinking of all these.. but i know they're all crammed up in my head.

my skull is currently protecting a precious supercomputer. time to give it a bit of a rest, haha. tomorrow's another long (yet hopefully happy/fulfilling) day.

happy laguna trip, lizzie! haha. i'll miss you.. and our weird chats XP this picture post is for you.. hehehehe XD and of course, i'll miss YOU. duh. talk about stating the obvious..

politically correct

after chatting with lizzie tonight, i found out that i am an ethically disoriented, motivationally deficient extraterrestrial.

also, i was able to learn some new things (new to ME at least) such as:
* comsci people have really interesting stat msgs
* status msgs serve as conversation starters
* freerice.com has other topics aside from english (math?!?! wow)
* i sound more interesting when described in a politically correct way (actually, anyone would)
* pancakes & ice cream go well together. theoretically, that is
* i do not know the average number of grains of rice a person eats in a single meal
* i attract 'destructing' beings hahahaha
* guys are rarely brave enough to accompany their girlfriends to the lingerie section
* girls do not always brave the lingerie section either

hmmm. thanx once more to lizzie for giving me tips on what to do during those er.. sleep-inducing meetings wahahahaha.

losers rock XP