on hidden things

still feeling quite dark.. even though i've kinda left lovecraft behind a couple of levels back hahaha.
anyway, my current level matches my current state so appropriately.
most certainly, lots of things can be hidden in the dark.

lovin' lovecraft

oka-ay.. my recent (mis)adventures with dracula's riddle led me to google *a lot* of stuff about h.p. lovecraft. and i have to admit, i never really had the chance to find out more about this guy - although i've heard of him from the stuff i've been reading (specifically gaiman's fragile things). and man.. i just realized i've missed out on so much!! :p

anyway. i'm planning on reading lovecraft's short stories when i have the time. i like his theme. bwahahaha! i think i certainly could do with a bit more of those.. >:p

for more on h.p. lovecraft, click on the following links:
stuff about him
his complete works

colorful "undas"

okay. umm "colorful" isn't exactly the first word that comes to mind when describing all saints' day (or is it all souls' day?!). but that aptly describes my day today, hahaha :p

it's been a tradition of our family (the velasquez family, natch) to go to loyola cemetery in marikina every november 1st. we stay there from 10am to around lunchtime.. after which, we eat out together before going home.

this year is no exception. it would have been a really great day.. except for the weather. sheesh. i was hoping for some rain (but apparently, no one else welcomed the thought).. but the weather was *sooooooooooo* hot!! ugh. sapped my energy, totally. but i did get to snap some shots at the cemetery.

cousin domz had work (call center people have weird working hours. fortunately they have good financial compensation bwahahaha - LIBRE!!!) in the morning, so he just went to meet up with us at don henrico's sta lucia.

lunch was YUMMY!!!!! sheesh. the servings in that restaurant were *HUGE!!!* hahaha. all i had was a piece of buffalo chicken wing and a slice of pizza (and of course, 2.5 glasses of their totally refreshing iced green tea).. and i could no longer eat another bite. i'm definitely going back there, hahahaha.

oh. and i enjoyed myself a lot, too.. thanx to cousin trishia's nintendo ds (yay, mario! bwahaha).. and cousin domz' wacky company.

whod've thought all saints'/souls' day could be so fun?! :p

for more pix, visit my picasa web album :)

math has some sexy curves as well

o-kaaay. i just visited friend ovi's multiply blog.. and got thinking all nerdy, freaky and funny at the same time. hahahahaha. it certainly pays to have friends who are *waaaay* abnormal too.. :p this one's a joke. if you don't get it, then you're not mathematical enough, hahahaha..

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by. He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smiles, thinking to himself, “Damn, it’s great to be e^x. I’m real analytic everywhere. I’m my own derivative. I blow up faster than anybody and shrink faster too. All the other functions suck.”

Lost in his own egomania, he collides with the constant function 3, who is running in terror in the opposite direction.

“What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you look where you’re going?” demands e^x. He then sees the fear in 3’s eyes and says “You look terrified!”

“I am!” says the panicky 3. “There’s a differential operator just around the corner. If he differentiates me, I’ll be reduced to nothing! I’ve got to get away!” With that, 3 continues to dash off.

“Stupid constant,” thinks e^x. “I’ve got nothing to fear from a differential operator. He can keep differentiating me as long as he wants, and I’ll still be there.”

So he scouts off to find the operator and gloat in his smooth glory. He rounds the corner and defiantly introduces himself to the operator. “Hi. I’m e^x.”

“Hi. I’m d / dy.”

and this one's hilarious.. in spite of its extremely seductive overtones bwahahahaha:

Once upon a time, (1/T) pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling through a field of vectors when she came to the edge of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she never enter such an array without her brackets on.

Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the grounds that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns enveloped her on all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite sudenly, 3 branches of a hyperbola touched het at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient.

When she was differentiated once more, she found herself, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space. She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product.

As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. Was she still convergent, he wondered. He decided to integrate improperly at once. Hearing a vulgar fraction behind her, Polly turned around and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once, by his degenerate conic and his dissipated terms, that he was up to no good.

“Eureka,” she gasped.

“Ho, ho,” he said.

“What a symmetric little polynomial you are. I can see you are bubbling over with secs.”

“Oh, sir,” she protested. “Keep away from me. I haven’t got my brackets on.”

“Calm yourself, my dear,” said our suave operator. “Your fears are purely imaginary.”

“I, I,” she thought, “perhaps he’s homogeneous then.”

“What order are you?” the brute demanded.

“Seventeen,” replied Polly. Curly leered.

“I suppose you’ve never been operated on yet?” he asked.

“Of course not!” Polly cried indignantly. “I’m absolutely convergent.”

“Come, come,” said Curly, “let’s off to a decimal place I know and I’ll take you to the limit.”

“Never,” gasped Polly. “Exchlf,” he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.

His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly. All was up. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever. There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a counter integration. What an indignity to be multiply connected on her first integration. Curly went on operating until he was absolutely and completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly’s denominator increased monotonically. Finally, she went to L’Hopital and generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.

The moral of our sad story is this:

If you want to keep your expression convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.

bwahaha! feeling nerdy, too? check out bottled city for more stuff like these :p

_ _ _ _ _ _

Halaga
Parokya ni Edgar

Umiiyak ka na naman
Langya talaga , wala ka bang ibang alam
Namumugtong mga mata
Kailan pa ba kaya ikaw magsasawa

Sa problema na iyong pinapasan
Hatid sayo ng boyfriend mong hindi mo maintindihan
May kwento kang pandrama na naman

Parang pang TV na walang katapusan
Hanggang kailan ka bang ganyan
Hindi mo ba alam na walang pupuntahan
Ang pagtiyaga mo dyan sa boyfriend mong tanga
Na wala nang ginagawa kundi ang paluhain ka

Koro:
Sa libu-libong pagkakataon na tayoy nag-kasama
Iilang ulit palang kitang makitang masaya
Naiinis akong isipin na ginaganyan ka nya
Siguro ay hindi niya lang alam ang iyong
Tunay na halaga

Hindi na dapat pag-usapan pa
Nagpapagod na rin ako sa aking kakasalita
Hindi ka rin naman nakikinig
Kahit sobrang pagod na ang aking bibig

Sa mga payo kong di mo pinapansin
Akala moy nakikinig di rin naman tatanggapin
Ayoko nang isipin pa
Di ko alam bat di mo makayanan na iwanan sya

Ang dami-dami naman diyang iba
Wag kang mangangambang baka wala ka nang ibang Makita
Na lalake na magmahal sayo
At hinding hindi nya sasayangin ang pag-ibig mo

Minsan hindi ko maintindihan
Parang ang buhay natin ay napagti-tripan
Medyo Malabo yata ang mundo
Binabasura ng iba ang siyay pinapangarap ko

fruity-licious

bwahahaha! came across this toon while looking for articles/toons to place in our newsletter this week :p

when it comes to having the fruits of the spirit, i guess i end up being all "carnivore" hahaha. i dunno. practically my only claim to being all "fruity" is my going bananas most of the time, bwahaha.

oh well. all this fruitiness is making me crave again at this unholy hour..

wanderer

not all who wander are lost... but some who do are

can you imagine life without being able to see? have you ever wondered how it would feel to wake up to darkness each and every day?

there are *very* few things that you cannot live without. but there are some things that, when you lose, can make life seem like such a heavy burden to bear..

tacsiyapo!!!

today we had a family outing at tarlac. it was my and dad's post-bday celebration with the velasquez "mini-clan" hahaha :p well, it was nice to be able to spend time with everybody (i missed domzzzz!!! nyahahaha) - especially since the past weeks have been spent mostly with the jordas. so yeah, this sure was a welcome relaxation :)

we had lunch at isdaan floating restaurant. it's a nice spot.. with lots of places for picture-taking, haha. we were also able to feed some koi (naturally, we didn't eat *those* haha), throw some plates (tacsiapo!!!) and take lots of pix. oh. we were able to eat too hehehe :p and afterwards, cousin domz just *had* to try that challenge of the bridge (his second time to do so) haha. i took a video in case he'd fall off and get wet. too bad he didn't :p



anyway, from the resto, we went to auntie luz' place for some family bonding.. er.. at least the "oldies" had some bonding. we young ones mostly played mario in cousin trishia's DS until the poor unit's battery died :p (i just looooooove mario!!! didn't know how much i missed him. nyahaha. now i understand friend carlito's fondness for the dude :p)

all in all, it's been a great day :)

thank goodness i had only one major source of stress. *sigh* nasty spoiler :(

#1000: plan B

i planned on sleeping early tonight.. er.. last night, i mean. i was supposed to go out early morning today. but as it turns out, registration is postponed to next week.. so no go, hahaha. and well.. that's just fine by me.

i am sooooo looking forward to my bed now. too bad i'm not the least bit sleepy. darnit.

riddled with riddles

i spent the greater part of today (as well as yesterday) online. the reason? well, i've been busy surfing the net.. visiting google, wikipedia.. while chatting via YM. nyahahaha. all because of dracula's riddle :p

many thanks to friend carlito for walking me through the various levels. and also to xerox for her mega-help with that photoediting stuff (dude, i'm serious.. i *am* going to learn how to do that - if only to wipe that smirk from your face, nyahahaha!!). sheesh. i told them so many times.. trigonometry and calc are much, much easier than solving all those riddles.

now i'm stuck on level 27.. and my brain needs a rest :p hahaha. all in all, it's been a good day. (well, any day spent in front of my pc is considered a good day hahaha)

i'm no longer terribly afraid of riddles, puzzles and unanswered questions. they may frustrate me terribly.. but i'm sure in time, i'll not just survive.. i'll emerge victorious, bwahahahaha :D

i'm not *this* addicted

ok, i confess - *i am a net junkie* haha. i need to get my daily online fix or else i get the shakes. i check my mail through my celphone when i'm not home. i surf the net whenever i can. i get totally bothered when i can't find a decent gprs signal while i'm on the road.

in spite of my addiction, though, i can safely say i've not gotten to *this* point :p not YET.. and hopefully, not EVER hahaha.

i'm just praying that i never get stuck with a guy like that :p

i just looove the artist behind xkcd. you're the man, dude :p

eggs it is :p

sausage and eggs may normally be breakfast fare. but not for me. not tonight, hahaha :p

i don't know. all day, i didn't have much of an appetite. probably due to the fact that i was too busy doing online stuff (nyahaha) and finishing college grades :p i knew i wanted to eat something.. i just didn't know *what*

until tonight, haha.

i suddenly had this huge craving for eggs. and sausage!! hahaha. so i cooked up a batch and ate them for dinner. sheesh. talk about weird cravings at midnight, hahaha!

this sembreak certainly brings out more weirdness in me..

soulmate

yeah. i have just *one* soulmate.

it doesn't do well to have more than one, really. as they say, ".. all you need is ONE" hahaha.

anyway, i'm just saying.. i'm glad that in spite of the hectic skeds and all the stuff going on in life, she's there :)

thanks for making the weekend even more worthwhile :p

he sees me

the LSS class of st andrew is, if i may say, quite different from the past classes. a lot of the participants spoke in tongues during the baptism in the spirit. and i dunno.. the atmosphere was just so.. well.. "spirit-filled" for lack of a better term :p

so it's really not such a big surprise when this picture came out. yeah, i know.. those "eyes" are shadows from the cross. an "optical illusion" maybe. guess you could say that. nevertheless, the message it drives home is quite clear.

he does watch over us. over me.. :p

LSS time again

it's that time of the year again (for our community, that is). today is day #1 of the life in the spirit seminar of the rivers community. it's the second LSS for this year.

okay, then!! after last night's empowerment mass.. i'm hoping i'll have enough energy to last me through the day. er.. make that "to last me through the weekend" :p

lord knows i need all the help i can get..

stuck

hahaha. student-friend carlito introduced me to this game (dracula's riddle). i remember playing a similar game a couple of years back.. but i didn't get to finish that either. nyahaha. i'm only in stage 3 and already i'm stuck. sheeesh. talk about pathetic :p

i'm wondering the same thing as the question in the page, actually..

shopaholic

okay. it's almost midnight. i'm tired and sleepy. but happy :) :) :)

today is *shopping day* hahaha. this morning, i went with my mom to UP (we had to run some errands.. and i had to do some things at school, too). afterwards, we drove off to riverbanks. we had lunch at greenwich (where we *almost* became targets of a salisi gang - thank goodness the staff alerted us and drove those guys out of the store). and it was a good thing we ate our fill.. coz from then on, it was shopping, shopping and more shopping! :p

sheesh. i don't remember having tried on so many dresses/blouses *ever*! mom bought *a lot* of stuff for me (she bought tops & bottoms for herself too.. plus a cute curtain set for our living room). THANKS MOM!!! you're the best :p

i'll probably get to take pix of today's finds next time. but for now, i'm kinda bushed :p

plus, my feet are still killing me. haha

electric blue

this is another one of those "post"-posts :p i was supposed to update the blog on the actual day (17 october) but i got home at around 1am already so i didn't get the chance to write a decent post.

the reason for my getting home at such an ungodly hour was the wake of sis melisa's mom in bulacan. melisa is my choirmate.. and after the prayer meeting, the entire music ministry went to the cruz' place to give their condolences.

i hitched with mama liza to and from melisa's place (thanx bro pet, for driving for all of us :p). we didn't really stay long at the wake coz it was already late. we just sang for the mass.. ate dinner then went home.

i got home quite tired.. but i'm glad i went to the wake :)

that said, let me just say that i love the picture :p

i need correction tape

Did you know when you go
It's the perfect ending
To the bad day I was just beginning
When you go all I know is
You're my favorite mistake
(sheryl crowe, "my favorite mistake")

great. past 1am and i'm still here in front of my pc. tired and sleepy. yet totally hooked. addicted.

it's not the deprivation that's causing my addiction. it's.. well.. frankly, i don't know.

i'm a junkie in partial denial.

the missing week

as this strip implies, it's really all in the mind..
(check out the link to the perry bible fellowship)

i have not posted *anything* for the past 7 days. (all the posts i have for the past week were "post-posts" if you get what i mean). i have not been checking my mails regularly (or at least, i wasn't actually reading them), although i've been online 'til the wee hours of the morning.

october 9-16. i could call that "the missing week" haha.

i wish i could go missing. literally. i want to be invisible. i mean *really* invisible.

* * *

on the up-side, i got a new phone today :p

mom & dad gave me a belated happy bday gift - a nokia 6120 phone. haha. okay, so it's not really all that different from my n71. it has basically the same features as my current phone. but it's not a clamshell model anymore.. which is a relief :p and the screen resolution's great. as is the "small fonts" option hahaha.

something to make me smile. hmm. i certainly needed this. especially after such a horrendous week.

i'm a fan of oxymorons

"Got no sense of direction.
Got no time for false emotion.
Got no time to waste going through the motions.
So I’ll just say death to drama."

- kosher, 'death to drama'

nyahahaha. i'm also a fan of song lyrics - as evidenced by the previous weeks' posts. here's another one for this day:

Oh yes I’m the great pretender
Pretending I’m doing well
My need is such I pretend too much
I’m lonely but no one can tell

Oh yes I’m the great pretender
Adrift in a world of my own
I play the game but to my real shame
You’ve left me to dream all alone

and since i'm such a great fan of oxymorons.. here's another devo-post. taken from the same site as yesterday. read on, people..

Proverbs 4:23, "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life."

Of great concern to the Christian is his/her heart. By this I do not mean the physical organ of the body that is the center of life, but rather the inner principle of the soul that is the center of the spiritual life of us all. It is a principle of all gracious souls - souls that have been transformed by the love, mercy, and redemption in Christ - to guard their hearts. The heart is the spiritual center of us all. It is a mark of a Christian to guard this precious faculty with diligent care. The great Reformer Luther once said, "I more fear what is within me than what comes from without." The hardest, but also the highest work of a Christian consists in heart work. It is from the heart that higher spiritual life and experience originates and flows.

The word "watch," in the above verse is very instructive to us respecting what the Lord is calling us to do when we are told to watch over our hearts. Watching our hearts is here stated to us to be a duty. In some other translations, the word "keep" is used for "watch." The Hebrew word used for this concept of watching or keeping is natsar. We are to natsar our hearts with all diligence. We are to keep our hearts in safe custody, under lock and key, so that this noblest part of our spiritual life is consecrated to the Lord.

To gain a better idea of what is in mind in Scripture by watching or keeping our hearts, let us look at some other places in Scripture where this very word natsar is used. It is used in 1 Kings 20:39, "Guard this man." Here it is used, as it were, to keep someone under protection. The same word, natsar, is used in Genesis 39:21-23, where Joseph is the keeper, or natsar, of the prison. Consider how diligent men are when they are watching over their prisoners. This is what is in view here. The same word is used in Habakkuk 2:1, where the guard is standing guard at his post, keeping watch. We are to keep watch over our hearts as a guard watches over a garrison. Assaults may come on every side against the heart, but we are to watch over our hearts, that Satan may not gain any advantage over us.

This is also the responsibility of the Levites and priests keeping the sanctuary of God (Ezekiel 44:8, 15, 16). The holy things were under their charge, and they were to keep watch over them. They were to protect the holy things of the Lord from anything that might render them impure or defiled. Our hearts are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We are not to grieve the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30), and part of this means that we carefully guard our hearts from any sin that might defile us. All of our spiritual riches are in our hearts, just as the Jewish Temple housed the holy objects of the Israelites. So also, in our hearts, we hold those things that are most precious and sacred. We must watch over our hearts, and keep them.

God's eye is mainly on the heart. We are prone to look at the externals. Our propensity is to look at the shell, and the outer works that we or others do. It is not uncommon when we focus our thoughts upon the externals, that the inner life may suffer. The heart is command central for everything external that goes on. It is the commanders' fort, and here we are told to keep it, or watch it, with all diligence. It is a daily, even hourly work to look to our hearts. It is easy to shift our affections to the more obvious, but the inward principle is primarily where the Lord looks. The best works, when done to self, and not unto the Lord, are but filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).

At the end of his life, a pastor named Paul Baynes was showing some people around his library, which was quite extensive. One of those in his company commented on all his books, and Baynes replied, "Ay, there stand my books, but the Lord knows that for many years last past, I have studied my heart more than books." His studies were studies of his heart, and in this, he has left us a healthy example. We become more ready for Heaven, the more our hearts are watched over and prepared for residence there. Our greatest business is to prepare our hearts, our inward spiritual principle, for glory. We all really are that what we are on the inside. Our defining nature, that which will, and does, come to the surface most readily, is what we are inwardly (Romans 2:28, 29). We are not nearly as constant in our heart duties as we should be, but may the Lord help us to keep diligent watch over our hearts, to the end that we might subdue the temptations of the world and forsake the sin that so easily entangles us.

serendipity..?

ser·en·dip·i·ty (sěr'ən-dĭp'ĭ-tē)

1. The faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.
2. The fact or occurrence of such discoveries.
3. An instance of making such a discovery.

fortunate discoveries, my foot. i discovered things, all right. and probably in the long run, the stuff i found out would turn out to be "fortunes." but right now, they are definitely *not* good finds.

i learned a lot today. new lessons.. new awakenings, i guess. come to think of it, though.. i'm not really sure how much i actually *learned*.. :(

as an aside.. here's a devo i picked up at www.cfdevotionals.org. sheesh. i can't believe i'm posting a devo on my site.. today, of all days. clearly, i am not all right.

1 John 3:3, "And every one who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He (Christ) is pure."

Sin has a power and prevalence in all of us. There is a strength that sin possesses that is undeniable to the true saint who is struggling against it. For the saint, who does not struggle, has given up the struggle, or never struggled, this will make no sense. But to the saint who knows the burden of sin; has prayed against sin, but still sinned; made resolutions against sins, but still yielded; fought against sin, and still found himself/herself carried captive by its whiles; to those of us who have sweat, recoiled, and wept for their sins, yet still yielded, the statement that sin has an undeniable power over us, will ring true. Many can attest to times alone when they have had to admit to themselves, sadly, that their temptations to sin are simply too hard for them. It is a sorrowful moment for the Christian who has to admit his/her weakness, and all to common failure in the struggle to honor, serve, and live faithfully before the Lord.

May I suggest that this outward struggle is a good sign? Only the true Christian struggles with sin. Let us take hope and encouragement that we are seeking to resist. It is a work of grace that we even do so. But let us not fight and seek to resist our temptations outwardly only. Our fight against sin will have more success if we rely less upon ourselves and more upon graces that we draw from Christ. Keeping our focus in faith upon the crucified and risen Lord Jesus Christ will be a great assistance in the struggle. Christ has already won the victory for us. Let us draw virtue from Him.

Consider the woman in Luke 8:43-48, who had the issue of blood for many years, had spent all she had upon doctors who did not help her. She comes to Christ and touches the hem of his garment. We must do the same. Not only let us seek to touch the hem of His garment but let us flee into His loving, caring arms in all our struggle with sin. She came to Christ, in faith, for her needs. She draws healing from Him, and is made whole. Christ tells her that her faith has made her whole. It was not her struggle. It was not her determination to get well. It was not anything but her faith that won the victory. It is not our resolutions, sweating, and fighting against sin that will stop its bloody issue in our lives, but it is our believing in Christ.

It is common for us to seek to mortify sin but prayers, setting convictions, and purposing that from here on "I will be good and not yield," without looking to the crucified Christ in whom we receive our strength. It is poor fighting when we fight alone. If we clung to Christ more, sin would die more. If we believed the promised threatenings more to those who forsake the Lord, sin would die more. If we believed the promises of God more, sin would die more in our lives.

Christian, you reign with Christ: Live up to your high calling as a child of God. If we believed more that Christ really does reign in our lives, sin would die in us more. Nothing puts out Satan more than our fleeing to, trusting upon, and believing into Christ for all grace in our afflictions.

back to the angst

Note: just got home from our family gathering in bulacan. it was okay, i guess.. except that cousins almi & em left me all alone there.. with nobody to talk to. thank goodness for "shaolin soccer" haha. at least i was entertained for a couple of hours. sheesh

season 4 of grey's anatomy is here.. and i was able to watch the first two episodes ("a change is gonna come" and "love/addiction"). it's kinda weird how i find comfort in watching a series that's so full of angst and melodrama.. but that's the way my brain is wired, i guess. freaky.

sandra oh's character, cristina yang, has got to be my favorite person in grey's. i wish i were more like her. and in many ways, i am. but i'm also a "meredith-ish" (damn, i wish i had mcdreamy..) - and that kinda irritates me.

but what the heck. here are a couple of quotes worth posting:

"I tell you that I love you, and not one word? For 17 days? Where have you been?" - izzie to george

"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here's the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything." - meredith grey (narrating)

"Just because people do horrible things it doesn’t always mean they are horrible people." - izzie

"The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high, stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you don’t kick the bad habit till you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts more." - meredith (narrating)

"I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it… I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive. Compulsive. Out of control. It’s the high we’re chasing. The high that makes everything else… fade away." - meredith (voice over)

winded

wind·ed /ˈwɪndɪd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[win-did] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective

1.	out of breath.

2.	having wind or breath of a specified kind (usually used in combination): short-winded; broken-winded.

my bitchiness continues today.

well, not so much "bitchiness" as "snappiness" really.

i can't help it. i don't think i was built for exhaustion. physical or otherwise.

i think i was born a pessimistic cynic who can't help but gripe about all the effing misfortunes she draws towards her.

anyway. so much for this day.. *sigh*

i love this pic.

no use hiding

water stains on furniture
crumbs on butter
s-l-o-w loading web pages
flying cockroaches
disorganized desks
dull-pointed pencils
unanswered questions

these are only a few of the things that irritate me.

damnit. there's just no getting away from you is there? :(

relating to the strip

i am the female equivalent of the guy in this strip haha.
my friends can attest to this.
though sometimes i am the "amateur grammar nazi" hehe

sad eyes never lie

Why Do I Feel So Sad
Alicia Keys

Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

Cuz I wish that I could stay
But in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why oh

By now I should know that
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

this is how i define perfection

ran into these lyrics today. hahaha. make some minor changes and this would be perfect :p

He Stopped Loving Her
George Jones

He said I'll love you 'til I die
She told him you'll forget in time
As the years went slowly by
She still preyed upon his mind

He kept her picture on his wall
Went half crazy now and then
He still loved her through it all
Hoping she'd come back again

Kept some letters by his bed
Dated 1962
He had underlined in red
Every single I love you

I went to see him just today
Oh but I didn't see no tears
All dressed up to go away
First time I'd seen him smile in years

He stopped loving her today
They placed a wreath upon his door
And soon they'll carry him away
He stopped loving her today

You know she came to see him one last time
Oh and we all wondered if she would
And it kept running through my mind
This time he's over her for good

escapism

thanx, oviler, for referring me to yet another source of weird strips :p

nyahahaha. i really need this.. :)

once again

am listening to the willy cruz medley we practiced last week. three love songs in a row. woohoo. emo time again, is it? *sigh* and friend jero wouldn't even give me decent clue. pffft.

anyway. tomorrow's dad's bday. i prepared a treasure hunt for him during practice. but really, it wasn't much of a challenge. sheesh. i'm really losing my touch :( i'm just glad that somehow i was still able to pull it off.

so once again, this pic. the 2nd song's so appropriate. damn, damn, damn.

my favorite animal is a dragon

well. i didn't say my favorite animal was *real* did i? and for all you know.. dragons *may* exist. they're probably just too antisocial to show themselves to people, nyahahaha.

i think i'm a dragon trapped inside human flesh. given my natural "aversion" to people.. umm.. i wouldn't be surprised to find out i'm not totally human.

especially not these days..

What Color DragonAre You?

You're a blue dragon.

Traits:You are calm and scerene. You don't have a temper and you are probably an intellectual.

Power:You would blow water from your mouth. And you have fins so you can swim well.

Location:You might be found in a lake or ocean.

Thanks for taking my quiz!

[me]
Take this quiz!

feeling flighty

i don't know why, but it seems i'm in a "butterfly" mood these past days. i have my "starry," "angel-y" and "heart-y" days. but right now, i'm thinking butterflies.

found this nice illusion today. and i guess it's quite apt. hmmm. yes. very appropriate to my mood today.

it's all about illusions, ambiguity and double meanings.

i wish i could fly..

BUTTERFLY
Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imaged I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

[Chorus:]
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

[Chorus]

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't overflowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

[Chorus]

So flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

blue

flimsy and fragile
soft and delicate
wispy
blown-about
flitting lightly in the air
translucent
magical
feather-like and smooth
tender
caressing
brushing past

broken

what i wish for... above all

Above All
Hillsong Australia

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all...


i'm supposed to be used to this. i'm supposed to be numb already. i already expected this would happen; but each time it does, it still hurts.

but i don't have my usual source of endorphins. not the red ones. not the black and/or blue ones either. not anymore. it's always a temptation to get back to them.. but no. i've already decided. and that's that.

yeah, yeah, i know. i'm being emo right now. and though part of my brain taunts me and says that sucks, the greater part of me gives it the finger and tells it to f*ck off. i definitely need a breather right now.

today's entry is a simple song post. a simple song with a simple melody and simple words. but a simple song that i really need to hear over and over again.

*sigh* what i would give for that *one* thing i'm wishing for right now..