ironic

it's a traffic jam when you're already late
it's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
it's meeting the man of my dreams
and then meeting his beautiful wife

2006 is drawing to a close. time to put the past behind. to start anew. to look to a fresh start. to be happy and hopeful.

so yeah, it is kinda ironic that *this* is the song playing in my head right now. ironic and appropriate. 'coz i don't know how else to describe the situation right now.

well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
and life has a funny way of helping you out when
you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

happy new year everyone!

especially for you

"isn't it ironic that when you're trying to pick up the fragments of what was destroyed before and that you've been building this crooked but solid foundation for yourself, you find out that it's not really solid at all...it just appeared solid? ironic how when you're trying to fix your life, everything just falls apart at the seams...again? and you ask yourself, what's the freaking point in trying? hope is a fallacy created by the optimists. i wonder if these optimists are drugged and if they are, can i have some?"

(i lifted this from iluvwills2003's LJ)

hey dude, i miss you. spent nearly an hour going through your entries. sucks that you can't text me. hmm. cheapskate. i'm *seriously* considering getting another sim, just for you. we really should get together some time. meet me on your bday next week..? :p

anyway. it feels good to connect with friends. i really thank God for technology. given that i'm such a laconic creature who hates going out and whom you practically have to drag out of the house.. well, at least blogs, friendster, email and *text messaging* allow me to keep in touch with friends whenever i can't see them :p

reading you sort of made my day. thanx for that. once again.. *i miss you*.. and we really, really should get together soon. give me a bday treat, darnit! :p you owe me that much for the pleasure of my company, wahahahahahaha!! :)

handing it over

"we are most vulnerable to people we love. because in our giving so much love for them, we hand over the very weapon they could use to hurt us..."

i'm not an adventurer. my friends would all attest to that. i hate going on those distant trips. i don't like trying new sports (any sport, for that matter!) or activities. i'm not too keen on meeting new people. heck, i even avoid commuting.

but there's one thing i can say about myself. i am such a risk taker when it comes to *one* thing. ha. maybe that's why i don't have any other adventurous spirit left for all those other stuff..

forever falling

" if you’re right and we’re nothing at all
tell me why did i keep thinking ’bout you calling
if you’re right and we’re nothing at all
tell me why do you keep thinking that you’re falling .."

~ semisonic (falling)

i just love this picture :p

*blush*

today i'm happy. cautiously happy.. but happy, nonetheless :)
in spite of the fact that the taiwan quake affected internet access.
despite my exhaustion due to doing household chores.
it's an extended christmas for me.
last night was wonderful, too.
hahahahahahahaha.
i just *heart* surprises.
literally, today has been a "dream come true" :p

january came on christmas

A CHRISTMAS LOVE SONG
Barbra Streisand

all i want for christmas is you
you're the gift that's made my dreams all come true
all i need for christmas is here
finding every sweet surprise wrapped up in your eyes
waiting there for me underneath the tree
we'll spend the day exchanging kisses
smile and say "what a christmas this is"
long before the snowflakes appear
without bells or mistletoe or the tinsel's silver glow
you just look at me and oh!
christmas is here!

we will smile and say "what a christmas this is"
long before the snowflakes appear
without bells or mistletoe
or the tinsel's silver glow
you just have to look at me and oh!
christmas is here...

december 25th. hmmm. who'd have thought it would end so happily? :)
well.. the best gifts are yet to come, i suppose.
christmas is here.. and with it came january :x
ok, maybe not the *real* one..
but i can wait. i've had lots of practice.. :p

say cheeeeeeeese!

christmas this year did not turn out as i expected.
it turned out *better* than i had hoped hahaha.

well, no, it's not really great. but that *one* message has been hammered into me for the past week: BE GRATEFUL FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS.

yeah, i *am* blessed.

and i should be thankful. very thankful.

and i should be joyful, too. or if not, then i should at least be happy.

so i'm gonna try and be happy. paste a wide smile on my face. and maybe.. maybe it will reach my eyes again :)

:-)

family day

christmas is for family. and though the 25th is a day away, well.. seems like christmas is already here :)

i spent the entire day with family, hehe. it's my ninang yoli's bday today.. so the velasquez 'clan' decided to eat out at megamall - dad's :) we had lunch there - all ten of us! wahahaha. we're sooooo many, hehehe.

the food was great. the company even more so. i love my cousins from this side of the family. they're all.. uhm.. 'quirky' like me :p weird in their own cute way. especially cousin domz (wahahaha!!! i don't think he's reading this anyway, so ok lang siyang okrayin :p)

and i got these *cute* stuffed toys, too! you get them free everytime you order a drink :)

oh.. and did i mention that they played our christmas album at dad's too?! :p haha.. the waiter saw our cd and asked if it was ok if they played it. hahaha. mini-celebrities kami tuloy bigla :p



when we got home, dad & i mixed up some fruit salad to give away to our relatives in bulacan (we'll celebrate our annual christmas thingy there tomorrow). it was fun. then my oh-so-cutely-weird cousins dropped by to play.. *gasp!* SPONGEBOB MONOPOLY!!! bwahahaha. wish i could've joined them.. but i was still way too busy with stuff to do :( haven't even finished wrapping the gifts and stuff *sniff* *sniff* oh well.. maybe next time..


well, that's about it. i thought the day would turn out not-so-good.. considering.. uhm.. well, never mind :p but as it turns out, it was a near-perfect day :)

i hope tomorrow will be, too.. :)

merry christmas to everybody!

christmas wish

a hug. just one really sincere, heartfelt hug.
i could have written that on my wish list.
but then again.. i don't think it would do any good.
now, if *he* wrote it down..
that would be a different story.. :p

healing heart?

tonight i attended a private mass at bro mike's place at lantana, cubao. it was presided over by the healing priest, fr fernando suarez.

dinner started at around 8.30pm. the mass was supposed to come before dinner.. 7pm; but with the terrible holiday traffic, fr suarez arrived 8.40pm already. and since we were all hungry (hehehe.. rivers people are *always* hungry wahahaha!), bro mike & company decided to serve dinner first :)

the food was delicious! yumyum. i especially loved the lengua, hehe. everything tasted really yummy. and it wasn't just 'coz i as hungry :p

the mass that followed was simple. fr suarez, though most probably tired because he's been healing the whole day, was so generous with his time and his humor, hehe. it was really a privilege to be there.. and i'm grateful to bro mike for the invite :)

as for the healing. well.. it was just as i expected.

'nuff said for now..

wrapper therapy

spent the greater part of the day in therapy. hahaha. nope, i didn't go to a shrink or anything. i just spent hours locked up in my room.. making gift bags out of wrapping paper.

there's something really soothing about doing repetitive stuff. oh, you know.. those things that require almost no thought at all. yup.. i love making those gift bags. i get to use my pagka-OC while i train my wandering mind to focus on making neat creases :p hahaha. it's about as close to a 'zen moment' as i could get.

and really.. i need as much 'zen time' as i could get. this month is *really* stressing me out. wake me up when december ends.

i can't wait for january to come..

the great pretender

"just 'coz my eyes have no tears doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. and just 'coz i come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. sometimes i choose to pretend i'm happy so i don't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand. smiling has always been easier than explaining why i'm sad.."

the above quote is so true, in my case.
it's really difficult.. trying to explain *why* i'm sad.
sometimes, no.. oftentimes, i just am.
even when everyone else is smiling.
wait.. *especially* when everyone else is smiling.
in spite of my best efforts to look for that elusive silver lining
and even though i try really hard to feel happy..
.. and grateful
.. and content
.. and loved
sadness is my constant companion
and pain is its shadow.
oh well. i'm great. really great.
'coz i am the great pretender..

on christmas 2006

“what can i give you this christmas? something sparkling to go with your eyes..?”

december is such a hectic month. traffic is terrible. queues at grocery and department stores are sooooo long! it’s difficult to find a place to hang out ‘coz parking lots are almost always full. there are so many parties and events to attend that no december day on my planner is vacant.

i guess this month has always been one of the most stressful for me. and it isn’t just the traffic or the hectic schedule that makes me uptight. what really occupies my thoughts during the holiday season is one question: “what do i give my friends/loved ones for christmas?”

for me, this question isn’t something that’s easy to answer. there are many things to consider, after all.. such as: (1) what does he/she want? (2) do i know where to buy it? (3) is it something that his/her other friends might get for him/her? (4) can i afford to give him/her that gift?.. and so on.

christmas was *way* more fun when i was younger. haha. when you’re a kid, you’re only excited to get presents. you don’t worry about what to buy for your friends (usually your mom/dad does that for you). and you certainly don’t concern yourself with stuff like budget, parking and the like. you just wait for your gift.. and tear through tons of presents and envelopes with christmas money.
now that i’m older, though, the christmas season feels so different. it’s busy. it’s rushed. it’s hectic. it’s stressful. and somehow, the fun and excitement i used to feel just got hidden away somewhere :(

it’s really hard to come up with that *perfect* gift for that *perfect* someone. personally, i find it so much harder to look for gifts for those who are close to me. probably it’s ‘coz nothing seems good enough. and the stuff that i want to give, i cannot afford :( and it just sucks.

and i thought, maybe the same is true with me and God. i try to do so many things.. try to dream up ways by which i could please Him. and more often than not, i end up frustrated because i simply cannot be perfect. and i cannot be content with my offering because it’s not good enough.

“what can i give You this christmas?” yes, Lord, what *can* i give You? as the song goes, “what can we give that You have not given? and what do we have that is not already Yours?” hmmm..

i don’t have much to offer. nothing perfect. nothing good enough, even. “but i’ll give You my heart and my own true love.. that will last the whole year through..”

and maybe, that’s all You want from me, after all :)

happy birthday, Jesus! and i hope You can make use of my gift for You this year :)

love bug Ü

this is my friend, katrina. and the "love bug" that i keep borrowing from her :p

hahaha. there's just something about that stuffed toy that makes me want to keep getting it from her. wahahaha. maybe 'coz it's literally a *love* bug, hehehehe Ü

and boy, have i been bitten.. really hard.. :p

i'm all smiles today. bitten by the love bug. well.. love bites. but i can take it. so far so good..

Zzz

awwww.. cute cat :p
this is actually kat's cat (hahaha!)
it's sleeping peacefully. *sigh* i wish i could, too.
well.. maybe i can. at least for tonight.. :p
after all, i'm quite done with my christmas shopping :)

videoooo! :p

woohoooo!!! video shoot for a whooooole day :p
wahahaha. it's been a really long 24 hours.
but i had a blast. really :)
thanks, guys.. for the company and the experience.
you don't know how "cheered up" i was by this :p

carolling @ bulacan

ok.. i'm toooooo tired to make a decent post today. so i'm just uploading some of the (dark / blurry) pictures that i took on our carolling today. i had a really great time, in spite of the fact that i started out feeling crappy.

oh well. it's a long day.. and i've another long one tomorrow. i'll (probably) write a decent post when i find the time (and energy).

Xtraordinary day

i met up with X today. we had lunch together at vinzon's. hahaha. we were supposed to meet up a week ago.. but our skeds somehow just didn't line up properly. so i was pleasantly surprised to find out that he was available for lunch today :p

well, it was supposed to be my treat.. but he beat me to it (hmp! daya!!! mura lang 'yung lunch eh! dapat dun ka sa mahal nanlilibre, wahahahaha :p). next time it will be my turn (movie date daw. ha! lugi ako hehehe).

anyway, it was nice hanging out with X again. he's changed in a lot of ways.. though i'm not sure if he's aware of it. small changes - his hair style.. his mannerisms (or lack of them).. his comments ("ang init naman!").. his anecdotes (all about gals! sheesh :p).. his outlook in life.. his cell phone!! hahaha. he's still the same guy that i knew.. but at the same time, different in so many ways.

it's weird.. spending time with X. after all, we were together for *four* years. we've been through a lot. gone through so much. shared so many memorable moments. then today.. well, today was.. uh.. friendly :p i don't know if i should feel happy or sad about it. maybe a little bit of both. i'm glad that in spite of what happened in the end, at least we're friends. still, i couldn't help but feel a tiny twinge of unexpected jealousy everytime he would talk about girls.

oh, i know we're not likely to get back together. and we've both moved on. it's just that sometimes.. it's good to have someone to hold. someone to laugh & cry with. someone who understands you completely - inside and out. someone who thinks of you every waking (and sleeping) moment. someone you love.. and who loves you back.

right now, i have no illusions about romance. not with him. probably not with anyone else. at least, not now. and not in the near future. it just goes to show how much *i* have changed, too. my looks.. my priorities.. my feelings.. my anecdotes (or lack thereof).. my outlook in life. i'm still the same girl he knew.. or rather, *thought* he knew.. but at the same time, i'm now different in so many ways.

and i don't know if this is a good thing or not..

PS: contrary to what the picture is saying.. i did *not* fix it on my own. i'm not even sure if the stitches will hold..

it's YOUR fault :p

finally, i know what these characters are called :p they're pon & zi - created by azuzephre :p

and this pic.. well.. i really like it, hahahaha! tsk, tsk.. see what *you* did??!?!!

but i have no complaints. i can't complain. not really.. :x

heart in hiding

this is a really cool picture :p hehehe.. it looks like a heart with a halo. or a heart that's in hiding.. but not quite, wahahahaha! nice. really nice :)

the day went well for me. in almost all ways, i should say :) hahahaha. i'm treasuring the moment :p

*sigh* i'm happy right now. i hope this lasts a while. at least until christmas, hehehehe :p

lil blue whiny brat

i've been sick for the past couple of days. it's not so bad.. just the colds plus some cough, a clogged nose and sore throat. i'm getting better now, though (thanx to besp heids for the tip hehe).. so things are looking up :)

anyway. recently i couldn't help but feel blue. i'm not in the mood. i know it's the christmas season and all.. but i just can't seem to get into the christmas spirit. i'm too down in the dumps. *sigh*

why does it get harder and harder to please people? it used to be that a small favor/chore would be enough. a token/small gift would get me a smile or a really warm thank you. but now.. well, it just seems like *nothing* i do would ever make him happy :(

i miss the concern. i miss the worried looks. i miss being pampered and taken cared of. i'm used to being the only one. but i'm also used to being alone. it's just that.. well.. sometimes i really do need a hug. and the assurance that in spite of silence, everything is as it always was.. :(

yeah, i know.. i sound like a whiny brat. but right now, i couldn't care less. hahahaha. i'm a little blue whiny bratty bitch. great.

can anyone tell me what they're called?!

i don't know what these cartoon characters are called.. but i really love 'em :p they're cute in their own weird way. and they have that certain brand of dark humor that suits me oh so well hahahaha.

take this pic, for example. ooooohhh. *ouchy* hahahahaha.. :p

like i said. i really looooooove these cartoon characteres :p

kickoff ceremony 2006

tsk, tsk.. natatakpan ng puno 'yung view ko :p

ganda talaga ng kulay ng mga suot ng grade 9 :)

hehe.. astig syempre and batch '07! woohoooo!! :D

gumagawa ng lantern 'yung mga batch oeyt. or rather.. 'yung ilang representatives ng batch oeyt na nakita ko hahahaha :p

mala-geom pa nga 'yung lantern nila e.. complete with hexagonal packing of recycled C2 bottles!'di ko lang alam kung may silbi ang paglalagay nila ng mga twigs, hehehe.

ok ang porma ni rosa dito. hindi siya mukhang loka-loka wahahaha. peace, my dear! :p










hahahaha.. ito ang "pugot" na ulo ng mascot ng batch oeyt. hmm.. bakit kaya tupa ang naisipan nilang gawing mascot?! wala lang..

yeah.. why do you?

Delicate
Damien Rice

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

* * *

nice song. heard it last night after i downloaded some songs from grey's anatomy (season 3). anyway. it's kinda funny how sometimes the most delicate things can be found behind such steely exteriors. who would've thought, huh?

hmm. guess it's not that funny after all.. :(

all about hearts

watched the 9th episode of grey's anatomy season 3 (from a whisper to a scream). it's probably my favorite episode of this season. cristina isn't my favorite character.. but she really came through this time. and i realized.. heck, i'm more of a cristina than i ever thought. hahaha. i don't know whether i should be comforted or not wahahahaha..

9 Crimes
Damien Rice (feat. Lisa Hannigan)

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If u don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?

No...

*barf*

it's not even 9pm this tuesday night and i'm at home. yup. i did not go to choir practice today. i'm sick - cough, colds, hurting throat, alternating clogged and runny nose, headache, nausea, slight fever, weakness, dizziness.. hahaha! i've got the works! sheesh.

for once, i'm not all that bummed that i missed practice. i guess i'm too tired to even think about it.

oh. and besides, i enjoyed quality time with mom & dad. we visited a sick friend (physically sick, ok? :p).. ate dinner at max's katips (thank goodness.. no dishes to wash! ahahaha).. then had coffee at starbucks.

it's a pretty good day. too bad i'm too sick to fully enjoy it..

this one's for you

"when all my dreams come true, the one i want next to me is you.."

i sent this angel to zee yesterday. a musical guardian angel. hahahahaha. how apt. oh well.

recently it seems as if almost everything i say/think comes true. it's kinda creepy.. and i sort of got freaked out last night. but i'm happy. i think.

well, if my dreams do come true.. you know i'd want you there with me.. :x

downward spiral

last night was a terrible night for me. i was dizzy.. and weak.. and i felt like barfing. my head was both light and heavy at the same time.. and my insides felt like they were full of these big rocks. my muscles ached.. my world was spinning.. and my heart was thump-thump-thumping slowly but heavily.

i'm on a downward spiral. i don't know why; yet i know why.

i don't even need one. just half. and even that is denied. for the moment.. *sigh*

wheeeeee!!

hahahahahahaha! *finally* we have internet access at school. thank God for wi-fi connection hahahaha :p

the connection is quite slow.. but who cares?!? i can surf the net even when i'm at school.

life is getting better.. :)

like a scifi cartoon

i'm getting ready to go to school now.
and i'm still feeling weird.
like i woke up and found myself in a sci-fi toon.
like i'm slowly being sucked into a "cindy vortex"
hahahahahahahahahaha!
i'm tired of waiting.
i'm tired of second-guessing.
i'm tired of being good-for-nothing.
i'm tired of everything.
well.. maybe not everything.
*sigh*
it's gonna be a loooooong month..

feeling everything not too much

hahahaha. i'm still feeling weird today.

sorta dizzy.. but not too much.
i'm kinda sad.. but not too much.
feeling lonely.. but not too much.
a bit disoriented.. but not too much.
a little bitchy.. but not too much.
quite "kikay".. but not too much.

feeling everything "not too much"..
except for one.

*rolls eyes*

christmas carols at mall of asia

just some of the pictures taken from our christmas carolling at mall of asia :)
i'm really tired.. but feeling quite happy.
i'm glad i came to the event. still.. i guess you can't have it all..

my head feels empty

friend rizi sure posts some great pics. well.. great 'coz i can absolutely relate. *sigh*

i'm just staying home today. i'm feeling quite sick. just standing up makes everything spin around. sheesh.

feeling empty and nauseous. just great. and i have another looong day ahead of me tomorrow. hahahaha.

i hope i get well soon. i don't want to miss seeing mall of asia just because of some dizzy spells..

still predictable :-)

hahahahaha. a ray of sunshine in the midst of stormy days..

we had choir practice last night. we were supposed to have it this morning.. but because of the super typhoon scare, we decided to just practice earlier (a lot of brouhaha came along with this decision-making thing.. but i don't want to think about that anymore hahahaha). good thing, though.. the storm didn't pass through metro manila anymore. so we were spared from the howler winds, the onslaught of heavy rains and the threat of flying roofs and blackouts.

but that's not the ray of sunshine i was talking about ;-)

i guess i still have it. the ESP thing, i mean. not the vertigo..