how to sprout a seed

since friday my brain has been working extra-overtime. feels like it's going to short-circuit anytime now. too many realizations.. too many lessons.. too many feelings to process.. too many decisions to make. i'm physically and emotionally exhausted, sleep-deprived and feeling surreal. i am lonely and bothered one minute.. happy and satisfied the next. it is as if my heart is on this wild roller-coaster ride and i am unable to get off it. yes, i am tired and drained. and yet. in spite of all this, there's this sense of peace. it is totally unexpected.. but i am sure i feel it in my heart: a small, sprouting seed of peace that i've not felt in a looong time.

there are blessings we get only from stillness. when everything around us seems so busy.. so loud.. silence seems to speak more clearly and more profoundly. and when we listen closely to His voice whispering to us in the quiet of our hearts.. we rediscover so many things we've forgotten or may not have been aware of. like hope.. courage.. strength (and the Source of it).. self-value.. and the true meaning of love. and sometimes, when God is gracious enough to make it happen, we not only discover who we are.. but we also get a glimpse of the kind of person *we could become* :)

maybe i will need to devote a lot of time and energy to tend to the budding peace inside me. perhaps more tears are needed to water this seed.. to help it grow. to seep through the cracks.. to soften the soil of a hardened heart. i'll probably need to let more sunshine in.. to recognize love and care from others.. to learn to accept these.. and let myself be ministered to.. so i can minister to others, in turn.

in the end, though, i know that it is not just up to me. oh yes, i have a lot of work to do.. a lot of changes to undergo. but only He can make this small seed of peace mature into a sturdy tree. only He can sustain its growth. only He can make it strong enough to weather storms and mighty winds.

i do not know when this will happen.. but that does not matter much to me right now. i just know that *someday* true peace will come. along with unshakable faith and trust in Him. along with deep and devoted love for my Savior. and that thought alone gives strength enough to carry me through the day.