heal me from this healing

fr. dave concepcion is one of my favorite priests. he gives a great homily - with witty, funny and down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom. today's gospel reading was about how jesus was able to multiply the five loaves and two fish to feed the multitude. and since tonight's eucharistic celebration was a healing mass, fr. dave used the reading to expound on how god heals people.

once again, in spite of my efforts, i learned quite a few things tonight from the homily:
* god's interest in us does not stop with our being healed
* he not only heals us, but also provides our daily needs
* in order to truly heal, we must cooperate with god
* timing is important - not all healing is instantaneous
* if you feel you do not need any healing at the moment, then pray that you be used as an instrument to heal others
* some people are afraid to heal


fr. dave talked about this guy who got fitted with a new hearing aid. at first, the guy was very happy.. he was excited to be able to hear again. but after a couple of days, he kept taking off his hearing aid. when asked why, he said "masyadong malakas ang mga tunog eh. mahirap din pala 'yung naririnig mo lahat.."

then there was this person who's been using crutches for so long. she found it difficult to do away with her crutches because her knees kept wobbling and her walk was very unstable. finally, she had an operation to correct the problem. but afterwards, she didn't want to walk. she said it felt weird to be able to walk normally again. she'd gotten so used to her stilted way of walking that she felt completely alien with her "new legs."

these people probably sound weird to you. you may think they're kinda stupid or illogical - both praying for and rejecting the healing.

but i don't.

i know how scary it is to heal.

it's frightening.. not because you might not get healed. it's more than just a fear of dashed hopes. what's scary is the fact that you've gotten so used to your infirmities that they've become a part of your daily life. yes, you hate the fact that you're sick.. and a large part of you wishes you weren't. but at the same time, you sort of love your sickness too - because you can no longer remember a time when you were whole.

that is what makes the whole thing scary.

but i think there comes a time when you do get healed - in spite of yourself. and when that time comes, you have no choice but to face your fears and suffer the consequences of your healing.


i'm am so like the girl in the picture. i see the world through different eyes. ALL BLACK. i'm pierced and hurting in a lot of places. i'm cold and distant - lifeless in many ways. i'm scary and beautiful at the same time.