on solitude

some of my friends tell me i should "live the life".. try to go out more.. have more adventures.. try "moving out of my comfort zone" time and again. hmm. i never really understood why people insist that i lead a more "exciting" life. as if i'm someone who does not do anything at all.

well, i say what may excites one person may utterly bore another one. just because i don't hang out at bars, smoke, drink liquor.. just because i do not watch TV, go to movies or play sports.. does not at all mean that i do not like to do anything. in fact, there are a lot of things i enjoy doing. it just so happens that these are activities most enjoyed in solitude. yes.. what i love most to do are those that enable me to enjoy my own company - or the company of those who are closest and dearest to me..

i love to read. i can huddle up in one corner with a thick book and read the day away. i can be left alone for hours on end.. all by my lonesome.. easily getting lost in a fantasy world created by someone else.

i love creating my own world. i do not need to be asleep in order to dream. i was born a dreamer. i may have grown older.. but in my heart of hearts, i have remained a dreamer. i wander my own private worlds. there, i am able to do anything i wish. i can fly.. i can cry. i laugh.. i astound. i love and am loved in return. i make wonderful music. i am the music.

and there are the things i miss. like gazing heaven-ward at night. i love the moon. and i love the stars. i love looking at the night sky. i love the feeling of soft rain falling down on my upturned face. i love the silver glow of the moonbeams coming from above. i love the tiny pinpricks of light that shine down from heaven. i love to lie down on my back on the fragrant grass.. to watch as the infinite blackness of the night slowly gives way to the rising of dawn. i have not done that in years..

i also miss hugs.. and kisses. i miss getting them. i miss giving them away. i miss being able to hold another person's hand.. and having a loving arm around my shoulders or my waist. i miss whispered words of endearment. i miss shared secrets. i miss private jokes. i miss a lot of things. but mostly i think i miss having someone special to share my solitude with. i miss belonging to someone. *sigh*

i don't need "excitement" and "adventure" right now. because deep inside my head, i think i have just about enough activity i can take.