today i woke up

yesterday, i spent P299.00 on a book that i've been wanting to buy for the longest time. now, normally i won't have second thoughts spending that money on a book i really like. what took me forever to buy the book wasn't finances, actually. rather, it's the fear that if i start reading the book, i'd start feeling bad about myself.. and become depressed or something like that. oh.. you know.. sometimes i have issues with.. uh.. reality. hahaha.

today, though, i realized that the P299 i spent was probably the best investment i've ever made in a long time :p i read "he's just not that into you" from cover to cover (yes.. from the introduction to the parting words) in a couple of hours. contrary to what i expected, though.. i didn't feel bad about myself. in fact, i think i woke up to a reality that i've known for a long time but refused to acknowledge.

oh, it's kinda tough to keep reading at first. it's easy to make excuses for all the jerks you encounter in your life. it gets easier and easier.. until it becomes a very unhealthy habit.. and you forget just how special you are. you lose yourself and your sense of self-worth. but after willing myself to continue reading the first couple of pages, i felt a lot better. about my capabilities.. about the future.. and about my own value.

today, i woke up. my head's clearer than it's been in ages. i sure hope it stays this way for a long time.. (keeping my fingers crossed here)