the great pretender

"just 'coz my eyes have no tears doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. and just 'coz i come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. sometimes i choose to pretend i'm happy so i don't have to explain myself to people who'll never understand. smiling has always been easier than explaining why i'm sad.."

the above quote is so true, in my case.
it's really difficult.. trying to explain *why* i'm sad.
sometimes, no.. oftentimes, i just am.
even when everyone else is smiling.
wait.. *especially* when everyone else is smiling.
in spite of my best efforts to look for that elusive silver lining
and even though i try really hard to feel happy..
.. and grateful
.. and content
.. and loved
sadness is my constant companion
and pain is its shadow.
oh well. i'm great. really great.
'coz i am the great pretender..