would that i could write this way..

i stumbled upon an obscure site today. i'm not familiar with this artist, but when i read the lyrics of the songs, i was intrigued. as most of my friends know, i'm a sucker for quotable quotes and wonderful song lyrics. so i'm posting the link to seaholm lyrics here.

here's a sample taken from the site..

SET FIRE

Public displays
Of secret faces
Concealing all
But minor traces
Of the wildest truths untold
From pages still left to unfold
The origami
Of desire
Whose creases keep that fever
Burning hotter & higher
Can mutilate
And it can spindle, too
But I will not set fire
To my life for you

Words mix the potion
I spin the notion
To swim the ocean
That you pour for me
And so you linger
Hook, line & sinker
Wrapped around my fingers
Like a rosary

Always seems initially
A decent exchange
Pants full of promise
For a shirtful of pain
Same old flame
Burning since my youth
But I will not set fire
To my life for you

You trade devotion
Like a currency
But when you win my love
You purchase everything
Basically, just minutes
Are what's being consumed
`Cause I would not set fire
No, I would not set fire
I will not set fire to my life
...for you

havin' a ball

started my day with a frown on my face. thank God it's sunday, though.. 'coz right now, as the day is ending, i find myself smiling widely :) hearing a great homily from fr. mar really helped. and so did the bowling tournament/fellowship sponsored by our community (rivers of living water catholic community) :)

haha. i have not bowled in a long time. and i'm definitely no expert at ten pin bowling (i'm better at duckpins hehe). but i had a ball (literally!).. it was great to spend time with people - even those i barely knew hehe. guess i'm not as antisocial as i (or other people) thought wahahaha :)

just tripping

obvious ba na mahal ko ang pangalan ko? wahahaha. glitters, glitters everywhere.





hmm. parang okey lang maglagay ng picture ko na mukhang pinunit-punit, wahahahahaha.
i think i'm going crazy.. :p

remember me

this is my flower for the month. why is it called 'forget me not' anyway? hmm. why indeed? the following is excerpted from wikipedia:

In the 15th century Germany, it was supposed that the wearers of the flower will not be forgotten by their lovers.

Legend has it that in medieval times, a knight and his lady were walking along the side of a river. He picked a posy of flowers, but because of the weight of his armour he fell into the river. As he was drowning he threw the posy to his loved one and shouted "Forget-me-not". This is a flower connected with romance and tragic fate. It was often worn by ladies as a sign of faithfulness and enduring love.

seven more days. hmm. all this remembering.. it's crazy and wonderful and sad and scary and hopeful all at the same time. seven days. *sigh* no one remembers. no one but me. but that's ok. sometimes, to keep a memory alive, all you need is one..

"but i've made a deal with the clouds
gonna turn that sun into rain
so you forget about your love
come and see me again.." - the zutons (remember me)

havin' fun

neat, huh? i just love stars :p

hehe.. i also tried making my own stereograms using the flash-gear.com site. haha. this is fun. check it out and see if you can make out the 3d image :p

hahaha. iba na talaga ang walang magawa. madaling maaliw :p

roooaaaarrr!!!

after 5 days of "vacation" due to typhoon glenda, classes finally resumed today. i spent an hour stuck in the terrible traffic at katipunan road.. and so i ended up 40minutes late for my 8am class. sheesh. what a way to "start the week" hahaha.

oh. and my student teacher failed to show up in time for his geom class (silver) so i had to take over.. without my notes.. and with no exercises or examples to show the class. great.

thank goodness i was all "dressed up" today (haha.. boy, did i get a lot of compliments about my dress/makeup/accessories, etc. hmm. hindi na mauulit 'to wahahahaha). i sort of believe that when you're feeling crappy (disoriented, confused, whatever), you should try your best to look really good - if only to balance all the "negative energy" around you. which does not mean, of course, that i only try to look nice when i'm bummed. ha. whatever :p

about the lions in the pic. ruben brought his stuffed animals to class today. i found them really cute.. so i placed them on my desk (after gely combed their manes hahaha) and took a photo. wala lang. i'm not a fan of lion stuffed toys.. but hey.. it's a weird "monday-feeling-thursday". anything goes.

my campus tour

my wednesday morning started out beautifully grey and gloomy-sad. perfect with a soft drizzle of rain ü i woke up feeling wonderful (i had a really great dream last night - but that's another story altogether).. in spite of the fact that i was quite exhausted after our recording session. ahhh.. nothing like a dull, drab morning to brighten my day hahaha :p

anyway, we had a department meeting at the elementary building this morning. i went with my dad to school.. and was pleasantly surprised to see that the campus was so.. green! ü the trees were so alive with foliage and the grass at the oval was so thick ü it seemed as if everywhere i look, there's a spot of green to be found. hahahahaha. i missed UP. i seldom get the time to walk around the campus.. so i just enjoyed going around the (almost) empty streets this morning üüü

call me a sentimental fool.. but just seeing the campus this way.. especially on a rainy day.. with barely any activity going on.. well, it just makes my heart skip a beat :) i suppose i can describe it as a 'romantic' feeling ü

oh, this brings about so many memories for me - both happy and sad. i guess that's why i loved my 'morning campus tour' today. i'm in a reminiscing mood this time. it's been a year. a lot has happened. i still say it's good to look back.. if only to see where i now stand.

i am the same person.. yet so radically different. and though life is sometimes so full of crap.. at times like this, i am reminded that there are so many hidden treasures just waiting to be discovered. yup.. life, with all its ups and downs.. its joys, tears, celebrations and hearbreaks.. is still beautiful ü

on remembering

"try to be content and not to remember too much; for where remembrance is too painful and futile, one would prefer to forget."

friend carolle sent me this text sometime last week, i think. hmm. i immediately saved it in my phone.. coz i knew i'd love to read it over and over and over again..

25july2005. that was a monday. gma's 5th sona, i think. it's a memorable date for me. hmm. let's just say that that date was the first "nonevent" that turned into the first of a series of sad episodes. *sigh* it is, quite truthfully, where it all started..

sometimes one really would prefer to forget. but it ain't that easy. and at times, all you can really do is to remember.. painful memories and all.. and move on..

rainy days & mondays

monday is not my favorite day of the week. but i love this day. a wonderfully rainy monday :)

spent time with mom and dad.. went to cubao just to walk around.. go window-shopping.. etc. we had late lunch at bellini's (thanks for introducing me to the place, soulmate! ü). *contented sigh* it's not often that i get to spend much time with my parents. what with all the activities in the choir and at school.

though i'm quite aware of the floods, traffic jams and other kinds of havoc this storm has brought about.. i still thank God for the rains. 'coz i could definitely use this break.. ü

i still miss..

hahaha. i saw this book while browsing through the shelves of powerbooks mega yesterday. i found the title hilarious :p sounds like the kind of read i'd enjoy bwahahaha.

anyway, school's out today. thank goodness for that. at least i'd have an extra day off from work. that's enough to make up for the saturday spent serving at the open retreat :) at least i can sort of recharge my energy hehehe.

it's another lovely rainy day. i wish i could go out and enjoy the rain. hmmm. maybe i'll do that later.. :p

popcorn lady

my class has been bugging me to bring them popcorn (holy kettle corn!) hehehe. guess they enjoyed munching on something while taking their quizzes last year. i haven't been able to buy them popcorn yet. probably next week, i will, hehehe.

my student erica gave me this drawing as i observed their class last friday. hahaha. she said she drew a nice picture of me this time. i thought i was the one with the bunny ears.. until i saw the lonely-looking lady seated on the bench, munching popcorn. tsk tsk tsk.. :p it's a great drawing, at any rate.. and i love it, hehehe. thanx erica :)

on solitude

some of my friends tell me i should "live the life".. try to go out more.. have more adventures.. try "moving out of my comfort zone" time and again. hmm. i never really understood why people insist that i lead a more "exciting" life. as if i'm someone who does not do anything at all.

well, i say what may excites one person may utterly bore another one. just because i don't hang out at bars, smoke, drink liquor.. just because i do not watch TV, go to movies or play sports.. does not at all mean that i do not like to do anything. in fact, there are a lot of things i enjoy doing. it just so happens that these are activities most enjoyed in solitude. yes.. what i love most to do are those that enable me to enjoy my own company - or the company of those who are closest and dearest to me..

i love to read. i can huddle up in one corner with a thick book and read the day away. i can be left alone for hours on end.. all by my lonesome.. easily getting lost in a fantasy world created by someone else.

i love creating my own world. i do not need to be asleep in order to dream. i was born a dreamer. i may have grown older.. but in my heart of hearts, i have remained a dreamer. i wander my own private worlds. there, i am able to do anything i wish. i can fly.. i can cry. i laugh.. i astound. i love and am loved in return. i make wonderful music. i am the music.

and there are the things i miss. like gazing heaven-ward at night. i love the moon. and i love the stars. i love looking at the night sky. i love the feeling of soft rain falling down on my upturned face. i love the silver glow of the moonbeams coming from above. i love the tiny pinpricks of light that shine down from heaven. i love to lie down on my back on the fragrant grass.. to watch as the infinite blackness of the night slowly gives way to the rising of dawn. i have not done that in years..

i also miss hugs.. and kisses. i miss getting them. i miss giving them away. i miss being able to hold another person's hand.. and having a loving arm around my shoulders or my waist. i miss whispered words of endearment. i miss shared secrets. i miss private jokes. i miss a lot of things. but mostly i think i miss having someone special to share my solitude with. i miss belonging to someone. *sigh*

i don't need "excitement" and "adventure" right now. because deep inside my head, i think i have just about enough activity i can take.

my sinusoidal ride

I CAN'T MAKE YOU LOVE ME
Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize--don't patronize me

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't

I'll close my eyes then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight..

* * *

whenever i get all confused about heart matters.. or when a certain someone starts sending me mixed signals again.. i write. no, not here.. but in my private journal. i write down all the things i feel. i write about my anger and frustration. i write about the things i love. i write about what i wish would happen. i write about anything and everything that comes to mind. and so far.. everytime i write down my heart wishes, they come true. i get freaked out by it, actually. it's scary to let your hopes up when you're feeling this down..

it's really strange to alternate between feelings of determination and frustration. i know i've been through this more than a hundred times before. felt this way so often that my highs and lows number more than the cycles in a sinusoidal graph. but apparently, i have not yet learned. i just continue to ride the wave - from crest to trough and back - hoping against all hope that i wouldn't have to go through another valley anytime soon.

"Just give me 'til then to give up this fight.. and I will give up this fight.."

hahaha. yeah, right. when hell freezes over, maybe.

13 and counting..

i was able to hunt down karen kunawicz' blog
hehehe. found this entry there. don't know if she wrote it.. but i like it, hence i'm reposting it here.

*sigh* i'm in THAT kind of mood again..

Thirteen kisses all in all
I kept thinking I could ask for more
Thirteen kisses travelling the world
of shoulders spines seas and souls
Thirteen kisses living breathing
falling on the floor
Thirteen kisses dying
bleeding gasping for air
Thirteen kisses now I never know when
Will they ever resurrect
on my pale skin again?

I swim in a pool of memory
of falling stars and moments
never meant to be
I search for the book containing
that rainy chapter
about you and me.

I've buried myself in the bed
where we lay
Swimming in a dream watching
My thirteen kisses slip away
When I wake
I'll keep what I've stolen
Thirteen kisses "gone but not forgotten."

the sound of one heart breaking

today i finished reading the book soulmate lent me - "on the verge" by karen kunawicz. i enjoyed all the essays contained in it. but this has gotta be my favorite. i guess it's the one i can relate to the most. am i heartbroken right now? no.. not really. but i still can relate to this piece. it's the ultimate "so depressing it's beautiful" piece, hehe.

*sigh* this is one essay i wish i had been able to write. oh well. read on, people.. you'll know why i love it so much..

I still recall the taste of my tears
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears
I just want something
I just want something I can never have.
--Nine Inch Nails
"Something I Can Never Have"

Habang
Napupunit nang dahan-dahan
Ang iyong papel na puso—
Tahimik na tahimik
Tila walang nangyayari.
--Rayvi Sunico
"Kung Paano Magpaalam"

I'm riding high on a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains
--Garbage
"I'm Only Happy When It Rains"

Ever come across this zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books?

You know, the one that asks what is the sound of one hand clapping. I don’t know the answer to that one. But ask me what’s the sound of one heart breaking and I might have an answer.

Welcome to the dark side of love.

What is the sound of one heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat.

It’s the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word “goodbye,” it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it’s the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it’s the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.

It’s the sound of the rain that doesn’t ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there’s no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of “I love you” burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without him.

The sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear. It’s the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn’t there, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it’s the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it’s the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn’t always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

it hurts to grow

"someone said that the moment you stop to think about whether you love someone, you've already stopped loving that person forever."


well, i've never stopped to consider. so does that mean i haven't stopped loving? does that mean i haven't moved on yet?

i want to grow.. but it really hurts. it really does.. :'(

i just want to sleep

(got this from soulmate A. thanks. my mind's a complete blank.. but these are the exact words i'd like to say right now..)

When I look up from my pillow
I dream you are there with me
Though you are far away
I know youll always be near to me

I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me
I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me

I look around me
And feel you are ever so close to me
Each tear that flows from my eye
Brings back memories of you to me

I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me
I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me

I was wrong, I will cry
I will love you till the day I die
You were all, you alone and no one else
You were meant for me

When morning comes again
I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by
Until finally my time descends on me

I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me
I go to sleep, sleep
And imagine that youre there with me

today i woke up

yesterday, i spent P299.00 on a book that i've been wanting to buy for the longest time. now, normally i won't have second thoughts spending that money on a book i really like. what took me forever to buy the book wasn't finances, actually. rather, it's the fear that if i start reading the book, i'd start feeling bad about myself.. and become depressed or something like that. oh.. you know.. sometimes i have issues with.. uh.. reality. hahaha.

today, though, i realized that the P299 i spent was probably the best investment i've ever made in a long time :p i read "he's just not that into you" from cover to cover (yes.. from the introduction to the parting words) in a couple of hours. contrary to what i expected, though.. i didn't feel bad about myself. in fact, i think i woke up to a reality that i've known for a long time but refused to acknowledge.

oh, it's kinda tough to keep reading at first. it's easy to make excuses for all the jerks you encounter in your life. it gets easier and easier.. until it becomes a very unhealthy habit.. and you forget just how special you are. you lose yourself and your sense of self-worth. but after willing myself to continue reading the first couple of pages, i felt a lot better. about my capabilities.. about the future.. and about my own value.

today, i woke up. my head's clearer than it's been in ages. i sure hope it stays this way for a long time.. (keeping my fingers crossed here)

another treasure

soulmate A lent me her "precious book" - she brought it to st paul yesterday and i saw her reading it. she showed me a couple of lines from the prelude.. and i just knew i had to borrow it from her (hey.. i promise i'll return it to you in mint condition - er.. rather, the same condition you lent it to me hehe :p)

here are the lines that she let me read.. a couple of words that got me hooked, hehe. it's simply the prelude.. but it's really great. anyway, here they are..


A Prelude

"Love can mend your life but love can break your heart." So sang Sting in the Police's classic, "Message in a Bottle." How true. Sometimes you wonder whether it's worth all the pain. Someone once said that the only way to really love someone is to know that someday, they're going to go away. But who wants the person they love to go away? Why can't people live happily ever after like they do all the time in books and movies?

You sort of wish you could just walk up to a computer and it would give you a complete listing of all your possible soul mates on the planet, including their ages, addresses and telephone numbers. And you'd just go merrily on your way searching for them and not waste time on unnecessary diversions. When you do find the, you'd get a certificate or guarantee that the love would last forever. Then we'd all spend a hell of a lot less time worrying about it and maybe more time planting flowers and medicinal herbs, saving bear cats, and protesting nuclear testing in the ocean.

As it is, the word "forever" has some limitations. And love? We either still have to go through this painful trial and error thing or we just sit around hoping it'll fall on our laps. And when we do find it, we worry about losing it.

But love is love. And poor hapless souls like me don't have much control over it.

my hidden self?

You Are An ISFP

The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

What's Your Personality Type?

so i'm an artist, huh?!? hahahaha. yeah, right :p seems like i don't know myself.. *sigh*

my day starts at 4pm

hmmm.. tuesdays and fridays are weird days for me. my classes officially start at 1pm.. though my 1-2.30 class is handled by my student teacher; so i don't personally teach them.

my first class is geometry (section calcium), 4-5.30pm. and that also happens to be the last period of the students. hahahaha. sheesh. my first class is the last class of the day. great.

i was feeling so "sunshiny" in the gloomy weather (yeah, yeah.. you should know by now.. i looooove the rain) so i took some pix of my class doing their group activity :p these are all candid shots by the way :p

hmm. anyway, i thought i wouldn't be able to make it to choir prax tonight (coding ang kotse eh.. traffic pa sa makati pag friday night :p). but at the last minute, bestfriend heidi called to tell me she'd pick me up :) yipee! free ride.. and great company hehe :p

thank goodness i was able to attend prax. boss rannie taught us "light of a million mornings" and it was really great!! ü i just looooooove that song ü but it's a really difficult piece (kawawa ang mga soprano 1.. hehehe); and you always get that nervous feeling everytime you're about to sing it. it's one of those songs that you know you're just NOT supposed to mess up :p

well, thank God cousin almi, dyanne and yeye (the S1 trio :p) were able to sing the song really well. felt like we were in heaven during prax. er.. except for the fact that boss rannie was grumpier than usual, hehe. i suppose that's to be expected, though, coz he's usually that way when he's teaching a difficult piece :p

we (meaning i, bestfriend heidi, cousin dom, mama nona and france) were so hungry after choir prax that we just had to drop by chowking shaw to grab a bite to eat :) it was fun hanging out with sis nona for a change :p

it's been a looong day today. i'm tired.. but feeling accomplished. sort of :p my day may start at 4pm.. but it ends now hehehe :)

colorful day

it's been some time since i've experienced a suspension of classes. hahahaha.. it's fun to have a mini-vacation. (what.. you think students are the only one who love the phrase "no classes"?! :p)

went to have my celphone fixed at brightpoint ali mall. they had to reformat the software.. and i had to wait 3 hours before i can get it back.. but that's ok. went malling at gateway to kill time. met up with soulmate A (thank goodness she didn't have much work to do at the office hehehe) and just lazed the day away :p

looked around at marikina shoe expo too. we were supposed to look at this gift shop.. but it was closed :( after going around and looking at the various shops, we happened upon "one of cubao's best kept secrets" (according to A, hehe) - bellini's :) nice italian food place. we ate pesto and tiramisu and they were both divine :p oh.. and i loooove the lemonade there, as well. too bad they ran out of their specialty - orange cake. maybe next time.. :p

anyway, i bought this HUGE umbrella at one of the shops. i loved it 'coz it was so colorful. a great contrast to the gloomy weather hahaha.

hmm. this day surely was colorful. all the hues from sunshiny yellow to drab grey. i'm looking forward to more mini-vacations hehehehe.. :p

i am smurfette

when i was a kid, i always watched the smurfs :) i loved 'em all.. grandpa smurf, baby smurf.. even that grumpy one. but my favorite of them all is smurfette.

i've always wondered where she came from. and why she's the only female smurf around. hmmm. she's the mysterious blue little girl. hahaha. go figure why my blogpost is about her..

i m p E r F e c T

this weekend, i was able to watch several episodes of “monk.” the series is about this ex-detective who’s got excellent skills of deduction and who’s really great at solving mysteries. however, he’s also extremely OC (obsessive-compulsive). he’s afraid of human contact because he’s scared of germs. he cannot tolerate loud noises, public gatherings, heights and closed spaces. he needs everything to be in order.. and if things are not in their proper places, he panics and could not concentrate. his disorder prevents him from becoming that which he most wants to be: a reinstated police officer.

as i was watching the show, i remembered fr. mar’s homily. he said that Jesus was not able to perform as many miracles in his hometown as he did in the neighboring villages. it was not because Jesus did not have the power to do so. instead, the people’s lack of faith - in themselves, and in God’s abundant mercy and grace - stopped them from receiving His healing and His blessings. the people did not believe that they had greatness within them; so they refused to acknowledge greatness in others as well.

i have to admit.. when i heard fr. mar’s homily, i cringed and inwardly said “ouch!” because i know i myself have been guilty of such thoughts. like Jesus’ “kababayans” i would equate greatness with success. i put premium on perfection and order; so anything that rocks the boat upsets me. i’ve often been suspicious of new things.. new places.. and thus missed out on a lot of opportunities. my fears.. my low self-esteem.. my “disorders” prevented me from becoming that which i most want to be: a person with great faith in God.

but this morning, as i was driving to work, the words of an old favorite song suddenly popped into mind. it was strange.. ‘coz i have not heard that song for years.. and i haven’t been thinking about it. but the lyrics played on in my head; and i felt that the Lord was asking me to pay attention:

He looked through all my disguises
into my weakness and pride
He looked behind my pretenses
and into this heart that i hide
in His words were acceptance and healing
and a powerful feeling of hope
and right then and there, i knew He was love
and that’s all i needed to know

and after a long time of denying my sadness.. of forcing myself to be strong.. of hiding my disappointment with myself.. of not being able to cry.. i felt tears well up in my eyes. not tears of sadness.. but tears of gratitude. the realization was very clear: i am imperfect. and God loves me just the same.

i wanted everything to be orderly. i couldn’t stand it when things were not under my control. i was demanding perfection from myself and from my circumstances. but the Lord says “no.. you do not need to be perfect for Me to love you. there is beauty in imperfection. and in your weakness, My strength shines through even more.”

“...‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.” 2 Cor 12:9

i do not know a lot of things. but this one thing i do know: Jesus is love. and that’s all i need to know ü

you gotta laugh!!

this has been around for a long time.. but it's still funny hahaha :p

check out this site and get your laughs :)

i don't like mondays either.. BUT..

"tell me why i don't like mondays.. tell me why i don't like mondays.. tell me why i don't like mondays. i want to shoot the whole day down." - boomtown rats

this song played on my zen earlier. loved this song.. and i still do. but i've always wondered 'bout the lyrics 'coz i never really made much sense of 'em. 'til this afternoon. (i checked out the full lyrics.. which included the story behind the song)

anyway, i DO NOT like mondays either. BUT i hope i never reach the point where i do as brenda spencer did. thank God my frustration/anger/whatever hasn't overloaded my brain's silicon chip yet. i hope they never do..

i'm OC too :p

whew! i'm tired. really tired. exhausted, even!! but happy. hehehe.

came back from my weekend adventure with the bf's. we had a blast.. but i guess we all lack sleep. hence, it wasn't really much of a vacation, hehehe. but it sure was fun! next time, we're planning on treating ourselves to a good "spa pampering" hehehe. can't wait for that.

anyway, i still couldn't sleep when i got home. the parents are still at megamall (hmm. i decided to go home already - didn't have energy to chat with the 'oldies' anymore ;-p) so i watched 'monk' and was really entertained. hahaha. i just looooove this guy. (well, ok, i don't really 'love' him like i do greg house and danny of las vegas.. but i find him so endearing ;-p). i suppose i have a real affinity for the weird ones wahahaha.

thank God for these tv series. don't know what i would do without 'em to entertain me hahaha :)

weekend hiatus

it's gonna be a different kind of weekend ü no practice today! that means i get to stay in bed a bit longer. and more importantly, i'm off to spend some much-needed time off with friends ü to top it off, it's raining *really* hard! wahahaha. my rain-wishes still come true ü i just love this weekend.. üüü





(hehe.. posted this entry *after* my weekend adventure with smh and bfl. i had fun. tons of it)

i love blue

this friday doesn't feel like a friday at all. see, we had choir practice tonight. boss rannie has an appointment for tomorrow morning, so he moved prax to this evening. sheesh. it sure made this day feel like a tuesday instead.

we studied 'light of a million mornings' tonight. wow. it's one of those songs that never fails to give me goosebumps whenever i hear it. my favorite song :) anyway, i love listening to it (mainly 'coz i can't sing it - its pitch is too darned high for me :( so i have to be content just listening to it). bestfriend heids and i listened to the song at least 6x on our way home, hahaha. talk about addicted :p


hmm. today i wore a light pink shirt and khaki slacks. my accessories were pink and white (earrings, bracelet, necklace, etc). hahaha. i dunno. i just felt like dressing up a bit. even put on some makeup before going to choir prax.

but even though i'm all pink today, i still say the color for the day is BLUE. nah.. i'm not sad. in fact, friend hilda was asking me earlier why i was so happy :) hehehe. and NO.. i wasn't *pretending* to be all smiles, either. it's a happy day. but i'm not pink. i'm blue :) hahaha. go figure.

i don't know how soulmate is doing right now. i hope she's feeling better. i texted her but she hasn't replied yet.. so i dunno. right now i'm downloading some songs for her. which are also for me - 'coz i love listening to the songs she recommends. sad lyrics and all :p

well. more updates tomorrow. i'm kinda tired. still waiting for that something that hasn't come yet. *sigh* i just love blue.. :)

new favorite

this is my new favorite tv series - las vegas ü hehehe. at first, it didn't appeal to me so much. but after watching a couple of episodes, i found myself warming up to the characters. especially oh-so-gorgeous danny! (drooling) hahahahahahaha.
on a side note, it seems i'm always ogling the "danny's" in my fave tv series. 'coz aside from delish danny in 'las vegas,' i also love danny the csi guy in csiny :) hahaha. i wonder.. do the makers of these shows intentionally name the hot (or cool) guys "danny"?! wahahahaha.

i think i'm losing it.. :p

Your Love Number is 2

Of all the numbers, you are the most caring and empathetic lover. Unselfish and humble, you find it easy to forgive your sweetie's mistakes. At times, your need to please can be come a bit too needy. As long as you remain somewhat independent, your relationships are perfectly balanced.

What Is Your Love Number?

i could've written these lines

FRIEND OF A WOUNDED HEART
Wayne Watson

Smile--Make 'em think you're happy
Lie--And say that things are fine
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don't ever show it
Just keep your heart concealed
Why--Are the days so lonely
Where can a heart go free
And who will dry the tears that no one's seen
There must be someone
To share your silent dreams

Chorus
Caught like a leaf in the wind
Lookin' for a friend--Where can you turn
Whisper the words of a prayer--And you'll find Him there
Arms open wide--Love in His eyes
Jesus--He meets you where you are
Jesus--He heals you secret scars
All the love you're longing for is
Jesus--The friend of a wounded heart

* * *

What type of Fae are you?

hehehe.. i got this from friend oviler's LJ post today. i miss the '06 people :(

mood lifter

Do Not Despair

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord... Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage.” (Psalm 27:13-14) NASB

Oh, how great the temptation is to despair at times! Our soul becomes depressed and disheartened, and our faith staggers under the severe trials and testing that come into our lives, especially during times of bereavement and suffering. We may come to the place where we say, “I cannot bear this any longer. I am close to despair under these circumstances God has allowed. He tells me not to despair, but what am I supposed to do when I am at this point?”

What have you done in the past when you felt weak physically? You could not do anything. You ceased from doing. In your weakness, you leaned on the shoulder of a strong loved one. You leaned completely on someone else and rested, becoming still, and trusting in another’s strength.

It is the same when you are tempted to despair under spiritual afflicitons. Once you have come close to the point of despair, God’s message is not, “Be strong and courageous” (Josh 1:6), for He knows that your strength and courage have run away. Instead, He says sweetly, “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Ps. 46:10)

Hudson Taylor was so weak and feeble in the last few months of his life that he told a friend, “I am so weak I cannot write. I cannot read my Bible. I cannot even pray. All I can do is lie still in the arms of God as a little child, trusting Him.” This wonderful man of God, who had great spiritual power, came to the point of physical suffering and weakness where all he could do was lie still and trust.

That is all God asks of you as His dear child. When you become weak through the fierce fires of affliction, do not try to “be strong.” Just “be still, and know that [He is] God.” And know that He will sustain you and bring you through the fire.

God reserves His best medicine for our times of deepest despair. Be strong and take heart. (Ps. 27:14)

Be stong, He has not failed you
In all the past,
And will He go and leave you
To sink at last?
No, He said He will hide you
beneath His wing;
And sweetly there in safety
You then may sing.

* * *

took this from streams in the desert. it's not today's devotional.. but i like it anyway. i'm not exactly despairing at the moment.. but reading it certainly helped :)

i guess it's just what i needed to "hear" today. hmmm. first, i got z's apt text message. then this one. hahaha. maybe God is telling me it's about time for me to cheer up.. :p

my 5-hour pet

my co-teacher portia freaked out this morning when she found this baby snake on the floor of our faculty room (yep.. inside our room! hahaha). one of our PE teachers was able to place the snake inside an empty C2 bottle.. but they didn't know what to do with it afterwards.

now, since most of the people in our faculty room were squeamish when it comes to reptiles (even "bottled" ones hehe), i took it upon myself to "adopt" the poor creature.. at least, for a couple of hours.

i seriously considered bringing it home.. but had second thoughts 'coz i don't think mom would approve (i didn't want to wait to see if she'd faint first, hahaha). so i left "CJ" the snake (my little friend aya named it) with some trusted office staff.. with instructions NOT to have him/her killed. i think they gave CJ away to sir banjo, our boy scout leader.

i hope he cares for CJ. i've grown fond of the little fella :p

i'm not always photogenic

this was taken during the pope's day celebration last tuesday, 27 june. "mommy chris" just finished my mini-makeover hehe.. and sis yeye took my pic hehehe :p

just one of those "smiling eyes" moments that i love.. 'coz now they are starting to happen more often :)

* * *

just got back from the GSS. hahaha. i had a great time at RFM today. whiled away time with soulmate and friend sanny and ron (tambay lang sa 7-11.. nagpalamig, hehe). then i served at the mass. i sat beside bestfriend heids and had a blast. we kept laughing at the bloopers.. and we always had to stop ourselves from giggling too much. even boss rani was in such a great mood this afternoon.. so he didn't bother to shush us (coz he was joining in on the laughing part, wahehehe)

hmm. it feels really good to be serving in the ministry. yes, it is a privilege to be able to offer up one's talents to the Lord. and it's a truly wonderful blessing to be given the opportunity to do so with brothers and sisters such as these.

i wish somebody had taken my picture this afternoon. 'coz i'm sure it would have come out great. not only would my eyes be smiling.. they probably would have sparkled like stars.. hehe üüü

you don't want to read this post

I Just Can't Let Go
David Pack

Oh, what's the matter baby? Is the truth too hard to hear? Well, I think you know I'm not the one who lied. Now it's all behind us; And we both play out our lives. But the years don't change the way I feel inside. So I'll play the game now; Though it feels the same now. Are you missin' me? Well now, baby, just be aware Of how much I still care Oh, I need your love...

I gave to you my heart and soul. Now I just need to let you know You're part of me that I just can't let go.

Well, tell me something baby, Is there still something inside To remind you of the way it used to be? And how the years they go by Still there's something I must say. No one ever could have loved you more than me. So I'm passin' time now; Wishin' you were mine now. Are you missin' me? Well, you know it's not too late Oh, how long must I wait? Oh, to hear you say..

I gave to you my heart and soul. Now I just need to let you know You're part of me that I just can't let go.

And I need your love. And I need your love. Everywhere I go there's a memory. If you can't decide on me, Well, you gotta make up your mind. 'Cause some day you're gonna find You just might need me.

Well now, baby just be aware Of how much I still care. Oh, I need your love.

I gave to you my heart and soul. Now I just need to let you know You're part of me that I just can't let go..

* * *

this song played on my zen while i was at the GSS today. now i can't get it out of my head. hence, this blogpost.

darnit. i feel really bitchy right now. i'm upset with A. probably 'coz she's acting a lot like our Z's. why the hell do such people gravitate towards me all the time?! sheesh. this is going to be a series of semi-rants.. so feel free to ignore the following statements.. in case they dampen your mood as well.

some things i hate right now
* people who do not reply to text messages - especially if they don't have a valid excuse
* not having anyone who'd ask how i'm doing
* feeling crappy and not having a venue for ranting
* having to force a smile for the benefit of other people
* "touchy-feely" people
* guys who get jealous but are too proud (or plastic) to admit it
* clueless/insensitive jerks
* guys who are too "assuming"
* rejection - even the "kind" ones
* being taken for granted (i thought this only applied to Z and X hahaha)
* hypocrites (wahahahaha!)
* not knowing what to do
* waiting.. waiting.. waiting
* super happy, "sunshiny" people
* extremely negative people (obviously, that includes ME!)

no.. you really shouldn't have read this blog post..

the heart of worship

i found this picture while looking for graphics for the powerpoint slides i was making for today's GSS. it just struck me as very.. hmm.. appropriate.

"i'm coming back to the heart of worship.. and it's all about You.. it's all about You, Jesus.."

i hope to bring You more than a song this time..