on being in love:
"horrible, isn't it? it makes you so vulnerable. it opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. you build up all these defenses. you build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you. then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.. you give them a piece of you. they don't ask for it. they do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.""love takes hostages. it gets inside you. it eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. it hurts. not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. it's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. nothing should be able to do that. especially not love. i hate love."
i have my low moments; and i'm experiencing one today. it usually takes just a very minor thing to shatter my happiness/stability: that 'special' song that suddenly played over the radio.. a fleeting glimpse of his beautiful, unshielded eyes.. passing by roads we used to travel together.. smelling his favorite scents.. shopping for stuff that i know he liked.. and the list goes on and on. *sigh*
but unlike rose (the character in 'the sandman' series), i don't hate love. like i said before, i'm starting to move on, no matter how slowly. and thankfully, i'm not bitter or anything like that. i just wish i can get out of this slump soon..
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