the sandman and other flashes

another tragedy in leyte. so unexpected. so sudden. i suppose all tragedies are. but then.. it really makes one realize how fleeting life can be. in an instant, you could lose everything and everyone that matters to you. and i couldn't help but ask myself, if that happened to me, would i really be grateful to be among the living?

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i went to the doctor today.. along with smh and bfl (we had our 'derma sessions' also, after talking with the shrink) it was still early, but already, i felt quite tired. i don't know.. but that's been happening a lot to me lately. tired yet somehow full of energy. i can't quite explain it. i'm exhausted *inside* - but i have trouble sleeping 'coz physically, i'm not really drained. so i usually need to tire myself out (by watching tv, reading, updating my blog, surfing the net, etc.).. until my eyes can't take the strain anymore, and i'd be forced to sleep. hmm. no, i'm not depressed. just.. empty.

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neil gaiman's 'the sandman' series. my dad says he finds it.. umm.. 'disturbing.' says it bothers him that the main character can't be easily categorized as 'good' or 'evil'.. and that in some parts of the story, hell is 'humanized'.. and it can be quite confusing if the reader isn't spiritually mature.

well, i suppose he's right, somewhat. gaiman's graphic novel is kinda dark. and his style is so unique.. it takes a bit of getting used to. but i love 'the sandman' series. it's well-written, of course, but it's much more than that. you get glimpses of real life in gaiman's stories.. no matter how surreal, how dreamlike they are. you read of a character and think, 'hey, i thought this before!' or 'this happened to me once..' and surprisingly, you find your weirdest thoughts and most unbelievable experiences have found their way somewhere in his stories.

what's the sandman's appeal to me? i don't know. maybe i like it so much because reading it gives me the same feelings that my dreams do: escape, satisfaction, happiness, confusion, hope, belongingness, enlightenment, disturbance and courage, among others. conflicting thoughts and feelings, really. not all of them good.. but such is life. and oftentimes, it isn't so easy to differentiate between black and white. the sandman forces me to look at myself - what i believe in, what my reality consists of, what disturbs me, what i can identify with, what i am disgusted with and what i desire. somehow, it's easier to look at oneself from the standpoint of dreams. you see yourself more clearly.. and are more honest in your evaluation of what you see.

"when you dream, sometimes you remember. when you wake, you always forget.."

it's a bit of a letdown that my dad doesn't see 'the sandman' the way i do. it bothers me a little.. knowing i won't be able to chat with him much on the merits of the stories.. but of course, i can't force him to see things the way i do (just as he never forces me to see things his way). hmm. he's given me something to think about. i promise i'll be *careful* not to let morpheus get into my subconscious too much.