a loooooooong yesterday

this post is about yesterday. the looooooong day i had yesterday. it's also about some random thoughts that came into mind that i have not been able to process because of the extremely hectic schedule. anyway, my apologies to the reader if this post does not make as much sense as it should..

yesterday started out like any of my normal tuesdays. as soon as i woke up, i planted myself in front of the pc to finish the working on our church's weekly newsletter. after 3 hours of searching the web while doing the layouting, i eat breakfast/lunch, take a bath, dress up and get ready for school.. all in a span of 30 minutes or so. hahahaha. great way to start a day.. :p

i got to school in time for my 12.45pm class. geometry with the dragonfly kids. they're a smart bunch, those kids. quick on the uptake.. and outspoken too. that's why i enjoy my classes with them. yesterday, though, the class was weirding me out. i don't know.. i just get the feeling that i missed something that the entire section knew. like they were playing this prank on me, but i was too dense.. or too indifferent to get. hmmmm..

friend jaric dropped by to ask some questions about their math assignment. hehe. good thing i still remember *some* techniques of integration. working on that helped to cheer me up a bit.

by 3.30pm i knew i had to go home soon. i was already feeling woozy.. and quite nauseous. i wasn't sure if i was beginning to have one of those 'panic attacks'.. or if i was tired/hungry/whatever. but i didn't want to wait for it to happen.. i just wanted to go home. so i did.

bad timing for me. i came from the service road, and was about to merge into the other lane.. when suddenly, i just found this volvo literally stuck to my car. driver's side. no crash. no "blag" sound. nothing. 'coz there wasn't really any major impact. but the car was stuck to mine. haha. i couldn't even get out of the driver's side door.

so there i was. feeling sick. extremely tense/stressed. and then *that* had to happen. great. strangely, though, i was.. hmm.. detached. it wasn't shock. all i remembered thinking then was "sh*t. aabot pa kaya ako sa prax namin? gagawin ko pa ung newsletter at kakain bago umalis ng bahay.." hahaha. really weird. then the other driver got out of his car and started to berate me (yeah right.. and it was *his* fault.. not mine!!!) - telling me off in front of other people. well.. good thing some mmda guys immediately got there and drew the sketch of our cars' positions. they were nice, polite fellows (too bad i didn't get their names). and they didn't like the obnoxious driver, either.

i tried to talk to the other driver, arrogant as he was.. but our talks were not going anywhere. he probably thought i was too young or too insignificant for him to carry on a proper conversation with. so.. we drove to camp karingal to file our respective statements. by that time i was starting to get really annoyed. with the driver. with the situation. with the change in schedule.

i called my dad earlier to let him know what happened.. but that was it. i wasn't looking for anyone to go with me, really. i just felt it was my "alone time" - and i wanted to go through the experience with as little involvement from others as possible. i don't know why i thought that. i just did.

i appreciated the help those 2 mmda guys gave.. as well as their "moral support" [side note: lumapit pa nga ung isa sa kanila sa akin. sabi niya, "miss, tip ko lang sa 'yo. wag ka magpapasindak diyan sa lalaking 'yan. nakalamang ka na nga e. ikaw ang nasa tama. mayabang lang talaga 'yan, wag ka matakot." that helped me a lot.. and made me regret why i never bothered to get the mmda guys' names so i could thank them properly] along with that, though, came the feeling that people seem to see me as a pushover. weak and incapable. hmmm. maybe i am. and it disturbs me when i get that feeling.

but see, others have a difficult time understanding the way i think. i am quite expressive.. and can be outspoken, if i so wish. heck, there are even moments when i can be charming and extremely sociable. i can do a lot of things. but only if i really want to.. or if i feel that there's a really pressing need for it.

i do not stay silent because i am intimidated or scared (well, *sometimes* i do.. but not always). more often than not, i stay quiet so that i can become so unobtrusive that i seem "invisible." it gives me more opportunity to listen and watch others. i wait for them to "forget about me" and let their guard down. and then i observe how they act, how they reason.. and i try to read their minds. only then do i think about what my next move should be. (is this sounding too freaky already? hehehe)

i also shut up because i stop myself from saying something i might regret later on. and i've also learned that a lot of times, projecting an image of being an "underdog" is an advantage. lots of "sympathy votes".. especially if your opponent is an obnoxious sumbitch.. haha. i don't know if my strategy worked. i sure hope so. 'coz i certainly wouldn't want to pay thousands for a bumper scratch on a volvo.. especially if the accident was not my fault.

hmmm. anyway, my dad surprised me by coming over to camp karingal. he didn't do much, actually.. but he sure helped me a whole lot. moral support and all. 'coz in spite of the brave front i was putting up, i really felt drained. it had been a stressful day.. i was exhausted, a bit disoriented, annoyed.. and my day was only half-done! so it really helped to have him there.. :)

i didn't think i'd have enough energy to go to choir prax/recording.. but eventually i decided to attend. after all, i wasn't hurt.. no one else was. there wasn't even any damage to my car. i was just extremely inconvenienced.. and stressed. but even that sort of taught me a thing or two. and i found things to thank God for: i was able to manage my anxieties quite well :p i had no panic attacks.. even though i was all alone when the accident happened. i was not shaken.. and i came out of it in one piece, hehehe :p my faith in police officers was somewhat restored, too. oh.. and as a bonus, i now know what to do when traffic accidents happen.

practice and recording went well. i really enjoyed myself. hehehe. admittedly, i didn't have much energy at the beginning (who would?!?).. but as the night progressed, and as i relaxed by reading "the dream hunters" (a sandman story).. i felt better. in fact, a lot of us were feeling good during recording. hehehe. imagine, being able to sing two a capella songs in one recording night?! hahaha. that was quite an accomplishment. and it was enough to erase all the negative feelings i had yesterday.

*sigh* one really loooooooong day. that ended on the next. hahaha. (got home 1:00 this morning from recording) still.. it was fun. now's another day. i'm gonna get ready for my derma appointment now.. :p