disjointed

" i have stood here before inside the pouring rain / with the world turning circles running 'round my brain / i guess i'm always hoping that you'll end this reign / but it's my destiny to be the queen of pain"

yesterday a friend told me that the best way to stop being in love with somebody is to learn to hate that person. i told her i'd have to disagree. ever heard of the expression "the more you hate, the more you love?" haha. there's much more than a grain of truth to it, i believe.

love and hate. they're really not opposing emotions. after all, you cannot hate somebody you don't care enough about. it is not possible to feel so strongly against someone if that person did not matter enough for you to form such a strong opinion about him/her. so i think, in a way, hatred is reserved only for *special* people. much the way love is.

so i told my friend that you can tell that you've fallen out of love for somebody if you are able to be indifferent towards him/her. to honestly *not care* what happens to the person. to not be affected by his/her presence. to not notice whether he/she is in the room or not. *that* i think, is proof enough that you've gotten over the person. but until such time that you cannot honestly say that you're able to do these things.. sorry.. you're still in love.

now, how to be indifferent is another matter. and unfortunately, i don't know how that is achieved..

* * *

ok. time for a hypothetical situation..

suppose you're walking home at night and all of a sudden, you realize that you're being followed by two monsters - a vampire and a werewolf. you know they're both out to get you. and you also know that given your current state of mind and health, you cannot outrun them nor escape them. not without any outside help, that is.

the monsters are going to hurt you, for sure. but they will do this in two very different ways. the vampire will slowly suck out your blood. you won't feel much pain.. in fact, you probably won't feel anything at all. but after all your blood has been drained, you will start to feel intense pain. indescribable agony. and then, after a few minutes of sheer torture, you will become a vampire yourself.. forever thirsty for blood.

the werewolf, on the other hand, is a being of torture. it is going to make sure you feel every single bite and scratch and slash that it inflicts. it will break your bones, rip out your eyes, crush your fingers and tear out your guts. but it will make sure that you are alive in the end. it will not turn you into a werewolf.. and your wounds will heal.. but it may take years before you are back to your normal self. physically, that is.

now, vampires and werewolves have been enemies for the longest time. if the vampire gets you first, the werewolf will leave, and vice versa.

so the question is: which monster would you approach?

* * *

is there beauty in pain? maybe a normal person would answer "none".. but then again, if there's nothing beautiful about it, how come there are so many songs.. so many poems and stories about it? what's so.. "enchanting" about pain that everyone seems er.. "mesmerized" by it?

and i'm caught wondering if masochists really are the ones who are mentally ill..

* * *

this is the reason why i do not like the month of february.