i resign!!!

To Whom It May Concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an ADULT. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them. I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a big Oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summers day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. When all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset. I want to think that the world is fair. That everyone in it is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in my youth...I matured and I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children. I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death. I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets...begging for their next meal. I learned of a world where children knew how to kill...and did!!

What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death? When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball? I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again. I want to return to the days when reading was fun and music was clean.

When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit. I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow. I want to be 6 again.

(taken from www.christianstories.com)

fire & water

according to my nasa advisees, this is me - a red fire dragon ü nyahaha. well, actually, i *really* am a fire dragon (so says my chinese zodiac).. so they'd be right. i was hoping to be a pink/blue fire dragon, though - but i guess that would look weird. especially the pink one :p

it's odd. as a fire dragon (and, incidentally, a phoenix too), you'd think i'd be at home in this summer heat. but right now, all i could think about is how i badly wish for the rain to come. hmm. kinda weird how i always seem to be the opposite of myself. nyahahaha.

oh well. thanx for my ID jero/nicko ü hahaha. wouldn't it be nice if i could wear *this* as an ID when school starts.. bwahahaha :p

o-Venn hot!! grrr..

If I review the rules of inferences then I will remember them
If I remember the rules, then I will know how to use them to solve the alphabet soup spills.
If I solve the alphabet soup spills, then I will have a good grade.
Either I get a good grade and have a chance of being exempted from the finals or I don't pass math again.
I will review the rules and I will remember them.
I will be able to solve the alphabet soup spills.
Therefore, I will get a good grade and have a chance of being exempted from the finals.

hahaha. i got this from alexis' blog post this afternoon :p cool. that made me smile, wahahaha. good luck on your exam on monday, alexis! don't let neil distract you from your studying alphabet soup spills.. :p

my mind's going 'round in circles right now. hmm. it's probably because of all these venn diagrams i'm drawing, nyahahaha :p i've been typing down my notes for lecture (sets & logic) for the past hour or so.. and i'm feeling kinda sleepy already (ho hum)

my energy's been sapped by the heat of the day. i thought it would rain again but nooooo :( darnit. summer is unmistakably here to stay. darnit, darnit, darnit!!! sheesh. and even though i did not commute today, when i got home, i was so tired and sweaty that i slept instead of typing down my exam :p

anyway, last night, i had another weird dream. i dreamt i was standing in line at a library - which just happened to house a really large grocery. i was holding just one item.. when, from out of the blue, friend jero popped up pushing his cart filled with groceries. while queuing, we saw other nasaeans dashing from one bookshelf (it's a library, remember?!) to another.. filling their carts with grocery stuff. when it was my turn to pay for my item, all of a sudden, a bunch of tiny bunnies hopped their way to me.. as if they were all mine. bwahaha. weird dream. then again, any dream with nasaeans in it will definitely turn out to be weird :p

umm. that's it for today. i'm bushed. i just don't know if i'll be bugged by rabbits (or weird kids) again tonight. i hope not :p

just a little bit more..

i took this picture this afternoon at starbucks pearl drive. this is one of my favorite views - a grey, rainy day observed from the comfort of a cozy cafe. though, to be honest, i'm thinking a bit more rain would make things better :p

it's a good omen. the rain, i mean. 'coz (as i told friend alexis) last night i dreamt i was walking along pearl drive, looking at the sky.. making a rainwish. it's been so long since i've actually wished for rain.. but in my dream, as soon as i did, the rain started to pour down. huge, heavy drops. and i was standing there, letting the rain soak me :p i was really quite disappointed when i woke up and found out i was just dreaming.

and then this happens. it actually rains!! hahaha. this is sooooo nice. so nice indeed.

it's true. no matter how tired i am.. no matter what i'm going through.. a little bit of rain *always* brightens up my day ü

do i have to get annoyed before getting it?

on my own
whitney houston

i'm wiser now
i'm not the foolish girl you used to know so long ago
i'm stronger now
i've learned from my mistakes which way to go
and i should know
i put myself aside to do it your way
but now i need to do it all alone

and i am not afraid to try it on my own
i don't care if i'm right or wrong
i'll live my life the way i feel
no matter what i'll keep it real you know
time for me to do it on my own

it's over now
i can't go back to living through your eyes.. too many lies
and if you don't know by now
i can't go back to being someone else.. not anymore
i never had a chance to do things my way
so now it's time for me to take control

and i am not afraid to try it on my own
i don't care if i'm right or wrong
i'll live my life the way i feel
no matter what i'm gonna keep it real you know
time for me to do it

oh i start again, go back to one
i'm running things my way
can't stop me now, i've just begun
don't even think about it
there ain't no way about it
i'm taking names, the ones of mine
yes i'm gonna take my turn
it's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

i am not afraid to try it on my own
and i don't care if i'm right or wrong
i'll live my life the way i feel
no matter what i'm gonna keep it real you know
it's time for me to do it
see i'm not afraid

* * *

this song has been bugging me the entire day. and it's weird, coz i didn't even hear it playing on the radio! sheesh. so i figure i'd search for the lyrics.. post it in this blog.. and hopefully my mind will finally be rid of it. (everytime i hear this i keep remembering another annoying song - also by whitney houston - that goes "and ah-ah-yay.. will always loooove you-hoo-hoo-ooh-ah-ah-yay.. will always looove you-hoo-hoo.." UGH.)

well, i read the lyrics and what do you know.. haha. turns out it's one of those goofy-sounding songs with quotable lyrics. so. i don't care whether you hate this tune as much as i do or not. i think it's worth posting here - if only for the lyrics.

guess i'm fated to keep getting messages from weird sources bwahahahaha..

nyahahaha

Kel, the right jobs for you would allow you to be Analytical and Creative

With your skills, you could be earning up to $111,000 per year. Find out which jobs match these skills in your personalized Right Job Report.

As an Analytical type, you don't want to be limited by established rules and regulations. Your inquisitive nature demands that you sometimes question authority. Otherwise, you might not be able to find fresh approaches, or come up with new solutions to a problem. It's not that you act without weighing the pros and cons of a situation — it's more that you're more willing than others to take justifiable risks if they'll further your career success.

You're smart enough to know when you need help and are confident enough in your abilities to ask for it. You understand that sometimes there are no clear right and wrong answers, and that's just fine with you because you tolerate gray areas better than most. In fact, pondering potential outcomes can sometimes be more interesting than coming up with the definitive solution for you.

Your right job doesn't have to be about self-expression, but it needs to be a job you can be proud of.

You're a Analytical!


Right Job/Wrong Job

Brought to you by Tickle

burning

it's sooooooooooooo hot outside i feel like melting!!

one thing that i really hate about summer is that the heat makes my eyes tire so easily. it isn't even afternoon yet and already my eyes are stinging really bad. makes me want to cry (literally) :(

my graduate class is turning out to be quite fun. it's nice to have teachers for students, hahaha. granted, they're all older than i am.. but they're all such dears :p makes it a lot easier for me to bear the 3.5 hour long lecture class.

in a while i'll be leaving the confines of this airconditioned room once more. *sigh* i hate that part. i hate to get out of my comfort zone. even if i know i have to. if i could avoid it, i would hahaha.

but i sort of psyched myself to get ready for new things.. new experiences.. new adventures. hence the graduate class, the new syllabus and the responsibility of being a senior GLC. lots of 'first times' to try out. and so far i'm doing all right. so yeah, i'm tired but feeling quite accomplished. and that's a good thing for me at the moment.

now if i could only will myself to totally get out of my comfort zone and slash my way out of some nasty tangles, *that* would really be an accomplishment..

murder on my mind

do you know that a group of crows is called a murder of crows? haha. nice trivia. timely too. i first found that out from the sandman series. then i saw it again tonight when i went online and browsed through google.

hectic day. almost nothing turned out the way i originally planned. but it's okay. i'm fine. i think. i just needed to post something.. anything.. before turning in.

and a murder just seemed to be the perfect thing for me to post wahahahaha >:)

a post dedicated to feet

nyahahaha.. this is such a cool doormat :p depending on your mood, it can say "come in" or "go away" wahahaha! :p

i wish i had one like this. not just a doormat, mind you. i wish i had a shirt.. or bag.. or watch.. or anything that i can always bring along with me that would tell anyone whatever's on my mind at the moment hahaha >:p

today i'm really tired. my poor feet died, i think. i've been walking and/or standing up since before 7am.. and i got home past 6.30pm already. darnit. i really should get myself a pair (or two) of sensible shoes. sensible and classy. comfort alone wouldn't do, nyahahahaha.

something weird happened today. i was going to the mrt station to catch the train to ortigas. i was just walking.. lost in my own thoughts.. when all of a sudden i found myself at the araneta station. i wasn't even aware of where i was walking. i just found myself where i was supposed to be. hahaha. i think my feet have a mind of their own - taking me to my destination without needing to be told :p

then when i was heading home, i was sooooooo tired. my legs ached and i didn't think i could even get to the mrt station at shangri-la. i was willing to take a cab.. to pay any exorbitant amount.. just to get home without having to walk. but alas, i didn't come across any available cabs. so i walked. and walked. and walked some more. and forced my feet into submission (bwahahahaha!) i really didn't think i'd make it home. all the time i was walking, i could feel my legs almost buckling down; but thanks to my stubborn mind, they just continued on. wahahaha.

while walking, i actually thought about writing an article on poor feet abused by a stubborn mind. hence this blogpost :p nyahahaha.

this summer is turning out weird.. :)

quote queen

"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there." -Eric Hoffer

as i mentioned in a much earlier post, one of my projects for 2007 is to make sure that i have at least one quote for every page of my planner (that's a quote a day for me). and today, i discovered i ran out of quotes.. so i started looking for some "words of wisdom" over the random quotes site ü

i stumbled on the quote above and decided it's just the thing for me to put in my planner for the day :p

'nuff said for now. i'm gonna finish the newsletter layout and study a bit before starting another busy busy busy week!!

RoBoTiC

i visited some blogs today and found this songpost (haha.. it's cute. love the lyrics ü) from mia's blog :) catchy. and it aptly describes me at the moment. or i think it does.. hahaha.

i've been trying to download the latest grey's anatomy episodes, but i can't find them :( darnit. and i was really hoping to watch the special ep as well as "time after time" (ep20). i miss meredith & mc dreamy. i miss the sad/wild/weird/freaky craziness of the whole show.

right now i'm watching season 2 of avatar (aired on nickelodeon). nyahaha. it's just one of those toons that i happen to be hooked on at the moment. no new episodes of spongebob/fairly odd parents/danny phantom are up.. so it's avatar for me :p

oh. and i'm also looking forward to the latest myth buster show (their "pirate special" i think).. and of course the discovery channel series - "how did they do it" "crime stories" "million to one" and others. hahaha.

mushy. kiddy. nerdy. desperate. weird. umm. yeah. well, that's all me ü wheeeee! this is fun.. hahahaha :p

Smile
(by Tamia)

Sometimes I sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so I go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

Chorus
So I put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause I'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face, on my face
Sing it la la la la

Sometimes I sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then I realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so I go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I'm into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

It's not an easy thing
Sometimes it’s hard to face the truth
It's not the life that I would choose
But what else can I do?
If he don't love me
If he don't want me
I'm not about to sit around
Let myself go

..?!?

Love
		low high

You scored 62 on the love life scale. Your love life revolves around your romantic partners. Whether you have a committed partnership, you're casually dating, or you're single without prospects, your love life concerns your romantic hopes and needs.

Your relatively high score indicates that the circumstances surrounding your love life are taking up a lot of your subconscious energy. Perhaps you're longing for a jumpstart, whether that means a new sweetheart or some quality time with your current partner. Or maybe you're experiencing some kind of change, and it is emotionally draining. For whatever reason, some aspect of your love life may be dissatisfying and this is making you preoccupied.

It's no wonder that most of the songs on the radio are about love — it's a complex, yet marvelous thing we are always trying to understand better. Take Beth, for example: She worked incredibly long hours, and blamed her nonexistent love life on this. While her friends offered to set her up, she always made the excuse that she didn't have time. The interesting thing was that Beth's performance at work was starting to slip. Even her boss suggested she take a bit of time off. Beth couldn't figure out what was happening, because she was actually very happy with her job, even though she could see from time to time that she might be taking her commitment to it a bit too far. What she didn't know was that her subconscious mind was actually worrying over her love life, specifically around her fears of betrayal. Her last relationship had ended with a nasty breakup that involved infidelity, and ever since Beth had immersed herself in her career to avoid facing her feelings about that betrayal. Though this issue affected other areas of Beth's life, she was particularly worried that she'd again be betrayed by a romantic partner. This fear was causing Beth to feel distracted at work, leading to mistakes that she'd never made in the past. By identifying that it was in fact her subconscious issues around betrayal that were taking up so much of her mental space, she found she was able to focus on and face up to this issue. Eventually, she found that she was able to work fewer hours and still excel at her job. She used her extra time to start pursuing a more fulfilling love life.

* * *

uhhm.. yeah, right. i just took this test two days ago and now i got a different result. waaaay different, hahaha :p well. still no surprises here.

i'm spending my weekend relaxing. and by that, i mean watching toons, lying in bed in an airconditioned room, not cooking, not ironing, not doing any household chores (except dealing with that pile of laundry - i like washing my clothes. i love water hahaha).

anyway. so yeah, maybe my subconscious is preoccupied with other stuff. well, that's where it belongs. in my subconscious. hahaha. i'm not thinking about this anymore. i'm just gonna do a bit more relaxing 'til i'm back to my old self.

tgif and tgif

hmmm. this has been another one of those really long days. actually, i feel like my "day" started last night, when i attended 07's graduation ball (held at the maynila ballroom, manila hotel). i wasn't planning to attend, actually.. i still wasn't feeling so well. but when i found out that few teachers would be going, i decided to drop by even for a short while.. something like a last send-off to the kids before we all part ways (awww..).

the graduation ball was fun. at least, i enjoyed watching my students getting all dolled up (and the guys with their anime-like hair!! sheesh, what's up with that?!?!) haha. the food was great (lots and lots and lots of food! and the waiters were so eager to deliver everything to our table, nyahaha). unfortunately, staying up late didn't do wonders for my cough :(

i was at school by 9.30am to attend the grade 8 deliberation. i ended up helping the grade 8 advisers with the cross-checking of records.. and encoding some grades for the sectioning. hahaha. i was having fun.. but by noon i wasn't so ok anymore. especially when i was forced to stay under the hot sun for more than half an hour, waiting for a cab :( grrrr. that was *not* fun at all.

no cabs were available, so i had to take the jeep.. ride the lrt/mrt.. and walk quite a distance before getting to my destination (late!! more than 30 mins late!! sheesh..). i was sweaty, hot (not the good kind :p), exhausted and irritated. and my feet were killing me. nyahahaha. i was definitely not looking my best. oh well..

it's good that i decided not to go to choir practice anymore. i mean, yeah, i suppose i *could* still go. but i doubt if i'd ever get rid of my cough before next month if ever i do, hahaha. after everything that's been happening, i'm sure i deserve a break. a break from everything!! wahahahaha! >:p

anyway, like i said, i was *really* tired. so as soon as i got home, i promptly fell asleep. hahaha. well, not really. i loaded up on nicktoons first (it's really good therapy for a tiring day :p). then i tweaked my blog's layout a bit.. and here i am, posting another entry.

all i can say for now is "thank god it's friday" hahaha. i wanna sleep the weekend off..

no surprises here

Your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your health

On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your health. But it's also possible that thoughts and feelings about taking care of yourself have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why.

You may feel preoccupied with your health, or you may worry that your health could fail you. Perhaps you're afraid of falling ill or just seem to talk about health and wellness all the time.

Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it.

* * *

hmm. the tickle test results do not surprise me. like i said.. i'm feeling sick. and unfortunately, this day and the coming ones aren't helping me to recover. busybusybusybusy. *sigh* oh well.. such is life..

of everything

it finally happened. i've been nursing this "night cough" since thursday last week; and refused to rest (remember the busy summer sked?!). and since monday, after being out in this hot humid weather and sweating like a pig under the sun, my cough started getting worse. now, i'm so hoarse i can't even talk decently over the phone. much less give a 3-4 hour lecture to my class. haha. grrrreat.

i'm sick. hahaha. in oh so many ways..

is it too much to ask?

Listen with Your Eyes
(Steve Goodier)

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles."

"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.

"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like this: 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!' "

Hearing well is only part of effective communication. But another, and often more important part, is frequently overlooked. It does not concern the ears, however, but the eyes.

According to Leil Lowndes (TALKING THE WINNER'S WAY, Contemporary Books) Boston researchers asked opposite-sex individuals to have a two-minute casual conversation. They tricked half their subjects into maintaining intense eye contact by directing them to count the number of times their partner blinked. They gave the other half of the subjects no special eye-contact directions for the chat.

When questioned afterward, the unsuspecting blinkers reported significantly higher feelings of respect and fondness for their colleagues who, unbeknownst to them, had simply been counting their blinks. One might conclude that, for respect and fondness, count blinks! But the larger message is: good eye contact will dramatically improve your relationships.

Ears are not the only organs essential for great listening. Whether you're talking to a spouse, a colleague, a neighbor, a child or a stranger, eye contact is essential. When eyes are focused away from distractions and onto the speaker, the message you communicate most clearly is, "I value you."

Today, listen with your eyes -- and "see" what you've been missing!

* * *

hmm. eye contact. i miss that. sort of. i'm not good at it. not really. sorry. i'm too disjointed to post anything sane today

what's an oxymoron?

i'm feeling numb. things are getting pretty ugly. it's a little too much for me really. but i'm kinda sure my instincts are right (as is so often the case).

some time ago, i would have said this picture was "beautifully sad." but now, all i can say is that this picture is sad. and lonely. i don't find it beautiful anymore. i forgot where to find beauty in sadness. maybe there isn't any, at all.

nervous

no, i do *not* look nervous in this pic (taken at pot & noodle - before we had our lunch with the jorda peeps). which just goes to show how good an actress i've become hahaha :p

tomorrow is the start of my very hectic summer schedule. *sigh* just thinking about it gives me the heebiejeebies :(

i mean.. graduate class!?!?! come on!! me?!?! haha. and what's up with those overlapping skeds, huh?! tsk tsk. conflicts, conflicts everywhere.

as if life isn't complicated enough.. *sigh* i need to minimize all these conflicts and get on with my life..

a week after

it's a rare thing for me to go out and socialize. so this is a "special" saturday :p

this afternoon, i went with mom, dad and some friends (mam boots de mesa & dr cheng) to visit my mom's former teacher who's now a carmelite contemplative nun. sis tisa (formerly known as ms jo constantino - a very popular and well-respected teacher) is a very intelligent, articulate and energetic person. we were able to spend less than an hour with her.. but she's one unforgettable woman. at the age of 87, her mind is still very much active.. her senses keen and her passion for her vocation very much alive. nuns are not my favorite people.. but i'm glad i came along for the visit. sis tisa is one remarkable lady indeed :p


it was off to dr cheng's for lunch afterwards. just a simple meal.. but the food was good :) we had rellenong bangus (i remembered friend A and how she craved for this last sunday, wahaha), morcon and fresh lumpia.. and for dessert we ate mango and buco salad. yumyum. the conversation was nice, too. er.. the exchanges were about lots of things - nuns, education, work, politics, math, etc. the discussion was free-flowing.. yet more sensible than any actual chat i've ever been in lately wahaha. seems i was in the company of intellectuals. and i didn't mind it a bit. not at all.. nyahahaha.


well, this has been a good day. i was able to relax with friends. i got to try new things (like visiting a nun, as well as 2 churches and tasting "yoh-gurt froz" for the first time). i was productive (photocopied the songbook for our choir & boss ran, wrote the attendance in the report cards, finished reading "the nanny diaries" and successfully hunted down episode guides of "the avatar" season 2).

it's *almost* perfect. (sigh) just a little more patience.. :p

lucky friday the 13th

it's weird.. but while most people would consider this day really unlucky, i've been having the time of my life. or something close to that.. hahaha :p

i just came home from choir practice tonight. why the late hour? hmm. well, actually it wasn't choir practice that made me stay out so late. it was what we did *afterwards* that was fun hahaha :)

friend joey will be leaving for singapore on the 15th so some of us in the choir went out to dinner for a mini-send off gathering. here i am posing with mama wally after eating my fill of the good food at robina:

hahaha.. doms took this (obviously) candid shot :p everybody's hungry so there wasn't much talking here, nyahahaha..


here's joey and bestfriend heidi posing for posterity (we had to force bes heids to agree to this, though.. i hope she's not miffed at me for posting this pic here wahahaha)


friend weng acting "shy" in this next pic, hahaha :p


well, it's been a long day.. but dinner was a really good way to cap off this friday the 13th :)

this guy is *great*

i wish i personally knew the guy who draws these comic strips. i love his sense of humor hahaha :p i laughed out loud when i read these two. believe it or not, i actually did something so similar to this not so long ago hahahaha..



and i'm fond enough of those "tricky question" puzzles that i'd probably be stabbed to death if i were in this next strip..


as for this one. well.. i can *totally* relate with it, haha. the description in the first 5 panels more or less mirrors an experience i had several months ago. but i *totally* disagree with the last panel. i ought to know. i really ought to know..

the picture speaks for itself

you know what it's like to look so calm, cool and collected on the outside.. even when everything inside you is boiling up and raring to explode? well. i'm turning out to be a master at it. the great pretender. queen of masks. hahahaha.

this isn't just a whimper or muffled cry. it's the loudest silent scream i've ever shouted.