when delirium becomes delight

Delirium is the youngest of the endless.

She smells of sweat, sour wines, late nights, old leather.

Her realm is close and can be visited; however human minds were not made to comprehend her domain, and those few who have made the journey have been incapable of reporting back more than the tiniest fragments.

The poet Coleridge claimed to have known her intimately, but the man was an inveterate liar and in this, as in so much, we must doubt his word.

Her appearance is the most variable of all the Endless, who, at best, are ideas cloaked in the semblace of flesh. Her shadow's shape and outline has no relationship to that of any body she wears, and it is tangible like old velvet.

Some say the tragedy of Delirium is her knowledge that, despite being older than suns, older than gods, she is forever the youngest of the Endless, who do not measure time as we measure time, or see the worlds through mortal eyes.

Others deny this, and say that Delirium has no tragedy, but here they speak without reflection.
For Delirium was once Delight. And although that was long ago now, even today her eyes are badly matched: one eye is a vivid emerald green, spattered with silver flecks that move. The other eye is vein blue.

Who knows what Delirium sees, through her mismatched eyes?

- Neil Gaiman (Season of Mists)

i used to think that among the endless, del was the least comprehensible. i mean.. she could barely come out with coherent sentences. she asks silly questions. she never seems to be in control of anything - not her feelings or her thoughts. she's always acting.. well.. delirious! in short, she really does live up to her name.

but i suppose sam is right. and upon reflection, i find that in a lot of ways, i too am like del. (heck, i've actually asked some of her questions to others.. long before i've read sandman, hehe) sometimes, people cannot seem to make sense of what i'm saying (or they probably just find me weird). there are moments when even i have problems expressing what i really want to say. other times, my mind gets all muddled up and i just want to break out into butterflies until i'm ok again.

and then there's that issue about change. i *hate* change. i've never been comfortable with it. any kind of change always gives me this unsettling feeling.. as if there's nothing in this world stable enough to hold on to. it's kinda like vertigo - you feel like your head's spinning 'round and 'round, out of control. you desperately look for something that will make you regain your balance.. but nothing ever stays put long enough for you to grasp it and steady yourself. so you tumble.. and fall helplessly along with the rest of the "swimming" world.

del was so afraid of the changes happening all around her that she herself began to transform. for once, she was delight.. and then she became delirium.

many changes are happening in my life right now. but i hope i learned my lesson from del. maybe one day delirium will become delight once more.