it's raining stars

When You Wish Upon A Star
Louis Armstrong

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
A sweet fullfillment of
Their secret longings

Like a boat out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true


ok, so this is not really a blog post on stars.. although i *do* love stars. rather, it's an entry about having your wishes come true. and it's a very heartwarming feeling :)

i don't often make wishes on stars. i'm not really able to go stargazing as often as i'd like to. besides, the nightsky here in qc is not so conducive to the activity. so i don't make star-wishes. i do, however, make a lot of rain-wishes.. as i did last night.. and today :p

once again, the heavens poured down its blessings. hahaha. i'm so happy :) the feeling's indescribable. i just love the rain. *sigh*

happy rainy day

"i'm only happy when it rains..." ~ garbage

well, not really. but the rain really does improve my mood :p

today was a very busy day for me. hectic.. but very productive. it was harassing.. but the fact that i was able to accomplish a lot sure cheered me up. oh. and of course, there was the rain :)

i was at school around 9am. i met with the parents of the students who failed in the math removal exam last week. hmmm. it wasn't as distressing as i thought it would be. i hope they somehow felt more reassured after our talk.

around 12.30pm, i was at the shopping center, having some papers photocopied. i also got my week's pay. i thought of getting myself some ice cream (f.i.c.'s pistachio/green tea!!! yumyum!) but remembered my cough.. so decided not to :( then i was off to UA&P for my final interview.

the drive from UP to UA&P felt wonderful. as soon as i left upis grounds, it started raining. haha. i took that as a good sign that He was watching over me :) the rain never fails to comfort me or to ease my anxieties.. so i just felt myself smiling throughout my trip :p

the interview went well. i wasn't nervous at all (well, interviews don't scare me. it's the teaching demos that really freak me out hahahaha). seems as if i'll be busy with a new job this summer hehehe.

at around 3pm, i started heading for home. but because i am a geographically-challenged person, i sort of uhhh.. got lost. hahaha. the next thing i knew, i was driving along shaw blvd! haha. not really where i intended to go.. but what the heck. since i was near pioneer st.. i decided to visit the powerbooks warehouse sale :p good thing i did too! i was able to buy three sandman books ("a game of you", "brief lives" and "the kindly ones") at 20% discount! i said byebye to my week's salary.. but heck, i rarely even see those titles.. much less get them at a discount.. so yeah, it was worth it :p

as i was driving home, i got a call from the editor of the journal where i submitted my article. she asked me to drop by her office in UP so she could discuss with me some of the changes she proposed. so there i was.. all set to go home.. not having eaten lunch yet.. and having to go to another meeting. hmmm. it's been a long day.. but i didn't mind. it was still raining. i could still smile, hehehe :p

along the way to UP, i stopped by pizza hut to order myself my much-needed lunch (at 4pm haha). while waiting for my chicken popcorn pizza (hanggang pizza ba naman popcorn pa rin!? bwahahaha), i checked out booktopia's sale (as recommended by friend bo). lots of nice books.. but i wasn't too familiar with the titles. they had graphic novels too.. but only one copy of "the wake" left. i wasn't interested (i have it already).

i was at UP around 4.30pm. went to the editor's office.. read the changes she made.. and got some lessons on how to write a journal article too :p hahaha. that sure was informative. by 5pm i was heading home. finally :) and all the while, the rain kept me company.

hmmmm. it is a happy rainy day for me. thank God for days such as this :)

i hope it rains again tomorrow. hehe. hope that's not asking too much.. :p

the best (and worst) of both worlds

this morning, i actually had time to read the newspaper. i happened upon ana marie pamintuan's article entitled the educational divide. hmmmm. it's true. most of our filipino youths are not getting the education that they are supposed to. kids in the public schools are given so little in terms of facilities, books and even instruction (let's not even talk about what their teachers are getting). and yet, generally speaking, these children are more conscientious in their studies.. more diligent.. more respectful than their financially well-off counterparts.

it's a bit depressing to see these things happening.. and yet, because of this, i can honestly say that i see my blessings all the more. i am not a product of a private school education. i received my high school, college and graduate diplomas from the university of the philippines. ok, so strictly speaking, UP is not really "public school." but neither is it a "private school." my university is a class all its own. it provided me with education at par (if not better) than what they give in private schools.. on a budget that would make one weep (hence we can identify with the public schools too).

for years i've been teaching in the UPIS. i've been aware of the sorry state of our facilities and the lack of financial support from the administration/government. i've witnessed how students and teachers alike go into lengthy discussions about budget cuts and other political and economic issues. i've also seen how all these things forced everyone to be more resourceful and more socially aware.

and i commend our students - all of them - because they are able to interact with all kinds of people. sure, they love their laptops and ipods (the very few who can afford these things). but they love their fishballs and isaws, too. they are content to hold their JS proms inside the UP campus. they are willing to commute going to prestigious contests. they do not have that "twang" when they talk with kids from other schools. our students can talk about anything and everything under the sun. their topics for conversation are not limited to the latest fashion trends or the best coffee shop in town. they have opinions about the government.. not just the newest gadget to hit the market.

am i happy being in UP? hmmmm. i'd have to answer no.. and yes. i am not happy with the way things are. i know that things could be a lot better. not just for our school.. but for all the public schools out there that sorely lack support from the government. i look forward to a time when we would have better facilities.. when we would have enough resources to provide our students with access to the internet, and our teachers with whiteboard markers (we buy our own). ours is a financially-challenged school. and yet..

i AM happy to be in UP. this took a while for me to realize. 9 years to be exact. i am happy because i also recognize that without these difficulties, my school - its teachers and its students - would not be the way it is. we may not have the riches that other private schools have. but UP has always produced the best (ok, sometimes worst) leaders our country has ever seen. my university has always been a pioneer for change.. and a mover of history. UP has always given its alumni a proud legacy.. in spite of the odds.

i think about UP and i smile. i think about UP and i shed tears.

i just wish i knew where i fit in all this..

joke lang :p

A man is driving down a road.
A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction.
As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells
"PIG!!".

The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "BITCH!!".
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds a curve he
crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road and dies.

If men would only listen.

* * *

hahahahaha. how true, how true :p

damn, it felt good to laugh for a change. it's been a tiring and harassing day at school.

thank God i still have some sense of humor left haha :p

endless quirkiness

for those of you who read "the sandman" graphic novel series, you'd probably recognize these characters. they're the little endless - the ones seen by baby daniel in "fables and reflections" :) my favorite endless are of course, dream and death.. followed by delirium :p

speaking of dreams.. had a series of weird ones last night. i guess i had so much on my mind that even in sleep my brain could not rest. i dreamt i gave that teaching demo already (i think i did that at least 3x in my dreams). when that was over, i dreamt that our choir was singing at this event (i forgot which).. and we were arguing over what attire to wear (hahaha.. the boys don't want to wear white pants :p). seems like i never got any sleep at all. eventually, i woke up feeling really tired.

nevertheless, i enjoy dreams. it allows me to live more of life each night :) but now it's back to reality for me.. so i think it's time i seriously worked on that teaching demo thing for later :p

* * *

Your Quirk Factor: 69%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

How Quirky Are You?

thanks a lot bfl :)

TOWERBLOCK
Julia Fordham

You make me feel vulnerable and totally exposed
You make me feel like a teenager dressed in a woman's clothes
And I ask you, and I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on.
And I ask you, where do we go from here?

You've got me so I'm curling like a kitten in your hand
You've got me so I'm clawing like a tiger caged and bound
And I ask you, and I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's big and strong for everyone
Then you come along, a towerblock for me to lean on.
And I ask you, where do we go from here?

All my life, I've been the one who's always there for everyone
And now I know you've let me down, will it always be
That I'm the only towerblock for me?

* * *

this song is especially dedicated to bfl. she's the one who recommended this to me a couple of months back. and i like it :) took me a loooooong time to find it, though.. but i suppose it's worth it.

songtrip. that's my hobby for now. takes my mind off the things that are bothering me (a.k.a. my teaching demo and the tons of papers i gotta check.. as well as the grades and reports i have to finish. oh.. and that darned LP i haven't revised yet. oopss.. i don't wanna think 'bout them for now).

another blogpost. hmmm. i'm gonna relax a bit for now. darnit i need my towerblock.

simply happy

it's my mom's birthday today! :) [uhh.. no that's *not* my mom in the picture with me, bwahahaha!!] and we spent the greater part of the day at.. (guess where?!) MEGAMALL!! :p

after the sunday mass, our family went to have lunch at mann hann with my cousins (ta, gabo, almi, em & erwin), uncle and aunt. yummy food, hehe. then we were off to starbucks.. and soulmate #2 joined us there [yep.. that's friend A in the pic on the left].

it's another happy day for me (and i hope for my mom, as well. she is, after all, the bday celebrant, haha). a simple yet happy day. hmm. wish i could have more days like this.

tomorrow's my teaching demo at UA&P and omg i'm soooo nervous! pray for me again, peeps.. :)

my take on the weather

I Love The Rain Lyrics
Rock n Roll Worship Circus

Have you ever loved someone so much
That a tear in your eye comes welling up
Well how much more is your Fathers love?

Coz I love the rain
Its like tears are falling from my Father’s face
I love the rain
Tears from up above
And that’s my Father’s love

Well have you ever known
The sting of shame
You're walking around, you carriy the weight
Wondering if your tears will wash away

I love the rain
Its like tears are falling from my Father’s face
I love the rain
Tears from up above
And that’s my Father’s love

I love the rain
Its like tears are falling from my Father’s face
I love the rain
Tears from up above

I love the rain
Its like tears are falling from my Father’s face
I love the rain
Tears from up above
That’s my Father’s love

Who Loves The Sun
Velvet Underground

Who loves the sun
Who cares that it makes plants grow
Who cares what it does since you broke my heart
Who loves the wind
Who cares that it makes breezes
Who cares what it does since you broke my heart

Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun
Not everyone
Who loves the sun

Who loves the rain
Who cares that it makes flowers
Who cares that it makes showers since you broke my heart
Who loves the sun
Who cares that it is shining
Who cares what it does since you broke my heart

Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun
Not everyone
Who loves the sun

oo-way-oo

Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun
Not just anyone
Who loves the sun
Who loves the sun

* * *

this afternoon was weird. it was really, really hot. but at the same time, it was raining. sheesh. maybe the heavens couldn't decide whether it wanted a sunny or a rainy day so it gave me both :p

had a blast today. went to nancy's after choir prax - tutored her son mico in calculus. then i was off to 'a different bookstore' virra mall (opening day today!). i thought they'd have a sale.. but they didn't. that was quite a letdown, although my trip to greenhills was worth it. i was able to buy 'death: the time of your life' and 'sandman 2: doll's house' :) they had the *complete* sandman collection right there!!! if only i had enough money.. :'( what i want is right there in front of me.. but i know i cannot have it..

after greenhills, dad and i went to cubao. he bought some fruits (for our mass offering tomorrow - mom's bday) while i went on to national bookstore. haha. got myself a couple of j. zafra books (my old ones were eaten by termites a couple of years back - i think the bugs in our house are waaaay too intelligent) that i suppose i'd dig into again after i'm done with the books i've lined up for reading hehehe.

nice day, really. although, like the weather, i can't quite make up my mind what to do.. :p

tsk tsk :(

i hate breaking bad news to people. especially a couple of days before graduation. i mean, ok.. i go through this every year after each removal exam in math. but still, i never get used to it. i don't think i ever will.

what can you say to a student who really did try to pass your course but simply could not? how do you ease the pain felt by a mother who fully expected her child to graduate this year? and what 'words of wisdom/comfort' can you offer to someone whose life has been changed because s/he failed *one* removal exam?

i know i love being a teacher.. but moments like this.. well.. they just suck, that's all.

feeling lucky

some people are really lucky. you can put them in a swampful of crocodiles and in the end, they'd end up walking out of that place, not just alive, but with tons of crocodile skins to sell. ok, so i don't personally know anyone who's *that* lucky. but i think i've made my point. some people are just born lucky. fate favors them. the universe conspires to give them the best of *all* worlds. and these people, they get all these blessings on a regular basis.. without even lifting a finger.

now, lest you people think i'm talking about myself, let me say it now. I AM *NOT* ONE OF THOSE LUCKY PEOPLE. well, not by myself, at least. but i suppose i can say that i'm "lucky" by affinity, hehehe. you see, my dad is probably one of the luckiest people i know. really.

everytime i go to a bookstore sale to look for my favorite titles, i almost always get the reply "ay ma'am sorry, kakaubos lang nung stock namin nyan.." from the salespeople. no kidding. but whenever i'm with my dad, even after all the salesgirls have told me that the book has already been sold.. that they are absolutely sure that they don't have a single one in stock.. my dad is able to find that last remaining copy in an obscure area of the bookstore. no joke. it's happened to me twice this month. (the first time was when i searched for a copy of "season of mists" at a different bookstore; the second time was today when i looked for "the wake" at the powerbooks warehouse sale)

now, my dad's "luck" is not restricted to finding my favorite books. he's also the kind of guy who can walk into the marketplace.. chat casually with the vendors.. and get loads of discounts and freebies to boot. he always gets the best items (top of the line gadgets, too) for a steal.. or for free. oh.. and did i mention that whenever his car bogs down, it almost always happens when he's only a couple of meters from our house or from a gas station?! he never gets stranded anywhere. his timing is impeccable - even for those events that he has no control over. sheesh.

i could go on and on to tell about how lucky my dad is. but i suppose there's just one way i can explain his "luck" : God must *really* love my dad. 'coz everything seems to fall into place for him. i bet Someone up there must really be watching over dad.. making sure things end up right all the time.. even under the worst conditions.

i've been witness to my dad's "lucky streak" for as long as i can remember. i don't know if i'll ever be as lucky as he is. but who knows?! maybe i will. after all, i am my father's daughter, hehe. perhaps God is just showing me that i can be as lucky, too.. 'coz i have Him for my Father as well, hehehe :p

i can't wait for the opening of "a different bookstore" this saturday. maybe i'll try my luck there hahahaha

<3 <3 <3

i'm still sick today. still have the cough. still have bad colds. still not feeling very well, physically. but this has been a happy day. a happy, happy, happy smiling day :)

my heart is happy. we had a wonderful worship tonight at the prayer meeting (thank God for bro jun & sis chris!) nancy and i were able to sell more of our cd (amazing love) before the worship started. that was fun, hehe. and i was able to sing although my throat felt a bit scratchy.

my heart is smiling. don't ask me why. it just is :) :) :) i'm really grateful for days like this. they don't happen as often as i wish they would.

my heart is in love. *contented sigh* no need to ask Who's in it :) i hope this feeling never ends..

suffering love

i wrote this article last night for our community's newsletter. hehehe. guess i really just wanted to write something based on the quotes i got hehehe :p

anyway, i'm still not feeling too well :( my throat's scratchy and it still hurts. *sigh* i really, really wish i'd get well within the day. we're recording "a christmas carol" tonight - and it's my favorite christmas song. i wanna be there. really. even though i'll have to do some major calculus tutoring for nancy's kid hehehe :p pray for me, peeps..

* * *

"there is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet. love's exquisite happiness is also love's exquisite pain. i do not seek suffering but there is suffering. it is better not to flinch, not to try and avoid those things in love's direction. it is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort."

i came across this quote last sunday, as i was reading a novel to while away the time. i’m a sucker for quotes.. and this one really appealed to me so i immediately wrote it down. now, it’s true that the lines came from fiction, but as i re-read it tonight, it also seemed as if the Lord Himself spoke these same words to me.

since saturday i’ve not been feeling well.my throat hurts and i feel like i’m coming down with the flu. i didn’t want to go to work today. i wanted to rest and give myself a chance to recuperate. but this is finals week. the kids will be consulting with me.. some need to take their makeup tests.. others are requesting for review lessons. and so, though my body didn’t want to get out of bed, my mind commanded it to. despite my weak condition, i *had* to go to school. my students depended on me. they needed me to be there. i couldn’t let them down.

i’m sure a lot of people can relate with my situation. sometimes we do things that do not appeal to us. why? maybe out of a sense of duty. or maybe because we want to do what’s right. but today, i realized the Lord is giving us a higher call: offer up your sacrifices for no other reason than love.

like the quote says, love is never easy. it always comes with a price. that’s why we are called to “offer up a sacrifice of praise” (heb 13:15) - because true worship.. true love of God always involves sacrifice. but the pain that comes with the offering is a different kind of pain. it is the kind of pain that cleanses, purifies and heals. and more importantly, it is the kind of pain that eventually perfects our love for our Savior.. and turns it into the kind of love that He has for us.

i am not an easy person to love. and the more i think about it, the more i tell myself that it is soooo impossible for a holy, awesome God to love me so passionately. His love is something i really could not understand. but while it may take more than a lifetime to comprehend just how much my Lord loves me, i know one thing. He died for me. not merely out of a sense of duty. not only because it was “the right thing to do.” my Jesus offered up His life because He loves me.

“it is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort.” and my God did the impossible. thank You, Lord, for your awesome, suffering love for me :)

quotable (love) quotes

i still have a "hangover" from reading 'the powerbook' yesterday. here are some of the reasons why i think the book was wonderful. hmmm.. i really am into quotes these days (tsk tsk, kasalanan mo 'to, sam.. hehe). thought i'd share a couple of these with you.. :-)

hmmm. these quotes make me think again. no, they don't make me sad. but they do make me want to write lots of things again. hahaha. one of these days i'm going to write posts on each of these quotable quotes. not now, though.. 'coz i still have work to do hahaha :-p read on..

"the tamer my love, the farther away it is from love. in fierceness, in heat, in risk, i find something of love's nature. in my desire for you, i burn at the right temperature to walk through love's fire. so when you ask me why i cannot love you more calmly, i answer that to love you calmly is not to love you at all."

* * *

"love wounds. there is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet. love's exquisite happiness is also love's exquisite pain. i do not seek suffering but there is suffering. it is better not to flinch, not to try and avoid those things in love's direction. it is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort."

* * *

"there's no effort which is not beautiful - lifting a heavy stone or loving you. loving you is like lifting a heavy stone. it would be easier not to do it and i'm not quite sure why i am doing it. it takes all my strength and all my determination, and i said i wouldn't love someone again like this. is there any sense in loving someone you can only wake up to by chance?"

* * *

"the end of love is a haunting. a haunting of dreams. a haunting of silence. haunted by ghosts it is easy to become a ghost. life ebbs. the pulse is too faint. nothing stirs you. some people approve of this and call it healing. it is not healing. a dead body feels no pain."

* * *

"the truth is that love smashes into your life like an ice floe, and even if your heart is built like the titanic you go down. that's the size of it, the immensity of it. it's not proper, it's not clean, it's not containable."

today i'm a satisfied bookworm

hahahaha. went on another book-buying spree today after sunday tv mass :) bfl didn't go to mega 'coz she's sick (sheesh.. hanggang sa pagkakasakit ba naman e pareho kami?!?!); smh had a meeting at astoria; sam's away and friend g had other plans. so after service, i went by my lonesome to my favorite place in megamall (aside from starbucks) - powerbooks!! :)

i got myself three good books: good omens (terry pratchett & neil gaiman), american gods (neil gaiman) and the powerbook (jeanette winterson). i was so excited to get started on reading again. after all, it's been a while since i've read a good fiction (recently, i've been reading sandman graphic novels and some "essay" books, namely "how do you know your pearls are real?" by barbara gonzales and "i kissed dating goodbye" by joshua harris). so after i bought the books, i joined my family at mister donut (where we *always* hang out - for hours on end!! don't ask me why.. i could never figure that part out) as the 'oldies' chatted, i sat huddled in the corner with my trusty mp3 player muffling the outside noises and one of my newly-bought books in hand :)

i decided i'd read "the powerbook" first. after all, i've been reading neil's (yeah, feeling close!! hehe) work for the past weeks so i thought it would do us good to have some space (hahaha!). anyway, once i started reading, i couldn't stop. "unputdownable" would be an apt adjective for 'the powerbook' hehe. no, it was not gripping. it wasn't a suspense novel. it didn't have an exciting plot. i don't even think it has a very clear storyline. nevertheless, i found it impossible to put down. i finished reading the book in about 2 hours. really. and i enjoyed it immensely. mostly because it had a lot of quotable quotes. and also, like most of the books i enjoy reading, 'the powerbook' made me think about love, life and other stuff :) and it did so in a non-depressing way hehehe :p

so there. P475 shot down the drain. *sigh* books are sooooo expensive these days. but heck. i suppose it's worth the money. i had a great read. and lots of wonderful quotes to share with sam and the others :p tomorrow i'll embark on another journey.. one that will take me through armageddon, care of neil and terry :p hahaha. i'll probably have another 'book' post on that one :p meantime, i'm gonna recuperate. laziness is getting to me again..

be okay, okay?! :-)

I'LL BE OKAY
Amanda Marshall

it's time to let ya go, it's time to say good-bye
there's no more excuses, no more tears to cry
there's been so many changes, i was so confused
all along you were the one, all the time i never knew

i want ya to be happy, you're my best friend
but its so hard to let ya go now, what could have been
i'll always have the memories, she'll always have you
fate has a way of changing just when you don't want it to

Chorus
throw away the chains, let love fly away
till love comes again, i'll be okay

life passes so quickly, ya gotta take the time
you'll miss what really matters, you'll miss all the signs
i've spent my life searchin for what was always there
sometimes it will be too late, sometimes it won't be fair
(chorus)

bridge:
i wont give up, i wont give in
i can't recreate what just might have been
i know that my heart will find love again
now is the time to begin
(chorus)

i'll be okay, i'll be okay

can't hold on forever baby,
can't hold on forever baby,
can't hold on forever baby,
i'll be okay

awwww. this song is especially dedicated to my dearest sam :) hehe.. if you're reading this, you'll know why :p hope you're doing okay. i mean *really* okay. okay?! hahaha..

wasn't able to attend choir practice today. i'm sick :( oh well. i suppose i just need some rest. guess this is what 5 consecutive sleepless nights does to you hahaha. but still, i'm grateful that i'm done with that journal article. hopefully there won't be much revisions this time around. and i really, really hope it gets published soon *keeping my fingers crossed here*

oh well. at the moment, i'm just listening to the songs in my mp3 player (that's how this blogpost came about after all). not much to do here at home, after all. and i'm in no condition to go out :( *sigh* i'll rest a bit more after i finish playing zuma on my PC hehehe :p

i'm back to "picture mode"

today, there are no need for words. the image above, i think, is enough. because for reasons i myself cannot explain, this picture seems to portray exactly how i feel right now. go figure.

painted doll

i got my copy of "ang aninag" this morning and immediately browsed through my favorite part: the literary section. i came across this wonderful poem by student/friend angela. hahaha. it's the perfect complement to my thoughts today, hehehe. anyway, i'm sharing this with you guys.

oh, and thanx, anj.. your lovely poem cheered me up. don't ask me why 'coz i really don't know either :)

GRAD PIC
Angela Odette C. Mendoza

They painted her like a porcelain doll
For all the world to see
Who was this amazing girl?
So elegant and lovely

Her almond eyes were gleaming
Her skin was white as snow
Everyone who saw her
Said she had a certain glow

Her long black hair was flowing
It was shining in the light
Who would have ever guessed
She was crying every night?

They continued on and painted her
'Til her lips were cherry red
Despite the dejection that she felt
She flashed a smile instead

She never felt this lonely
Never was she as sad before
Behind the tears and sleepless nights
Is that grad pic you adore

dreaming

i was looking for mp3's for sam today.. hence, i came upon this song. hmm. i've heard it before, but only really listened to it now. it fits my mood.. so i like it.

ahh.. blessed sleep. it's off to dreamland for me. i'm keepin' my fingers crossed..


DREAM OF ME
Kirsten Dunst

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

Oooohhh
Dream of me

lalang post :p

You Were a Crow

Eternally wise, you have a deep understand of ethics. You guide people from the darkness to the light.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Wich Beautiful Hollywood Actress Are You?
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hahahahaha.. :p no comment on this one >:)

* * *

got home from the prayer meeting at around 10pm. i don't understand how one can feel really happy one moment and then feel so low the next. dammit. i want to rant.. but i don't know what to rant about. haha. i guess i should be used to this by now. still, it sucks. damn.

is happiness contagious?

haha. this is a happy post. why? i don't know. i really don't know. i just felt happy today. no particular reason. my day was fine. i'll do a quick recap here...

not much work to do at school.. my geom class got cancelled 'coz the kids had their culminating activity for music. they got back to school almost an hour late.. and they hadn't eaten lunch yet.. so i just asked them to fill up some evaluation forms :)

got to play text twist with friend oviler and assistant lester after class. hahaha. did that while checking the kids' long test in geom. that was fun. i'm not through checking the calculus exam, though. hmmm. maybe tomorrow :p

got home a bit early today so i was able to grab some shuteye before going to choir practice. i was kinda tired.. probably due to lack of sleep. anyway, by 5.30pm i was off to makati. i enjoyed the drive. it was fun to spend some time alone. hmmm. i don't know. i just like the solitude. not that i'm avoiding people. on the contrary, i discovered that when i enjoy spending time with myself, i am more open to spending time with friends. hahaha. weird but true :)

practice was ok, i guess. it wasn't harassing or anything. i am just grateful that my throat cleared up so i was able to sing hehe. oh.. and i'm also thankful that, in spite of the cockroaches that were inside the practice room, none of them dared to fly or come near me. hahahaha. 'coz total mayhem would've happened if one of those buggers started flying around the room. [read: i'd probably have gone screaming and running around like a total wacko]

bfl accompanied me on my drive home. since i was feeling happy, i decided to drive along edsa. hehe. it was okay. just wanted to do something different. we met up with smh and choirmate france at chowking daily. i had a merienda sized siopao and black gulaman. we were supposed to go to starbucks katips but i decided to go home. i still had choir stuff to finish.. hehehe.

so now i'm done typing the lineup, updating the lyrics and printing on the acetates. the day is almost over and i am happy. sam is also happy now (thank goodness!!).. and so is X. i noticed that bfl was happy too.. and so were most everyone at practice. earlier this afternoon, sir sj was all smiles.. as well as raq and marga and glenn (norbert too.. but he's always happy anyway har har). hmmm. i wonder.. is happiness contagious?! :)

- to +

A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b."

"I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner.

"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man.

"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.

So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man.

The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. T

he man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."

The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"

"W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t-t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"

* * *

sometimes what we consider to be our weaknesses turn out to be our greatest gifts :) hmmm. this sure is something for me to think about this lenten season.. :p

death.. and life

"(Life).. it always ends. That's what gives it value.." - Death

i was re-reading the sandman spinoff that friend emille lent me last week. (i mentioned it in a previous post, i believe) death: the high cost of living is an interesting read. and for me, an enlightening, if not uplifting one :) [yes, you read it right. it was *uplifting* - not morbid, ok? really :) ]

death has always been portrayed as this skull-faced guy in robes with sickle in hand. the grim reaper. a serious, shadowy figure who mercilessly snatches away people's souls. hmmm. quite a scary image, if i say so myself.

in neil gaiman's comic, though, death is just the exact opposite. a quirky, fun-loving, polite, cheerful goth gal who does her job really well.. and with much humor, too. wise and compassionate.. for me, she's the endless sibling with the most heart. apart from her brother dream in the sandman series, death is my favorite character :) [oh, and i just loooove her look.. hehehe]

death and dream. hmmmm. they make quite a pair Ü

blink

today is a bit unusual. i started the day with a bit of trepidation. then i found myself smiling widely.. feeling genuinely happy. in the afternoon, i decided to hang out with bfl. no special reason. i just wanted to go out. to explore. i was feeling free and it felt good. then tonight, when everything should be winding down, i find myself up to my neck in stuff to do: lesson plan, journal article, resume, application letters, exams, etc. hahaha. the great procrastinator. that's me.

*sigh* everything today seems to change at a blink of an eye. it's like pressing the alt+tab keys on the keyboard. going from one window to another. traveling from one thought, one process, to another: blink. i miss something. blink. i find myself in a totally different frame of mind. blink. an hour just passed. blink. my 'to do' list just doubled. blink. another kind of reality sets in. blink. my mind is a blank. blink. my brain is too full of ideas i could hardly think. blink. i'm in dream mode. blink. reality slams into me like a brick wall. blink. blink. blink.

sheesh. i'm getting all teary-eyed from all this blinking..

falling

"if you do not climb, you will not fall. this is true. but is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?"

-morpheus, sandman

everybody makes mistakes. heck, i know i've committed at least a hundred of those.. and that's just for this year. and it's not so bad, really. you make a mistake. you get up. you move on. easier said than done, of course. still, it *can* be done. and that's what matters.

i've gone through so much pain because of my lapses in judgment and bad decisions. but this has actually turned me into a much better (and hopefully stronger) person. i've learned a lot of things these past months. things i would never have understood had i not taken risks and failed. i've grown up considerably, too.. and my heart bears deeper yet more meaningful battle scars. i've been forced to look at myself squarely in the mirror.. and to like, if not love, what i see. i've been taught how to give value to myself and to the numerous gifts and talents bestowed upon me. and of course, i've learned how to see the brighter side of things. this includes, in no small way, finding the good in people.. no matter how much they have hurt me.

the trouble with people is that they are just like me. imperfect. broken. prone to error. committing the same mistakes over and over again.

the thing i like most about people is that they are just like me. imperfect. broken. prone to error. committing the same mistakes over and over again. forgiven. constantly learning. constantly teaching.

forming bonds with other people. that's always a risk. friendships may fade. love may break hearts. relationships may fail. "if you do not climb, you will not fall.." but not climbing will mean not being able to soar to new heights.. not being able to fly like the eagle.. not seeing the beautiful view from Above. and so i continue to climb. the fall may be hard.. but i know He'll always be there to either catch me.. or to teach me to fly :)

from the depths i will soar

watched half of the vocal music recital this afternoon at the multi-purpose hall :) i meant to stay only for a few minutes.. but ended up staying for an hour and a half. i dunno.. guess the 'graduation blues' are setting in somewhat. in a few weeks, my 'kids' will be leaving upis.. moving on to their respective colleges. *sigh* i know this happens every year. but i never get used to it. really. "parting is such sweet sorrow.."

there's a certain kind of pride, though.. when you see the students up there on stage (whether it's the patched-up multi-purpose stage or the more well-maintained stage of the UP film center). suddenly, you see them not as these kids who cut your math class.. or who attempted to cheat on their quiz/hw/sw/whatever. they stand up there.. singing their hearts out.. and you feel proud of them. maybe it's the music.. maybe it's my mood for the day. or maybe it's the fact that i know they'll soon be leaving. perhaps, so will i.

so here. a song of farewell.. and a song of hope. He really speaks to me.. :)

* * *

LIKE AN EAGLE
Carl Strommen

Now is the time
To follow the wind
To walk alone
And a star will show the way
Above the clouds
Beyond the sea

And now is the time
And now and farewell
And as we part
You taught me well
You gave me strength
You showed the way
I'll not forget you

Like an eagle I will soar above the clouds
I will spread my wings and fly into the sun
Like an eagle I will race above the stars
I will fly to places yet unseen
Go beyond my wildest dreams
Know that you are watching over me

And all alone
I will follow the stars above
As my guide
As my guide
I trust in you
To show the way to me
Beyond the sea

And now is the time
And now and farewell
And as we part
You taught me well
You gave me strength
You showed the way
I'll not forget you

Like an eagle I will race above the stars
I will spread my wings and fly into the sun
Like an eagle I will race above the stars
I will fly to places yet unseen
Go beyond my wildest dreams
Know that you are watching over me

Alone, I can fly with the eagle to the mountain high
Race with the eagle so far beyond my dreams
Like an eagle I will fly

Like an eagle I will race above the stars
I will spread my wings and fly into the sun
Like an eagle I will soar above the clouds

I will fly to places yet unseen
Go beyond my wildest dreams
Know that you are watching over me

Like and eagle I will race above the stars
Like an eagle I will fly
Like an eagle I will fly

I'm gonna fly the highest mountain
Fly above the clouds
Like an eagle I will fly

x-files mode

x-files used to be my favorite show on tv way back in the 90's. kinda like what csi is to me nowadays. i like mulder. he's cute. haha. i like scully too. but i like mulder more hehe.. :p

i miss the old x-files. you get lots of sound advice and quotable quotes from that show. really.

lukewarm

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect.
It just means you have decided to see life beyond its imperfections.
Do not say you are happy because everything is all right.
Be happy because everything sucks but you are doing just fine."

hmmm. what if everything does not suck yet you are not doing fine? hehe. today, everything is *not* perfect. it's been a productive day - busy from morning 'til night - but for some reason, i do not feel fulfilled. oh, it's not that i'm problematic or what. i have no major hangups at the moment. i'm not in danger of losing my life (i think).. but maybe i'm in danger of losing my sanity (if i haven't lost it yet hahaha). i do not have anything to rant about.. but neither is there anything i want to rave about. hahaha.

it's funny. today friend emille lent me her autographed copy of "death: the high cost of living" (omg, i soooo wish i had my own complete autographed set of sandman!! *sigh*) i can relate with sexton. haha. nice kid - though totally confused about wanting his life to end. it took an entire day with death for him to realize the value of life.

to my worried friends/acquaintances/whoever: no.. i am *not* contemplating suicide. sheesh. i just happen to have asked the exact same questions sexton asked himself as he was writing his "farewell note." hahaha. guess i'm just this way. like the line in my current fave song says: "Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?" [notice how this question popped up so many times these past days?!]

guess this is just one "blah" day.. hence these thoughts again. *sigh* i'm off to dreamland to recharge..

yearning for bean soup

"The price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted."

- dream country, "midsummer night's dream"

got this line from the 3rd volume of the sandman graphic novel collection. wise words.

why is it so difficult to know what we want in life? we tell ourselves, "if only i get promoted.." or "if only i had the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend.." or "if only i had tons of money then i'd *really* be happy.." yeah, right.

we work so hard to get what we think we want in life. we take unreasonable risks.. do whatever it takes to get to where we think we want to be. we jostle, we back-stab, we discard time-h0nored beliefs, and do all sorts of crazy things.. just so we can have the object of our desire within our grasp. and what happens when we *finally* get hold of what we've pined for all this time? we find out that it isn't exactly what we wanted, after all. it's the wrong shape, wrong color, wrong size or wrong texture. too late, we realize that we've traded our inheritance for the proverbial lentil stew (gen 25:34).

am i happy right now? yes, i believe i am. am i content? hmm. i don't know. do i know what i want?i most certainly DO NOT! hahahaha :p oh well. i'm fine with that for now. i think i'm going to take my sweet time finding out *exactly* what it is i want.. lest i start trading away my life for a bowl of bean soup.

burned out

Through with taking roads someone else designed;
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day, what's new?
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?

I’ve been listening to these lines from “Pilgrim’s Theme” in my mp3 player since Saturday. Hmm. I can relate with the lyrics of the song, somewhat.

Everyday, I wake up.. go to work, do some chores, meet with friends, talk to students. During the week, I attend community activities, help out with the newsletter, email/text announcements to fellow ministry members and go to church. It is a comfortable routine - one I’ve followed for the past decade. And I’m happy with it.

Yes, for the past 10 years or so, I’ve spent most of my waking hours immersed in “Rivers stuff.” I do not have any regrets. And yet, I’d have to admit that there are moments when I felt “burned out” - when prayer meetings were reduced to mere routine.. when layouting simply became a task I had to do.. when my passion for the things I love (like writing, and yes, even singing) waned.

It was during these times when I asked myself, “Is this it? Is this the best that I can be? Is there no deeper purpose for the things I’m doing?” Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?

Burned out. Burned almost to ashes. That’s how I felt for the past two months or so. But last week, I received wonderful blessings that, bit by bit, helped to rekindle my joy in service. They were not really mind-blowing or earth-shaking. Instead, what brought back the smile to my heart were simple things: a welcome smile from a brother, a word of encouragement from a sister, a good book and some nice quotes, help with the newsletter from “soulmate #2”, time for coffee and popcorn with friends, an unexpected phone call from an old pal, “pasalubong” from my mom, my favorite “chichis” from my dad (haha.. i love breadstix!), and many, many more :-)

The Lord is really good! He blessed me - not by providing me with new gifts - but by opening my eyes and heart to the numerous blessings I already have :-) In my dryness, God made me realize how much I needed to drink of the river of His living water. In the desert, He demonstrated how He is able to purify and sustain me. And from the ashes of my burned out spirit, the Lord was able to show me tiny gems of blessings that I’ve so often overlooked and taken for granted. Hmm. Quite a good way to start the Lenten season, I should say :-)

And so now I sing with a refreshed spirit.. offering joyful service once more. And now I realize that service is so much more than just doing God’s work. True service also means allowing God to do His work in me. He works in me and I work with Him.. and for Him :-)

So.. Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things? My answer is YES!..

For Yours is the voice in my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart
Of the greater scheme of things

I think this will be a truly wonderful Lenten season, indeed.. :-)

do you know what "hiraya" means?

i saw this posted at friend pima's LJ account, and i liked it a lot Ü thought i'd share it with you..

nais liparin
ng aking hiraya
ang daigdig na
habambuhay mag-iisa

nais hagkan
ng aking mga labi
ang pait na
kailanma’y di mapapawi

nais yakapin
ng aking dibdib
ang kalungkutang
di na mawawalay

nais matunton
ng aking diwa
ang sikhayong
lubos na mapagdurusa

nais maramdaman
ng aking puso
ang lahat ng sakit
gayon upang matapos na

ang paghinga
ang paglaban
ang pagsubok
ang pagmamahal
ang kawalang-katiyakan

upang masimulan
sa wakas

ang pagbuhay…

* * *

hehe. sounds depressing.. but i like it. i'm not sad right now. in fact, i'm quite happy. but still, stuff like this appeals to me. go figure. maybe sam can shed some light on this. (hey, i know you read my blog, ok?! you'd better drop me a note on my cbox.. or write a comment here. my blog is "lonely" for lack of input hehehe)

romantically cynical

I STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE
(Lea Salonga)

After all the tears I've cried
You'd think I would give up on love
Get off this line
But maybe I might get it right this time

I was there as passion turned to pain
Sunshine turned to rainy days
Yet here I am
Ready to begin once again


All my life I've been a dreamer
Dreamin' dreams that always broke in two
But I still believe in love
And I love believing
Maybe you can make my dreams come true

Here content with who I am
I'm reachin' out my hand to him
Once again
At least I know I've made myself a friend

All my life I've been a dreamer
Dreamin' dreams that never quite came true
But I still believe in love
And I love believing
I'll keep on dreaming
Because I still believe in love

I still believe in love
And me
And you
I still believe in love

* * *

this is a nice song. hehehe.. thanx again, sam - i owe you a lot already. you've introduced me to lots of 'quotable quotes'.. songs.. books.. etc.. these past weeks. i don't think i've had such a diverse collection of mp3's and reading materials hahaha :p i hope one day i can return the favor. (who knows, maybe one day you'll learn something new from me.. although "i can't point my finger at it" bwahahaha)

anyway. yep.. i still believe in love. i may be cynical about lots of things.. but not about love. call me a hopeless romantic if you wish. it's just the way i am. hahaha. weird. i have yet to meet a romantic cynic. well.. maybe sam's one, too. perhaps that's why we're such good friends :p

so.. to my "future someone" out there (heck, you may even be a "future ex" hahahaha!).. hey, i dedicate this song to you. maybe you'll stumble upon this blogpost.. and maybe your heart will skip a beat when you read these lines. then again.. maybe you'll fall off your chair.. rolling over with laughter. hahahaha. a hopelessly romantic cynic. that's me. and if you're one too, then comment on this one. maybe we're two of a kind :p

BYRON does not appeal to me

When we two parted

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted,
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow -
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me -
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well: -
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met -
In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee? -
With silence and tears.

Solitude

To sit on rocks, to muse o'er flood and fell,
To slowly trace the forest's shady scene,
Where things that own not man's dominion dwell,
And mortal foot hath ne'er or rarely been;
To climb the trackless mountain all unseen,
With the wild flock that never needs a fold;
Alone o'er steeps and foaming falls to lean;
This is not solitude, 'tis but to hold
Converse with Nature's charms, and view her stores unrolled.

But midst the crowd, the hurry, the shock of men,
To hear, to see, to feel and to possess,
And roam alone, the world's tired denizen,
With none who bless us, none whom we can bless;
Minions of splendour shrinking from distress!
None that, with kindred consciousness endued,
If we were not, would seem to smile the less
Of all the flattered, followed, sought and sued;
This is to be alone; this, this is solitude!

* * *

songs, poems, images, quotable quotes and books. hahaha. seems i'm into "artsy/lit" stuff lately. i wonder where the math went, bwahahahaha :p

the poems above were written by lord george gordon byron (more commonly known as simply "byron"). i like his writing.. in spite of the fact that these were penned several centuries ago :p

i still stand by the title of this blogpost.