back into twilight

"i had no right to want you — but i reached out and took you anyway.."

actually, the quote isn't from 'twilight' but from 'eclipse.' it's the one line that's stuck in my head ever since i read the series.

there's something about those words that goes beyond selfishness. somehow, each time i read that line, i get scared. it sounds.. sinister. and inevitable.

* * *

i am a competitive person. but not overtly. the pressure i put on myself, i don't show to others. i do think, though, that i was born with this tendency to compare myself with others.. and to strive to be better than them. of course, that rarely ever happens.. so yeah, i am one of the most disappointed (disappointing?) creatures on the face of this planet.

for a regular person, it's hard to realize that no matter how hard he tries, he just can't win. for me, it's 10x as difficult. i always fight hard in my battles.. but one, in particular, i fight to the death. so what happens now.. now that i realize i just *might* end up losing this one?

i managed to move heaven and earth. literally. and that's not an empty boast. i should have won, hands down. so why am i losing..?

maybe because no one can be backed up by both heaven and earth. and in my eagerness to win.. i pled to both. i couldn't choose. so i ended up bleeding.

but i'm not defeated. not yet. i continue the fight. to death.. and beyond. my ghost will always remain to haunt you, i'll make sure of that..