feels like christmas

*i can literally feel the christmas season today*

this is freaky. hahaha. how did the christmas spirit creep upon me like that?!?! *sigh* oh well. this is going to be difficult. december is just about to start. there are 25 more days to go before "d-day" and i don't know how i can live with so much 'christmas spirit' hovering around me.

there's so much left to do - christmas shopping, work, choir prax, WORK.. - and my current mindset is interfering with all that. gotta focus. gotta get a grip on things again. gotta get a grip on myself again.. *sigh*

yet again..

in all my years as a UP student, i *never* spent more than an hour in a queue. never. so now i'm wondering why the hell i bothered lining up for 1 1/2 hours just to buy tickets to a movie that from the very start i expected to be disappointed with.

oh, right. a promise is a promise.. *sigh*

i promised my cousins i'd treat them to the twilight movie once it shows. what i didn't expect was the sheer number of people (and not just *tweens* mind you!) in queue at gateway cinemas. sheesh.

there's just one word i can use to describe the movie: disappointing. i have no plans to post a movie review here because i don't want to have to remember how edward looked so girly.. or how bella's character lacked spunk.. or the way jasper looked so blank all the time.. or.. never mind.

disappointed yet again. *sigh* i should be getting used to this by now.. so why am i not? :( i miss you so much

choices

Both Sides Now
Joni Mitchell

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
Ive looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

Ive looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As evry fairy tale comes real
Ive looked at love that way

But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, dont let them know
Dont give yourself away

Ive looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really dont know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say Ive changed
Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living evry day

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all
why is is to hard to choose? i really don't know you at all..

deja vu is driving me crazy

i woke up from a night filled with vivid dreams. one was really good.. and the other was really bad. i wonder why such a big part of my life seems to be lived out in my head. i hate it. i wish i could shut my brain up. oftentimes it's not worth living through the images in my mind..

so i have a bit of a temper. i'm here sitting in front of my pc trying to cool my head and slow my heart. it feels odd, feeling angry and scared at the same time. this would be funny if it weren't happening to me..


hypnotized. hmm. maybe i should go for that. i've always wondered what it's like to be 'under a spell' haha. then again.. maybe i already know.. i just don't know that i do..

it's hard being a phoenix. i wish i could kill the stupid bird once and for all. maybe i should feed her to you..

(4-letter)ing (3-letter word)

HUG.

why is it so hard to come by these days? i haven't gotten a meaningful one in weeks..
and i'm *desperate* for it :(
i wish it would come from you though. i wouldn't be needing one if it weren't for you.. :'(

i need to defy the force of gravity

i love the night. i wish i lived somewhere with a bit more open sky so i could stare out at the stars and the moon. but our house is in an urban neighborhood with too much smog and too little sky, so i simply content myself with my imagination and my nightly musings.

i find it comforting to have the moon above me during the dark hours. it doesn't matter if it's full or crescent.. if he's white, blue or red. i love luna. maybe that's the reason why i'm a bit of a lunatic hahaha.

he has a mysterious pull, not just on the tides, but on me. i could stare at him for hours and be content. he may be cold and unreachable, but that doesn't really matter. just being with him makes me feel quietly happy.

sometimes i wish on the stars that surround him. and i am quite sure that he listens in to my requests. because most of the time, my looniest petitions are granted the moment the words are uttered from my lips. that always catches me off guard. and though part of me is glad that my wish comes true, a larger part of me is scared..

i'm afraid that luna wants to be with me as much as i want to stay with him.

i don't know why those that make me happy turn out to be the dangerous ones..
"you are the most dangerous creature i've ever met"

getting organized

three weeks and 16 coffee cups after starbucks gave away this year's promo card, i have my first 2009 planner, hahahahaha!

i've been collecting starbucks planners for 4 years now.. and i have to say i'm disappointed with their offer this year. it doesn't have any 'freebie' coupons (like the first planner), it has no 'vintage-classic' feel (like the second), nor does it have a cool 'leather' cover (like last year's). for 2009, starbucks featured an extremely ordinary planner that's paired with an even more ordinary-looking pen. its only redeeming quality (if you can even call it that) is its bookmark. and the fact that you can choose from three (totally predictable/unexciting) planner colors: red, blue and black.

despite my complaints, though, i'm keeping this one. hell, maybe i'll even try to get all 3 boring colors.

'coz really.. the fun is in the pursuit.. not in the acquisition XP i guess that ought to explain a lot about US..

step on it

i am not a man-hater. i have nothing against men in general. but i think more and more guys are turning out to be jerks. it's so hard to find a true gentleman nowadays.

maybe it's just me.. but i get the feeling that mr. right is extinct. or maybe he never existed in the first place. maybe mr. right was simply mr. jerk putting on a facade.

hahaha. anyway, i like this pic. i can definitely imagine grinding some poor selfish, manipulative jerk who breaks promises under my heel at this moment.

sorry. i just *had* to take it out here. pre-observation stress does this to me sometimes. and so does getting my hopes up then crushed. thanx a lot.. X_x

i don't want to be called sugar

i am one of those people who go by many names. i dunno.. i guess i never really got the hang of my real name - most people don't spell it right anyway.. and i get tired of having to correct everyone. so i'm called selle, rokel, rox, selya, wox, woksie, kel etc.. not to mention my numerous pseudonyms (though i rarely use them nowadays).

i used to be called hon.. love.. dear.. ney. hahaha. that was a *really* long time ago, though. there are moments when i miss going by those names - especially 'ney'.. but thank goodness those moments are rare.

but if there's a name i don't want to be called by, it's 'sugar.'

yeah.. you may think i'm sweet.. but really, i'm not. what i really am is bitter.. :l

miss fortune

i don't know why.. but i want to have a pet rabbit. a *real* one - not like descartes (who, for some reason known only to him, has chosen to leave the planet - i probably bore him to death). i want to have a fluffy grey rabbit. preferably with his own cage. i'll probably name him alice. that, i think, would give him some gender issues..

anyway, i wonder who started the thought that a rabbit's foot brought luck. 'coz i wouldn't consider the rabbit that lost its foot lucky. oh well..

yesterday, my powers of destruction manifested once again. i was supposed to drive winnipeg from megamall to our house. dad went with some friends to visit someone in the hospital, so he left the car keys with me. when i went to the parking lot and opened winnipeg's door, the alarm sounded. i wasn't fazed much, 'coz that happened to my dad before.. so i placed the key in the ignition, turned it, toggled the alarm switch.. and.. *nothing happened* haha. great. i repeated the proper sequence several times. and winnipeg just kept making such a ruckus. a couple of security guards already drew near (one of them even had a radio, for crying out loud).. and as winnipeg was parked near the drivers' lounge, i had a lot of spectators. hahaha. good thing i am a natural at being the center of attention (bwahaha) so i didn't give a hoot.

i was still kinda fortunate, though - cousin apol was still around to give me a lift back home. i left winnipeg all alone in the parking lot and told my dad to just pick her up from the hospital. apparently, she didn't put up a fight when my dad drove her. hmp.

my (evil) powers sort of extended, though. er.. cousin apol & ate susan got stuck in the worst traffic ever - their drive home from megamall took 4.5 hours instead of the usual 45 minutes. tsk tsk. talk about being miss-fortune hehehe.

now if only i could learn how to harness this ability.. hahahaha *evil grin*
i wonder if you could guess who i'd use this on.. X_x don't worry.. it's NOT you..

reaching

emo pic.. hahaha. i don't know why the hell i'm posting it here.

i am still downloading the wonderland series of zenesoft (tales from wonderland, beyond wonderland). somehow, the dark madness of that comic soothes me. i think it's just what i need right now. wonderland, that is.

how does one tell if one is going insane? hahaha. i'm just trying to see calie's point of view. it's really not that hard to do. i am quite good at it, actually..

this is creeping me out. i don't like what i'm feeling right now. *sigh*
why are you doing this to me..? :(

through the looking glass darkly

for someone so ordinary-looking and invisible, i think i pull off my 'dark secret' quite well, hahaha *evil laugh*

most people are surprised when they see the variety of reading material i go through. one day i'm reading inspirational books.. the next, crime stories.. then children's material.. geeky texts.. trivia books.. etc. and yeah, i'm aware of the fact that my taste in reading material is quite eclectic. the book/magazine/comic/whatever i read (not to mention the genre) really depends on my mood.

so it baffles me when some friends are disconcerted with my choice of reading material. inspirational readings, romantic novels and standard pocketbooks do not illicit any responses from them. but they see me with a graphic novel or a book titled '100 crooked little crime stories' and immediately, their eyebrows shoot up. oh well..

my latest read is zenescope entertainment's graphic novel, return to wonderland. it's a different take on lewis caroll's alice in wonderland; rather, it *continues* the story. alice, who left wonderland, grows up and raises a family. soon, though, the madness of wonderland (which is so much different from the safe and tame version we are used to) catches up with her, and drags her family into chaos.

return to wonderland is the stuff of nightmares. it's scary, dark and disturbing. and i loved it. not because it's depressing.. but because it makes me think. there are a lot of lessons to be learned in reading it. heck, i learned a lot of things i already knew but didn't even know i knew (hahaha.. go figure. wonderland madness is catching)

next project: grimm's fairy tale comics.. :p

don't trust the news

60 Actual Newspaper Headlines, Collected by Journalists

1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
   
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
   
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
   
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
   
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
   
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
   
8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
   
9. Stud Tires Out
   
10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
    
11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
    
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again
    
13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
    
14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
    
15. Eye Drops Off Shelf
    
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    
17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
    
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    
21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
    
22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
    
23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
    
24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
    
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
    
26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
    
27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
    
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
    
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
    
30. War Dims Hope For Peace
    
31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    
32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
    
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
    
35. Deer Kill 17,000
    
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    
37. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    
38. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
    
39. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
    
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    
41. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
    
42. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
    
43. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
    
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
    
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
    
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
    
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
    
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
    
49. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
    
50. Police Discovered Pot Plants Were Really Cannabis
    
51. Headless Body Found In Topless Bar
    
52. Air Head Fired
    
53. Steals Clock, Faces Time
    
54. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
    
55. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
    
56. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
    
57. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
    
58. Some Pieces Of Rock Hudson Sold At Auction
    
59. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
    
60. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

* * *

hahaha. i always knew better than to trust newspapers XP that's why i only read the lit and entertainment sections hehe.

i am working on our newsletter again. i've been doing this editing/writing/layouting on a weekly basis for the past 3 or 4 years. which only reinforces my belief that newspapers (and newsletters, for that matter) are NOT to be trusted completely, bwahahahaha.. XP

i wish i could bring myself to do more than the layouting, though. i admit.. i miss writing. i don't know if i still have it in me to churn out a decent article. i probably don't *sigh* oh well.

this is worse than writers' block. inspire me, please..

i need a name for my 'baby'

i've been itching to buy this for the past month.. and yesterday, i finally got up enough courage to do so..

i got myself a fujitsu external hard drive - 300Gb. it's shiny and sleek and black and.. er.. just a bit geeky, hehe XP but of course it *is* a practical gadget too. especially for me. and though the price (P5,300+) left quite a hole in my pocket (which is actually the cause of my prevarication these past weeks).. i think it's worth it XD i am planning to put all my important files (classified as "school/work", "choir/music", "newsletter/archives" and "personal") in my new "baby" so i wouldn't get all confused as i shift from using silvee to my home PC.

of course, i haven't actually gotten 'round to organizing my files. i only realized how much clutter i have in my home desktop on the last day of my sem break. sheesh. so i guess the file organizing will have to wait a couple more days. just so i'll have more freedom to unleash my OCness haha XP

incidentally, i get the feeling i'm going to have to name him soon - my hard drive, that is. unlike my home PC (which, obviously, has no name - i wonder why), i feel compelled to dub my new "baby" hahaha XP any suggestions..? XP erm. this feels awkward haha XP

remember

(this entry is especially dedicated to xerox - for making me feel a tiny bit guilty for not posting updates as often as she wished..)

the thing i love about sem breaks (or any nonworking day, for that matter) is the free time. but it's not like i sleep earlier or wake up that much later in the morning. my vacations are mostly spent doing the things i can't seem to squeeze in during regular workdays. like doing crosswords, watching my favorite tv series (csi & grey's anatomy top the list, natch) - reruns or not, fixing my files and of course, reading.

last october i breezed through 4 books: gaiman's latest (the graveyard book), a book of short stories (100 crooked little crime stories), stephenie meyer's twilight series (i re-read all 4 books at least 3 times - i didn't have anything else to read at the time XP - so i count the series as just one loooong book) and most recently, sam taylor's the amnesiac.

of the books i mentioned, the last is the most fulfilling read for me. i wouldn't call it perfect.. and i have no immediate plans of re-reading it.. but i loved the amnesiac because (1) it's not classified as children's/teenage literature - which, for me, is a *very* welcome change indeed, haha!; (2) the story is gripping - especially at the beginning; (3) it's weird enough to pique my interest and further tweak my (overactive) imagination, yet (4) realistic enough to actually enable me to relate to the character (god knows how often i've thought james' thoughts and writings)

in a way, i think it's kinda creepy that i'm more able to relate to the (weird) thoughts of fictional characters than to actual people (operative word: people, not aliens, ok?!). lately, i've dreamt of (good) vampires & werewolves; imagined growing up "ghost-like" and nearly invisible (it didn't take too much imagination, that); semi-delved into the thoughts of (fictional) criminals; and read my own thoughts in the epiphanies of a sort-of-time-traveling amnesiac character.

creepy.. but it doesn't really bother me, haha.

think i need to get a social life..? XP i don't really need anyone else. just you, i guess.. *sigh*