it doesn't matter

there's one word for this day: exhausting

it's not that i've been overly busy - though the sked is quite packed. i had a lot of free time today, actually. i think what really made me feel tired today is a particular realization..

i do not belong.

no.. this is NOT an emo post. that statement is not a pitying remark. it is simply a statement of fact.

i've always known that i am.. erm.. "different" from most people. even though i am often "invisible," whenever i make my presence felt, i make people notice me too much. i don't know, but it's as if i always draw strong reactions from people. either they *really* like me.. or they *really* don't. there's no middle ground. and maybe that's why most of the time, i would rather be invisible.. unseen. 'coz sometimes i think i'd prefer them to be indifferent towards me. no one wants to be despised, after all..

friend carolle dropped by today and brought jelly beans. wow. that sort of made my day.. although i did feel a bit guilty for not going out for coffee. i dunno. i just didn't want to be away from school at that time. i was too.. er.. highstrung and paranoid. so i kinda deprived her of her caffeine fix.. and a few hundred calories worth of lunch (sorry, dude.. i owe you). i loved the jellies, though. and to sort of atone for my selfishness to my favorite ingenue, i decided to let paupau have the much-sought-after berry-flavored bean. but of course, i just *had* to take a picture of it - for posterity, hahaha.

well.. after such a day, i just wasn't in a great mood for anything. i skipped choir prax and decided to just go home (after the "clown car" adventure with liz, wosa, apol, maki, geia, cao, asia and jandel). it's a good thing i was able to grab some endorphins before heading home, haha. thanx guys. too bad i didn't get to snap up a shot of the adventure for posterity :p maybe next time. IF there ever will be a next time, nyahahaha.. xp

darn. i miss + bleep + :( but in the end.. it doesn't really matter. not at all..