this is friend malou's bear. took a picture of it last week, hehehe :p i'm a sucker for stuffed toys. especially cute bears (i prefer the "rounded" ones - they look fat and cuddly).. and ones that are all dressed up like this one, hahaha.
this post has *absolutely nothing* to do with malou's bear, though. just as my actions do not seem to have anything at all to do with what's on my mind, wahahaha.
it's monday night. and as usual, i'm finishing the layout for the newsletter. my thoughts are a million miles away, though. well, uhm, not *quite* a million miles away. just several miles away in the direction of _____________. wahahahaha.
being an only child has some advantages. one of which is that you get used to being all by yourself. you learn to cherish solitude and privacy. for some time, i've been going out of my way to build ties with other people. after more than two decades, i thought it would be nice to take a risk and make friends again. so i did.. and i was glad.
recently, though.. i remembered some of the reasons why i shied away from others. (oh, it's not about *them* really - my friends are great - but some things just can't be helped) and these reasons, in part, helped me to make an important decision.
the thing about me is.. i don't have much gray areas. it's mostly just black or white for me. i'm either really happy or really sad. when i'm into something, i'm really, really into it (like reading, writing, singing). but when i'm not enthusiastic about an activity, i usually don't even try it at all. when i like somebody, that person is on my mind 24/7 - and i'd really go out of my way to do special stuff for him/her. that's especially true about my friends. for my non-friends, however, i come across as cold or unfeeling. probably 'coz they feel i don't have much thought for others.
and when i love someone, that person rules my world.. no, my universe. everything.. everyone.. is tied up with that someone. every thought, every action, every place i go to.. always carries with it a fragment of that person.
which means this: getting rid of that someone would mean doing things i normally *would not* do. thinking thoughts i normally *would not* think. going away from everything and everyone who reminds me of that person. it means withdrawing to a place deep, deep inside. a place where there's just me. and that somebody. actively getting rid of a portion of me i'm not even sure i'd like to part with.
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