i spent practically the whole day at the doctor's clinic and at the medical laboratory. i had a KUB ultrasound (waited there for *hours* on end with my dad).. but the results were all negative. except for a slight inflammation of my right kidney. hmm.
well, what can i say? it's like some sort of "mini miracle" today. and i was the recipient again. and you know what?! there's a feeling of relief.. yet there's also doubt and skepticism. sheesh. what the hell is wrong with me?!?
anyway, i got home feeling exhausted from the day's adventure. and i also had a throbbing headache from.. well, from i don't know where. i tried sleeping it off in the afternoon, but it wouldn't go away. what's weird is that as i was drifting off to sleep, i went into this dream.. which didn't feel so much like a dream as a place of "in betweens." i heard voices talking about me - about how what happened today was supposed to bring about something important.. a major change in me. (i could only see their shadows - as if we were separated by a length of sheer fabric) they said other things.. and i felt like they were conversing for my benefit. i didn't like what they were saying, though. but i could glimpse a future i really wanted (but dared not hope for) right there as they spoke. the message was quite clear: i *would* get it.. it's already been prepared and ready for me.. but i *have* to let go of something first. then the figures turned to me.. and i knew they knew i was listening. and waiting for my response. and i was afraid. not of them.. but of making any choice. so i left that place.. and let myself drift off to dreamland.
and i wanted to forget that encounter upon waking. and i wanted to just replace the memory of it with the good dreams i had afterwards. but i woke up (still with that darned headache).. and i still remember it. and i'm still scared. though i ought to be really grateful.
darnit. what the hell is wrong with me?!
well, what can i say? it's like some sort of "mini miracle" today. and i was the recipient again. and you know what?! there's a feeling of relief.. yet there's also doubt and skepticism. sheesh. what the hell is wrong with me?!?
anyway, i got home feeling exhausted from the day's adventure. and i also had a throbbing headache from.. well, from i don't know where. i tried sleeping it off in the afternoon, but it wouldn't go away. what's weird is that as i was drifting off to sleep, i went into this dream.. which didn't feel so much like a dream as a place of "in betweens." i heard voices talking about me - about how what happened today was supposed to bring about something important.. a major change in me. (i could only see their shadows - as if we were separated by a length of sheer fabric) they said other things.. and i felt like they were conversing for my benefit. i didn't like what they were saying, though. but i could glimpse a future i really wanted (but dared not hope for) right there as they spoke. the message was quite clear: i *would* get it.. it's already been prepared and ready for me.. but i *have* to let go of something first. then the figures turned to me.. and i knew they knew i was listening. and waiting for my response. and i was afraid. not of them.. but of making any choice. so i left that place.. and let myself drift off to dreamland.
and i wanted to forget that encounter upon waking. and i wanted to just replace the memory of it with the good dreams i had afterwards. but i woke up (still with that darned headache).. and i still remember it. and i'm still scared. though i ought to be really grateful.
darnit. what the hell is wrong with me?!
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