grey matter

ok, the contents of my grey matter are mostly.. uh.. well.. grey :p

i finished watching the first two seasons of "grey's anatomy" on dvd. and yes.. i finished it in record time. i couldn't help it. that darned tv series is just sooooo addictive. it isn't just that i like the main characters and the plots (ok, i'm really a sucker for shows set in a hospital. go figure). but the quotes are just so.. well.. GREAT!!

whoever writes these things.. damn.. i wish i could be that guy/gal.

anyway, i'm posting some quotes that i can *really* identify with. hmm. maybe i'll use some of these to write some future articles, wahahaha.

meantime, hope you enjoy what i posted here..


Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness. The random pain, the normal pains we live with every day. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else, makes the rest of the world fade away... until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.

Pain. You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, pain can be managed, but sometimes, the pain gets you when you least expect it. It's way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain. You just have to fight through because, the truth is, you can't outrun it. And life always makes more.

* * *

I had an aunt, who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say, "Say when." My aunt would say, "Say when," and, of course, we never did. We don't say, "When," because there's something about the possibility of "more." More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.

There's something to be said about "glass half full." About knowing when to say, "when." I think it's a floating line, a barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual and it depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times, there's no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want... is more.

* * *

The key to surviving... is denial. We deny that we're tired. We deny that we're scared. We deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much, that after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head on, guns blazing. Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

* * *

Whoever said, "what you don't know can't hurt you," was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing... is the worst feeling in the world.

As surgeons, we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark, because in the dark, there may be fear, but there's also hope

* * *

In eighth grade, my English class had to read Romeo and Juliet. Then for extra credit, Mrs. Schneider made us act out all the parts. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Mrs. Schneider that Juliet was an idiot. For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Schneider explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, it was very clear to me that love, like life, is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it's so romantic -- Romeo and Juliet, true love -- how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall in love with the enemy, drink a bottle of poison, and fall asleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got.

Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. If they could have known that before hand, maybe it all would have been okay. I told Schneider that when I grew up, I would take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Schneider said that I would be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion for someone and that if I did, we would be together forever. Even now, I believe that, for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending, most of the time. And sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.

* * *

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing... is reason enough to celebrate.