these are a few of my favorite things..

(: aylabyu NASA!!! :)

i wanted to show all 54 cards here; but it was too tedious so i decided to just take a picture of my favorite ones :)

wow. only friends who are literally out-of-this-world can come up with such a pleasant surprise XP

what else can i say but "whoa!! thank you thank you thank you aliens!!" XD

upside down

another year. hmm. not much has changed. not that i was counting on it, really..

they say the secret to happiness is to be content with what you have. makes sense, i guess. makes too much sense, in my opinion.

i say the secret to happiness is to not expect anything good (or, equivalently, to expect disappointment everytime). that way, no matter what happens, you will not feel disappointment.

anyway. i am going to try a little experiment. after all, it is dday today - what better time to take risks and try out something new, right?!

i have decided to actively fight against my OCness by refusing to update my blog daily. hahaha. yeah, yeah i know.. it's not much of a change for most people; but for me it is.

so there. that's a kind of 'step 1' for me. a dday breakthrough of sorts. i don't know what i hope to accomplish from this; but for now i'll just go wherever the proverbial winds blow. no expectations.. and (hopefully) no disappointments.

wish me luck.

turning 23

today i turn 23. hahahahaha..
contrary to popular belief, my birthday is today.. XP

indulgence

i came across this site as i was looking for "shopping" related stuff. hahaha. it gave me a much-needed cheer-upper tonight.. and led me to check out other related sites, hahaha..

back to the "shopping" theme. i find that shopping usually helps me "deload" - and i'm not just referring to my wallet (though *yes* it certainly does leave a hole in my pocket. every effing time). i don't know why that is. *sigh* i'm not regretting my sprees too much, though. i figure my (in)sanity is worth more than my financial losses. for now.. haha.

now that i'm home, however, it's back to my usual "therapy" to lessen the blues. thank god for technology. thank god for weblogs. blogger: i don't know what i would do without you XP
and i don't know what i'd do without you

boo!

i am not a fan of betty boop. but i gotta hand it to her - she certainly oozes with sex appeal.. in spite of the fact that she's almost 80 years old (her shows started in the 1930's) and a cartoon, at that! XP

*sigh* i am still thinking about yesterday and all the boo-boos involved.

there ought to be lessons learned from betty. i'm going to start paying more attention..
i know i did something right. so what's wrong?! :'(

in your hands

two things come to mind when i saw this picture: cute and freaky

i guess no one would disagree with my first description. babies seem to have a built-in cuteness factor. so yeah.. almost any picture with a baby in it is automatically considered cute.

but this photo really is freaky. for me, anyway. when i imagine a real live baby on my palm, i think: to squish or not to squish? bwahahahaha XP

isn't it scary when life or death lies in your hands?

(my thoughts today are weirder than usual. maybe it's because i'm really, really sleepy. again.)

well, i'm in *your* hands right now. yet in spite of the risks.. i'm not really all that scared. i wonder if i should be, though..

squish. squish. squish.
sad, yes. afraid, no..

my version: psalm 73.25

whom have i in heaven but You?

there is nothing on earth i desire besides you..
i am sad. this is so, so sad.. :'(

blue blooded

i am always fascinated every time i go to the lab to have a blood sample taken. i'm not really afraid of needles. i even enjoy looking at the vial slowly filling up with my dark crimson blood.. (umm.. is this post getting too vampiric or what..?!)

i think it fascinates me that my blood is red. i dunno. i usually imagine it to be green or blue or some other weird color. hahaha. i suppose i figured that since i'm an alien, my blood ought to be a different color.

i heard, though, that our blood really is blue. it only turns red once it oxidizes. er. i dunno know how true that piece of information is. still.. it's an interesting thought XP

*sigh* the september blues are catching up to me. i thought this year would be different. apparently, i thought wrong. again.. :(
why are you so intent on bleeding me dry..? :(

halfhearted

i don't think anyone would describe me as being 'passionate' - after all, i am one of the most indifferent people i know. very few things interest me. or rather, very few things interest me *a lot* XP my only passions (if you can even call them that) in life are music, science and up until recently, writing.

don't get me wrong. i still love to write. the daily updates on this blog is a testament to that. but this isn't really *writing* for me - just a long (mostly unorganized) jotting down of my thoughts. not much regard for creativity, etc.

it's been more than a month since i've written anything for our church's newsletter. it's not that i'm "on strike" - i just can't find anything *godly* to write about. i tried composing an article the other day.. and it sounded so stilted that i gave up on it :(

i am getting more and more halfhearted (hmm.. oxymoron..?!) about so many things. i don't think it's so obvious.. but of course i know it.. and that really sucks. i'm not happy with the way things are going.. yet i don't know what i'm supposed to do.

i need my passion back. i need to be whole again.. :(
you're consuming me.. and i'm happy to be consumed..

pop 'em

been browsing through the flowfield unity's comics today. hahaha. adam sure has wonderful strips - like this one. i'm amazed at how he could come up with such a variety of stuff to talk about - and at a daily basis, too!! thank god for web comics.. haha.

i'm still not feeling (physically) normal right now. still got that lightheaded feeling, along with a bit of weakness. hmm. i wonder if i haven't been abducted and experimented on by aliens. i figure if that ever happened, this is the kind of sensation i'd get.

i don't know if there's any medication for my er.. 'condition' haha. with the variety of medications available for all kinds of diseases (and non-diseases), it's a wonder there isn't any pill to counter weirdness.

not that i'd take it, if it were available. normal sucks. weird rocks XP
rock my world :x

radical

typical sunday - well, almost. i was absent during friday's choir prax so i didn't get to sing up front this morning. hahaha. i'd forgotten how relaxing it could be to just stay at the back hahaha. maybe i should absent myself from prax more often.. hehe.

at the moment, i am here at home - alone. mom and dad went to attend a wedding. so here i am.. happily all by myself, with my favorite stuff surrounding me XP hahaha. welcome, quiet solitude. ahhhh.

nothing radical about that. at least, not for me. i've always been comfortable being alone. though i suppose other people would find that weird.

anyway, this one is courtesy of maykol.

i can relate to square root of three. i guess *a part* of me is feeling a bit lonely right now.

but i'm not a square root. i am the [e^i(pi)] bwahahahaha XP
i wish i were the only one.. :(

Square Root of Three

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like square root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see?
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply.
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued,
Your love for me has been renewed

eyes sea ewe

today sucks. no particular reason. it just does *sigh*

woke up feeling slightly dizzy again. and my eyes are hurting a lot, dammit. i think i'm going to be sick :( i hope not.. i can't afford to be sick now. too many things to do. and too many plans upcoming. i will *not* let any virus or bacteria ruin this month. rawr.

===

i can't believe september is almost over. sheesh. that dreaded c-day is drawing nearer and nearer and i'm powerless to stop it :( not that i hate the occasion. i believe in it - or at least, in what it stands for. but i don't particularly enjoy the celebration. call me old and/or cynical. but i just don't find that much joy in celebrating the yuletide season.

but the month isn't over *yet* haha. i may dread c-day but before then is b-day bwahaha. and i'll be damned before i let anything or anyone stop me from enjoying *this* particular b-day. rawr. double rawr.

===

oh well. it's another new beginning. yet it's actually the same thing happening all over again. when i was a lot younger the phrase "history repeats itself" always confused me. i didn't really believe in it - after all, what's the point of studying all those dead people and their lives (not to mention countless dates and places) if we're just going to commit the same mistakes they did? shouldn't we have learned? shouldn't we be wiser now?

tsk. vicious cycles are about as difficult to stop as hurricanes.

i cannot understand why
i completely understand
icu. only u. dammit. why does everything else fade into the background when you are there..?!

it's a mystery

missed choir prax tonight. i can't help it. my head feels like it's splitting. darnit. this has been happening to me since yesterday, and i don't know why :(

i'm thinking maybe i need to have my eyes checked (yet again). *sigh* i don't have the time (nor the resources) to go to the eye doctor yet. ugh. this is why i hate september. everytime my birthday nears, bad stuff always happens to me. one after the other. grrr. like they say, when it rains, it pours. i wish it would just rain.. XP

wyjel is in the car shop right now for repairs and a bit of primping. i guess making him look more presentable would be my bday gift to myself this year..

oh well. i'm hoping for something to smile about this month. i hate getting my hopes up.. but just for now i'll try to be a tad bit more optimistic..

aside from my splitting headaches that pop up at the most inconvenient moments, there are a lot of mysteries to be unraveled - not the least of which are the secrets of the universe's birth - that would hopefully be revealed by the activation of the LHC last september 10 (yeah, of course i had to put that here haha! science geeks rule!)

let's just all hope the end is not yet near..
i am missing you. really. that certainly is no mystery.. :(

reflection

i. am. tired. *sigh* what else is new, anyway?! for the past week i find myself exhausted even before the day starts to draw to a close..

i have a killer headache today, though. i have absolutely no idea why my head is hurting so badly since this morning. sheesh.

so what's with the picture post? well, i'm not exactly sure, either.. but the image speaks to me. i guess i could say it expresses how i feel at the moment: grey, tattered, old and turning dull. ugh.

maybe it's the hectic sked. or perhaps it's the crappy test result. then again, maybe it's because i am expecting additional expenses soon. hahaha. maybe it's all of the above..

oh well. i'd like to think i have something to be happy about today. maybe i do. i hope i do.. haha. but i wouldn't know 'til the day is done. *sigh* thank god for the rains today..
i just hope i'll have enough willpower. just for today. just for one day..

red, grey and blue

come on and lead me on
tease me all night long
lovin' you, i know it's right
i'll always need you; i'll never leave you
come on and lead me on
tease me all night long
i'd rather be a fool with a broken heart than someone who never had a part of you

('lead me on', maxine nightingale)

it's a wonderfully rainy day today. and i'm here in school.. checking papers while listening to friend portia's laptop music. earlier, i heard weird al yankovick's 'you don't love me anymore' (hahaha.. all time *weird* fave). this time, though, 'lead me on' is playing.. and a couple of lines got my attention for a bit (haha. guess which ones..?)

i'm supposed to be happy in this kind of weather. it's grey and wet. the skies are weepy and the ground is full of muddy puddles. the pitter patter of the raindrops are soothing and the air is cool and fresh.

yes.. there are few things i love more than the rain..

but for reasons i cannot explain, today i'm not so excited about the weather. yeah, i'm glad it's raining. happier than if it were sunshiny and bright. but i'm not as happy as i used to be.. *sigh*

i could explain it all away.. but what's the point..? *sigh*

hormones. it must be the hormones..
though i'm quite sure it's not.. :(

in a pickle

i have been highly irritable for the past week. i can't help it. the slightest provocation will draw a scowl (or worse) from me. 'til now i am easily annoyed.. and most of the time my temper gets the better of me.

one of the things that irritates me right now is the fact that i don't know what i want to eat. i'm not exactly hungry (i rarely work up an appetite anyway); but i find myself craving for food. i just don't know what *kind* of food i am looking for :(

the other day, i thought i wanted a burger.. so i bought one. but as soon as i bit into it, i didn't want to eat it anymore. then i saw somebody eating a macaroni salad.. and i found myself wanting to eat that too. but the same thing happened as soon as i got my first bite. this has been going on since friday, i think.. and up 'til now i am still looking for whatever it is that will satisfy my craving. ugh. it is sooooo frustrating. grrrrr.. *pulls on hair*

as if things aren't weird enough, right now i am craving for pickles. and peanut butter. hahahaha. omg.. what is wrong with me?!??!!! i know i'm an alien.. but i never imagined i'd get any weirder than i already am..

darned PMS. it sucks to be female. rowr.
don't believe the title of this post. i'm ok. we're ok. okay? *smile* :x

sugarfree

according to doctors, one of the factors that highly determines one's predisposition to diabetes is genetics (or heredity) - especially on the maternal side. my mom is diabetic. and so is my dad. that being said, i suppose it's safe (though unwelcome) to say that i will turn out to be diabetic. someday. (though, of course, i'm still hoping it wouldn't happen.. who knows, right?!)

anyway, i went to the doctor this morning for another round of bloodwork. last week, when i was given a 75-g GTT (glucose tolerance test), my blood sugar of 80 (fbs) went up to 214 after 2 hours. the result wasn't a very nice one.. so my dad suggested i go to our family doctor for a consult. i guess he was afraid i might be following in his (and mom's) footsteps at this early stage..

well, off i went to dr chua to have my blood taken. (as an aside.. i like getting my blood taken. hahaha. not that i'm masochistic - er.. at least, i don't *think* so - but i really do enjoy seeing the lab techs drawing blood from me hehehe) they had a difficult time getting a sample coz my veins were small; but i was cool with it. i waited about an hour for the results.. then the doc asked me, "hindi ka ba nanghihina?" to which i replied, "hindi po 'yata.." XP (hahaha. i dunno. i never could tell when i'm tired or just plain lazy XP) "kasi 'yung result nitong blood test mo, below normal ang sugar level mo: 2.50 lang ang value niya.. dapat mga 3.75 at least ito" o_O

hahaha. so there you have it. i am now below average hahaha. my blood is almost sugarfree. hmm. no wonder i'm no longer as sweet as i used to be, hahahaha *evil laugh*

i wonder how this fact is going to affect lil miss bitchy..
this still doesn't account for the mood swings, though. sorry 'bout that.. :x

frog singing school

ok.. talk about another productive chat session with aliens, hahahaha!!! XP

i am actually feeling sick right now - i was originally planning to sit in front of my pc for an hour, at most. i was just going to encode my geom exam for tuesday. but then i saw sister lizzie online.. so of course i had to bug her, hahaha XP

anyway, i was able to enlist her help in coming up with a bonus item for the geom test. hahaha. that made my day. tsk. students be forewarned. i was *happy* while making the exam.. bwahahahaha.

then, lo and behold.. the virus went online too! and it's thanks to him that i found the song below. hahaha. yep.. it IS a song. a froggy frog song. hahahaha. it sounds like one that an alien might be amused with.. XD

FROGS AT SCHOOL
by George Cooper

Twenty froggies went to school
Down beside a rushy pool;
Twenty little coats of green,
Twenty vests all white and clean.

"We must be on time," said they,
"First we study, then we play;
That is how we keep the rule,
When we froggies go to school."

Master Bullfrog, grave and stern,
Called the classes in their turn;
Taught them how to nobly strive,
Likewise how to leap and dive.

From his seat upon a log,
Showed them how to say, "Ker-chog!"
Also how to dodge a blow
From the sticks which bad boys throw.

Twenty froggies grew up fast;
Bullfrogs they became at last.
Not one dunce was in the lot,
Not one lesson they forgot.

Polished in a high degree,
As each froggie ought to be,
Now they sit on other logs,
Teaching other little frogs.

well, i'm a frog (i am *many* things - not just alien). and i do sing. so i guess i'm part of the frog singing school too bwahahaha. and in a way, i am sitting on my own little log.. passing on the er.. 'legacy' to poor little froggies that come my way hahahaha XP

this is so weird it's starting to sound cool.. hahahahaha..
i'm missing you, BF (that's bullfrog, haha) sooooo badly.. *sigh* when are you going to teach me again..?!

out of this world

i seriously believe i'm not of this world. i have difficulty communicating with 'normal' beings. i'm better off speaking to trees/raindrops and other inanimate objects than carrying on a conversation with a human i just met XP

and the best conversations i've had, i've had with aliens.

*sigh* it's kinda hard to fit in. i guess i'll get used to it. eventually.
i just want to get out of this world. with you.. *sigh*

bloody hell

beautiful yet scary

*sigh* i can't help it. i am scared. and lonely. and i know that this is probably just a case of the jitters (or more likely, hormones).. but that doesn't make the fear any less real :(

the feeling's creeping back. and i'm scared as hell that it'll come back in full force to torture me.

damn. i need someone to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be all right.. :'(
i need YOU here with me. why are you so far away..? :(

z: 'love' ko 'to

yeah, i always figured that i'd be on the other side.. not the other way around..

more than three years of being a zombie isn't so bad. it takes some getting used to.. and it's definitely not without pain. but all in all, it's.. er.. bearable.

zombies aren't popular; but there are more of us than originally thought. and we do tend to seek each other out.. though i happened to come across a few who were still in denial. they probably weren't aware that they were zombies hahaha.

what do i like most about being a zombie? hmm.. i'm not sure. maybe it's the ability to eat flesh, bwahahahaha!! or maybe it's the freedom. after all, once you're nonhuman, nobody expects you to follow the rules. you get to be unpredictable. you can be bitchy or scary. hell, you can *devour* them all (especially your enemies).. and that wouldn't be a problem. not for you, that is.. *evil laugh*

the only thing i hate about my current state is that everything seems to go slow motion. tsk. why do zombies still have to wait..?! grrr..
zombies don't love. it's not in our nature. still.. i guess it's the closest thing to what i'm feeling..

YET

yeah, i treasure my privacy. how can i not? i have dozens of secret worlds inside of me.

i will not dare say i'm not a criminal, though. that would be assuming too much..
my thoughts at the moment are *most definitely* criminal, thanks to you.. X(

sucky

i don't know if i can do that.. but i guess i can try.. *sigh*

the thing is.. even when you *know* that it's gonna suck.. and even when you're 100% sure that the vicious cycle will repeat.. you're still winded when you receive that blow to your gut.

tsk. when are you ever going to learn..?
i'm not going to prove anything to you anymore. i don't think i can, even if i wanted to.. :(

22 is in the details

i have this thing for fractals. er, yeah. i know it's a bit nerdy (considering i'm not even a comsci person).. but i blame my fondness for math for the geekiness of this post haha XP

it's interesting how, when looking at fractals, the details are as interesting (if not more interesting than) as the "whole picture" haha. sometimes, you're not even sure that you are seeing the whole picture. infinity is to be found in the details.. XD

hmm. sometimes it's really the little things that make all the difference..
thanx for sharing with me. details do matter.. :)