resenting freedom

it's home sweet home for mom, dad and me. yeah, i've been waiting to 'get back to normal' for the past days.. but now that things are starting to normalize.. i feel.. er.. awkward.

turns out i didn't miss the house as much as i thought i would. i missed being able to take decent showers. i missed my pc (but not too much, coz i brought silvee with me). i missed my special pillow. but that's about it. after all, for the past few days, i had everything (or rather, everyone) that really mattered close to me.

and now that we're back home.. i'm surprised to find that i miss the hospital. i miss the cool hospital bed. i miss the daily change of sheets. i miss not having to prepare food. i miss not having to clean up *anything*. heck, i even miss the (almost) hourly knocks at the door - to check for dad's BP/sugar level/vital signs, etc. hahaha. how weird is that?!?!

mostly, i think i'm missing the sense of security that being there brings. coz now that we're back here, it dawned on me that we'll have to do the cooking, the cleaning and everything else. hmm. just imagining myself in the kitchen.. *cooking*.. that gives me the heebie-jeebies hahaha.

i've never really been good with change. even if it's going back to the usual..