every second counts

if there's one thing i don't like about myself (actually, there are *many*), it is my impatience. i hate waiting. i hate counting the hours.. the minutes.. the seconds. i can delay my gratification; but that doesn't mean that i can do it calmly hahahaha. i guess i'm really bratty that way.. XP

oh well. maybe i'll develop patience. someday. haha. there are a few things worth waiting for, after all..
you've always been worth the wait.. :x

reality bites

one of the things i'd like to try out is fishing. i dunno.. it sounds like a relaxing activity. for the fisher, of course.. not the fish, hehehe.

i wonder what the poor fishies are thinking when they go bite on the pretty lures hiding the hooks. don't they ever notice that some of their friends are suddenly dragged out of the water after biting into one of those colorful baits?

tsk. poor, poor gullible fishies. biting on reality that bites back even harder.. XP
it feels really nice.. but i *don't* want to get used to this..

MiXiN feelings

today i accompanied cousin em to mxn studio in makati. she was scheduled to interview don manalang (our sound engineer) in the afternoon. so from UP, em and i took a cab to enzo bldg.. where she proceeded to bombard poor don with questions and display her usual brand of hyper-ness :p tsk. kawawang don.. hahaha

well, after the interview, i went to st paul to pass the time. prax was supposed to be at 7pm.. but i didn't want to go back to QC (considering the traffic and the fare).. so i decided to just sit quietly in the center while waiting for time to pass. i think that was the longest 3 hours i've ever had to wait hahaha

practice went quite well. except for the waiting.. and for the brouhaha over the 'missing sheet music' that was (partly) my fault. sheesh :( i absolutely hate messing up. *sigh* and boss rannie was so worked up over it.. :( ugh. good thing he got a grip on his temper and lightened up at the end..

oh well. it's been a tiring day. tomorrow's another long day for me. wish me luck

..or maybe two, hahaha :p

this is a *terribly* s-l-o-w day. i've been here in school since 6.50am; and it feels to me like i've stayed here on my desk for years :( i have a meeting in 10 minutes.. another meeting in 1 1/2 hours.. and finally, our department meeting in 4 hours.

i am soooooooo looking forward to going home XP

i want to stay in front of my home pc. i want to watch my house dvd. i want to download mythbuster episodes. but mostly, i want to get some much-needed sleep :(

hmm. i think anticipation is rarely about avoiding punishment. it's really about being eager to receive your (just) desserts.. XD
in which case, i'd love to have some strawberry shortcake next week.. hehehe :p

colorfully grey skies

i am here in school.. wearing a red top and sporting a glossy red hand bag. i was planning to wear my shiny red stilettos.. but decided against it when i realized i'd probably walking along slippery corridors the whole day hahaha XP

my wardrobe consists mostly of either black or red ensembles. vampiric, i guess you could call my color preference, hahaha. then again.. the two go so well together ;-)

it's raining cats and dogs once more.. and naturally i'm happy. yup. my smile is turning brighter and brighter with each drop.. hahahahaha..

sabi nga ng mga batang kumakanta sa TV.. makulay ang buhay.. XP
thanx for coloring my world.. :x

what's yours?

hahaha. leave it to xkcd to come up with the nerdiest and funniest strips ever.. XP

mine are tiger-looks, forearms and a particular perfume.

what's yours..? XP
lemme guess.. celphones and blue tooth devices..? hahaha..

weirdness all around

today is a holiday. happy national heroes' day!! hahaha. but i'm not feeling the holiday spirit. e pano naman.. talaga namang wala kaming pasok sa UP diliman tuwing lunes noh. sayang tuloy ang mga national holidays. tsk. hindi namin nasusulit ang bakasyon.. X-(

dad and i went to rustan's katipunan today - once again to shop for greens. and i encountered a lot of really weird fruits in their refrigerator section hahaha XP for one, i saw, for the first time in my life, an orange cauliflower.. a pumpkin-shaped eggplant.. and a P587.50-priced cabbage. hahaha. weird. all freaky weird.. XP

i think i now have a new favorite grocery place.. hehehehe :)

34 days

34 is congruent to 8 mod 26

hahaha. sorry. i guess i have a hangover from yesterday's lesson XP

i'm not terribly excited over my upcoming birthday. i don't feel comfortable with the thought of being "6" again hahaha. still.. maybe i'll get something worthwhile this year. who knows?!

i'm keeping my fingers crossed..
and i'm hoping against all hope you'll keep your word.. *hugs*

code blue

today's lesson is about codes and secret messages.

what can i say?! since i was a kid i've always loved making and solving ciphers. there's a kind of thrill you get when you know you're keeping a secret. or you're unlocking one.. haha.

i don't know if the "kids" appreciated the Z26 topic. i hope they did, haha. i think it's fun XP

meantime.. y = 3x + 4 :D
eqeiiqadgbef
you don't know just how much..

a crown of (t)horns

wikipedia says..
A horn is a pointed projection of the skin on the head of various mammals, consisting of a covering of horn (keratin and other proteins) surrounding a core of living bone. True horns are found only among the ruminant artiodactyls,^{[citation needed]} in the families Antilocapridae (pronghorn) and Bovidae (cattle, goats, antelope etc.). These animals have one or occasionally two pairs of horns, which usually have a curved or spiral shape, often with ridges or fluting. In many species only the males have horns. Horns start to grow soon after birth, and continue to grow throughout the life of the animal (except in pronghorns, which shed the outer layer annually, but retain the bony core). Similar growths on other parts of the body are not usually called horns, but spurs, claws or hoofs.

The term "horn" is also popularly applied to other hard and pointed features attached to the head of animals in various other families:

• Giraffidae: Giraffes have one or more pairs of bony bumps on their heads. These are covered with furred skin, and although they look as if they ought to have horns on them, they do not.
• Cervidae: Most deer have antlers, which are not true horns. When fully developed antlers are dead bone without a horn or skin covering; they are borne only by adults (usually males) and are shed and regrown each year.
• Rhinocerotidae: The "horns" of rhinoceroses are made of keratin and grow continuously, but do not have a bone core.
• Ceratopsidae: The "horns" of the Triceratops were extensions of its skull bones although debate exists over whether they had a keratin covering.
• Horned lizards (Phrynosoma): These lizards have horns on their heads which have a hard keratin covering over a bony core, like mammalian horns.
• Monodontidae: Male narwhals have a single long tusk, a modified tooth, which looks like a horn, and is twisted like that of the fictional unicorn.
• Insects: Some insects (such as rhinoceros beetles) have horn-like structures on the head or thorax (or both). These are pointed outgrowths of the hard chitinous exoskeleton. Some (such as stag beetles) have greatly enlarged jaws, also made of chitin.

Many mammal species in various families have tusks, which often serve the same functions as true horns, but are in fact oversize teeth. These include the Moschidae (Musk deer, which are ruminants), Suidae (Wild Boars), Proboscidea (Elephants), Monodontidae (Narwhals) and Odobenidae (Walruses).

Polled animals or pollards are those of normally-horned (mainly domesticated) species whose horns have been removed, or which have not grown. In some cases such animals have small horny growths in the skin where their horns would be – these are known as scurs.

Animals have a variety of uses for horns and antlers, including defending themselves from predators and fighting members of their own species for territory, dominance or mating priority. In addition, horns may be used to root in the soil or strip bark from trees. In animal courtship many use horns in displays. For example, the male blue wildebeest reams the bark and branches of trees to impress the female and lure her into his territory. Some animals with true horns use them for cooling, the blood vessels in the bony core allowing the horns to function as a radiator.

i say..
animals are not the only creatures with horns.
i wonder where i can find a pair of these.. hahaha..
then again, i don't think i need look for them anymore *sigh* from the bottom of my hypothalamus.. thank you. i mean it.

lucky devil

i was planning to stay in school 'til late. probably until around 6pm. instead, i find myself home before 3pm. in front of my pc. and wondering whether i should count myself lucky or not..

mom and dad went to rustan's grocery in katipunan to buy some greens. since it's a thursday, dad drove wyjel and i brought winnipeg to school.

around 1pm, i receive a call from dad (which almost set me panicking). he said they're stuck in the grocery's basement. wyjel wouldn't start. he thinks the battery died out.. and he needed winnipeg so he could jumpstart wyjel.

so off i went to rustan's.. and pretty soon we had wyjel up and running again. from there, we proceeded to the nearest car battery retailer (which was in tuazon) and bought a new battery for wyjel. i was willing to settle for the cheaper type.. but dad insisted that the P4100 battery was better. *sigh* oh well. guess i'll have to dig deep in my pockets for that one.. :(

sheesh, wyjel.. why did you have to conk out *now*?!?!

then again.. i guess i should still really count myself fortunate..
i don't wanna think about what would happen if he conked out tomorrow..

i didn't know i can cook

hahaha. who'd have thought i'd ever learn how to cook?! haha. certainly not me. but here i am.. spending more and more time in the kitchen. doing actual slicing and food preparing and cooking. weird.

i was able to cook up a chicken and mushroom dish (complete with white wine/onion broth). french style cooking no less! hahaha. this is really hilarious. (though not as hilarious as this day)

oh well. i guess i am learning to adapt to the (ever changing) times. but really, it doesn't feel that much different. it kinda feels.. er.. natural, even. wow.

maybe i can get used to this after all..
tsk tsk. too bad i missed the opportunity.. opportunities today. damn. ought i to be jealous..?!

'coupling'

yeah, i know. it's cheesy to have a king & queen of hearts post. but i don't really care, hahaha. because i consider today to be 'hearts' day. for no particular reason.. :p

i'm feeling a whole lot de-stressed. i think getting out of the house allows me to relax and feel 'normal' (ugh. scary word).

oh. i was able to hitch with heids to prax today. that's getting to be quite a rare experience, of late. anyway, we had an early supper at conti's greenhills. hmm. yummy tomato soup. and i love the chicken fingers and salmon croquettes too :p thanx for the treat.. :D

hahaha. nice day today. really nice day. my esp is working, too. yipee! i hope things go up and up from here.. XP
i can't help but think about your 'surprise'.. hmm.. *grin*

loving chaos

i love holidays. except that today is a monday.. and we normally do not have classes on mondays.. so i don't love this holiday all that much. hahahaha. i hope we go back to the wednesday-free week next sem so we can enjoy the holidays too :p

i stayed home again today. the boredom isn't killing me. yet. but i certainly wish i'd gone somewhere instead of just staying here for most of the day. hmp :(

almost done with the newsletter for the week. hmm. guess this is what happens when i find myself becoming misanthropic and impatient..
*sigh* i really hate waiting..

blasphemous rumors

hahahaha. one of the reasons why i love my alien friends is that they get as much joy out of stuff like this as i do. and i believe that the maker of the xkcd comic is just as out of this world as we are. hahaha. i wish i could meet the dude :p

i blame the ghostbusters for this month's (and the previous months') fiascoes.
damn. i think they took both of ours.

don't

don't come to me for advice
don't come to me for cheering up
don't come to me for a listening ear
don't come to me for comfort

heck, don't come to me at all

if comfort's what you're seeking..
if warmth and sweetness is what you need
to get rid of your loneliness..
don't turn to me

you're a lot different now; well, so am i
but some things just don't change
and in spite of all the evidence to the contrary
NO. don't ask me. don't you dare ask me.
this girl is dedicated. you ought to know that by now. hands off.

spaced out

i am not myself today. er. that sounds so weird but it's true. i feel so totally spaced out. and i don't even know *why* sheesh.

i gave my 2nd lecture to batch 3 of the top-ed participants this afternoon. i prepared my materials.. i went there sort of knowing what to do. but i dunno.. as soon as i stepped inside the classroom i felt so.. uh.. awkward. *sigh* i managed to pull off a cheerful facade.. and after years of practice, projecting a fake persona wasn't all that hard to do. still.. i hated my lecture today. hate it. totally. it really sucked. grrrrr.

i miss being my usual alien self. i'm afraid i'm turning normal (hahaha.. as if that's ever gonna happen). seriously, though.. i realized just how much i miss my alien friends when i got to chat with two of them tonight. hahahahaha. some stuff from my chat with the photocopy and the virus:

what is the plural of bigfoot? is it bigfootS or bigFEET?
what would you call a family of bigfootS/bigFEET with big feet?
is there such a thing as an 'uninteresting' number?
how do you construct that darned tree using a computer?
'never assume.. because it makes an ass of u and me'
xkcd rocks bwahahaha
kitkat is absolutely necessary for keeping one's (in)sanity

hahaha. in a rather odd way, i find the sierpinski triangle to be a great source of comfort..
i wish i had a magnet to keep you close..

layer upon layer

i'm happy today. not the forced kind of happy. but *really* happy.

i just realized i haven't felt the good kind of happy in a while now. hmm. well, i think i have the rain to thank for providing me with much-needed endorphins.

anyway, in spite of feeling tired (i was able to attend choir prax again tonight.. wheeee), i can manage to smile sincerely :D hahaha. i'm not fretting over wolves in sheep's clothing.. or sheep in wolves-in-sheep's clothing. no worries. just go with the flow and ride the waves. i think it's better this way.

i'm betting i'd be able to get a good night's sleep.. zzz XP
you.are.awesome :x

whirlwind

what. a. day.
tired. exhausted.
zombie-ish. robotic.
i'm turning in.
i'll see you in dreams..

100 reasons

ahhh, UP.. my beloved alma mater :p

i guess i love this university so much that i chose to spend the rest of my (career) life offering my services to it, in spite of the meager pay haha..

kidding aside.. i count myself fortunate, coz i, along with the thousands of UP faculty/staff/alumni, am able to take part in the university's centennial celebration :)

there may be 10 reasons for leaving. but i can easily give 100 reasons for staying :)

PS: thanx, xerox.. *muah*
100 thanks to you.. and more.. :X

force majeure

Force majeure (French for "greater force") is a common clause in contracts which essentially frees both parties from liability or obligation when an extraordinary event or circumstance beyond the control of the parties, such as war, strike, riot, crime, act of God (e.g., flooding, earthquake, volcano), prevents one or both parties from fulfilling their obligations under the contract. However, force majeure is not intended to excuse negligence or other malfeasance of a party, as where non-performance is caused by the usual and natural consequences of external forces (e.g., predicted rain stops an outdoor event), or where the intervening circumstances are specifically contemplated.

- wikipedia

i'm done with cutesy and cuddly.

i'm sorry, but i can't help it.

freedom from obligation/liability is small comfort to me at this time.

however, there is no choice. no *real* choice, that is.
thanx for understanding. still, it really sucks. i miss you.. :(

z is for zombie..

.. among other things
i certainly feel like a zombie today. robotic yet feeling so.. er.. thirsty. damn.

we had the continuation of our in-service training today. i have to admit, though.. my mind wasn't in the seminar at all. sheesh. i was kinda hoping i'd be somewhere else. tsk.

no matter. patience brings its own reward. all is not lost..

locked tight

for the first time this year, i didn't attend our sunday mass in megamall. wow. that last line sounded like a deja vu of a previous post hahaha.

maybe it's just as well. we're all still adjusting to this 'lifestyle change' anyway. i managed to survive cooking in the kitchen.. haha. i don't know if this is going to be a habit.. or if it's strictly temporary.. but it's good to know that i can cook IF my (or someone else's) life depended on it..
i'm happy you're happy about it too.. :)

resenting freedom

it's home sweet home for mom, dad and me. yeah, i've been waiting to 'get back to normal' for the past days.. but now that things are starting to normalize.. i feel.. er.. awkward.

turns out i didn't miss the house as much as i thought i would. i missed being able to take decent showers. i missed my pc (but not too much, coz i brought silvee with me). i missed my special pillow. but that's about it. after all, for the past few days, i had everything (or rather, everyone) that really mattered close to me.

and now that we're back home.. i'm surprised to find that i miss the hospital. i miss the cool hospital bed. i miss the daily change of sheets. i miss not having to prepare food. i miss not having to clean up *anything*. heck, i even miss the (almost) hourly knocks at the door - to check for dad's BP/sugar level/vital signs, etc. hahaha. how weird is that?!?!

mostly, i think i'm missing the sense of security that being there brings. coz now that we're back here, it dawned on me that we'll have to do the cooking, the cleaning and everything else. hmm. just imagining myself in the kitchen.. *cooking*.. that gives me the heebie-jeebies hahaha.

i've never really been good with change. even if it's going back to the usual..

over and over

08-08-08. a nice red-letter day. but it doesn't feel all that special to me, really. not in any big sense, that is.

sure, the olympic games start today. but i've never really been a big sports fan.. so that does not appeal too much to me. i think i'm more fascinated with the fact that this date will not be repeated for another century.

nevertheless, i am marking this day red. special for reasons not all that spectacular.. but reasons that mean most to me.

they say the only constant is change. i beg to differ. because some things change only to prove just how constant things really are..
you got past this test. i'll consider this proof. i think i'm going to thank you..

same as before

i went to school today. hmm. the school atmosphere felt.. er.. different. i dunno. i suppose it's just me. i've gotten so used to being in the hospital that being elsewhere feels so odd to me.

the math department had its first powerpoint workshop this morning. i wasn't able to participate all that much, though.. coz we had our executive committee meeting by lunchtime. tsk. i would rather have stayed in the workshop, though.

it feels good to be back here in the hospital. er.. wait. that didn't come out right, haha. but what the heck. almost nothing comes out right anymore. sheesh.

i am like a walking zombie. i am in serious need of help..
it actually surprises me that you're there for me to 'lean' on. wow. i don't think i wanna wake up..

what's the diff?

wednesday. wow. it certainly doesn't feel like a wednesday to me. probably because i'm still here in the hospital.. watching over dad and making sure i'm around to talk to the doctors/nurses.

for the first time this year, i missed the prayer meeting. hmm. it really feels odd.. not seeing my 'second family'. it feels like i've been out of touch for such a long time. hahahaha. this is so weird. i wasn't expecting this. not under the circumstances, anyway.

i didn't miss megamall, though. sheesh.
things are so different.. yet nothing's changed. sheesh. i wonder how long i can keep this up..

blank bored

it feels weird to sleep in the hospital. weird, not because it's uncomfortable.. but because i actually find it comforting to stay over. ha. that sounded even weirder than usual..

soulmate and her honey dropped by tonight. it sure was fun to have them over - even though we were mostly talking in whispers so as not to wake dad. still, it's good to have MY friends over, for a change. i didn't realize how lonely i felt until they came over and i felt more or less my usual self.

still blank bored here. *sigh*

in transit

i am typing this entry inside the world citi hospital. i am watching over my dad, who suffered from a mild stroke earlier this morning.

it actually feels weird, typing those few lines. to be honest, it all feels like a dream, still. and it is as if everything's happening in slow motion. and i am standing still.. watching everything unfold from a distance.

it's an odd feeling. i'm not used to it. it's like the proverbial calm before the storm. in more ways than one. and both in ways i imagined but always hoped never to face.
thanks to your morning wakeup message, i am ok.. and hopefully, he's gonna be ok too.
please don't add to this. please. not now. not ever. please.. :'(

begging

the homily for today was so appropriate. it's been such a long time since i perked up while listening to the gospel and the priest's take on it.

i never realized how poor i really was. until this morning.. :(

it doesn't feel good to hear the words.. and to know what they mean. after this morning's mass, i really needed some space.. some time off. thank god for soulmate and her wacky bf for the cheer-upper they didn't even know they provided.

sucks that such a simple thing could prove to be so damned elusive.

and now here we go again..

damn. damn. damn.

i must have short-term memory loss of the most severe kind.. :(
i wish you understood what the priest said this morning. damn you, you insensitive jerk..

hisssss

this day sure has been jam-packed. i had an early start. woke up before 7am to prepare for my (un)usual class sked. i did next to zero prep for it.. but i'm really glad i managed to pull it off somehow (except for a major boo boo with room assignments and stuff) XP

i consider myself pretty lucky today. for one thing, the day started out rainy haha. grey, weepy clouds greeted me.. and that's always welcome XD then, just when i was prepareing myself to commute all the way to st paul for the choir prax and mss service, i found out that friend john would be coming from their place too! haha.. at least i was able to hitch with him XP yipee.. no need for the hassle of commuting (so i hate taking public transportation. sue me, bwahahaha)

staying at the center for the entire afternoon wasn't such a drag. in spite of the heat (and despite my headache and sore throat), i actually felt quite good.

until *that* happened.

it's not a big deal. i'm kinda used to it, actually. but maybe because i wasn't feeling well.. and maybe because i'm very, very, very nearly fed up.. my sharpened cat claws started showing. and i didn't really give a sh*t who noticed.

dammit. i'm smart. i'm intelligent. i know i can figure this out.
i don't need your help. i don't f*cking need YOU. jerk!

the sniffles

:( oh well ):

i hope by tomorrow i'd feel better. sheesh. and to think that the rainy days are here again. i should be celebrating!! *sigh* but maybe the weather's caused me to feel the blues again..

well, at least i had a productive day. i'm done with the problem set and periodic exam of geometry. and i have my vcd to brighten up my day *big grin* wahahaha.
thanx. i mean it.. :)