can't help it

even when i try to look the other way..
even when i try to blind myself..
even when i do my best to *not* see anything..
even when i close my eyes to what's happening..

it still stares me in the face
*sigh*

i don't want to know about it anymore
i don't want to be disappointed
i don't want to get hurt and frustrated

thank god for small patches of relief, though
i need all the help i can get nowadays..

how i wish..!!

nyahahahaha.. this is the sequel to the strip i posted last january 28. (xkcd rocks!)

how i wish i could come up with a retort like this, hahaha :p

i wonder what happened..

this from soulmate.
maybe someday soon..
*sigh*

full-packed

wow. this day sure was full-packed :p hmm. lemme see. it all started with me discussing complex numbers with my morning class. i used the same examples as i did yesterday (with my advisees) - i made sure to take a picture of my literally colorful "notes" hehehe. i love my purple whiteboard marker :D


after my first class, i sat in student teacher hamz' lecture (narra). i "frognapped" eloi's pet and kept it with me for the entire duration of trigo class haha. i don't know its name.. but it looks kinda cute, especially with my glasses :p

it's a bit irritating how jewo doesn't bother to listen to the lecture.. doesn't read the examples on the board.. doesn't pay attention to *any* part of the discussion.. and then is able to answer the seatwork correctly and quickly. grr. he would have been a bad example.. if only he were not right most of the time hahaha.


lunchtime was.. hahaha.. it was so fun! :D dad prepared the usual "lunch hunt" for me.. and of course i (along with jewo, apol & maima) enjoyed picking through my food looking for those elusive straws. when i got to the last one, though, i discovered that more clues were hidden.. *in the car!* nyahaha. so i and the aliens went to the car to continue the hunt. and guess what..? hahaha.. see below:


awwww. dad provided dessert for me and my alien pals. sweet. literally :D

the chocolate gave me enough energy to get through my geom class in the afternoon. i was sort of enjoying the rare bonding moment with section damselfly when my phone rang as i was wrapping up my lecture. lo and behold.. it was jewo calling. he was looking for a chauffeur, nyahahaha. sheesh. he's lucky i had an errand to run after class.. so i could bring him and groupmates pawo & aj to eee for their apprenticeship thingy :p

anyway, while waiting outside eee, we looked for santan flowerettes with five petals. hahaha. we managed to find a bunch of them (see jewo.. they're not *that* rare!) - enough to make me a flower bracelet, nyahahaha :p too bad it's not the type i could place on my own wrist, though.


by 6pm i was off to choir prax - with enough energy to sing my lungs out, if need be, hahaha. the prax went well.. considering.. hmm.. lots of things (right, pawo?). i got home at around 10.30pm.. went online.. finished the newsletter for tomorrow.. and now i'm updating my blog hahaha :D

i discovered something today. something that made me smile a genuinely *happy* smile :) although, when i think about it a bit more.. i'm not entirely sure i should, bwahahahaha :p basta. sikreto ko na lang muna 'yon nyahahaha ;D

all in all, it was a nice day. *really* nice.

wistful thinking

wistful \ˈwist-fəl\ adj : full of yearning or desire tinged with melancholy

i'm not sure why.. but i find myself feeling wistful today.

i know i told ice *part* of the reason.. but it's not just that.

hmmm. this is a different kind of feeling. i'm not used to it. and i'm not so sure that i like it..

nice hobby

hahaha. when i read this strip, i remembered the one about "nerd sniping" :D

don't you just wish you could do the same..? i know i do.. hahahaha

contagious

weirdness is contagious, i believe. and i think i've been spreading it around effectively, nyahahahaha :p

being magnetically weird isn't so bad, really. i guess i kinda expect that to happen at school. but when i start attracting unusual people even in our church.. well.. that's a bit.. uhm.. disconcerting, even for me :p

oh well. i was in a good mood today. i made a "to do" list. and i got to buy some stationery stuff - including a violet whiteboard marker and a pink permanent marker. hahaha!

it doesn't take much to make me smile these days.

this "happiness" is probably a side-effect of being contagious..

interesting

a friend sent me this file yesterday.. and it thoroughly amused me :p

it's supposed to be a test whether you're left- or right-brained. if you see the woman turning clockwise, you're using your right brain. if she's turning counterclockwise, you're using your left brain.

*just for additional info, left brainers tend to be logical, rational, analytical, objective and look into details. right brainers, on the other hand, are more random, intuitive, holistic, subjective and can see the bigger picture*

when i look at the woman, though.. she turns counterclockwise.. then clockwise.. then counterclockwise.. like she's skipping from one foot to the other. hahaha. weird.

just thought i'd share something interesting here, for a change.. :p

(tsk tsk. too bad this animated .gif file won't animate here :p )

.. on the contrary

yesterday i was chatting with a couple of my advisees during lunch/homeroom period. and we got to talking about all kinds of stuff. like how things were when i was in high school. i mentioned to them that i wasn't a very sociable person back then. i had exactly three close friends (practically the only ones i would hang out with, at any given time). i always had my nose in a book. and oftentimes i'd walk backwards, just for the heck of it. (at this point, they remarked that i was like xerox.. only a bit worse, nyahahahaha. sorry, kiddo.. that comment did not originate from me :p)

well, now that i think about it.. i'm not exactly a "people-hater." on the contrary, i *love* people. i enjoy watching all sorts of people.. listening in on conversations.. analyzing how they act/think/whatever. i am *very* interested in people. so long as they don't interact with me.. hahahahaha :p

yet again...

sometimes i feel like friendship is overrated.

think about it. there are more than 1 billion people in the planet.. and around 80+ million of them are here in the philippines. you get to interact regularly with a few hundred of those (more than a thousand, if you're quite popular). and then among those, you choose a handful whom you will trust. sometimes, for life.

but the basis for choosing your friends is mainly convenience. like how easily you can meet. how easy it is for you to adjust to him/her. how similar your personalities are. how alike you think. how compatible you are. stuff like that.

do we really choose our friends? or is the choice dictated by our situation.. our environment?

hahaha. this "friendship" stuff isn't something i want to take seriously right now. like so many other things, apparently, friendships are a danger to one's health. and sanity.

potted woksie

hahahaha. i had a blast at school today :D

first of all, i thoroughly enjoyed the honor roll committee work. haha. i think i was born to do those kinds of things - cross-checking of files, encoding, etc. - in short, i think i have a natural flair for clerical work :p i'm glad that we had our first *really* productive session today. hahaha. it's amusing to find myself smiling again :)

i took a break from all that work, though.. and chatted with noisy aliens :p and i remembered a creepy thought that friends jewo & pawo planted in my brain: what if they literally planted me in a pot.. and small "mini-me's" grew like tiny buds all over me? and those buds would detach like spores.. to be scattered all around the school's quadrangle? and they could just pick tiny versions of me (with squeeky voices crying "put me down! put me down!").. place them in their pockets.. so they can ask my "mini-me's" questions on trigonometry while taking their exams. hahahahaha. creepy, creepy thought.

well, time sure flew today. i didn't even notice that it was already past 6pm when i left school. hahahaha. i think the thought of potted woksies that haunted me as i was encoding those grades had something to do with this..

wishful thinking

make sense of this wishful thinking..

in some weird way, i enjoyed the meeting we had at school today. i think my insanity's getting worse..

i didn't mind

i think that in some ways, busyness is therapeutic.

it certainly helped me today.

quite honestly, i am enjoying my work again. after a long, long, long time.. i find myself looking forward to going to (and staying in) school. how weird is that..?!?!

maybe it's because the schoolyear's coming to a close. maybe in a way i'm cramming as much "fun time" as i can before the "goodbyes" and other stuff i'm not looking forward to.

or maybe i'm really just enjoying being busy.

go figure.

tomorrow should have been today

it seems that i'm getting more and more accustomed to this. in fact, i'm so used to this that i'm starting to be able to predict when it's going to happen.. *sigh*

so it's another uber-busy day at school. but that's ok. we managed to finish making, typing and reproducing the geom exam. and in record time! sheesh. i swear i'm *never* going to let that happen again..

still, this day has been productive.. so i guess that's something to smile about.

cramming is dangerous to one's health, indeed..

puzzled

we had our recommitment to ministry recollection today.

hmm. i can't say i feel any "holier" afterwards. neither can i say that i'm more committed in my service this time around. in fact, i can't seem to say anything definitive after attending the recollection.

i wonder if all this "nothingness" means anything..

be honest..

bwahahahaha. this one made me laugh :p

i'm being good..

hahaha. yeah. it's true.. though my friends may not believe it :p 'coz really, the only reason why i am able to handle a lot of cash is because i'm the grade level treasurer. hahahaha. additional work with no addiitonal pay. how's that for fun..?

this has been a very stressful day. and i thought i wouldn't be so harassed because the math10 periodic test was ready since yesterday. *sigh* right now, we still don't have a geom exam. not even one effing question. hahahaha. this is great.

choir prax proved to be relaxing. at least i got a break from all the school stuff. too bad there weren't any interesting songs to learn tonight. oh well. i'll take all the relaxation i can get. i think i'll be needing it for these next couple of weeks..

voyeuristic tendencies

i'm not exactly sure *why*.. but i seem to have a knack for getting glimpses of other people's thoughts/feelings/ lives/personalities. i don't really mean to pry into anyone's affairs; but people often tell me stuff that enable me to look into them deeper than they think i'm able to.

and in the same manner, i also get the feeling like there's *someone* watching me.. whatever i'm doing. it's a creepy feeling. i guess i've just gotten sort of used to it already.

anyway. in spite of the long day i had today.. well.. i'm saving my special wishes for someone who needs it a lot more than i do..

splat!!! hahahaha

today marks the start of my hectic sked for the remainder of the school year. the fourth quarter is drawing ever nearer.. and it scares me to think of all the stuff that i have to do. sheesh. i can't even imagine how i'm going to manage juggling all the activities i have. *sigh*

and to make matters worse.. all my usual baggage - the angst, the disappointment, the frustration - are still there.

it really makes me wish i could do what's in the picture.. hahahahahahaha..

well..

i don't think i need say anything more.. hahahaha

100 favorite (blue) things

i don't know if any of my friends remember them.. but i sure do :)

the smurfs. ahhhhh. i just love those hundred (plus one?) little blue people who live in their cute little mushroom houses. hahahaha.

anyway. today they celebrate their 50th year. hmmm. who knew they were *that* old, huh?! :p

happy birthday dear blue ones! may your kind continue to multiply (though i don't think i'd like to go into *how* that would happen, hahaha)

things that go *bump* in the night

i woke up today feeling like i bumped my head sometime last night. hahaha. i don't know why. maybe it's because of that dream i had.. the one that i can't seem to remember, no matter how hard i try. all i know is that it was a happy/sad dream. the type that you know you wouldn't want to wake up from. *sigh*

so began my day. with a virtual bump in the head. with a virtual story on my mind. and virtual happiness in my heart hahahaha.

happy thoughts. happy thoughts. happy thoughts.

i wonder if anyone goes crazy thinking of happy thoughts..

seriously

you know who you are
need i say more..?

weird. and cute.

i like the color pink. but usually when it's contrasted with black/grey. sometimes i wear pink. but for some reason, when i try to wear that color now, i look.. uh.. odd (not that i don't look odd when i'm wearing other colors. i just look "odder" when i'm pink hahaha)

i saw this nice pink egg picture last night.. and i find myself wishing it really existed, hahaha. i think i'd like to eat that. somehow, i'm imagining a strawberry-flavored sunny-side up hahaha. talk about weird stuff.

well, i'm off to serve at the pgr now. with thoughts of pink eggs and other imaginary stuff in my head.

wish me luck :p

what's on your mind?

i drove dea to school today. wyjel's not available because of the coding thing.. so i spent time with dea again. after a long, long, long time.

it surprised me, really.. when i drove my old car again. dea's old. *really* old. she literally is a "holey" car.. full of squeaks, squawks and other scary sounds. she's boxy.. and a bit on the grimy side (it's hard to keep her white paint look really white). but while i was driving to school today, it felt like.. hmmm.. well, it may sound cheesy.. but i i felt as if i were with an old friend :p

wyjel's great. i mean, she's got a lot of newer accessories - tint, radio, sunshield, etc - and she's easier to drive. power steering.. power brakes.. power lock. i still think she's a good buy. and i hope i get to spend a lot of time with her. i don't regret buying my semi-new car.

but if it were up to me, i don't think i'd be getting rid of dea.

i mean.. i know it's economically unsound to keep her. the maintenance cost for a car that old is just.. well.. i don't want to even think about it. but today's drive with dea made me think about lots of stuff. and i'm not just referring to cars.

it made me think about how, lots of times, we put so much importance on what's *outside* - the stuff we see - the external. we easily get bored with things.. people.. who have been around us for so long. we want what's hip.. what's cool.. what's "in".. and we can't wait to distance ourselves from what's no longer in fashion. i also thought about how easy it is to take our blessings for granted. how, everytime we get what we ask for, we soon crave for something new.. something more than what we have. there's just no pleasing us.

i *had* to replace dea. it was the logical and practical thing to do. she was getting too old, too boring and too inconvenient. still.. i can't help but feel a twinge of guilt/hurt. after all, we did have a lot of years together. and she's never given me any headache/problem.

as for me and wyjel. *sigh* i love my sort-of-new-car. she's pretty. she's certainly more of a looker than dea. smells better.. is "classier".. and provides lots more space for me. but she's also a bit "colder".. more distant.. kinda aloof, even. i wish i could get to know her better. i wish i could have as much happy memories with her as with my rusty old car. and i wish she could give me that warm, fuzzy, comfortable and safe feeling i get whenever i spend time with dea.

wishful thinking. that's what's on my mind.

how 'bout you?

turning alien

first weird post for 2008.

anarchic hand or Dr. Strangelove syndrome) is an unusual neurological disorder, in which one of the sufferer's hands seems to take on a mind of its own. AHS is best documented in cases where a person has had the two hemispheres of their brain surgically separated, a procedure sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of extreme cases of epilepsy. It also occurs in some cases after other brain surgery, strokes, or infections.

An alien hand sufferer can feel normal sensation in the hand, but believes that the hand, while still being a part of their body, behaves in a manner that is totally distinct from the sufferer's normal behavior. They feel that they have no control over the movements of the 'alien' hand, but that, instead, the hand has the capability of acting independent of their conscious voluntary control. Alien hands can perform complex acts such as undoing buttons, removing clothing, and manipulation of tools. Alien behavior can be distinguished from reflexive behavior in that the former is flexibly purposive while the latter is obligatory. Sometimes the sufferer will not be aware of what the alien hand is doing until it is brought to his or her attention, or until the hand does something that draws their attention to its behavior.

good ol' wikipedia ;-)

i don't have alien hand syndrome; but there are times when i feel like parts of me are turning alien. not my limbs.. nor my eyes/ears/nose/whatever. but oftentimes i feel like i'm not me. like there's some other person/creature living inside me. one that i can talk to. who argues with me. who says things i don't really mean. thinks thoughts i don't want to think. or does things i don't want to.

hmmm. i wonder where my alien is right now.

i feel like reaching out..

alien-ated

first lunch-out with aliens for 2008.

UP classes were suspended by 1pm due to the kickoff ceremony for the centennial celebration. 4 of my aliens tagged along with friend alma and me for lunch.. so we drove off to j'bee in the new petron gas station near the school :p

well, j'bee isn't my favorite place on the planet. but since wosa wanted to eat there, we all decided to give it a try. we didn't regret it, hahaha. along the way, we saw two loony/semi-suicidal "balloon men" who wanted to get near me/us :p we proved that people didn't want to line up with aliens. we made jollibee cry. and we attempted to build the highest tower we could.. with the trashy remains of our lunch.

all in all, it wasn't a bad adventure :p

and it certainly helped to keep me smiling, when, in the evening, i was in the company of people again - literally feeling alienated.

thanks guys :p

bursting my bubble

first indescribable day for 2008.

the previous days have been unnaturally eventful.. and now i find myself feeling quite out of sorts. as if i'm unplugged.

well, i managed to function.. and i was able to get through the day quite okay. i'm even all "lit-up" hahaha. but my wires are all tangled up. i'm a short circuit (ugh. that wasn't funny) waiting to happen.

looks like i'm getting back to my (ab)normal self now..

atypical

first tv healing mass for 2008.

hmm. this was a typical sunday. except that after mass, i got to hang out with soulmate and her z. and i chatted with cousin almi instead of em. and i didn't really buy anything for myself. and i didn't eat lunch with my folks. and i met up with former students at megamall.

ok. so it wasn't a typical sunday at all :p

i wonder if 2008 is gonna bring any more subtle changes to my (sun)days.

should i be scared now..?

here's to you..

first gift-giving event for 2008.

my friend annie is getting married today. at 330pm, actually. and i can't be there :'( being sick is a bummer :( and though mich & i will be giving our gift to her, i'm sure she'll be mightily disappointed. it would have made her really happy if we were present *sigh*

anyway, it's also boss rannie's birthday today. i'm glad we don't have prax today, haha. i hope he liked my gift :p

and i hope there'll be lots of reasons to celebrate this 2008.

i can't wait..

groping for words

first practice day.. first party.. first really fun day for 2008 :)

we had our regular choir practice this evening at st paul. afterwards, it was off to robina! we had a special despedida party for friend gina.. and also an early birthday party for rannie too.

it sure was lots of fun to see gina's *shocked* face when we brought in our special surprise for her - bro george gabriel of kerygma!! hahahaha. that really was the best gift we could give her.. the best send-off ever! tsk tsk.. i wonder if she'd decide to just stay here in the philippines after this.. hahaha :p

i never knew how much fun it could be to see someone so stunned.. so happily surprised.. and so.. RED! hehehe. gina was definitely groping for words. almost speechless, all she could say was "thank you.. thank you.. thank you talaga.. thank you.." hahahaha.

makes me wonder what would happen if *i* were the one to leave. i wonder how i'd feel.. being away from my friends, my family and my community. i wonder if i'd cry. i wonder if i'd start yelling for home as soon as my plane touches some other country's soil.

i think i'm going to miss her a lot. but i'm at a loss for words.

she's not the only one groping.. :(

back to the old drawing board

first day of classes, 2008.
this is another one of those "firsts" i'm not happy about :(

let me count the ways..

first healing mass for 2008. another first for this year.

they say we ought to count our blessings. well, 2008 may have just started.. but i think it's never too early (nor too late) to start counting.

in spite of the not-so-good year-that-was, i still believe i have lots of blessings to count..

* i'm not financially rich.. but i'm not broke
* my schedule has been terribly hectic.. but somehow i cope
* i resented a very dear friend.. but we made up
* i'm not so happy.. but i'm seldom *really* depressed
* i get sick.. but nothing that can't be cured by rest
* so many household chores!!.. but slowly they get done
* had a "cold" holiday.. that's ok, coz i'm looking "hot" haha
* i still have no special someone.. but i can hope.. hahaha

yeah.. i can always hope :/ and speaking of counting.. here's a new year poem post. just to keep up with this day's theme.. haha..

How do I love thee?
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

day 1

the first day of 2008.

i have to say.. i have mixed feelings about this. to be honest, 2007 wasn't my best year. well, it wasn't the *worst* year i've ever had. but it certainly could have been a lot, lot better.

i'm a bit relieved that the old year's past. nevertheless, there's something about "fresh starts" that scare me. heck, *a lot* of things scare me. and disappointment is one of them.

2008. a fresh start. another chance to turn over a new leaf. hmm. i wonder how i'll hold up..