out of time

i "made the most" out of the holiday by doing something i haven't done in a long while. yup. i watched the time traveler's wife this afternoon at gateway mall (with the folks and wcd, hehe). it was.. hmm.. well, i wouldn't say spectacular, because naturally the book is always loads better than the movie version; but it was.. worth watching :)

i'm not a fan of romance/drama, but i really, really loved this story because of its plot. obviously it's about time travel.. but i just loved the way the author wrote it. the narrative is nonlinear and linear at the same time (depends on whose perspective, i suppose). bottom line: the novel is a semi-traditional love story written in a "weird" way. and we all know how i'm instantly drawn to weird stuff.. hehehe.

on a (not so) related note.. there are moments when i feel like i am a chrono-impaired person too. oh, you know.. as if i am not so fully in the present.. or i am not my own age. i don't think i travel through time.. but then again.. who knows?! maybe i do, but i just haven't met myself yet.

then again.. maybe i've met me but i've just been too ashamed of myself to say hello, hahahaha.

WTH!? :p

bwahahahahahahahaha!! yeah, wth and wtf, lol! sheesh.

for lack of anything interesting to share with you guys, i'm posting my latest vanity pix here. haha. i got this beaded headband/necklace/belt and decided to try it out this afternoon when i was uber-bored. so there. hahahaha. lumabas ang pagka-kikay ko, letch.

anyway. i'm missing cousin ems. today's the first sunday that she's not with us after mass since she went to korea. *sigh* oh well. i'd better start thinking of ways to spend my weekends productively.. :)

the quality of my cyberlife is spiraling down the proverbial drain.. hahahaha. HELP!

no end in sight

of the many closed figures (not *polygons* mind you), the circle holds a special place in my cardiod.. er.. heart, i mean. it's perfectly symmetrical, easily constructable and symbolically eternal.

but today, my feeling of ambivalence extends to this special shape.

cycles. wow. they could be quite vicious..

ambivalent

i've been feeling tired a lot lately. at the same time, though, i find it hard to sleep. yeah, i know this isn't news to anyone. still.. for the past weeks, almost everything about me seems to be.. oh, i dunno.. undecided..?!

i've been keeping busy this august. not just with work or my usual activities.. but with new things, too. last august 22 i conducted a review for LET to a few educ graduates. haha.. it was my first time to conduct that kind of review; and admittedly i was nervous. thank god i was able to pull it off quite nicely, haha.

anyway. my mind has been unusually full of conflicting thoughts, of late. at the start of the month, i was really distressed. then paranoid. then angry/upset. then i moved towards cynicism/indifference. and now.. umm.. i am asking myself why i keep doing the things i really don't want to do. it's just plain weird. and kinda stupid.

tomorrow is eagerly anticipated and unwelcome.

madz about babes

it's been a long and tiring day, to say the least. but i had fun. after all, it's been quite some time since i last went out on a 'gimik' with friends. plus, i got to watch a really nice concert too. (click on the title-link to see more pix)

happy to the power 1/2. don't ask me why.

overshadowed

just a picture post for today. i'm tired. damn these stupid hormones - both an excess and a lack. ugh. i don't know who or what to blame for this. the weather? the cycle? the letter? or me?! *sigh* it's mostly me, i guess. always me. grrr.

sorry. now i'm remembering why i decided to stop updating this blog. hahahaha. it sucks to be in this mood (almost) all the time..

lights on

i find it difficult to sleep.. especially when the lights are on. but today i slept with the room light switched on. i had to. i had a nightmare.

yeah, i know. i'm kinda old to be spooked by spooks in my dreams. but sheesh. when you wake up at 2am distinctly hearing this creepy voice in your head (whispering something about cursed unwritten modules).. it's just so hard to go back to sleep again. i know it sounds funny *now*.. but seriously.. that scary, raspy, whispery voice just haunted the sh*t out of me. damn.

so. about those modules. yeah.. i guess they're kinda cursed. i couldn't even start writing. it's like all my creative juices have been sucked out of me. and it's not for any lack of trying. dammit i've been trying for the past months.. but I JUST CAN'T WRITE!!! at least, i couldn't write anything er.. "scholarly". f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!! auuuggggghh!!

i am living a nightmare right now :(

the heimlich maneuver

wow. another week is over. time sure flies fast. i don't really notice the days passing by. soon the "ber months" will be here and then christmas will be just around the corner. *sigh*

well, as before, whenever i want to distract or calm myself, i rummage for a book to read. and this time, i got my hands on palahniuk's novel, choke. haha. interesting read. mainly coz palahniuk is such an interesting author :p and also because the tone of the writing is just so.. hmm.. different. it's not a feel good novel.. but it's not dark or scary either. cool. i think i'm going to add palahniuk to my list of fave writers :)

oh well. time to read again. i certainly need the distraction. at least for the next few days.. *sigh*

reclaiming the lost

i'm feeling the need to look deep inside of me.. to do some *real* soulsearching.. in the attempt to look for my lost GEEKINESS *rotfl*

hahaha. i dunno. it just feels so.. liberating.. to start being geeky/weird again. the past months of near-normalcy has turned me into a bitchy and morose human. ok, ok.. so i exaggerate. i don't think i've ever really been *truly* human. even during recent times :p alien blood still flows through my (so-called) veins. what i mean is.. i intend to turn alien again. then maybe i wouldn't feel so uncomfortable in my own skin.

so. here are a couple of my recent finds from my all-time fave web comic (xkcd, natch!). hope you fellow geeks enjoy this.. :)

a nobody's suicide

thanks to liz for referring me to this.. hahahaha

resurrected

you must be wondering why the picture post is a half-eaten chocolate heart. hmm. i dunno. i'm wondering, too :p

i'm also wondering why the heck i'm updating this blog. i practically killed it a few months back - though to be honest, i actually missed writing down my thoughts here. it's not as if *nothing* has been happening to me. in fact, there've been lots and lots of goings on lately. i just refused to update this blog coz i know how OC i can get about things i start.

mostly i've been wasting my time playing facebook games. grabe, nakakaadik pala ang mga yun!! haha. now, though, i decided to waste my time more privately (thereby giving myself more freedom to rant and rave).. while forcing myself to get my creative juices flowing.

anyway. i'm back. and so is this blog. it's thanks to liz that this one's resurrected from the grave. i didn't really think anyone would notice the lack of updates here - until she told me about it haha. so there. i hope you're happy, lil sis.. it's your fault that i'm back nyahahahaha *evil grin*

i'm actually trying to decide whether i should "backtrack" and post some stuff that's happened in the previous months - if only for posterity. i dunno. maybe i should. sana wag akong tamarin, hehehehe :p

in mourning

today is a nonworking holiday. it's the last (official) day of mourning for the entire nation. today, we say our last farewell to our beloved president, tita cory.

today, too, is a day of mourning for me. yeah, i do have the capacity to grieve, you know. *sigh* but they say that it's healthy to cry for the loss of one that you love. i'm still hoping that there wouldn't be an actual loss.. but i dunno. it certainly feels like it.

i hate what's happening, but there's nothing i can do. if there's one thing i can't stand (apart from not having a shoulder to cry on), it's being forced to face a cold shoulder..

keeping after zouzou

whew! what a day.. XP

i guess i can consider this day 'out of the ordinary.' it was not a very busy one - with a department meeting and a couple of 'article-tweaks' done.

today is not the usual day because (1) i decided to try something different (i.e., breaking routine by NOT attending a choir activity); (2) i went back to school AFTER i went home (hitched a ride with mich & poc); and (3) i went 'semi-malling' with mich and hitched a ride home with her XD

it's a tiring but happy day. and i dunno.. maybe i'm preparing for a different kind of routine that i'm hoping i wouldn't have to get into in the near future. still, i can smile.. uh.. sort of, haha.

now it's time to rest.. XP i'm missing you a bit. and i don't know if that's a good thing or not..

*smooch*

i always wanted to get a big kiss *smile* more than that, though, i really wanted to give one, hahaha!

today's ash wednesday. i'd have to say, though.. i was kinda distracted today. i sort of forgot about it, honestly.. hehe. oh well.. i guess that's really how things go..

at any rate.. i can still smile today :D thanx.. though next time, i wish it would get more literal.. ;-)

zarina

for the past 40 hours or so, i've been playing games on facebook. sheesh. i knew it. everytime i join one of those online social networks, the OC in me gets me hooked. hahaha. so i ended up playing mafia wars, dragon wars and vampires.

i don't know what i get out of playing the games. aside from wasting my time, that is. i did, however, get to finish writing down the minutes to last week's execom meeting this afternoon - mostly thanks to about an hour's worth of playing those three games online. haha. some motivation, huh?

oh well. i'm starting to not feel so well :( i think i'm going to rest early today (haha.. yeah right!) tomorrow's another long day. *sigh* i hope it'll be a good one..

start pretending

every sunday, i try to wake up early to catch bo sanchez' talk over abc5 (it starts at around 6am, i think.. but i never catch the start since i'm usually way too sleepy to wake up at that time).

yesterday's topic was about how to become the person you want to be (or something like that). bo said that if you want to be a loving person, for example, then you have to act as if you already were. that is, you'll pretend to be the kind of person you want to be.

he goes on to say that if you do this, pretty soon, you will no longer have to pretend. your mind/body would have gotten used to "pretending" so that you will actually be a loving person. (did you actually understand what i wrote? sheesh. bo said it a lot better than i did.. sorry)

needless to say, his talk made me think through a lot of stuff in my head. not all of which are good (my head contains mostly er.. "un-good" stuff, hahaha)

so i'm embarking on a new project, starting today. i just don't know if i'd be able to pull it off.. but hey, it's worth a try. anything would be worth it, if i could just be successful at this.. how i wish i were her.. :(

caving in

ok, ok.. so i caved. sheesh..

i don't know WHY i bothered to sign up for a facebook account. it's not as if i initially planned to update regularly (see what happened to my friendster account that's been dormant for god knows how long). i don't have lots of time to spare for yet another online social network. updating this blog takes up a lot of my time already.

so WHY did i cave in?

i dunno. maybe i just need to be in touch with people (or not-so-people people) again.

damn. my antisocial tendencies are starting to ruin my life XP as well as other unmentionable tendencies.. *sigh*

what a credo

i had one of those not-so-terrific days again today. maybe it's because of yesterday's "fiasco".. or maybe it's because of hormones again. still, this day sucks. and the only thing that saved it was a pair of shoes.

after i made my mom flare up due to my bitchy attitude, dad brought us to gateway to go malling. which just goes to show that shopping therapy really works for women. yup.. it can cool heads and make women (even moms) forget their squabbles. it's costly.. but hey.. the release from stress is definitely worth it.

am i proud? hmm. i dunno.. 'coz in truth, bitch + submissive SO = zarina

how i wish..

but it seems i can't.. *sigh*

there isn't much i'm able to do nowadays. sheesh. this isn't good for the self-esteem, you know. i feel quite.. useless. hmp.

anyway, this afternoon, i craved something sweet.. so i went to shoppersville to buy chocolate ice cream (actually, i went there to buy the 'eucalyptus-scented kleenex' when the craving set in). i suddenly remembered this quote sam sent a couple of months back:

am i still in the child's world where candy stands for something sweet enough to hold back tears? (v.c. andrews)


well. the ice cream helped some, i think. and so did the sleep!!! sheesh! hahaha. as soon as i got home, i hit the sack and slept for what.. more than 2 hours?! i skipped prax 'coz i felt so tired. waah.

i think i'm going to get even more sleep. hahaha. this is going to make me FAT.. XP i really wish you'd get back to your 'normal' happy self when you're with me.. even if you're just pretending..

dare (the) devil

i don't think anyone would mistake me for a risk-taker.. much less a daredevil (is there a 'female' term for this?!) well, neither would i.

but as i always tell my geom class, "do not trust the figure," i ought to say "do not trust your senses."

i find that lately, i am often wrong in how i assess myself. hmm. i guess in spite of the increased solitude, i do not know myself anymore.

some risks are just not worth taking.. so why the hell do i keep on taking them with you?! :(