crack

i don't know how you can go from being in 7th heaven one moment and down in the deepest dumps the next. i can't explain it, but it seems to be one of my talents. my mood swings and roller coaster highs and lows are unbelievable.

anyway. i really hate being able to read between the lines. i'd like to think it's simply a case of paranoia; but it's not. i've been proven correct so many times, in spite of my wishing to be oh-so-wrong, that i'm afraid this time my hunch is once again right. *sigh*

so apparently nothing's changed. except that now i've sacrificed more and am almost immune to the ill treatment. it sucks that i'm the only one who knows what's going on and that i can't tell anyone about how i'm feeling. hell, i only recently figured out why i was hurting so bad; i couldn't possibly explain it to anyone else.

turns out i do wish i weren't so invisible and dispensable. ha. who'd have thought, huh?

fictional character

fb has been taking up a lot of my time for the past months. but it's not really the reason why i neglected this blog. i'm not exactly sure why, but for almost two years already, i just lost my interest in writing. more than that, though, i think i lost my interest in what's going on around me. i mean, it's pointless to write when there's nothing for you to write about.. when nothing interests you anymore and you just don't give a damn what's happening around you..

of late, however, i've been feeling.. restless. irritable. BITCHY. ok, ok.. i admit, i usually am bitchy and irritable and restless. but this is different. totally different. for the past couple of weeks i've had this urge to spill out whatever it is that's keeping me so edgy (though, frankly, i have no idea what that is.. i just know i have to let it out).

so here i am.. back to writing. though what it is i'm writing about, i have yet to figure out. at the moment, i feel more like a fictional character - someone with a story, yet someone who's not "all there." i'm flitting between 'realities' right now.

oh well. let's see how long i can keep this up..