happy halloween

wcd took this shot - it's me with cousins ta & go. eerie, huh? well, if only for that, i'm loving it. besides, it suits the halloween mood perfectly, bwahahahaha XP

i guess you could call this our latest family pic XP i just realized i rarely get to look (sincerely) happy in any of my pictures so i figured this one's worth posting hehe

i enjoyed this (magical) day *smile* it would've been perfect if you were with me, though.. *sigh* miss you..

(belatedly) grateful

my thank you comes belatedly. nevertheless, it's from the heart - thanks for the 'pasalubong' from china, alexis :) i loved the necklace - even though it *is* mathematical and i'm currently avoiding all things geeky this sembreak, hahaha XP i especially liked the packaging it came in :) i wish i had your artistic touch, too hehe XD

today, though, i am grateful for other things, as well. like the chance to have supper with a friend (thanks, h.. i had fun just being myself around you, hehehe). and being able to have much-needed 'alone time' to sort out some stuff that's been buzzing in my head for the past couple of days. and getting a small (sort-of-unexpected-though-not-really-needed) 'token' tonight.

but most especially, i'm grateful (literally) for the peace XP
thanks z.. it couldn't have come at a better time..
i hope things start looking up from here. i'm not hoping for cycles again..

inside out

obviously, this is a nerdy post. haha. click here if you want to see other similar figures XP

by definition, an evolute is a method of deriving a new curve based on a given curve. it is the locus of the centers of tangent circles of the given curve.

the figure above shows a cardioid and its evolute - which is also a cardioid. neat, huh?

i wonder what my evolute would be..
i have the same question as the one in the link. but i'd like to think i wouldn't have to ask it. not for a long, long, long time. omg this is pure torture.. X_x

going nuts

donuts are hazardous to your health. in my case, both physically and mentally.. *sigh*

if i had to choose, though, i'd go for krispy kreme. sure, their donuts are extremely sweet.. but at least, they don't cause me to go (literally) nuts.

and she wakes up from a deeper sleep / a nightmare through and through..

and to think i was nearly delirious with happiness just this morning.. X_x

you won't ever be happier / until you find that special place where you belong / and you won't ever be happier / until you find that only way / until you find the only way back home
i'm sorry. i'm so, so sorry.. :'( it was stupid and i am so very, very sorry.. :'(

stitches and burns

guess what this picture is of.. XP

my thoughts turn to a couple of days back. and i can't help but think about what this day should be. should be.. but is not. *sigh* oh well. as someone used to tell me so many times before.. "you can't always get what you want" yeah, yeah. but no one can blame me for trying so hard. no one but me.. hahaha.

does anyone remember fra lippo lippi..?

"with eyes wide open i would choose not to see.."
"now i don't want to see you anymore; don't want to be the one to play your games. not even if you smile your sweetest smile. not even if you beg me 'darling please..'" hahahaha. yeah right..

warning: this post is RAW

"Time has a way of passing by,
until I don't remember why, or how, to hurt for you..."

i 'stole' this quote from cousin dee's gmail stat message. i guess i really am feeling emo right now. sorry. i can't help it. i *am* sad. maybe this has something do with what i found out about an alien friend of mine (actually, er.. two alien friends of mine.. *sigh*) the news just came at one of the worst possible moments. oh well.. :'(

in her prayer/worship last night, sis nona encouraged us to have a good cry. she said that tears are healing.. and that it's okay to cry.. that it helps to release all the pent-up hurts and pains. especially when it's done in front of god.. when it's done as a sacrifice of praise.

and i believed what she said. even before she said those words i already knew i wanted to cry. i wanted to cry over the person i used to be.. the one who's gone missing and who probably doesn't exist anymore. i desperately wanted to believe that she's still alive.. or that pretty soon she'll show up again - stronger and more beautiful than what she used to be. but i just can't see it. i don't see that happening anytime soon. maybe not ever..

i wanted to cry. i needed to cry. but i didn't. i couldn't. i won't allow myself to do so. not there. not then. hmm. coward. hahaha.

time heals. *sigh* that's my only hope..
i wish you knew just how much this really hurts..

i want to believe

sometimes i cry at night
not quite knowing why
and though i try to fight it
the tears keep flowing by
but the world keeps going
with no one knowing
the way i feel inside
to be so unbeautiful

i've heard it said he loves me
but my heart just can't believe
the king of all kings, jesus,
would waste time on me
why should he care for me
or even love me
when i can't love myself
coz i'm so unbeautiful

but the rosebud slowly opens
tow'rds the son that draws its face
to finally bloom in full surrender
in the warmth of that embrace
as i worship you, you transform me into
a reflection of your grace
coz you make all things
oh you make all things
my god makes all things beautiful

song for the night, it seems. and yes, i do want to believe *all* that the song says. but at the moment, i can only relate to the first two stanzas. the third is just.. well.. too unbelievable for me to sing from the heart.

i wonder why it still hurts. i wonder what i'm really looking for. i don't think i know what i want. or maybe i do. i'm just probably too much of a scaredy cat to go ahead and get it.

coz love *always* involves sacrifice.

and right now, i don't think i'm all that ready for it yet..
maybe i'm just not ready to give you up. not even for someone far, far greater.. :'(

edwardian tendencies

it IS a teen novel. complete with all the cheesy lines that almost make me feel sick to my stomach. the book is full of romance and uber-mushy quotes that would probably make me laugh out loud if i actually heard someone say it out loud.

in spite of all that, i'd have to say that i simply LOVE the book.

true, i wish it were written in a better style. and there are some portions that i feel could be skipped.. and some that could use a bit more detail. still.. i love the idea of good vampires. haha

in an odd way, i suppose i can understand bella's character. i'm NOT like her, though ('good to the core'.. yeah, right!!!) - let's just say i'm her 'sort of' counterpart in real life. what with the clumsiness, the unreadable thoughts, misfortune hounding me and the tendency to be surrounded by weird creatures, bwahaha.

but i don't have edward. though maybe he has a 'sort of' counterpart too. an anti-edward, perhaps..? hahaha.

it's interesting that they made twilight into a movie.

i'm not looking forward to it much, though.

no mere mortal (no matter how seemingly gorgeous) could do justice to *my* vampire..
ugh. i hate sounding like bella..
this day just brought out all my edwardian tendencies. *sigh*

i just happen to attract ETs

here's another much-appreciated bday gift this year. hahaha. i think i am liking this trend.. XP

meet jojo (read as "joe-joe" ok?! NOT "johjoh" or something like that) - my newest 'inanimate' friend :) alien anjo gave him to me this afternoon.. so i dubbed him after him (they're both aliens after all hehehe).

jojo used to live inside a car freshener box - which gave him this weird but not unpleasant smell. i quickly remedied the situation by leaving him inside wyjel. now jojo smells just like the spaceship XP

the way things are going, i think i'd be able to form a fullf-fledged alien army in no time hahaha. cool. waaayy cool XP

finding inspiration

so it's been a couple of days since er.. you-know-what. can't say i've found much reason for celebrating.. i'm still feeling blue and blah.

but today.. well, today i smile a bit :)

who would have thought..? then again, one can never be too sure. haha. me and my lack of silver linings. *sigh* oh well.. this will have to do for now..